Husbands, wives and other SO's

Calliope610
Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
in Chit-Chat
I read so many posts from women who are upset that their husband's/BF's/SO's give them grief about their weight, and to be honest, I could have been one of them...

And many of the replies call out the husband/BF/SO as a jerk/*kitten*/douchbag,

So...

Just throwing gasoline on the fire...

If I deserve better than a husband who is a jerk about my weight, doesn't my husband deserve better than an overweight wife?
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Replies

  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    Considering a lot of weight is caused by carring said jerks babies, no. I think the wife should always be working to better herself physically, but that does not allow a SO to be a jerk...period.
  • ken_hogan
    ken_hogan Posts: 854 Member
    Interested in the replies....
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
    Popcorn! Peanuts! Get your fresh snacks here!

    7107840401_1d7355d56a_b.jpg
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    i could say what he deserves...


    but that could get me a strike.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    Considering a lot of weight is caused by carring said jerks babies, no. I think the wife should always be working to better herself physically, but that does not allow a SO to be a jerk...period.

    weight is caused by the person who got fat and no one else. I take accountability.
  • littlelaura
    littlelaura Posts: 1,028 Member
    My view on relationships is simply this, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is the person who brings out the best in you. If the person you are with now doesn't fit that criteria, you have some thinking to do and perhaps some changes to make.
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    Considering a lot of weight is caused by carring said jerks babies, no. I think the wife should always be working to better herself physically, but that does not allow a SO to be a jerk...period.

    weight is caused by the person who got fat and no one else. I take accountability.
    I agree, but unless you have been pregnant you can't speak to this. I would never use this as an excuse because weight can be lost and whoever put it on is accountable for it, but this does not give anyone the right to treat their SO as a jerk regardless of their weight.
  • sc10985
    sc10985 Posts: 347 Member
    At my heaviest, (not pregnant) I weighed 33lbs more than I did when I met my bf. Occasionally I did think to myself that it wasn't fair to him that I had gained so much weight. Granted my eating habits were GREATLY influenced by him but still, it was my self control that failed. Only once during a very heated argument (where we were both passing insults) did he admit to being less attracted to me. And yea it hurt, but, we all have the right to be attracted to a certain body size/shape. Now he's also told me that no matter what I weigh, he wouldn't leave me but I still want him to find me attractive! I will say though, that anytime I attempted to lose weight purely for that reason, I failed. Once I decided to do it for myself AND my family, I had success.

    Eta: my bf takes extremely good care of his body and has always been in amazing shape, no matter what he eats. Jerk. Lol.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I think a lot of factors go into this. There are those women who stay thin to find a husband and then very deliberately stop trying to be attractive and I don't think that's fair.

    Were you overweight when you met? When you got married? If not, why did you become overweight to begin with? Is your husband still in the same (good) shape as when you married him? How much weight are we talking about?

    And regardless, belittling a loved one for his or her appearance is never going to give the results being sought. Either the person will rebel and get bigger or lose the weight, realize the weight wasn't really the issue and then leave for greener pastures.
  • missdibs1
    missdibs1 Posts: 1,092 Member
    This entire convo is silly to me

    Do you doubt your husband's love for you?

    If so, then why did you marry him? If not, then why are you worrying?

    If you need his support to lose weight, ask for it (not in the middle of an argument), but do not expect it on demand.

    If you do not need his support/approval then lose weight for you (IMHO this is best).

    If you do not like the way he expresses himself to you, say so.

    Do not say you are a jerk etc (this will put him on the defensive)
    Learn to communicate better!
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    Considering a lot of weight is caused by carring said jerks babies, no. I think the wife should always be working to better herself physically, but that does not allow a SO to be a jerk...period.

    weight is caused by the person who got fat and no one else. I take accountability.
    I agree, but unless you have been pregnant you can't speak to this. I would never use this as an excuse because weight can be lost and whoever put it on is accountable for it, but this does not give anyone the right to treat their SO as a jerk regardless of their weight.

    ok, but even if someone is a jerk...that person cant cause the weight gain. its a cop out
  • missdibs1
    missdibs1 Posts: 1,092 Member
    Considering a lot of weight is caused by carring said jerks babies, no. I think the wife should always be working to better herself physically, but that does not allow a SO to be a jerk...period.

    weight is caused by the person who got fat and no one else. I take accountability.
    I agree, but unless you have been pregnant you can't speak to this. I would never use this as an excuse because weight can be lost and whoever put it on is accountable for it, but this does not give anyone the right to treat their SO as a jerk regardless of their weight.

    Not all over weight women gained from pregnancy

    Not all women "get fat" from having babies..........

    This is off topic IMHO
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    ok, but even if someone is a jerk...that person cant cause the weight gain. its a cop out

    I gotcha. I agree with that. No cop out allowed. Jerks will most likely always be jerks regardless of someone's weight. :wink:
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  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    ok, but even if someone is a jerk...that person cant cause the weight gain. its a cop out

    I gotcha. I agree with that. No cop out allowed. Jerks will most likely always be jerks regardless of someone's weight. :wink:
    A jerk can't directly cause a gain, but depression can lead to eating in people prone to emotional binge.

    I'm not an emotional eater and can't pretend to know what that's like, but I imagine it's very difficult to get a handle on, especially in the midst of verbal abuse.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    honestly I don't take a lot of stock in what people complain about, unless it comes from my FL.
    Because there are two sides of every story and I'm not wholly convinced I'm getting both sides from some rando complaining about being married to a jerk.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    I would say that you both deserve better. Regardless of your weight you don't deserve to be made fun of, picked on and verbally abused by your husband, significant other or anyone else for that matter. Being overweight does not make you a bad person or a door mat.

    Your spouse or significant other deserves to be with someone who loves themselves enough to take care of their self and who lives a lifestyle that is not detrimental to their health.

    If someone thinks the person they love has gained too much weight or is being unhealthy the appropriate way to handle it is to say something like, "I'm worried about you. What can we do to improve this?" Not, "Drop the doughnut and get off your fat *kitten*."
  • sunshyncatra
    sunshyncatra Posts: 598 Member
    Umm... "for better or worse" ring a bell? Being overweight does not even fall into the realm of my idea of what "worse" could mean, but to each their own.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    ok, but even if someone is a jerk...that person cant cause the weight gain. its a cop out

    I gotcha. I agree with that. No cop out allowed. Jerks will most likely always be jerks regardless of someone's weight. :wink:
    A jerk can't directly cause a gain, but depression can lead to eating in people prone to emotional binge.

    I'm not an emotional eater and can't pretend to know what that's like, but I imagine it's very difficult to get a handle on, especially in the midst of verbal abuse.

    ill prepare for the flaming, but i think depression is a cop out too. Its for the weak. (unless its like post partum type stuff, which is real)
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    ok, but even if someone is a jerk...that person cant cause the weight gain. its a cop out

    I gotcha. I agree with that. No cop out allowed. Jerks will most likely always be jerks regardless of someone's weight. :wink:
    A jerk can't directly cause a gain, but depression can lead to eating in people prone to emotional binge.

    I'm not an emotional eater and can't pretend to know what that's like, but I imagine it's very difficult to get a handle on, especially in the midst of verbal abuse.

    ill prepare for the flaming, but i think depression is a cop out too. Its for the weak. (unless its like post partum type stuff, which is real)
    Tom Cruise? Is that you???
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    Considering a lot of weight is caused by carring said jerks babies, no.

    jon-stewart-huh.gif

    i was able to pack on 45lbs without carrying a baby.
  • CountingCaloriesSuxass
    CountingCaloriesSuxass Posts: 387 Member
    Considering a lot of weight is caused by carring said jerks babies, no. I think the wife should always be working to better herself physically, but that does not allow a SO to be a jerk...period.

    agreed, I gained 85 lbs during my pregnancy, it was all gone in one year. Yes hubz had an obese wife for a year
  • ScottyNoHotty
    ScottyNoHotty Posts: 1,957 Member
    A spouse's responsibility is to support the other, not belittle them. Verbal abuse is still abuse.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    ok, but even if someone is a jerk...that person cant cause the weight gain. its a cop out

    I gotcha. I agree with that. No cop out allowed. Jerks will most likely always be jerks regardless of someone's weight. :wink:
    A jerk can't directly cause a gain, but depression can lead to eating in people prone to emotional binge.

    I'm not an emotional eater and can't pretend to know what that's like, but I imagine it's very difficult to get a handle on, especially in the midst of verbal abuse.

    ill prepare for the flaming, but i think depression is a cop out too. Its for the weak. (unless its like post partum type stuff, which is real)

    Not flaming, just asking: What makes you think that postpartum depression is any more or less real than any other form of depression? And, are you a mental health professional?
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    Considering a lot of weight is caused by carring said jerks babies, no.

    jon-stewart-huh.gif

    i was able to pack on 45lbs without carrying a baby.

    Excellent skills :love:

    So you aren't my baby daddy?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    ok, but even if someone is a jerk...that person cant cause the weight gain. its a cop out

    I gotcha. I agree with that. No cop out allowed. Jerks will most likely always be jerks regardless of someone's weight. :wink:
    A jerk can't directly cause a gain, but depression can lead to eating in people prone to emotional binge.

    I'm not an emotional eater and can't pretend to know what that's like, but I imagine it's very difficult to get a handle on, especially in the midst of verbal abuse.

    ill prepare for the flaming, but i think depression is a cop out too. Its for the weak. (unless its like post partum type stuff, which is real)

    Not flaming, just asking: What makes you think that postpartum depression is any more or less real than any other form of depression? And, are you a mental health professional?
    I wouldn't even bother. This is the same guy who said weight gain is a reasonable excuse to end a marriage, no matter the reason behind it.

    He's been around a while. I'm considering the source. It isn't worth the argument.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    ok, but even if someone is a jerk...that person cant cause the weight gain. its a cop out

    I gotcha. I agree with that. No cop out allowed. Jerks will most likely always be jerks regardless of someone's weight. :wink:
    A jerk can't directly cause a gain, but depression can lead to eating in people prone to emotional binge.

    I'm not an emotional eater and can't pretend to know what that's like, but I imagine it's very difficult to get a handle on, especially in the midst of verbal abuse.

    ill prepare for the flaming, but i think depression is a cop out too. Its for the weak. (unless its like post partum type stuff, which is real)

    Not flaming, just asking: What makes you think that postpartum depression is any more or less real than any other form of depression? And, are you a mental health professional?

    Because all the ppl ive seen who have depression (not postpartum) are just looking for an excuse to hide from tough realities. I blame FMLA.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    Considering a lot of weight is caused by carring said jerks babies, no.

    jon-stewart-huh.gif

    i was able to pack on 45lbs without carrying a baby.

    Excellent skills :love:

    So you aren't my baby daddy?

    im not good at much, but i excelled at that. ;)

    oh, and i think we'd better call maury!

    tumblr_l8z3vylyiP1qbipv3o1_400.gif
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    ok, but even if someone is a jerk...that person cant cause the weight gain. its a cop out

    I gotcha. I agree with that. No cop out allowed. Jerks will most likely always be jerks regardless of someone's weight. :wink:
    A jerk can't directly cause a gain, but depression can lead to eating in people prone to emotional binge.

    I'm not an emotional eater and can't pretend to know what that's like, but I imagine it's very difficult to get a handle on, especially in the midst of verbal abuse.

    ill prepare for the flaming, but i think depression is a cop out too. Its for the weak. (unless its like post partum type stuff, which is real)

    Not flaming, just asking: What makes you think that postpartum depression is any more or less real than any other form of depression? And, are you a mental health professional?
    I wouldn't even bother. This is the same guy who said weight gain is a reasonable excuse to end a marriage, no matter the reason behind it.

    He's been around a while. I'm considering the source. It isn't worth the argument.

    Dude, IDK what the heck you're talking about. If it happened at all it was obviously meant in jest, but I dont think I said it, esp considering i was fat for 10 yrs and my wife wasnt/isnt.
  • AmericanExpat
    AmericanExpat Posts: 158 Member
    ok, but even if someone is a jerk...that person cant cause the weight gain. its a cop out

    I gotcha. I agree with that. No cop out allowed. Jerks will most likely always be jerks regardless of someone's weight. :wink:
    A jerk can't directly cause a gain, but depression can lead to eating in people prone to emotional binge.

    I'm not an emotional eater and can't pretend to know what that's like, but I imagine it's very difficult to get a handle on, especially in the midst of verbal abuse.

    ill prepare for the flaming, but i think depression is a cop out too. Its for the weak. (unless its like post partum type stuff, which is real)

    Not flaming, just asking: What makes you think that postpartum depression is any more or less real than any other form of depression? And, are you a mental health professional?

    Because all the ppl ive seen who have depression (not postpartum) are just looking for an excuse to hide from tough realities. I blame FMLA.

    wouldn't it be nice if life was really this black and white..... I'm not going to flame you but its completely obvious you have never dealt with depression, if only we were all that lucky!

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