(WARNING TMI) Have you felt like this?

Options
24567

Replies

  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 510 Member
    Options
    I have learned that when I question my husbands attraction to me I insult him. He HATES it when I say negative things about myself. Sexy is an attitude. You see big and small girls that have it and you see their counterparts that don't. Small does not equal sexy. Confidence does equal sexy. If you are confident in the bedroom he will love every curve! (It sounds like you need to learn to love your body... most women don't know how to do this anymore.)

    This too. My hubby gets super annoyed when I hide and insult myself. If I strut, even with my c-section scar and stretch marks and whatever, he's chasing me around like a bad cartoon of a boss and a secretary.
  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 510 Member
    Options
    I think that's a common problem for women, especially when we see what the porno women look like.

    Oh bull, porno guys have gigantic schlongs. Men usually don't sit and cry at their weiner size, and are afraid to have sex with a willing woman. If he did, I'd say his head is messed up and go to therapy now.

    So don't blame porn. (We watch porn together. It's fun!)

    OP, you have some serious body-image issues that you should work to overcome, probably with some CBT. They run deeper than just your weight. You can call your husband a jerk all you want, but it won't fix anything. There is a strong chance that your mental state is interpreting everything he does as extremely negative.

    I assure you plenty of fat, jiggly, people have awesome sex (and if you watched enough good porn you'd know that). Surely, he doesn't see you the way you see yourself. If left untreated, it can mess with your marriage. Do something before it gets worse.

    Did you miss the part where I said men and women are different?

    And yes, some men actually do have serious insecurity issues with their junk. And that's super sad too. Anyone can be insecure and sometimes seeing a idealized person can feed into that.

    Have some compassion man.
  • statickey
    statickey Posts: 309 Member
    Options
    I totally feel you. But I think sometimes it depends on the partner... if he's saying weird things to you like that it's going to mess with your head and make you feel uncomfortable. I can't even take my shirt off because I hate my stomach!
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    Options
    Remember, men are different than women. If they didn't like it, they wouldn't hit it.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    So true! I love that statement.

    I have had those same feelings over the years, however my husband has always reassured me that he loves and wants me, no matter my size. I just needed to get out of my own head, and FEEL as attractive and sexy as he thought I was. My husband once said to me that he found confidence and playfulness one of the most attractive qualities in women of any size. It is difficult at times because we are our own worst critics, but if you can get past your own negative thoughts you will be able to feel sexual again.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Options
    OK first I think your husband is stupid. In general, men love thick thighs and booties. Some even like tummies. However, to say that to someone who obviously has body dysmorphia is terrible. I'm sorry.

    With that being said the only time you will feel confidence in yourself when you accept your body. You will never been "skinny" enough if you dont have the confidence in yourself first. Sex will never be good for you if you dont let go of some preconceived notion about how you should look.

    Regarding sex. Be selfish worry more about your orgasm than him or what any man thinks. Believe me if he's a true man your orgasm will be his primary goal too. Sex is about the man proving to you not you proving to him. Close your eyes and imagine your most dirtiest naughty fantasy when you are with him. This is about you!

    Maybe take some personal time for yourself invest in a battery operated friend. Force yourself in front of a mirror and watch how beautiful you are when you are at the height of ecstasy.

    At 365lbs I was no less desirable because I love how my body feels at that peak, and men love that when you let go. I didn't care if my fat gut was swinging because I was lost in the moment.

    I hope you can find that inner sex Goddess she's there yearning to be released.
  • cicisiam
    cicisiam Posts: 491 Member
    Options
    Please yourself not others. When you feel better, which you will in time. This will be a non-issue.
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
    Options
    I have had issues with being intimate with my husband because I feel so self conscious about how I look. Besides me being too hard on myself, he does things like jiggle my belly and smack my butt and tells me "there is just so much to smack" and things like that. I have formed a mental block to where I cant even enjoy kissing because I am afraid it will lead to sex and I just dont want it too. I have told him more than once that I feel like he is "taking one for the team" by even trying to be intimate with me.

    I was kind of starting to get over this, but then yesterday I accidently happened to glance at the mirror in our bedroom and SAW and I was just disgusted. It was like a bad comedy movie scene...big fat girl riding a tiny guy. I can't get that image out of my head and I feel like I dont even want to do anything again until Im skinny which is a LONG time to make him wait!

    I am ABSOLUETLY NOT looking for people to say "Oh dont worry you are beautiful and he loves you" and blah blah blah. Those are kind words, and meant for encouragement. I get it. But what I REALLY want to know is if there are others who have felt that their weight/size has been a hinderance to a healthy romantic relationship with your significant other.

    You are not out of line to feel this way. You are married to an *kitten*.
  • MooMooooo
    MooMooooo Posts: 306 Member
    Options
    Imagine if on TV and on the billboards we saw everyday there were endless images of what you described seeing in the mirror the other night and it was societies ideal woman? You'd feel GREAT!

    You need lots of compliments! Trust me they cure all insecurities.
    Tell your man to get started, and if he won't, think about moving on.

    Sorry, but I think you have it completely wrong and backwards.

    If your self-confidence doesn't come from within, then it's built on a house of cards.

    Compliments are icing on the cake of self-worth.

    Nope, if you tell anyone they suck often enough they will come to believe it. Society tells women we 'suck' if we are fat or old. It's hard to maintain inner confidence with a constant barrage of 'you don't live up to the ideal'
  • 1CW1
    1CW1 Posts: 7
    Options
    I feel exactly the same! My other half if 5'7 and underweight, and I'm 5'8 and 250 lbs. If it wasn't bad enough him being shorter than me! I feel like little and large. But somehow, he fell in love with me, and is physically attracted to me, enough to want to be intimate with me almost daily. I refused to take my clothes off in front of him for the first 6 months of our relationship.

    I know my partner loves me, and wants to marry me, even looking like this (how?!). I also know it is going to take a long time until I have the self confidence to accept that I am attractive to somebody else, but most importantly, I know that the self confidence has to come from me. And in the mean time, I'm just going to have to take my partners word for it.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    Options
    Have some compassion man.

    I do have compassion for the OP, I strongly suggest getting down the root of these issues before they cause deeper trouble.

    However, I strongly disagree the existence of other people who look different on TV, porn, whatever... is the cause of it. Insecurity breeds from a much deeper place than that.
  • clittle44
    clittle44 Posts: 1 Member
    Options
    Yes I feel this way too. Just don't look( I avoid mirrors like the plague), and tell him every time he talks about your *kitten* he's prolonging his wait.
  • Sublimely_Self_Righteous
    Sublimely_Self_Righteous Posts: 429
    Options
    Realize that he loves you and is attracted to you. You probably insult him when you act this way over your own view of yourself.
  • homegirl614
    homegirl614 Posts: 93 Member
    Options
    To be honest, I've never really had a problem with my weight. I love me some me :bigsmile: So I would never let a fear of how I look interfere with intimacy. But I also think your significant other has a lot to do with it as well. If you have someone who is grabbing your stomach or behind and making rude comments, then of course you are going to feel a certain way about your body. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves my body and tells me i'm beautiful every day. In fact, he was a little angry when I told him I wanted to lose weight. I had to sit him down and explain that I'm' only doing this for health reasons. You have to build up some confidence, then you can really put it on him, :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Options
    Body image issues are tough, no doubt about it. But (and I mean this nicely) you are your own worst enemy here.

    The one thing that stuck out to be about your post is that you tell your husband he took one for the team by being with you. That's terrible. He married you because he loves you. Why would you try to convince him he made a bad choice? Stop it.

    Also, he may be playfully grabbing at you because he genuinely finds it sexy. Some guys like a little extra to hold on to. If it bothers you, then tell him to stop. Or, better yet, ask him why he does it? He may surprise you.
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
    Options
    you just need to remember that if he wasn't attracted to you and didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't.

    This.

    I second the vote for this.
  • girllovedcupcakes
    girllovedcupcakes Posts: 109 Member
    Options
    What I am about to say is meant to prepare you not to scare you off.

    Even if you lose every pound you have to lose you may not feel better about your body. I am 110 pounds down and sometimes I feel like my old body was more "beautiful" than the body I have now. Thankfully I came to accept this before I started to lose weight. I had a very good idea what my body would look like at my goal weight but that isn’t stopping me.

    Your body is your body and you have to learn to love and accept yourself either way.
  • Rosannajo88
    Rosannajo88 Posts: 212 Member
    Options
    Definitely been there and felt like that! I was 270lbs at my biggest and didnt exactly feel like a sex kitten! My ex and father of my child was never rude to me about it or anything like that, it was all my own self doubt that caused the problem. I felt hideous.

    Im down to 216lbs now, I have a new partner and a new perspective. You know why? Because I remember it wasnt just about pleasing someone else and what they were thinking, its also about what I want and how Im feeling. Let go and just enjoy yourself because there is NOTHING sexier than a woman who is enjoying herself! xx
  • mmm_drop
    mmm_drop Posts: 1,126 Member
    Options
    I am going to be very real here.

    I had a similar problem. I wasn't married to the guy, but I was so unhappy with myself and my own image that it so adversely affected our sex life that our relationship ended.

    This is not something that you are feeling because of images on TV or magazines, this comes from something else going on inside you. I really suggest you seek help; therapy can do wonders. If you do not seek help, even after you have lost all the weight you will continue to hate your body.

    I went through all of that. I lost the weight, thinking it was what was holding me back, but it wasn't I gained it all back and then some. It wasn't until I went and talked to someone that I figured out what was going on with myself and learned to love myself from the inside out. I still struggle with it, of course, everyone does, but I am a much happier more rounded person now.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope you can find someone to really talk to about how you're feeling.
  • K_Serz
    K_Serz Posts: 1,299 Member
    Options
    Imagine if on TV and on the billboards we saw everyday there were endless images of what you described seeing in the mirror the other night and it was societies ideal woman? You'd feel GREAT!

    You need lots of compliments! Trust me they cure all insecurities.
    Tell your man to get started, and if he won't, think about moving on.

    Sorry, but I think you have it completely wrong and backwards.

    If your self-confidence doesn't come from within, then it's built on a house of cards.

    Compliments are icing on the cake of self-worth.

    Nope, if you tell anyone they suck often enough they will come to believe it. Society tells women we 'suck' if we are fat or old. It's hard to maintain inner confidence with a constant barrage of 'you don't live up to the ideal'

    It does? No it does not or else Honey boo boo would not be on TV. Thanks!
  • pyrowill
    pyrowill Posts: 1,163 Member
    Options
    Sounds like a silly answer but I'd suggest doing it with the lights off, for a bit at least. Nothing is going to make you instantly comfortable and secure. So remove whatever you can that don't help the situation. The lights being one of them. Get comfortable being naked again with the lights off, then start adding some light.

Categories