wow who knew

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nationallazer
nationallazer Posts: 24
in Motivation and Support
I can`t beleive my ears, the other day a friend of mine told me that another friend was being mean when I was appoarching them and said here comes skinny and then wouldnt talk when I met up with them, after I said hello to my first friend that told me the other got her to move away from me and go under the tree for shade. we were all at a outing, I have been very supportive of the friend that said this with some of the things she has been going through in her life, it kinda hurts and makes you want to stop if people are going to be mean to you for now reason :(

Replies

  • LearnFromTheRed
    LearnFromTheRed Posts: 294 Member
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    Green. Eyed. MONSTER!!!
  • Dragn77
    Dragn77 Posts: 810 Member
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    Definitely dont let someone elses negativity discourage you! I agree, its jealousy... but you have worked hard to get where you are, no reason to feel bad about that! And trust me, its not "people" this is the time when you will really find out who is supportive of you, wants the best for you and wants to see you happy. Those are the people you want in your life...not the ones who are only friendly towards you when you dont feel good about yourself!
  • Rianne90
    Rianne90 Posts: 229 Member
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    Green. Eyed. MONSTER!!!

    ^^^ Jup.
  • JessiBelleW
    JessiBelleW Posts: 820 Member
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    Super rude! You poor thing! It sucks to feel like you are putting more into a relationship than you are getting from it, all the effort of being there for the friend who is going through some stuff is not returned -> time to find a new friend. Your other friend still moved away from you to sit under the shade though right? - I wouldn't be giving her friend of the year award

    Don't give up! Don't stop, think of all the effort you put in!
  • Becky_Smith72
    Becky_Smith72 Posts: 161 Member
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    Just jealous.. there will always be people who hate you for doing what they aren't motivated to do. Just stay focused and know you're doing something right if you have ppl like that!
  • GamerLady
    GamerLady Posts: 359 Member
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    These were adults? Just seems weird they'd act like they were in the 8th grade.
  • Tiffa0909
    Tiffa0909 Posts: 191 Member
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    Are you sure the friend is not just trying to start drama , because she did not have to go with the other friend. She also did not have to repeat those comments to you and then continue hanging with the friend like nothing is happening.

    Maybe she feels the same way and is just trying to throw the other friend under the bus. I would watch out for those so called friends.
  • Britterboo22
    Britterboo22 Posts: 300 Member
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    Some people can still be so childish even given age,
    For instance I think in this case my Best friend of 20 years is gunna be this way.
    Shes already showing signs of Jealousy (i guess that's what you would call it) and being very unsupportive.
    For years shes struggled with her weight too, plus she has diabetes AND PCOS, shes been trying for a baby for quite some time but doesn't realize that her health is ultimately not that great. I have offered to support her and urged her to jump on the weight loss wagon but shes so negative that she wont. So for the time being i choose to not be around her BUT i do see her often due to the fact that she works at the gas station where i buy my fuel from. Im always friendly but the other day when i stopped in she just so happen to leave the over com on and i could hear her talking about me to one of her co-workers inside.(needless to say she wasn't being nice, something along the lines of how im too busy for her cause all i do is work out. I mean really?)
    Just proves that sometimes those who you think are your friends may not really be your friends.
    In my opinion a friend is someone who sticks by you NO MATTER WHAT. Big or thin, ugly or pretty, etc.
    they shouldn't automatically start talking trash because YOU want to better themselves while they lack the drive to do so.
    Let them haters be haters, girl
  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
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    These were adults? Just seems weird they'd act like they were in the 8th grade.

    My 8th grader acts better than that.

    OP when I first lost weight, there was a friend with whom I used to go to the beach. For years, I was the self conscious woman in the swim dress. My friend was great. Then the summer I showed up in shape wearing a 2 piece, she refused to take off her cover up and wouldn't swim. :huh: We got together maybe once after that, and that was it. Not my problem. If you're going around bragging about your new bod, and if it's all you talk about, I can see friends getting annoyed. But if that's not the case, true friends are happy for one another. The friend who blew me off? I'll never tell her how I did it. :bigsmile:
  • marciebrian
    marciebrian Posts: 853 Member
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    These were adults? Just seems weird they'd act like they were in the 8th grade.

    I was thinking the same thing and was surprised when I looked at your profile that a friend of yours would be so juvenile. First, congratulations on quitting smoking the most important health decision you ever made. I quit 4+ years ago and never missed it for a minute. 2nd you look amazing and I say it is time to get yourself some new friends who love and support you.

    Congratulations on your amazing journey and if you want new buddies on MFP feel free to add me.

    Best of luck to you:flowerforyou:
  • Tamm04
    Tamm04 Posts: 182 Member
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    it kinda hurts and makes you want to stop if people are going to be mean to you for now reason :(

    Why would you let this 'friend' control your happiness and your health like this? I'd ask her privately if what you're hearing is true, why she seems so cold to you and if you can work on it. If she still blows you off or doing her talking behind your back I'd reconsider your 'friendship' and maybe chalk her up as a fair weather friend who was only there when you didn't look so hot :wink:
  • Coyoteldy
    Coyoteldy Posts: 219 Member
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    Change, whether it is you changing or a friend changing is often unbalancing to a friendship , especially in its early stages. Insecurity makes us do all kinds of strange things but I have often found that it is rooted in fear that the friendship will change or be lost. ( have your closest single friend get a soul mate and it REALLY comes up). I like some of the suggestions already here, go to this person and quietly find out if this is true. Her reaction will give you good measure on whether this is a friendship you want to continue on this level or reduce it to a more outside circle friendship. I have a reputation that if people come up and say "so and so said THIS" my response is immediate lets go ASK them. I am suspect of anyone who approaches me with gossip and then does not want to rectify it.
    Bottom line... these changes you are doing are for you, because you are worth it, if people cannot support that, you will find people who do. I have made changes in my life to better my life and yes it has caused me to adjust some friendships. But I have to value my health and happiness more than their fear of my changes. I keep the door open for them but do not allow them to derail me.
  • NikkiiiT
    NikkiiiT Posts: 34 Member
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    It sounds like your 'friend' is jealous of you and maybe a little insecure. I've never experienced this with any of my friends as they are supportive nice people.

    If the friendship is important to you then have a chat with her about it or just cut all ties with her.... no need for negative people around you. She is not a true friend by the sounds of it.
  • nationallazer
    nationallazer Posts: 24
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    thanks everyone keep up all your hard work too it does pay off!!
  • garber6th
    garber6th Posts: 1,894 Member
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    I had someone tell me to expect changes in my friendships while I am on my weight loss track. She said some friendships will get better and some will get worse. It happened to me pretty early on. I had a friend of 5 years who has a million and one issues topped off with a good dose of drama. When she saw that I was not content with the way I was living my life and that I was making changes, she got a little crazy and found a bs excuse to stop talking to me. In the long run it's probably for the best, because I don't really need to have someone in my life who is negative when I am on a positive path.

    7396232.png
  • nationallazer
    nationallazer Posts: 24
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    congratulations on your loss I guess some people just dont get it while others love it and want to do the best for themselfs :)
  • ms_leanne
    ms_leanne Posts: 523
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    They sound extremely pathetic and I bet if you talked to them individually (i.e. those 2 not together) they probably wouldn't be like that.

    This totally reminds me of how I was treated in Secondary School (High School) and I am so so over those people now!
  • FearAnLoathingJ
    FearAnLoathingJ Posts: 337 Member
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    It's your life and you are the only one who can live it. Don't let others jealousy derail you
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Everybody's at a different point in their life. You can't let whatever she's going through (whether it's jealousy or something else) affect your path or divert you from it.

    If the one friend is being truthful about what happened and the other friend did snidely call you "skinny", then likely it is jealousy and take it as a compliment, and let her be.

    There was a friend of mine once who just was mad at me because I was always the one planning what our circle of friends did on the weekends. Trust me - if anyone else had picked up the ball and ran with it, I would have been fine with it. Once I found that out though, I waited for her to pick it up and do something - of course she did nothing because she couldn't figure out what to do and didn't have the nerve to call anybody else to see what others might have had in mind. That was the last time I waited around for her!! She also grumped that she was jealous because we were both trying to lose weight and her fiance would call me on weigh-in days and say "DIET PATROL!!" as his way of checking in with me to see how I was doing. Apparently he wasn't doing that with her. By the way - we nicknamed her "grump".

    There are just people who are grumps. Yes, the situation is a sad one, but you can't make other people think the way you do or have the same drive that you do - but that's something that you have absolutely no control over. You only have control over what you do/say/behave - whatever. Don't let them affect you.
  • nationallazer
    nationallazer Posts: 24
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    first of all wow congradulations on your weight loss journey, and second thanks for the words :)

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