Sabotauge or just clueless???

Options
24

Replies

  • unFATuated
    unFATuated Posts: 204 Member
    Options
    Grandparents like buying treats for their grandchildren. Don't read anything else into it than that.

    Why do 'treats' need to come in the form of junk food? Kids don't need any of it. Why can't treats come in the form of time spent with the child? Or if money needs to be spent - books, toys or other non-food gifts. I think more does need to be read into it, because even if she's not consciously trying to sabotage the new lifestyle she needs to learn that buying junk for a toddler isn't the best way to give 'treats'.
  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,038 Member
    Options
    Honestly, my grandma kept cookies and cakes ready for us and I think it is jus ttime you set her down and explain the obesity epidemic and how life is better if we are in a healthy weight range and eat healthy. Your child needs her sleep and doesn't need to be up all night hocked up on sweets. If you make it all about we know better now, it is a different story.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Options
    Grandparents like buying treats for their grandchildren. Don't read anything else into it than that.

    Why do 'treats' need to come in the form of junk food? Kids don't need any of it. Why can't treats come in the form of time spent with the child? Or if money needs to be spent - books, toys or other non-food gifts. I think more does need to be read into it, because even if she's not consciously trying to sabotage the new lifestyle she needs to learn that buying junk for a toddler isn't the best way to give 'treats'.

    Please see my above post.
  • stardancer7
    stardancer7 Posts: 276 Member
    Options
    If this were happening in my household, I would make sure my husband was playing an active role in communicating our wishes to the MIL, too.
  • FearAnLoathingJ
    FearAnLoathingJ Posts: 337 Member
    Options
    Listen the only way someone could sabotage you is if they were sneaking in while you are asleep and shoving ding dongs down your throat.... Otherwise you are sabotaging yourself. Willpower is key.
  • lovingbears2
    lovingbears2 Posts: 73 Member
    Options
    I'm sure she doesn't understand, and I would suggest sitting down and talking with her. She probably uses food as a way to show love so when your daughter wants junk she wants to give it to her. I went through a similar issue with my ex mother in law. I tried talking and it didn't work. I finally just explained to my son that it's not good to eat that kind of food all the time, and it wouldn't be in our house, but grandma's house was grandma's house.


    I agree with this. As both you and your HUSBAND have a weight issue, she probably did the same thing to him as a child, as other people mentioned, equates giving treats and food as an expression of love. I would simply tell her that because both you and your husband have a weight problem, that you don't want to pass it on to your child, and want the child to have HEALTHY snacks and treats. She may look at is as the child is being "deprived" of goodies because you and your husband are "dieting". Let her know that children with overweight parents are more likely to be overweight. Remind her that most children in the USA now are having earlier and earlier health issues, including high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and becoming Type 2 diabetes before they get out of high school, which is becoming more and more prevalent, and you don't want your child going there, or to learn to equate food with love and emotions. Healthy choices are fine, if she wants to buy them (or make them ) for the child, but NO JUNK FOOD! By appealing to the grandmother's sense of helping you to protect the child's health, rather than your own weight loss issues and concerns, you stand a better chance of having her as an ally in your PROTECTING your child rather than an adversary against your own weight loss concerns. Best of luck!!! Be strong!:flowerforyou:
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    Options
    Could be neither; many have a skewed sense of "healthy"; for example I have been told by co-workers that I have become too thin and that I don't need to lose any more weight. I have even been referred to as "emaciated"... All that being said, understand that I am (and was at the time) 225 lbs 6'3" with a BMI of 27-28.... Far from emaciated ... But people have become so accustomed to overweight being acceptable that a healthy weight seems unhealthy... People who do not watch what they eat feel that you are trying to deprive yourself and your children... perhaps it is just a phase and if they prod enough, maybe you will get over it and get on with your life; all that being said, you have to control your own house and as long as what you are doing is healthy, you are doing the right thing. Best wishes!
  • CarterCantStop
    CarterCantStop Posts: 13 Member
    Options
    I understand your frustration i live with my family still and they will buy things that i love for me and then get upset when i dont eat it knowing its not in my diet and i really do think my family means well but it upsets me and i know that if i ever have kids i want them to know what a heathty life style is like because i didnt get that growing up so i would say thank you for the offer but we dont keep those things in our house anymore and i would appericate it if you would keep that in mind when your eating with or buying food for your grand daugther
  • gigglybeth
    gigglybeth Posts: 365 Member
    Options
    She's aware of everything and refuses to change, I have a voice and its the reason why we don't get along.

    She's not going to change. The only person who you can consciously change in this situation is you. Inform her that food treats aren't welcome anymore, but books, stickers, bubbles whatever your daughter likes are more then welcome. Tell her food treats are either going straight in the trash or home with her, then stick with it. Your 3 year old might be annoyed if you have to send back the popsicles or whatever, but she'll get over it.
  • lilpoindexter
    lilpoindexter Posts: 1,122 Member
    Options
    Of course she is sabotaging your work, DUH. Let me guess...she is fat, right? You losing weight makes her look like a lazy fattie. If you lose weight, it makes her harder to make excuses for not losing weight.
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
    Options
    I vote for sabotage. She acts like she doesn't respect you.

    You have to be an adult and stand up for yourself, your child, and the way you want to run your household. You have to draw the line, not wait for her to "get it." Tell her to stop it. Throw the junk food away.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
    Options
    Something I learned a long while ago...I'm the one watching what I eat and what I'm doing...not the people around me. Get your own **** together...nobody can sabotage you but yourself. Seriously, unless you want to wrap yourself up in bubble wrap or something you're gonna have to just get your **** together and stop the nonsense. Nobody can sabotage you but yourself.
  • Turtlesallthewaydown
    Turtlesallthewaydown Posts: 64 Member
    Options
    When grandma wants her to have chocolate milk - get her chocolate almond/soy/rice milk or one of the healthy alternatives. That way if it's in the house it isn't super tempting or bad for your diet. There are organic fruit leathers and treats like that which have no chemical unpronounceables in the label. So your kid can have 'chocolate milk' and 'fruit snacks' just not the kind that are essentially sugar and some chemicals disguised as food. You can also google how to dry out fruits like strawberries in either a food dehydrator or your oven. When I can splurge on organic treats, I buy a thing of strawberries and dry them out. They make a great treat and are only just berries. Super easy to put in a little bag for a kids snack.
    A lot of us would be better off if we hadn't gotten the taste for unhealthy food at a young age so it's right for you to guide your kids food choices.
  • lorrieavery
    lorrieavery Posts: 4 Member
    Options
    we threw out the cookies and ice cream and now use fresh fruit smoothies and frozen yogurt and granola bars.my 12 year old son has adapted to the change very easily. try nestle sugar free powder and fat free milk for chocolaty drinks. smoothies are eazy.......raspberries blueberries strawberries and 1 scoop of sherbert.add a little fat free milk and it tastes soooooooo good you think your cheating on your diet............good luck lorrie
  • cappri
    cappri Posts: 1,089 Member
    Options
    Hand the $10 back and say thanks, but no thanks. If my mil suggested something for my grocery cart I would probably be less than polite in my retort. Of course when my kids had braces on my mil brought them each a bag of gummy bears every weekend. Seriously! However no way would I have purchased gummy bears if she handed me money and told me I had to because they were "from grammy."
  • Dunkirk
    Dunkirk Posts: 465 Member
    Options
    Use the money to start a college fund, and tell MIL. May be helpful if your husband had one on one time with his mother to lay down boundaries.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    Options
    Tell her to keep the treats at her house. My grandparents had special treats for me at their house and it was all part of the fun of visiting. Maybe that will convince grandma it would be better to store the goodies at her place?

    My parents didn't keep crap like that at home and neither do I. It didn't make them the bad guys. It made them the parents. That stuff should be for special occasions, not part of an everyday diet. Soda, sugar cereals and candy were not a big part of my childhood. Kids don't need 24/7 access to treats and garbage-food.

    There were always snacks available, but they were healthier choices (like cheese, hard-boiled eggs, veggies and fruit), not a bunch of pre-made, processed crap. Maybe the lack of crap available to me as a kid is part of why I've never had a weight problem and why I have a healthy relationship with food as an adult...

    Good luck with grandma. :flowerforyou:
  • Candi_land
    Candi_land Posts: 1,311 Member
    Options
    She's a grandmother FFS, they usually love to spoil their grandkids with all kinds of goodies. My grandmother thinks serving me three scoops of ice cream instead of four is "healthy". It's an old timer mentality and most of the time it's hard to change their mind.

    You know what I do? Say thanks but NO thanks. It's not hard
  • Christina8585
    Christina8585 Posts: 73 Member
    Options
    She's a b.i.t.c... you know what. She wants what she wants. She's selfish and is using diet and self indulgence to control love with your grandaughter. Tell her that she "will" knock it off or you change your phone number and tell her to go to you know where. You are the mother. "You!" Set the standard for how things work and if granny doesn't like it, then cut her access to the grandkid off. I'm telling you right now, she knows exactly what she's doing. She's trying to be the alpha female. Let her know she's not! Plain and simple! Be nice, but be firm. Don't be afraid to be the bad guy with your kid... If you don't your kid will end up on this site just like me....
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
    Options
    Your grammy sounds like a total sweet heart.

    You sound a wee bit controlling.

    Just because you have self control issues doesn't mean the rest of the world is going to change to suit you.

Categories