Need help with damage done :-(

I haven't been on in awhile because I've been trying to deal with some of my issues on my own. I'm here now to see if anyone can help or share a similar experience and to serve as a warning to anyone else who may be headed down the same path. Sorry it's so long, I just really needed to get this off my chest.

I started my journey a little over a year ago. I had just given birth as a surrogate and was eager to get in shape. I began exercising regularly and restricting my calories. I soon found myself exercising more and eating less. I enjoyed the rapid weight loss I was experiencing and could see results and felt/looked stronger. Once I reached my goal weight of 150 (I'm 5'10"), I decided to keep going a little more. At about 145, I decided it was time for maintenance. Easy, I thought; boy was I wrong.

I became very anxious about upping calories. I decided to do so very very slowly and continue to exercise more. I signed up for a couple of races and began running a lot, but wasn't increasing my calories to compensate. My weight continued to drop, but I still felt good and strong. I got down to about 135 and people started to comment that I should stop loosing weight. I'd brush them off by saying "Oh, I'm not trying to loose weight". Technically, I wasn't, but I knew I wasn't upping my calories enough. For some reason, I couldn't get past the anxiety.

I continued what I was doing and dropped to around 128. At this point, I realize I look bad. Here I thought if I lost enough weight, I'd be happy with my body, but I wasn't. I had been lifting heavy too because I read it would keep you from looking "skinny fat". Well, at this point, I just looked skinny. I also became concerned that at this point it had been close to a year after giving birth and I hadn't had a period. Then, things started to get worse.

I was exercising so much and not eating enough during the week and would find myself binging on the weekends. In my mind, I was just making up for the deficit during the week and it was a good thing. However, the day after my binges, my stomach would hurt so bad and I'd have to deal with diarrhea and severe pain. At first, I thought it was just a fluke, a stomach bug or too much greasy food. I could still do what I was doing, I thought, just binge on "healthy" food. I was also quickly becoming obsessed with food and calories and macros and worried over everything I ate. Was this the best choice? Did it fit my macros? Was I getting enough variety in my diet? Is this a healthy fat? Is this too much protein in one meal? etc.

Well, the pain following the binges has gotten worse. This past weekend was the worst ever and has been a real eye opener for me. Before, the pain and diarrhea would only last a day or 2 at most and was tolerable. This time, not so much. It's Thursday and I'm still dealing with the aftermath. I missed a day of work. My poor husband is really worried about my health. I am now down to 123 and with all the stomach issues over the last few days, I know I'm not getting adequate nutrition despite really trying to. I'm really afraid I've done some real damage and am not sure what to do.

I have made a doctors appointment, but it's not for another 3 weeks; although if things don't improve over the next few days, I will make an appointment for a sick visit rather than a general physical.

I am also reaching out here to see if anyone has experienced something similar and would be willing to share. Until I can see the doctor, I'm trying to eat several small meals of what I believe are easy to digest foods with as many calories as possible. I'm not logging because I think it was contributing to my unhealthy obsession with food, so am trying to listen to my body this week and see how that goes.

I'm trying not to get too down on myself, but I am disappointed in myself. I'm 35 years old and know better. I have been setting a horrible example for my 8 and 9 year old children and have likely done some real damage to myself. I don't know how I let things get this bad.