Yay I'm getting there & a question?

mommm65 · July 2013

I started MFP Sept 30 and have lost 37 pounds! I'm so excited to buy new smaller clothing, to see my body changes, and mostly to FEEL SO GOOD! I mostly lurke on here, but I do enjoy reading other's success. It boosts my motivatation and inspires me.

I have a question, though, for others on this journey. How do you handle other people's jealousy over your weight loss? I have a family member who has gained a great deal of weight over the last few years. This person was always smaller than me, but now I am significantly smaller than her. I have been very careful not to flaunt or brag on my weight loss. I haven't even told her the total, nor put anything on Facebook etc. But it is really upsetting her. She flips back and forth first distant, then angry over petty things. I know I can't control other people's emotions, but how do I keep my feelings in check? I am trying hard to not take her behavior personally because I know it's nothing I have done to her.

I also know that there is NO way I could talk to her about this. I did try to encourage her to join with me (after I had lost about 15lbs) and she joined, but didn't stick with it.

So, how do YOU handle the "haters"?

kateauch · July 2013

Sorry girl, go with the age old "hater's gonna hate"

You said it yourself- you can't control other people's emotions. If she isn't ready to make herself change, she hasn't reached the breaking point yet.

Give her time and just keep on keepin on.

ETA: CONGRATS ON YOUR WEIGHT LOSS!!!!! -Sorry, the most important part and I forgot it!

pippywillow · July 2013

I'm not really sure how to handle it but I agree it can be discouraging.

What bugs me is when people say something like "what's your secret?" or "I don't know how you lose so easily."

There's no secret, and there's nothing easy about it. It's been really freaking hard.

There's nothing you can do to make someone else start a weight loss journey. I hope you don't let her discourage you. The rewards you will feel from getting healthier will more than make up for the occasional stinky attitude.

The best thing you can do is keep a positive attitude and maybe it will make her want to join you.

pippywillow · July 2013

Oh I almost forgot, way to go! 37 lbs is amazing!

mommm65 · July 2013

You are both right! It is discouraging, but I worked my butt off to lose this weight. It's been a slow and sometimes painful process. I'm sure not going to let her attitude keep me from my goal. It's just hard to deal with. I never know what to expect from her. I just wondered if other people have had to deal with friends or relatives with the same problem.

nhouse3417 · July 2013

Way to go on your loss! That is great! And it is very hard work!

Funny that you post this today because I was thinking about posting it this morning. My husband has been very supportive through all of this, we started this new lifestyle in January. I have made the most progress but I am more disciplined than he is with eating. So anyway, this morning I got dressed for work and I come out and he says "wow you look so skinny, I dont like you for that". Because the guys always lose the weight first he was really expecting to lose it before me but I have made much more progress than him. I told him he cant be mad at me, it isnt like I am not workiny my butt off. Then we got to talking about his decisions about food and that shut him up. But I mainly get grief about my weight loss from my in-laws, non of which are doing anything about their weight. It is very hard and I just keep to myself unless someone makes a comment to me then I will talk about how far I have come and how hard it is.

So really I have no advice, I have no clue how to handle it, except to just not talk about it. Which is sad because I just want to scream it from the roof top because of how hard it has been and I am finally at my maintaining weight...

booncey · July 2013

You can't take it personally, just recognize it for what it is...jealousy. I've been on both sides of the green monster. She is more than likely mad at herself because she didn't stick with it and realize if she had she probably would have been successful too. You could always tell her that she can always start now and you will support her through her journey.

It's hard to feel insecure and depressed about your weight, but it's not YOUR fault

sammyantics · July 2013

First, way to go on your loss! That's fabulous.

OK, so I've always struggled with this whole concept of 'skinny girls' because I've never been one. I feel resentment toward complete strangers simply because they have flat stomachs/ thin legs/ etc etc etc, and I hate that I think that way.

I have a close friend who used to be about my size. She committed to working out and eating healthy and my initial reaction was 'oh she's doing it the unhealthy way (eating very little) so she'll gain it all back.' and that thought gave me this sick satisfaction. I got more resentful and bitter the thinner she became.

Then, after she dropped I think 50-60 pounds, she and I took a road trip together. Over the course of the weekend, we talked about her weight loss process, and how she realized she was doing it wrong at first and wised up, developed better eating habits and fell in love with her gym. After that conversation, my jealous resentment turned to sheer pride and admiration that she had accomplished so much.

So, I think that often we forget how hard the weight loss journey is for every person, especially if we're struggling at the onset of our process or not yet making changes when someone close to us is seeing the fruit of their labor. It is so easy to think that they must have some secret or be doing something unhealthy to get the results we wish we were seeing in ourselves.

And it certainly doesn't help that women are programmed (culturally or biologically...who knows?) to feel competitive toward one another.

While sitting your friend (relative? i forget and I can't see the post while I'm typing this) down and trying to start a convcersation about your weight loss process probably will fall on deaf ears, don't be afraid to rebuff any negative comments she throws your way with positive energy that will hopefully encourage her to realize her own goals are attainable as well. Maybe she will come around one day, but maybe she won't. Either way, you should always be proud of yourself for your aqccomplishments.

9jenn9 · July 2013

OK, so I've always struggled with this whole concept of 'skinny girls' because I've never been one. I feel resentment toward complete strangers simply because they have flat stomachs/ thin legs/ etc etc etc, and I hate that I think that way.

Brave to admit this. I've been on this side of jealousy, too and it's not pretty. Not just jealousy about weight but other things as well. As others have said, her jealousy is about her and how upset/disappointed she is with herself. For myself, jealousy comes from feeling inadequate. Your weight loss highlights what she sees as her failure. You make a convenient external target for her bad juju. So...I'd say she's got to come to it on her own. Just keep as positive and friendly as you can. Avoid her if you must. Wait for her to make the first move, then support her. Congrats on the loss.

Mag1913 · July 2013

Congrats on your weight loss!!! BE PROUD of it!!! Shout it to the world you deserve it, you did the work not any body else :bigsmile:

I hit ONEderland this morning and one of the first things I did was text the pic of the scale to my sisters and put a status on facebook telling everyone that I have arrived at ONEderland and I'm here to stay :happy: for those that don't appreciate my hard work, well then they can wallow in their own self pity if they have weight to lose and aren't doing anything about it!!

STAY PROUD of your accomplishments!!

teamstanish · July 2013

You've made amazing progress, be proud of yourself! There will always be miserable people who want to bring you down with them. Pay them no mind, you worked hard for your success.

Yay I'm getting there & a question?

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