Hate when my husband leaves town.

Options
MSeel1984
MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
in Chit-Chat
So my husband has business trips...and sometimes fun trips and leaves town a few times during the year. This time, I don't have/get enough time off, so he's going for 10 days to do a rafting trip with his family. I'm extremely sad about it as I always am when he leaves because when he's gone, it feels like we're back to having a long distance relationship...during which time, he was not good at communicating with me-I honestly don't know how we made it work...I threw myself into it and sent letters and packages...encouraged/begged for phone calls regularly.

This time he will have 5 days that he won't be able to call because the river he and his folks are rafting on is in the middle of nowhere. I have been on the phone with his mom when she calls to talk to both of us-so I know for a fact that this is where he is going-so I'm not worried that he's actually going somewhere else or that something might happen...I just hate when he leaves.

I get very depressed and sad and extremely lonely. I try to find things to keep myself occupied (take my dogs to do stuff, hang with friends, go shopping, get my hair done, go for a day trip somewhere), but this is the longest he's been away since we've been married/since we had an LDR before we were married. I'm nervous and very sad about it. He's leaving next Wednesday...

SO here's my question, what do you all do when your spouse/S.O. leaves town? How do you keep from feeling sad (especially when you can't talk to him/her)? Any fun suggestions or ideas? I appreciate the input and advice.
«134

Replies

  • iwillwin1313
    iwillwin1313 Posts: 55
    Options
    When I was a kid, my dad would leave often for buisiness trips... He'd write me a letter and whenever I got lonely I'd read it.
    Maybe ask your husband to write you a note before he leaves so you can read it when you miss him?

    Other than that, maybe try and get out and have fun on your own outside of work! Go see a movie and treat yourself to ice cream as your calories permit.

    I hope I helped :)
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Options
    When I was a kid, my dad would leave often for buisiness trips... He'd write me a letter and whenever I got lonely I'd read it.
    Maybe ask your husband to write you a note before he leaves so you can read it when you miss him?

    Other than that, maybe try and get out and have fun on your own outside of work! Go see a movie and treat yourself to ice cream as your calories permit.

    I hope I helped :)

    You did...the letter was a good idea :) Thanks a lot. It's always hard when he travels. Long distance was difficult for both of us. We made it work but...needless to say I'd rather not do that again.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Options
    He promised to write me a letter. It will help-especially on the days he's unable to call...he promised on the days he can he'll call me.

    It just sucks. It reminds me of doing Long Distance and makes me very depressed.
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    Options
    Sounds like you have Abandonment issues. Sadly, there is only therapy to help you with that. Look into that, because this is going to guide you into being your own person and llliving outside of your relationship. You need to be your own you.
    Co-Dependancy is a real witch.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
    Options
    I don't have any advice, I'd be beside myself if my husband went away for more than a night, LOL, we're so co-dependent. So you have my sympathy!!

    But the times where he is gone for a day/night I make an effort to cook things he doesnt like (fish, hot curries, vegetarian dishes), watch movie and shows he isn't in to, have long soaks in the bath, and generally do things that I don't do when he is about, for whatever reason. I also try to catch up with friends and have girls nights.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Options
    Sounds like you have Abandonment issues. Sadly, there is only therapy to help you with that. Look into that, because this is going to guide you into being your own person and llliving outside of your relationship. You need to be your own you.
    Co-Dependancy is a real witch.

    Well we did long distance for a year, he was living in Maryland and I was in Washington State. We only saw each other once every three months or more...it was horrible. He was not a good communicator and it really was a difficult time for both of us...so now whenever he leaves it's like going right back to that phase in our relationship...I just get lonely in our big empty house.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Options
    I don't have any advice, I'd be beside myself if my husband went away for more than a night, LOL, we're so co-dependent. So you have my sympathy!!

    But the times where he is gone for a day/night I make an effort to cook things he doesnt like (fish, hot curries, vegetarian dishes), watch movie and shows he isn't in to, have long soaks in the bath, and generally do things that I don't do when he is about, for whatever reason. I also try to catch up with friends and have girls nights.

    Fortunately I did schedule a few fun things while he's away. A girl's night (shopping for our bridesmaid dresses, watching chick flicks, making girly drinks) and a play date with a friend of mine since we both have puppies. Staying busy is the key I think.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
    Options
    I call my friends and go out with them or just revel in some "me" time.

    I'm ok with it if he's away for a weekend but there was a time where he was traveling for work and he'd be gone for a week or two however, on one of his business trips we were able to skype. The other trip where he was delivering a boat to St. Thomas he was out of pocket for TWO WEEKS on the open ocean which I didn't particularly like.

    Do you have anyone that you can call and hang out with? Friends or family? Sometimes just being around other people makes it easier.
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
    Options
    I guess I might be a bad person but I'd welcome the chance to have the bed to myself and fart a lot.
  • _Moose51_
    _Moose51_ Posts: 86
    Options
    I guess I might be a bad person but I'd welcome the chance to have the bed to myself and fart a lot.

    LOL!!!!
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Options
    Yeah-I made plans to hang with my girlfriends...and I do work full time which keeps me busy during the day, it's going to bed alone that makes it kinda tough.

    I've got two boxers at home that keep me company when I'm at home alone...I'm trying to make lots of plans to do stuff-with other people or on my own (shopping, etc) to keep my mind off it.

    Also planning some tasty meals that I don't think he'd like (spaghetti squash, roasted beets, etc)
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Options
    Sounds like you have Abandonment issues. Sadly, there is only therapy to help you with that. Look into that, because this is going to guide you into being your own person and llliving outside of your relationship. You need to be your own you.
    Co-Dependancy is a real witch.

    agreed.

    i dont mind my husband going away, i like the time to myself! though i woudl miss him if it was 10 days! he is away this weekend, and i dont mind at all. but then i lived on my own for 5 years before we got together, so i like my own space.

    last time my husband went away for a week, i did the same! try to fill your days, see friends, get the husband to leave you some money for a spa day, try something you couldnt do with your husband - make him not being their a positive not a negative!
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Options
    Well, I do fully intend to play some video games while he's gone... :)
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
    Options
    Here's a question: Why are you nervous that he's gone away for 5 days? Is there something that happened during your long distance relationship that made you wary of him being away from you?
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Options
    Well he and I broke up twice.

    We casually dated in college, but then he got his job and moved away...we didn't really talk or anything for a long time, then ended up getting back together and doing Long Distance for a year. During that year, we fought a lot about the fact that he didn't communicate and I did all the work in the relationship (writing letters, sending packages, calling, etc).

    He didn't ever cheat on me...we just had a hard time trying to keep the relationship strong when we didn't see each other more than once every three months. We missed each other a lot. Might seem silly, but that's the worst part of him being away. He's been away for 5-7 days before...this is 10 days he'll be gone, 5 days of which he can't even send me a text.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
    Options
    I find it odd that he's going on a family vacation without his wife. I know you said you couldn't get the time off work, but it seems to me like they could have planned it to fit in with your schedule. I mean, you're his wife, not some random chick he's dating who they barely know. On a similar note, I would've been highly unlikely to marry someone whom I had to beg to communicate with me while we were in a long-distance relationship. I've done the long-distance thing, and while I did have to put my foot down about Skyping on a regular basis, I only had to do it once. He was great about phone, texting, chatting on Gmail, etc.

    But moving on from the pre-existing weirdness, I think it's unhealthy that you are so dependent on him that you are describing yourself as "depressed" when he's not around. Missing him is one thing. Being unable to function like a normal adult without him is entirely another. And I think he probably senses all of this, and that may very well be WHY he goes on trips without you and why he isn't very communicative with you while he's gone. He's trying to breathe. And maybe also hoping that you figure out how to exist without him.
  • My1985Freckles
    My1985Freckles Posts: 1,039 Member
    Options
    First I want to say that there is nothing wrong with being co-dependent with your spouse. It doesn't mean you need therapy. It doesn't mean you have abandonment issues. We aren't all made the same. Some people are very independent and some people aren't. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be away from your spouse.

    My husband is a truck driver. He leaves Monday morning and comes home Friday night/Saturday morning. It SUCKS! He was NOT a trucker when we met. If he had been, we might not have gotten married. I hate going home to a house with no human companions every night. My dogs are great, but they aren't people and definitely NOT my husband.

    I don't really have any tips, just make plans to keep busy. Definitely do stuff that you've been wanting to do, but don't want to do in front of/with hubby. Try a new exercise. Yoga perhaps? Pick out some books to read.
  • MF60
    MF60 Posts: 6
    Options
    Hello!
    So I don't know if this will help you or not but I've been in a relationship for the past 8 years. On two different ocasions we had to be appart for 7 months. It wasn't easy but I can tell you it did help me a lot. I understood that I can live without him and because I love him I wanted to be close to him. Note the wanted part, it's different than needing. I became more independent and that helped the relationship a LOT. It's only 10 days. Just do your regular life. I hope it helps you like it did me.
  • PJ64
    PJ64 Posts: 866 Member
    Options
    When I was Military and I was away from my family & couldn't communicate. We would all write down the things we miss doing together and when I got home, we would put them all in a jar and pick one out each day and go do it. WARNING!! Umm, the "personal fun" between the spouses should be in a SEPERATE jar :wink:
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Options
    First I want to say that there is nothing wrong with being co-dependent with your spouse. It doesn't mean you need therapy. It doesn't mean you have abandonment issues. We aren't all made the same. Some people are very independent and some people aren't. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be away from your spouse.

    My husband is a truck driver. He leaves Monday morning and comes home Friday night/Saturday morning. It SUCKS! He was NOT a trucker when we met. If he had been, we might not have gotten married. I hate going home to a house with no human companions every night. My dogs are great, but they aren't people and definitely NOT my husband.

    I don't really have any tips, just make plans to keep busy. Definitely do stuff that you've been wanting to do, but don't want to do in front of/with hubby. Try a new exercise. Yoga perhaps? Pick out some books to read.

    Thank you for this. For understanding that coming home to an empty house and an empty bed is difficult...it doesn't mean that I'm a pathetic mess when my husband leaves, it means that I prefer not to be alone-especially when we were fairly newlyweds.

    Now as to some other previous posts...

    I'm not emotionally unstable...I'm not whiny or needy...and my husband is disappointed I can't go on this trip with him. My work doesn't allow me much time off because it's healthcare...to say that my husband is trying to get time to breathe...I mean, granted I am asking advice of people who don't know me, but that is assuming a lot given that you have limited information about me and about our relationship.

    It is frustrating that they planned this at a time I couldn't go (my husband didn't plan it, his folks did).

Categories