Family Support

*Sigh*
Sometimes life is just hard. I've been struggling with finances lately and am temporarily living with my parents until I can find a new place to live. This separates me from my boyfriend - the love of my life and hopefully future husband, plus puts a real cramp to my social life. At the same time I have not lost sight of how lucky I am for my family. I love my mother and father to death, and could not begin to do them justice by simply saying how wonderful they are as people. I have a powerful desire to earn my B.S. and I hope to one day buy them cruise trips, plane tickets around the world, and make all their wildest dreams come true.

Until then... life is hard. All three of us struggle with our weight, and through the years I've noticed my mother (with her best of intentions) is really good at subconciously kicking everyone off the healthy lifestyle wagon when she's ready to hop off herself. I weighed myself this morning and was very happy to see that I hadn't gained any weight. Yes, just that I hadn't gained any. I've lost 79 pounds since I've started in 2011 (technically 2006 but I got down to about 8 lbs less than I am now and eventually gained it all back). Like everyone here, I STRUGGLE with my weight... a lot and in no way do I feel I've reached that point of managable control... but I've been working on getting closer. One way I do that is to be somewhat anal about my weight and what I eat. But of course this causes strifes with my mother. She'll get offended I don't eat her food when she makes those extra cheesy dishes or "not-so-bad" banana bread.

We just got into a bit of an argument because I had planned on eating an open faced tuna salad sandwhich on wheat for lunch thinking there was still some tuna salad in the fridge. My mom saw me looking and said "Oh, it's all gone but I made meatloaf last night so have that." I said OK, but closed the fridge and didn't get anything. She got mad and said, "It's the same thing, you can have a meatloaf sandwhich. You want me to make it for you?" I said, "No, that's ok. I'm not hungry." She just became more upset and said again, "Its the same thing!" I retorted "No mom, it's not. I was trying to have fish, and meatloaf is red meat." Not to mention it's less protein (I've been low on protein lately) plus more calories. That didn't seem to matter to my mom though, "Fine," she said, "I give up." *sigh* I knew going in that the only way to aviod her getting mad would be to just eat the damn meatloaf, but how many times have I ate meatloaf, burgers, bbq, pies, and cakes to make her happy, me temporarily happy and ultimately miserable? Now if I go in the kitchen and make a tuna salad sandwhich or anything other than meatloaf, she won't get mad. Worse. She'll get sad. For now I'll wait and contemplate.

Life is hard sometimes.

(If you'd like, please feel free to friend me! Supporting and cheering each other is so encouraging.)