Lack of Support at home....how to revitalize it

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tfagler
tfagler Posts: 30
in Motivation and Support
Well,

This is an interesting post for me to post, but I feel I am not getting the support I would appreciate from my wife and wondering if any of you or others have face similar issues if so how was it over come.

Basicly my wife is done with me and my weight and has made it clear she has more important stuff to worry about of her own and for the family and can spend any time carrying or supporting me on my weight loss. Her extent of support is insuring nothing unhealthy gets in the house. But that is it. When I told her today I lost 11lbs in the last two weeks she was like "good for you" in a flat tone.

Yea I know sounds like other issues going on but damn its hard to be encouraged if one doesn't get it from your sole mate.

Replies

  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    Is she trying to lose weight too? Maybe she is jealous of your success. My husband and I started this together and he lost weight a lot more quickly than I did. I had a hard time with that...especially when people were commenting on his weight loss and not mine.

    At least she is ensuring that only healthy food comes into the house.... that is a good thing.

    The only other thing I can think of is that she feels that you are spending more time working out than you used to and she is stuck looking after the household more and feels this is a burdan.

    Your best bet? Sit down with her after the kids have gone to bed and talk to her about this. Try to find out where she is coming from and tell her how you feel. I know... ick.... a feelings talk is not a guy thing...try it...you may find out something
  • tfagler
    tfagler Posts: 30
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    She is coming from the fact that I have been talking about losing weight doing off and on start and not going through with it and she is tired of the false hope.
  • maryrx59
    maryrx59 Posts: 55 Member
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    Bravo to havingitalls post. All I can say is ditto to what she said. Going thru the same stuff with my husband. I may just take her advise too.
  • txtree50
    txtree50 Posts: 51
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    So sorry to hear this. You don't give additional information about you wife (is she happy with her weight? Does she exercise?). Just know that if you plug in the information and take it one day at a time and she sees that you really are serious about loosing weight this time, she may come around. Just know that there are people on this forum that will help you. Good luck on your adventure!
  • BeautifulScarsWECHANGED
    BeautifulScarsWECHANGED Posts: 749 Member
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    It does sound like there's more going on.....but honestly, unless she is losing weight too, it's hard for our spouses to understand what a big deal it is to lose weight. My husband can eat whatever he wants, and he only gets a small beer belly. I tell him how much I've lost from time to time, and he does the 'good job' thing.....but he doesn't make as big of a deal of it as I want him to. I can't blame the guy....but this site really helps me get through the struggle. I can't always confide in those close to me because I'm afraid it sounds like I'm whining and burdening them with my issues. So, untll things change at home....count on us!
  • luly727
    luly727 Posts: 202 Member
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    Ahh glad you added that part in, and YES i have been there. My husband got tired of my starts, stops, gaining, losing a few, gaining back more etc.

    So when I started this new plan, he showed NO support at all. He expected me to fail and fall off the wagon again as so many times before :(
    Now 5 months into this and 40 lbs later, he is starting slowly to see i am in it for the long haul and I am not giving up. First though, you need to take care of YOURSELF!! And its good that yr wife is buying healthy foods :) thats her way of 'supporting' you now, maybe thats all she is capable of right now. Give her time, and as she sees that you are serious and improving your health for you, her and yr family, she will start showing more support..

    Good Luck to you, and dont give up..this is your fight! You have to do it alone or with support, but you have to do it for yourself.
  • sk_letsdothis
    sk_letsdothis Posts: 44 Member
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    I agree with what everyone said on here. The most important thing is to talk to her and find out the real reason why she's not so supportive. I didn't have a problem with my husband supporting me, it was my mom. When I tell her I'm working out now or that I don't eat this or that anymore or that I've lost so and so lbs, she would laugh or giggle and say I don't notice anything or that I must not be doing it right! :/ It used to bring me down and I used to let her comments get to me so I would stop working out and go back to my bad eating habits, but now I realize....I am not doing this for her or anyone else!!! Just remember why you're doing it and use that to motivate yourself. If you still need a little push or shove we're here for you! best of luck with the talk and I really hope everything works out for you! You're doing a great job so far...keep it up!
  • marymooster
    marymooster Posts: 134 Member
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    I have been through this exact same thing.... I was overweight when I met my partner.... we continued on with the understanding that the weight and my health would be a priority... That he was not interested in being involved with someone who did not care enough about themselves to take care of their health.

    And so it began.... He would be excited at the success and devastated with my failures. He rode my roller coaster as long and as far as he could....He finally had to take care of himself and say... this is your problem..... You must handle it.... I can't .

    Well i thought He didn't love me,,,, I thought He was mean... cruel. How could he be so hard ON me..... he didn't understand what I was going thru.... He was hard.. and unloving.....We even separated for a year over this.... I started losing again... convinced him I had it together came back... and it started all over again...... I started gaining....

    At this point I knew it was now or never...... I had to do something... I was about to lose everything....
    I finally found what would work for me. . At first he would be hesitant to comment or to get excited... but after nearly 100 pounds and still going he has relaxed he is able to enjoy my success and support me.....
    WHy NOW>.... my husband held a vision of me and for me that I couldn't see....... And he couldn't continue carrying the banner any longer..... I had to see what he saw for myself.... otherwise it wasnever going to work.... What I realized is that I had his love and acceptance all that time.... I was 353 pounds when he met me and we started this relationship.... But he was not going to ride my roller coaster anymore..... I don't blame him.... I love him deeply for seeing in me what I could not... And I respect his for standing his ground and respecting himself as well as me. He is kind loving and supportive always has been but I see it thru clearer eyes We have been together 12 years.... And I have only succeeded since April 2010.

    This is your journey.... SHow the results..... and she will be as supportive as the next. She has heard all the stories and excuses. She needs results....... She is detaching enough to keep her sanity. You have to do the same for yourself..... and YOU and YOU alone are the one to create your success.... Best wishes keep going BELIEVE IN YOURSELF>>. then she will.
  • tfagler
    tfagler Posts: 30
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    Ahh glad you added that part in, and YES i have been there. My husband got tired of my starts, stops, gaining, losing a few, gaining back more etc.

    So when I started this new plan, he showed NO support at all. He expected me to fail and fall off the wagon again as so many times before :(
    Now 5 months into this and 40 lbs later, he is starting slowly to see i am in it for the long haul and I am not giving up. First though, you need to take care of YOURSELF!! And its good that yr wife is buying healthy foods :) thats her way of 'supporting' you now, maybe thats all she is capable of right now. Give her time, and as she sees that you are serious and improving your health for you, her and yr family, she will start showing more support..

    You hit it on the head, I am just hoping that over time it will change. I just made the mistake and called her out on lack of support. oops...and she was oh yea lets see how long this success lasts. <gulp>

    Thanks guys
  • Brandy217
    Brandy217 Posts: 6
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    I'm glad that you are loosing weight. Its a start. We all have problems sticking to it & then after a while people don't have the time or the energy to listen tous. I know its lonely with no support here you can get the support you need. And I hope and pray that she sees that you are trying & gives you the support you need.:bigsmile:

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