(WARNING TMI) Have you felt like this?

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Replies

  • clittle44
    clittle44 Posts: 1 Member
    Yes I feel this way too. Just don't look( I avoid mirrors like the plague), and tell him every time he talks about your *kitten* he's prolonging his wait.
  • Sublimely_Self_Righteous
    Sublimely_Self_Righteous Posts: 429
    Realize that he loves you and is attracted to you. You probably insult him when you act this way over your own view of yourself.
  • homegirl614
    homegirl614 Posts: 93 Member
    To be honest, I've never really had a problem with my weight. I love me some me :bigsmile: So I would never let a fear of how I look interfere with intimacy. But I also think your significant other has a lot to do with it as well. If you have someone who is grabbing your stomach or behind and making rude comments, then of course you are going to feel a certain way about your body. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves my body and tells me i'm beautiful every day. In fact, he was a little angry when I told him I wanted to lose weight. I had to sit him down and explain that I'm' only doing this for health reasons. You have to build up some confidence, then you can really put it on him, :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Body image issues are tough, no doubt about it. But (and I mean this nicely) you are your own worst enemy here.

    The one thing that stuck out to be about your post is that you tell your husband he took one for the team by being with you. That's terrible. He married you because he loves you. Why would you try to convince him he made a bad choice? Stop it.

    Also, he may be playfully grabbing at you because he genuinely finds it sexy. Some guys like a little extra to hold on to. If it bothers you, then tell him to stop. Or, better yet, ask him why he does it? He may surprise you.
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
    you just need to remember that if he wasn't attracted to you and didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't.

    This.

    I second the vote for this.
  • girllovedcupcakes
    girllovedcupcakes Posts: 109 Member
    What I am about to say is meant to prepare you not to scare you off.

    Even if you lose every pound you have to lose you may not feel better about your body. I am 110 pounds down and sometimes I feel like my old body was more "beautiful" than the body I have now. Thankfully I came to accept this before I started to lose weight. I had a very good idea what my body would look like at my goal weight but that isn’t stopping me.

    Your body is your body and you have to learn to love and accept yourself either way.
  • Rosannajo88
    Rosannajo88 Posts: 212 Member
    Definitely been there and felt like that! I was 270lbs at my biggest and didnt exactly feel like a sex kitten! My ex and father of my child was never rude to me about it or anything like that, it was all my own self doubt that caused the problem. I felt hideous.

    Im down to 216lbs now, I have a new partner and a new perspective. You know why? Because I remember it wasnt just about pleasing someone else and what they were thinking, its also about what I want and how Im feeling. Let go and just enjoy yourself because there is NOTHING sexier than a woman who is enjoying herself! xx
  • mmm_drop
    mmm_drop Posts: 1,126 Member
    I am going to be very real here.

    I had a similar problem. I wasn't married to the guy, but I was so unhappy with myself and my own image that it so adversely affected our sex life that our relationship ended.

    This is not something that you are feeling because of images on TV or magazines, this comes from something else going on inside you. I really suggest you seek help; therapy can do wonders. If you do not seek help, even after you have lost all the weight you will continue to hate your body.

    I went through all of that. I lost the weight, thinking it was what was holding me back, but it wasn't I gained it all back and then some. It wasn't until I went and talked to someone that I figured out what was going on with myself and learned to love myself from the inside out. I still struggle with it, of course, everyone does, but I am a much happier more rounded person now.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope you can find someone to really talk to about how you're feeling.
  • K_Serz
    K_Serz Posts: 1,299 Member
    Imagine if on TV and on the billboards we saw everyday there were endless images of what you described seeing in the mirror the other night and it was societies ideal woman? You'd feel GREAT!

    You need lots of compliments! Trust me they cure all insecurities.
    Tell your man to get started, and if he won't, think about moving on.

    Sorry, but I think you have it completely wrong and backwards.

    If your self-confidence doesn't come from within, then it's built on a house of cards.

    Compliments are icing on the cake of self-worth.

    Nope, if you tell anyone they suck often enough they will come to believe it. Society tells women we 'suck' if we are fat or old. It's hard to maintain inner confidence with a constant barrage of 'you don't live up to the ideal'

    It does? No it does not or else Honey boo boo would not be on TV. Thanks!
  • pyrowill
    pyrowill Posts: 1,163 Member
    Sounds like a silly answer but I'd suggest doing it with the lights off, for a bit at least. Nothing is going to make you instantly comfortable and secure. So remove whatever you can that don't help the situation. The lights being one of them. Get comfortable being naked again with the lights off, then start adding some light.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    I've got rather the reverse. My hubby, who loves me dearly ( and I him) does not desire me at any size and while he is supportive and encouraging, tells me I'm looking good ( I showed up in his home office doorway in a rocking LBD and his jaw dropped... he actually said "Wow!") there has been no sexual activity for years now and most likely will never be again. Diabetes is a cruel, cruel disease. For me as well as for him. There is nothing wrong with ME and this situation is heartbreaking.
  • nicoleashley_24
    nicoleashley_24 Posts: 144 Member
    Have some compassion man.

    I do have compassion for the OP, I strongly suggest getting down the root of these issues before they cause deeper trouble.

    However, I strongly disagree the existence of other people who look different on TV, porn, whatever... is the cause of it. Insecurity breeds from a much deeper place than that.

    I have to agree that this isn't about your husband, it's about you.

    I've been "skinny" most of my life, but I hated my body and therefore always felt insecure about how I looked to my husband. However, even now that I'm heavier, I can tell a difference in my happiness and our relationship because I'm happier with myself. It's been a long road to get here, but I respect my body and myself and I'm proud of the work I put in each day. That confidence radiates sexiness... no matter what size your *kitten* or belly is.
  • DeeBrownBaker
    DeeBrownBaker Posts: 145
    not even when I was 375 lbs did I NOT feel sexy or confident with my mate... even at my heaviest, I LOVED me some ME! Which makes it easier for someone else to love you... Men want what's REAL... I've never had a problem with a booty jiggle or a belly bobble... I am just happy he wants to put his hands on ME and wants me to put all of me on him...

    who you are is not what you weigh or what you look like... have confidence in the fact that your husband loves YOU... the REAL you... not the meat box (your body) you live in...
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    If they didn't like it, they wouldn't hit it.

    this!
  • kmcgrath1
    kmcgrath1 Posts: 175 Member
    I know exactly how you feel! Although my DH tells me all the time he thinks I'm perfect and beautiful and he loves me for me, I just don't feel that way about myself and in return it actually kills my sex drive. My girlfriend was the same way, now that she dropped 35 lbs she says her desire is back because she feels attractive.

    Unfortunately this is something that haunts women all the time, our own self worth and being so damn hard on ourselves can tear us down a lot more than building us up.
  • michellechawner
    michellechawner Posts: 892
    I have learned that when I question my husbands attraction to me I insult him. He HATES it when I say negative things about myself. Sexy is an attitude. You see big and small girls that have it and you see their counterparts that don't. Small does not equal sexy. Confidence does equal sexy. If you are confident in the bedroom he will love every curve! (It sounds like you need to learn to love your body... most women don't know how to do this anymore.)

    ^^This. My boyfriend feels so offended when I say i'm not pretty, i'm not sexy, or I tell him to stop lying about me being sexy, etc... but since I started dropping the weight I feel a little more confident. YES I still jiggle, but not as much! And he loves that I am getting healthy, and I've even inspired him to start getting healthy too. And yes some guys do like a little more to hold onto. Obviously mine did (when we started dating I was 150).

    And I totally agree with if he didn't find you attractive, he wouldn't tap it. Guys minds are COMPLETELY different, I've learned that talking to many guys and girls over the year... if he didn't find you attractive, he wouldn't hit it.
  • HappyMeLovely
    HappyMeLovely Posts: 134 Member
    I think that when he says there is so much to smack and jiggles your belly/flaps your butt he is probably just enjoying himself. You need to work on accepting yourself as is... play into it and make it fun.

    I know the feeling of being self conscious during those times but I try to live in the moment and look at myself through his eyes. He makes me feel sexy.
  • NMorse1907
    NMorse1907 Posts: 90 Member
    I often have felt the same way. I have always outweighed my husband..sometimes by 5-10 pounds, sometimes by 30+ pounds. But I finally realize that when he says he doesn't care what size I am, he thinks I'm sexy, I know he's telling the truth...he doesn't care. It's me who cares. He helps motivate me to work out because he knows it's what I want, not what he wants. You need to tell your husband that the things he says are hurtful to you...he may not even realize.
  • DistantJ
    DistantJ Posts: 155 Member
    Maybe you should have a frank discussion with hubby about what it takes to be a good lover. Jiggling areas you already feel bad about is not going to help you get in the mood. Seriously. Who does that? I would think that your being self-conscious is more his fault than anything else.

    Or perhaps he jiggles them because he likes them rather than to make you feel bad. Either way. He needs to knock that crap off pronto.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    I can understand how you feel. I was like that after I had my 6 year old and had gained 90lbs. It gets better, but I imagine him saying things like that to you doesn't help. I don't know if he is always a douche or just didn't realize that saying something like that is wrong, but it is. You are here so you are working on losing the weight that is messing with your self-confidence. He obviously is still turned on by you if you are still having sex.
  • AmandaReimer1
    AmandaReimer1 Posts: 235 Member
    As already said, this is a common issue. To encourage you, for me I've lost over 30 pounds (got about 20 more at least to go). And hubby gets lucky more often because I feel great. He still wanted it even when I didn't like myself.

    If your hubby wasn't interested, he wouldn't be. Stop belittling yourself in front of him during those times so he can enjoy.
    I'm assuming your here to lose weight, so you will feel better about yourself as you go, even if you haven't reached your goal weight.
  • BL_Coleman
    BL_Coleman Posts: 324 Member
    Yes.

    Now things to make you feel better. Wear some interesting lingerie ( you can get control) also corsets also always make everyone sexier. Also fishnets with thigh highs ( underwear on top of those) will make you look and feel better. And if all else fails ( blindfold for him) and a feather for you ...hope this helps
  • axialmeow
    axialmeow Posts: 382 Member
    Ugh. I couldn't be intimate with someone who made comments like that. I just couldn't. Total turn off
  • JeanneROlsen
    JeanneROlsen Posts: 11 Member
    I have learned that when I question my husbands attraction to me I insult him. He HATES it when I say negative things about myself. Sexy is an attitude. You see big and small girls that have it and you see their counterparts that don't. Small does not equal sexy. Confidence does equal sexy. If you are confident in the bedroom he will love every curve! (It sounds like you need to learn to love your body... most women don't know how to do this anymore.)

    Yes! My husband and I have a very open relationship. We often point out people that attract us to each other and point out people that we think will attract the other person. He always surprises me! I have the same assumption that most of us have... he MUST be attracted to the big boobs tiny waist girl. NOT! He's told me many times, it's ATTITUDE! The large girl that struts her stuff is much more interesting to him than the skinny mousey girl.
    He has also told me that in the bedroom, feel is way more important than look. He loves to run his hands ALL over me... even the jiggly parts!
  • TX_Aggie_Dad
    TX_Aggie_Dad Posts: 173
    I have learned that when I question my husbands attraction to me I insult him. He HATES it when I say negative things about myself. Sexy is an attitude. You see big and small girls that have it and you see their counterparts that don't. Small does not equal sexy. Confidence does equal sexy. If you are confident in the bedroom he will love every curve! (It sounds like you need to learn to love your body... most women don't know how to do this anymore.)

    Perfectly said.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    I think that's a common problem for women, especially when we see what the porno women look like.

    Sometimes it helps to watch amateur porn, BBW, or mature videos. Those are real women's bodies and makes you feel just as normal. Dont watch the fake blonde bimbo videos.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    I've got rather the reverse. My hubby, who loves me dearly ( and I him) does not desire me at any size and while he is supportive and encouraging, tells me I'm looking good ( I showed up in his home office doorway in a rocking LBD and his jaw dropped... he actually said "Wow!") there has been no sexual activity for years now and most likely will never be again. Diabetes is a cruel, cruel disease. For me as well as for him. There is nothing wrong with ME and this situation is heartbreaking.

    this is my biggest fear what happens when the sex is gone?
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    I agree that he obviously loves and wants you because he chooses to be with you, but none of that matters if you don't feel sexy and comfortable inside. I hope this isn't too blunt, but try it from behind with the lights off until you feel more at ease. I suggest this because my best friend, who has always been hot even during her pregnancy, felt the same way after she had her daughter and said this was the only way she could be with her husband while losing the baby weight without being self-conscious. She said that it was less confrontational but still fun, and also the "caboose" is a place where guys in general think it's sexy to have a few extra pounds. Again, this is third-party opinion, but I hope this helps!
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Oh, also tell him that although he is trying to be endearing, the comments irritate you so knock it off. :)
  • DeeBrownBaker
    DeeBrownBaker Posts: 145
    I've got rather the reverse. My hubby, who loves me dearly ( and I him) does not desire me at any size and while he is supportive and encouraging, tells me I'm looking good ( I showed up in his home office doorway in a rocking LBD and his jaw dropped... he actually said "Wow!") there has been no sexual activity for years now and most likely will never be again. Diabetes is a cruel, cruel disease. For me as well as for him. There is nothing wrong with ME and this situation is heartbreaking.

    this is my biggest fear what happens when the sex is gone?

    I once had a bf who had diabeties and we had a healthy sex life... sex is so much more than intercourse... and there are sooooooooooooo many ways to please and be pleased without a stiffy...fyi

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