(WARNING TMI) Have you felt like this?

While I can't empathize as a fellow woman (I'm a guy), I completely get it about changning your self image, and as someone pretty early said, it comes from within. Yes getting compliments are nice, but ultimately, you need to see yourself as worth it. I've lost a far amount of weight since starting my sourney, but it's still hard to see myself as thin (or even not fat). And yes, people have told me how impressed they are with my work, but it's still hard.

As far as porn goes, I've seen a decent bit of pron and I gravitate towards the more normal looking women. Not all porn stars have huge boobs and such.

In my experience, there's a very narrow window between belly jiggling and "I preferred it when your boobs were bigger." :ohwell:

I'm in the same boat. I'm told my husband that I feel like he must be so turned off by having sex with and that it must be like fear factor to actually do it with me. I can't help but think things like,"he's closing his eyes because he doesn't want to see your body" "he get off faster doing you from behind because he can't see how fat your stomach is." "He prefers to be on top because you are too heavy." He has argued that thought thoughts hold no truth, but I still can't help but think it. I always leave my shirt on, from time to time he will take it off during sex, but then all I can concentrate on is trying my best to suck in, which really does nothing, because my stomach is just too big to suck in, I can't think about anything else other than how bad I look.

After losing 10lbs I actually was feeling confident and decided to take my shirt off and it was pretty good, but then afterwards I looked in the mirror and came to the conclusion that I am in fact noticeably smaller but it's still not enough to change the fact that sex with me is like fear factor. My only hope is that with each ten pounds I lose, I feel a little but better. Because he can reassure me that it's not that bad until hell freezes over, I'll still think he's just being nice.

Edit:

I have learned that when I question my husbands attraction to me I insult him. He HATES it when I say negative things about myself. Sexy is an attitude. You see big and small girls that have it and you see their counterparts that don't. Small does not equal sexy. Confidence does equal sexy. If you are confident in the bedroom he will love every curve! (It sounds like you need to learn to love your body... most women don't know how to do this anymore.)

^^^^This

I read this once in a magazine and it helped me: Women think men are noticing all those ugly things when we are naked but in reality men focus more on good parts of our bodies when we are naked, like boobs etc. I think this is pretty true, b/c my husband is not perfect looking but I tend to see what I like most about his body when we are intimate. Im not saying he doesnt see my fat, of course he does but I like to think hes not focusing on that, hes looking at the boobs, etc. Anyway it helps ME to think thats what hes focusing on. lol

Ive felt like that over and over again. I cant be with someone in the day time or when theres any light in the room because Im so self conscious. I dont have any words to make you feel better because I dont have any to make myself feel better, but I do hear men dont think about that as much as we do and no size of a womans belly is going to stop them.

I think that's a common problem for women, especially when we see what the porno women look like.

Oh bull, porno guys have gigantic schlongs. Men usually don't sit and cry at their weiner size, and are afraid to have sex with a willing woman. If he did, I'd say his head is messed up and go to therapy now.

So don't blame porn. (We watch porn together. It's fun!)

OP, you have some serious body-image issues that you should work to overcome, probably with some CBT. They run deeper than just your weight. You can call your husband a jerk all you want, but it won't fix anything. There is a strong chance that your mental state is interpreting everything he does as extremely negative.

I assure you plenty of fat, jiggly, people have awesome sex (and if you watched enough good porn you'd know that). Surely, he doesn't see you the way you see yourself. If left untreated, it can mess with your marriage. Do something before it gets worse.

Did you miss the part where I said men and women are different?

And yes, some men actually do have serious insecurity issues with their junk. And that's super sad too. Anyone can be insecure and sometimes seeing a idealized person can feed into that.

Have some compassion man.

Men and Women have complete different views on this subject. Point blank!!!!!

It definitely sounds like you have a lot of good advice and things to think about on this board. Allow me to add one more (if I'm repeating something someone already said, I apologize. I only read a page or two of the comments.).

I got married back in September 2012 and being the classic emotional eater that I am, I did not lose weight before the wedding. I added it on (not much, but it wasn't attractive to me). When my husband and I first started dating, I weighed 179. The lowest I got in my whole adult life. When we got married 2.5 years later, I weighed 205. Now, I carry my weight well, but when you're naked, it's a whole different ball game. And my husband wanted what all men want on a honeymoon... lots of booty! Now don't get me wrong, we have a healthy sex life, but sex is different than just being naked around him. I could do sex. But ask me to get out from under the covers in daylight... not happening! Well, 1.5 months ago I started this journey full time with MFP. I'm not even close to my goal yet, but it is amazing what a few lost pounds can do. I no longer feel insecure being naked around my husband. And I don't just mean in the morning before I eat breakfast when I'm at my lightest. I mean naked after a cheat meal kind of naked.

What I'm getting at is that it may not take you to get down to your goal weight in order for you to feel comfortable having sex or being naked around your guy. (I know skinny girls who feel uncomfortable naked, fyi.) For me, it took a couple pounds to come off and I felt great naked around my husband. Do I still have a belly that jiggles (ALOT)? Yes. Do my thighs still touch in a non-sexy way? Yes. Do I still have cellulite on my butt? Yes. But I don't care. I know how he feels about me, I know how proud he is of me and I know how proud I am of myself. Don't think in terms of future weight goals (skinny, tone, strong), think of present weight accomplishments. 1.5 months ago I was 12 lbs heavier and never naked around my husband in daylight. It took just a few pounds for all that to change!

If you don't like it, change it. But just remember, your guy has the same opportunity and he hasn't changed anything. So there is obviously something addicting and sexy about you!

Check this out toots...you get out there and you watch what you eat and exercise your booty off.
If he's still gettin it with you, the man likes it. I know very few men who will put out for the sake of "taking one for the team." Pshh...right.
Once you start losing the weight, your endurance is going to skyrocket, then see if he can keep up.
My husband can't keep up anymore.
Change your attitude. Really. It's not attractive, and we are our own worst critics anyway. If you think you are less, you will be so.
If you think, this is going to change effective...NOW...it will change.