Hate when my husband leaves town.
Replies
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I find it odd that he's going on a family vacation without his wife. I know you said you couldn't get the time off work, but it seems to me like they could have planned it to fit in with your schedule.
I don't find that odd and I don't find it "odd" that he couldn't plan it to fit in his schedule. It could very well be that the trip was planned a year or more ago and her schedule changed and she couldn't go last minute.
My husband has taken his mom to Mexico for a week plus without me because I couldn't get the time off of work to go with him. I never found that weird in the least.
I don't find it weird that he's going without me. His work has a better time off benefit than I do. He hasn't seen his family since our wedding last August and I know he'll have fun. He planned another rafting trip for us when he gets back into town and I'm looking forward to that.
I just feel like people missed the whole purpose of this post...
My husband is leaving town for over a week and I'll miss him a lot. I wanted ideas on how you all spend your time when your S/O is out of town...I did NOT, however, ask for people to ridicule how I feel and to assume I need therapy because I miss my husband when he is out of town. I think I'm entitled to miss my spouse.
I hope you're not responding to what I posted above, rather what I quoted.
I am in agreement with you. When my husband is gone for a week after the first two days I miss him. He was gone this weekend and by Saturday night I missed him so I know where you're coming from. I did, however, enjoy some me time but it got quite boring LOL.
As long as you fill your time with things like shopping, cooking, reading, playing with the dogs etc. then I think you won't be *as* lonely. I know that night time will be hard but just cuddle a pillow and think happy thoughts about him.
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I find it odd that he's going on a family vacation without his wife. I know you said you couldn't get the time off work, but it seems to me like they could have planned it to fit in with your schedule.
I don't find that odd and I don't find it "odd" that he couldn't plan it to fit in his schedule. It could very well be that the trip was planned a year or more ago and her schedule changed and she couldn't go last minute.
My husband has taken his mom to Mexico for a week plus without me because I couldn't get the time off of work to go with him. I never found that weird in the least.
I don't find it weird that he's going without me. His work has a better time off benefit than I do. He hasn't seen his family since our wedding last August and I know he'll have fun. He planned another rafting trip for us when he gets back into town and I'm looking forward to that.
I just feel like people missed the whole purpose of this post...
My husband is leaving town for over a week and I'll miss him a lot. I wanted ideas on how you all spend your time when your S/O is out of town...I did NOT, however, ask for people to ridicule how I feel and to assume I need therapy because I miss my husband when he is out of town. I think I'm entitled to miss my spouse.
I hope you're not responding to what I posted above, rather what I quoted.
I am in agreement with you. When my husband is gone for a week after the first two days I miss him. He was gone this weekend and by Saturday night I missed him so I know where you're coming from. I did, however, enjoy some me time but it got quite boring LOL.
As long as you fill your time with things like shopping, cooking, reading, playing with the dogs etc. then I think you won't be *as* lonely. I know that night time will be hard but just cuddle a pillow and think happy thoughts about him.
Just gotta say thank you What you said there is exactly what I'm saying. I'm able to find tv shows I enjoy (pretty little liars, etc) that I enjoy watching and he doesn't...I work on cooking, baking...go on hikes...but night time especially is lonely. You seem to understand where I'm coming from and I appreciate it. The cooking is something I'll focus on a lot-try some new recipes 0 -
OP, I hope now that people have felt justified in telling you how much / little you can miss your husband, how much therapy you need for your trust / abandonment issues, how weird it is that you should miss your husband so much for such a relatively short period of time etc that people begin to answer your question!
I went away with my parents for 5 weeks leaving my partner at home. I missed him terribly as I was enjoying lots of holiday experiences he would never have. Regarding communication, for the days I was unable to text, phone or email him, I would arrange a day when I would be back in a reception area and make that a plan. What did he do whilst I was away? I think he enjoyed the independence of not having to conform to our daily 'routine', he could get up when he liked and do stuff around the house that he probably wouldn't have done had I been there, he could go to bed early or late, if he woke up at 3 in the morning he didn't have to feel concerned he was disturbing me if he got up....most importantly, he had more time to spend with his mother, as she, feeling he would be lonely without me (!) came round most days with lunch for him. This was really special as sadly this was to be her last summer and I know he cherished that extra time they got to spend together.
Maybe between your working and general 'routine' there could be a project you undertake? Either something just for you that you wouldn't normally make time for if your husband was there, maybe something you could enjoy together when he gets back, maybe the opportunity to spend time with a friend who is more your friend than 'you-as-a-couple' friend.
Whatever you choose, I hope you enjoy it!0 -
I find it odd that he's going on a family vacation without his wife. I know you said you couldn't get the time off work, but it seems to me like they could have planned it to fit in with your schedule.
I don't find that odd and I don't find it "odd" that he couldn't plan it to fit in his schedule. It could very well be that the trip was planned a year or more ago and her schedule changed and she couldn't go last minute.
My husband has taken his mom to Mexico for a week plus without me because I couldn't get the time off of work to go with him. I never found that weird in the least.
I don't find it weird that he's going without me. His work has a better time off benefit than I do. He hasn't seen his family since our wedding last August and I know he'll have fun. He planned another rafting trip for us when he gets back into town and I'm looking forward to that.
I just feel like people missed the whole purpose of this post...
My husband is leaving town for over a week and I'll miss him a lot. I wanted ideas on how you all spend your time when your S/O is out of town...I did NOT, however, ask for people to ridicule how I feel and to assume I need therapy because I miss my husband when he is out of town. I think I'm entitled to miss my spouse.
I hope you're not responding to what I posted above, rather what I quoted.
I am in agreement with you. When my husband is gone for a week after the first two days I miss him. He was gone this weekend and by Saturday night I missed him so I know where you're coming from. I did, however, enjoy some me time but it got quite boring LOL.
As long as you fill your time with things like shopping, cooking, reading, playing with the dogs etc. then I think you won't be *as* lonely. I know that night time will be hard but just cuddle a pillow and think happy thoughts about him.
Just gotta say thank you What you said there is exactly what I'm saying. I'm able to find tv shows I enjoy (pretty little liars, etc) that I enjoy watching and he doesn't...I work on cooking, baking...go on hikes...but night time especially is lonely. You seem to understand where I'm coming from and I appreciate it. The cooking is something I'll focus on a lot-try some new recipes
And FWIW, I actually prefer to spend time with my husband and we do pretty much everything together.0 -
OP, I hope now that people have felt justified in telling you how much / little you can miss your husband, how much therapy you need for your trust / abandonment issues, how weird it is that you should miss your husband so much for such a relatively short period of time etc that people begin to answer your question!
I went away with my parents for 5 weeks leaving my partner at home. I missed him terribly as I was enjoying lots of holiday experiences he would never have. Regarding communication, for the days I was unable to text, phone or email him, I would arrange a day when I would be back in a reception area and make that a plan. What did he do whilst I was away? I think he enjoyed the independence of not having to conform to our daily 'routine', he could get up when he liked and do stuff around the house that he probably wouldn't have done had I been there, he could go to bed early or late, if he woke up at 3 in the morning he didn't have to feel concerned he was disturbing me if he got up....most importantly, he had more time to spend with his mother, as she, feeling he would be lonely without me (!) came round most days with lunch for him. This was really special as sadly this was to be her last summer and I know he cherished that extra time they got to spend together.
Maybe between your working and general 'routine' there could be a project you undertake? Either something just for you that you wouldn't normally make time for if your husband was there, maybe something you could enjoy together when he gets back, maybe the opportunity to spend time with a friend who is more your friend than 'you-as-a-couple' friend.
Whatever you choose, I hope you enjoy it!
Thanks, becka
I also think you're right. I do tend to get into a routine and maybe breaking away from this will be good for me. It'll also be good quality time with my dogs-one of which is still quite young and training her and preparing her for her first dog show could be lots of fun.
Also thanks for not making assumptions or talking down to me. I appreciate the polite and helpful response 0 -
See if he'll leave you a few voicemails to listen to while he's gone, I had mine do that while he was deployed, it helps to hear their voice. Other than that, the only thing that would help me is working out and blaring my music while I clean to drown out the silence of an empty house.0
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OP, I have been married for 21 years. If we have to spend a night apart, we miss each other. If it were 10 days, I would miss him terribly. There is nothing wrong with missing the one you love. Just because it's "only" 10 days and not a year doesn't mean you miss him any less.
When I have to travel for business, my husband usually hides a few love notes in my luggage. We talk on the phone several times a day (we do that when I am not traveling) and email each other.
He works long hours on some weekends (he is a chef for a wedding venue) and I work a 9-5 M-F, so I don't get to see him some weekends for more than an hour or two. I used the time that he's at work to get some of the extra deep cleaning done around the house. To me it's theraputic to do a real scrubbing on the house and it keeps me occupied while he's gone.0 -
See if he'll leave you a few voicemails to listen to while he's gone, I had mine do that while he was deployed, it helps to hear their voice. Other than that, the only thing that would help me is working out and blaring my music while I clean to drown out the silence of an empty house.
This is actually not a bad idea. I do like having a clean house and the house could use it. It'd be nice for him to come home to a clean house too.
Per the advice of an earlier poster, he'll be writing me a letter to read while he's gone...he said he'd call when he has reception so I can hear his voice too. 0 -
You sound a little needy. I don't mean that as an insult because some people are just like that. But it sounds like you need to find things you would enjoy doing independently. Call your friends, go out, see movies, etc. Don't just try to distract yourself. Learn to enjoy things independently from your husband.0
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OP, I have been married for 21 years. If we have to spend a night apart, we miss each other. If it were 10 days, I would miss him terribly. There is nothing wrong with missing the one you love. Just because it's "only" 10 days and not a year doesn't mean you miss him any less.
When I have to travel for business, my husband usually hides a few love notes in my luggage. We talk on the phone several times a day (we do that when I am not traveling) and email each other.
He works long hours on some weekends (he is a chef for a wedding venue) and I work a 9-5 M-F, so I don't get to see him some weekends for more than an hour or two. I used the time that he's at work to get some of the extra deep cleaning done around the house. To me it's theraputic to do a real scrubbing on the house and it keeps me occupied while he's gone.
Thank you for not belittling my feelings and understanding how it is to miss your spouse.
The cleaning does sound like a good idea...especially my kitchen. Nothing better than a squeaky clean kitchen to cook in...(and get messy again)0 -
You sound a little needy. I don't mean that as an insult because some people are just like that. But it sounds like you need to find things you would enjoy doing independently. Call your friends, go out, see movies, etc. Don't just try to distract yourself. Learn to enjoy things independently from your husband.
Per my earlier posts...I do have these things planned...girls night, puppy play dates and shopping trips...0 -
See if he'll leave you a few voicemails to listen to while he's gone, I had mine do that while he was deployed, it helps to hear their voice. Other than that, the only thing that would help me is working out and blaring my music while I clean to drown out the silence of an empty house.
This is actually not a bad idea. I do like having a clean house and the house could use it. It'd be nice for him to come home to a clean house too.
Per the advice of an earlier poster, he'll be writing me a letter to read while he's gone...he said he'd call when he has reception so I can hear his voice too.
Maybe he can leave some notes for you to find around the house. I will sometimes find a random note hubby has left on a post it around the house. :-) I LOVES it!0 -
I love having the house to myself. I can choose what to watch on TV -- or not have it on at all. I go to bed when I want. I don't worry about being home when he gets out of work (not that he requires that. I just like to be.). It's like my own little bit of independence and quiet time.
He was supposed to deploy for a year starting in May and I had actually been looking forward to it.
Just enjoy being you for a while. It's not like it's even two full weeks and he is coming back.0 -
Try having in him Iraq for a year...10 days is nothing, sorry.
Yeah, we military wives are TRYING to have empathy, but it's pretty hard. Like many others have said, try to stay busy and get your own hobbies in life. No man likes a clingy, codependent, woman in his life anyway....it gives him all the power and, if and when he gets tired of it, you're EFFED.
Eight-time 6-9 month deployment survivor here.
Thank GOD he retires in October......0 -
I used to be so bitter every time he left... when I used to be a suspicious biotch. But now I'm more laid back and actually like when he's gone. It's girl time! Me and my two daughters kick it. It's a "ME" Party every-time he's gone, lol.0
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Try having in him Iraq for a year...10 days is nothing, sorry.
Yeah, we military wives are TRYING to have empathy, but it's pretty hard. Like many others have said, try to stay busy and get your own hobbies in life. No man likes a clingy, codependent, woman in his life anyway....it gives him all the power and, if and when he gets tired of it, you're EFFED.
Eight-time 6-9 month deployment survivor here.
Thank GOD he retires in October......
Nah-you're trying to have empathy...some people just want to belittle someone else's problems, in which case they should say nothing...I can say I could not handle him being overseas and I have immense respect for military wives-I don't know how you do it and fully admit I'm not strong enough for that. I do respect those who are strong like that...you have my admiration for sure.
We did go 6 months at one time without seeing each other...and that sucked big time...actually that happened twice when he graduated and moved away. It was awful.
I'm planning little things to stay busy. Just wondered if anyone had ideas for things they enjoy doing when they have time to themselves...I usually have things I plan out (girl nights out or shopping)...just looking for suggestions.0 -
Try having in him Iraq for a year...10 days is nothing, sorry.
Yeah, we military wives are TRYING to have empathy, but it's pretty hard. Like many others have said, try to stay busy and get your own hobbies in life. No man likes a clingy, codependent, woman in his life anyway....it gives him all the power and, if and when he gets tired of it, you're EFFED.
Eight-time 6-9 month deployment survivor here.
Thank GOD he retires in October......
I too have the uptmost respect for military wives. No way I could do it. Before I met my husband, there was a guy I was intersted in... until I found out he was going to join the military! No thanks! You women are so much stronger than I will ever be!0 -
Well said.Try having in him Iraq for a year...10 days is nothing, sorry.
I didn't try to belittle your struggle...so don't belittle mine. Thank you.
I've never been in your situation, but I have a lot of experience being alone.
-You already mentioned video games
-Do you like to read? New book time!
-Go to meetup.com, find something in your area that's not singles related.
-Meditate (even if it's just 5 min per day)
-Look for volunteering opportunities.
-Help somebody randomly
-What are your interests/hobbies? Is there anything you've wanted to try?
-Write him a letter every day about all the awesome things you did that day. (Dole them out over the next year or so - in case they might overwhelm)
-proactively reach out to some of the military wives/partners who've spoken up. Those people know how to fill some alone time. One of the things they're not mentioning is that they're often part of a community where there are many people in the same situation, and there are support systems in place to help. Which isn't to say that it doesn't suck.0 -
My husband and I were long distance for four years, so I know how difficult it can be to maintain a relationship while long distance. However, it sounds like you're projecting some of those issues onto this short time apart - it's a natural thing to do, but you need to remember that there is a huge difference between the difficulty communicating that can happen when you are apart for months at a time and the loneliness you feel when apart for a week or so. Just keep reminding yourself that these vacations are NOT the same as those years apart - and you'll see each other much sooner!
My husband and I have become pretty independent from each other - our schedules rarely match up, he works nights and I work days (which means there are weeks when I barely see him at all), and we often end up traveling separately due to difficulty getting vacation time together. It can get a little lonely being in an empty house at night, but I think you have to just keep reminding yourself that you'll see him soon and keep yourself busy. You seem a little panicked that he's going away, which is probably why people are reacting so strongly to your post, but you need to just take a deep breath and remind yourself that it's only 10 days, and it will be gone before you even know it.
Like others have said: indulge yourself in things he'd never enjoy, like tv shows he hates, foods he doesn't like, pedicures, whatever. Find a project to work on - in times when I've been home alone I've worked on learning to bake gluten free bread (I'm intolerant), reorganizing my closet, cleaning out my basement, building a shed to keep the raccoons out of my garbage cans, training my dog... whatever.
Honestly, in the end, I find that time apart to be peaceful and recharging and makes me enjoy his company even more when he gets back. I think it's healthy for couples to be apart every once in a while, just to remind yourselves how valuable your time together really is.0 -
Honestly, just buck up and deal with it. Make some friends and go out. Have a girls night. Catch up on work/reading/crafts you put off.
My husband is gone 2 weeks out of 3 from January to March and takes irregular 3-10 day business trips throughout the rest of the year. I was just in Spain for the last week without him, we saw each other for a day, and now he's in Japan for a week without me. Try working with time zones that make it nearly impossible to talk when one of us shouldn't be either sleeping or working. Or even worse, the military spouses who rarely get to see each other at all.0 -
What do you fear? When we have this type of emotional pain, it is usually because of some kind of fear, so recognize what this fear is and confront it.
I have never been a co dependent so when my husband leaves town, I make plans with the gals to do things he would never, like eat sushi see a play or a drag show.
If you want it and work hard enough, you actually can find out some good stuff about you during this time an heal what ever pain you have that lives inside you that is causing you to feel this way. As someone else has pointed out, there could be abandonment issues (did your parents divorce, die or leave when you were young) or jealousy that he is able to have a good time with out you or has someone cheated on you in the past? These are all things to think about.
Good luck and I hope you feel better about yourself to be able to actually enjoy YOUR mini vacation. That is the way I look at it when mine is out of town, but then again, I am a house wife so I AM on vacation when he is out of town.0 -
As a newlywed who is long distance thanks to school (halfway through my 4 year program and one year into our marriage) I know how bad long distance sucks. Just keep telling yourself it's only 10 days (since you've handled much worse) and use that to enjoy your independence!
You are married, therefore you know he is coming back to you, and you also know that you have very few moments like this to truly be left all to yourself and do exactly what you want to do at any and all times! Don't see it as 10 days of loneliness, but 10 days of "you" time.
Maybe taking up a hobby or new activity would be a good idea if him being away for business affects you so hard? Plan fun things for yourself while he is away 0 -
I make sure I have a phone number where he's going, so I can contact him if there is trouble. I try to make sure that the things I can't handle alone are handled before he leaves ( this is mostly heavy lifting stuff), then i smooch him goodbye, sit back to enjoy the peace and quiet of the farm until he gets back, do what I need to do as well as what I want to do,when I want to do it, without needing to check in with him or ask if he needs anything from town( which usually means him sending me on additional errands to places like Tractor Supply and Harbor Freight), then I welcome him back with another hug and smooch. I don't have any problem being alone for a while. He usually doesn't call home if it's not longer than a week, nor do I if I'm the one gone.0
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Try having in him Iraq for a year...10 days is nothing, sorry.
I didn't try to belittle your struggle...so don't belittle mine. Thank you.
The fact that you're "struggling" over 10 days of being apart speaks volumes. Good luck!
Wait, wait...I'm not allowed to miss my husband when he goes away?
I'm so glad I have you here to tell me how I'm allowed to feel.
I'm not telling you how to feel. Missing him is one thing; being depressed, sad, and letting it consume you is another.0 -
I need and love alone time so stuff like that never bothered me.0
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I take on organization, home improvement projects. He gets "underfoot" when I try to do those things with him around, so it's nice to plan a couple of days where I paint a room, organize the garage (complete with hanging hooks and shelves on the garage), hang window blinds, tackle junk drawers, etc. It's something I'm not terribly good at, so it takes up a lot of time, and it can be quite exhausting (painting in particular). By the end of the trip, I've wore myself out, accomplished something on my own, and, of course, passed the time.0
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Some great ideas I've gotten from you all:
1.) Read a new book (there's SEVERAL I've been wanting to read lately)
2.) Re-organize my closet...we have a gorgeous walk-in...and I know my side is getting bogged down with stuff I don't wear anymore-good donation opportunity here (then re-fill it with new stuff from my shopping trip)
3.) Clean the house (not fun, but definitely time consuming)
4.) Take up a hobby: I've wanted to try one of those ceramics places...
5.) Change my perspective...it's a vacation for him, but it can be for me too if I choose to see it that way.
Thank you all for the advice.0 -
I guess I might be a bad person but I'd welcome the chance to have the bed to myself and fart a lot.
HAAAAAAAAHAHAA
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Well he left this morning at 3:30AM
Oh well, I didn't cry and haven't cried yet...that's progress. I've got lots of fun things planned for the weekend (weekdays are easier than the weekends are when I'm alone)...Just have some quality time with my dogs-he'll be back a week from Saturday.0 -
My husband is leaving on a business trip again soon as well. I usually can go the first week and not really miss him because I'm too busy trying to adjust to a single parent household again (he's a great partner at home). By the second week I'm missing him like crazy. I have experience though and just realize there is nothing I can do about it thus I find other things to do and let it go the best I can.
One thing I might suggest is thinking of a project you can surprise him with. Recently I wanted to create a nook for his collectables, for example, because he has not had his stuff properly displayed in forever. (We ended up using the money for a family vacation but it is a project I have filed away for future possibilities). The point of this suggestion is that you can pour your love into a project and e excitement of knowing you have a surprise for him when he gets home is actually kinda cool. In previous years I was able to come up with some nifty ideas at times.
Definitely enjoy a tv marathon, go out with friends, etc. While you will still miss him, having things to do will give you a positive outlet.0
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