advice please

EllennD
EllennD Posts: 96 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So I work with a few people who are pretty big, since starting this I have seen them in a different light and this is the problem. I watch them eat chocolate bar after chocolate bar with disgust.

Ive tried helping them to help themselves but they don't want to, and I know if they are happy I should be but I know since loosing weight you look at yourself differently and if they did they would be much happier.

hope this makes sence haha but please give me your advice

Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    So I work with a few people who are pretty big, since starting this I have seen them in a different light and this is the problem. I watch them eat chocolate bar after chocolate bar with disgust.

    Ive tried helping them to help themselves but they don't want to, and I know if they are happy I should be but I know since loosing weight you look at yourself differently and if they did they would be much happier.

    hope this makes sence haha but please give me your advice

    You work on making you happy..... Forget about anyone else!
  • rolemodel69
    rolemodel69 Posts: 365
    You can't help people if they don't want to help themselves. Let them be!

    Congrats to you for working hard and keep the good habits!

    The people who really want to change will notice your progress and eventually talk to you about it.
  • allshebe
    allshebe Posts: 423 Member
    You can lead a horse to water.....

    You can't change people who don't want to be changed.
  • Bekahmardis
    Bekahmardis Posts: 602 Member
    Yeah, I have the same issue. Lead by silent example and hope they follow you?
  • mmm_drop
    mmm_drop Posts: 1,126 Member
    You work on you and lead by example.

    If someone asks for help, then that is a different story.
  • ohdearyme
    ohdearyme Posts: 6
    i agree gotta leave some people to it - and if they come to you then ! brill! no judgement an all that :-)
  • tinak33
    tinak33 Posts: 9,883 Member
    My coworker is similar. She is not obese or very large, but she is a bit overweight. And she complains about it all the time.
    But she doesn't eat well. I realize she can have her pizza and chocolate and other things, but she doesn't track it honestly. And she then grabs her stomach and talks about losing weight.
    Because she sits next to me, she sometimes talks to me about it. I am specific with what I eat and generally don't eat any of the sweets and treats that come into the office. She does.
    But then again, turns to me and complains about her fat. And she gathers it, and pinches and pokes herself pointing to all the problem areas.
    I say "workout" she says she will, she tries, she is busy, she is tired, etc....
    I say "eat better" she does. Then goes back to bad eating habits.

    Finally, I stopped. If she wants to lose weight and be healthy, she will.

    It's not like she doesn't know how.
    I will give her looks when she grabs for chocolate. She justifies eating it to me. Sometimes she eats it, and sometimes her justification isn't enough and she will put the chocolate back.

    She has been doing this for about 6 years. When she is serious about it, she will do it. Until then, I ignore it.

    You can't change other people's eating habits. Only your own. Focus on you. Don't worry about everyone else. When they are ready, and want to, they will ask you.
  • NikkiSixGuns
    NikkiSixGuns Posts: 630 Member
    Giving advice when it hasn't been asked for is a pretty good way to piss someone off.

    Let them be. They have to live with the consequences of their choices, just like you have to live with yours.
  • Ready2Rock206
    Ready2Rock206 Posts: 9,487 Member


    Ive tried helping them to help themselves but they don't want to, and I know if they are happy I should be but I know since loosing weight you look at yourself differently and if they did they would be much happier.


    Stop. They are grown adults and are free to act as they wish. Worry about your own self and your own happiness.
  • waskier
    waskier Posts: 254 Member
    Your business is your business, theirs....well, isn't. Don't worry about anyone else but yourself. Otherwise you'll come across as judgmental. If they are interested in what you are doing they will ask.
  • karl39x
    karl39x Posts: 586 Member
    Here's what you do, go up to them and take away their chocolate and candy and give it to me.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
    You have the same problem as me. Like I always tell everyone; "If you were capable of understanding what I said, You'd already agree with me"
  • artsycella
    artsycella Posts: 121 Member
    Please also remember that you don't know the details of their lives, nor what makes them happy. Losing weight has made you very happy, and that's grand. It may not make them happy, or be what they want out of life, or how they want to life their lives. That's up to them to figure out, not you.
  • Bridgetthegre
    Bridgetthegre Posts: 85 Member
    Losing weight isn't a religious cult. It's a personal healthy choice. Leave them be. If they haven't figured out by now that eating all those candy bars isn't healthy, either they aren't ready to deal with it for whatever reason, or they're so unbelievably dense that they can't comprehend it. Either way, annoying them isn't going to do any good.
  • EllennD
    EllennD Posts: 96 Member
    Thanks for all that, I will let them bee I just cant stop my thoughts which is horrible I know but maybe that's my issue!
  • megsi474
    megsi474 Posts: 370 Member
    Whether it's religion, food, exercise or what have you- NOTHING keeps people away more than preachers on their soapboxes. You may feel you're doing them a favor by pushing your views on them but in the end, you may be doing the exact opposite and turning them off even more.

    If someone asks for your advice, by all means give it. If they don't, keep it to yourself.
  • michellechawner
    michellechawner Posts: 892
    You can't help people if they don't want to help themselves. Let them be!

    Congrats to you for working hard and keep the good habits!

    The people who really want to change will notice your progress and eventually talk to you about it.

    ^^THIS.

    Trust me, I wanted my boyfriend to finally get it and start getting healthy. But I knew I couldn't push him.... just last week he mentioned something about maybe going to exercise together, and showing him healthier food options... It just took him time. But I was the same way you were!! I just tried to bite my tongue until he realized he wanted the help. That's the only way to do it.
  • pwittek10
    pwittek10 Posts: 723 Member
    Everyone has to make their own choice!
    My husband lost 100 pounds before I even though about it.
    BUT I saw how much more energy he had and jumped in!
    It makes sure a difference!
  • ReinasWrath
    ReinasWrath Posts: 1,173 Member
    Leave them alone. If they didn't ask for help you're going to make them mad and come off like you're being preachy/ judging them. Think about it, you're on this site for whatever goal but ultimately you're doing it for you and made the choice yourself. So if/when they take the initiative they need to make their own choice.
  • gretchygirl32
    gretchygirl32 Posts: 48 Member
    Chances are they are just really addicted to sugar in that case. Since it acts like heroin in the brain, it isn't as easy as simply putting it down. It takes a deep commitment and willpower. If looking in the mirror and struggling to fit into clothes, dealing with feelings of being looked down upon as a second class citizen, and health problems directly linked to the excess weight do not make them stop, any advice from you certainly won't. They'll see your weight loss, see how happy you are, and one day-or maybe not, they'll make the same commitment to healthy eating as you did. Just remember, weight loss doesn't give you a free pass to make suggestions to people if they do not ask for it. It's like telling a smoker that cigarettes are bad for them and they'd feel so much better without them. Everybody knows that. How many people really quit smoking because someone else told them to? It has to come from within. You enjoy your health and just be a good friend to others. It might take someone 100 times of asking you to talk about how you lost weight before he or she might try something similar. While you might see someone eating a chocolate bar and not getting serious, those wheels are still turning in their heads. They want to do it, but they just haven't summoned enough will power to follow through. I try to imagine how I'd feel if a "concerned" friend or co-worker had talked to me about my weight before I decided to make this commitment. I'm very confident it would've damaged the relationship because it sends the message that I am oblivious to this weight, and all of us on here know that is just not true. It goes so much deeper psychologically and physically.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
    Thanks for all that, I will let them bee I just cant stop my thoughts which is horrible I know but maybe that's my issue!

    Sometimes you have to think along the lines of, if someone came to you and said they wanted to give you advice to lose weight, then you would feel upset, because you are here o MFP wanting to lose weight.

    Maybe this person wants to lose weight, or maybe they are just happy the way they are.

    We can not be judge and jury.
  • Sjenny5891
    Sjenny5891 Posts: 717 Member
    So I work with a few people who are pretty big, since starting this I have seen them in a different light and this is the problem. I watch them eat chocolate bar after chocolate bar with disgust.

    Ive tried helping them to help themselves but they don't want to, and I know if they are happy I should be but I know since loosing weight you look at yourself differently and if they did they would be much happier.

    hope this makes sence haha but please give me your advice

    I had a conversation with my SIL..... She said she didn't know why she couldn't lose wait because she hardly ate anything at all....the 2,000 calories of Mtn Dew a day probably doesn't have anything to do with it... or the fact that EVERYTHING has to be dipped in Ranch Dressing. SIGH

    I spent 6 years in misery after having the twins. I KNEW what I had to do to lose the weight. I just had every reason in the book not to do it. I HAD TO DECIDE TO MAKE THE CHANGE!!!

    All you can do is say.... "Look at what I have accomplished. When you are ready, I will help you lose it too." and let it go at that. If you constantly nag, they will come to resent you.

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