Discouraged by tandem dieting

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  • red_road
    red_road Posts: 761 Member
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    read my ticker
  • Junie2013
    Junie2013 Posts: 53
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    I was doing the low calorie "diet" thing since Feb 2012. 20 lbs lost in 12 months. :( (yo-yoed a lot in that year)

    Since joining MFP in April 2013, I have found what my calorie range is supposed to be and I have lost 12 lbs in the 9 weeks. I eat anything I want, just not as much of it. And yes, I make choices about food as I always try to get the most bang for my "calorie buck"

    My fiance at first thought I was crazy for counting my calories and eating the way I do but he has seen the results. Now he is full on board. We both eat at or near our MFP goals set for our lives (sedentary - both have desk jobs) and try to get fitness in every day. Even a walk around the block at night just to help stay under the calorie goal. But the key is we eat what we want, so long as it fits into our goals. Just yesterday, we eat had a personal pan pizza from pizza hut. Normally, he would eat 1/2 of a large pepperoni pizza. Do we suffer? No because we worked to make sure the cals we eat fit our goal.

    I dont know for you but my MFP goal is 1380 (500 cal a day deficit) and I try to burn about 500 extra cals a day. That puts me at 1880 cals a day. (Very close to my TDEE -20%) I can get a lot of great yummy tasty food in on for these cals.even fast food, take out, and m&m's AND STILL LOSE WEIGHT.

    Find out what your TDEE and eat 20% less than that (google tdee calculator). Or use the MFP method (with a reasonable 1 lb a week weight loss goal) and eat back your exercise cals. If you will do it this way, you and your husband wont suffer, unless either of you have a medical condition that would prevent you from losing weight this way.

    This ^
  • luckydays27
    luckydays27 Posts: 552 Member
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    What is a tdee? I don't know a lot of the MFP speak means.

    TDEE is total daily energy expenditure. This is the amount of calories you burn in any given 24 hour day. This includes everything you to like walking, eating, breathing, digesting food, exercise, work, etc. If you can figure out what yo TDEE is, a good place to start is eating 20-25% less than that figure if you are considered obese.

    Google TDEE scooby. That site has a really good TDEE calculator. You can figure out what you your TDEE is based on your activities and then set a goal on what you want to lose.

    Or you can set MFP to your lifestyle with a reasonable weight loss goal. If you put in 2 lbs a week, your cal goals will be 1200 or something close to that. Thats just not enough food. And if you work out, you need to eat those as well.

    Because I have a sedentary job and for the most part a sedentary life (read, watch tv, have no children, dont garden etc), I picked sedentary life with no fitness. Then every day that I do some sort of fitness, I enter the cals burned based on my heart rate monitor (HRM). By the end of the day, I eat most of those calories and I never, ever, feel deprived. Now, I cant go out to dinner every night and drink a few beers and have pizza and wings, and mcdonalds like I used to BUT I do enjoy sushi, mexican, burgers, pizza, wings, beer, and even mcdonalds (or other fast food choice) often. I just make sure the calories I consume fit in my daily allotment. I also eat salads and veggies and fruit etc since my enjoyable foods are not always nutritionally sound.

    I think keeping you and your husband on a healthy food path and very low calorie deficit (VLCD), you are doomed to fail. I know I did. I know my fiance did. I did not eat healthy before and since these are foods I love, I will eat them again, when I am fit. Why not try to make them work while I am trying to get fit. Then when I am fit, it will be no different than when I was trying to get fit.

    You can always get healthier choices in as you continue the weight loss journey. But to start by removing all your enjoyable foods
    from day one, would seem like torture to me.

    If you are looking for friends to help encourage you, please friend request me.
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
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    My wife and I do this. Basically, both people have to want to stick with the plan. If he doesn't want to, he won't. All you can do is control your own intake.

    And you end up eating different things anyway, or at least different amounts, because you have different needs. Good luck.
  • MistyEE
    MistyEE Posts: 67
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    It can be tough, I know. I started mine alone, wishing my family would want to participate also. I was pretty stressed preparing two different meals. I kept at it, and there were times I would just eat what they ate, but managed the portions. Sometimes I went over. I didn't stress about that, just continued the next day. But it became apparent that it wasn't a diet..now they are joining in on their own, and learning about nutrition.

    I guess the point I am trying to make, is to re-iterate what one poster already said. It is natural to want to work as a team with your SO especially when making life changes; but the commitment levels have to be in synch, and ultimately each person is responsible for themselves. If he is letting you make the nutrition choices, and calorie counting, you have been relegated to the Naggy person role, because right now it feels like punishment. I don't know if that method would be sustainable. He has to take responsibility for his health, and you for yours. As a couple you can celebrate your accomplishments, and soothe each other during temporary setbacks.

    Of course, this is just an opinion, so please don't feel like I am telling you what to do. :) I am hoping you both get through the first few challenging weeks!!
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,868 Member
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    When people start "dieting" they often become pre-occupied with some notion of "healthy" vs "non-healthy". Often this notion is very skewed...often this notion involves eating a lot of bland ****, nothin' but veggies and fruit...cutting out all the fat, etc. It doesn't have to be that way and if it is that way you are most definitely doing it wrong.

    Let's start with fat because that's where a lot of people **** this up. Fat doesn't make you fat...an over consumption of calories makes you fat. Fat is actually essential to body function and people should be getting at least 20-30% of their calories in fat...more if they are doing low carb.

    But what happens when you go on a diet? Suddenly every vegetable gets steamed and meat poached, boiled, steamed, and or otherwise drained of it's fat (i.e. flavor). Essentially you're creating a flavorless and downright boring diet for yourself. Don't be afraid of the fat. Cook with olive oil and don't be afraid of a little butter either.

    Don't cut out the meat...when people diet it suddenly becomes all about little meat...excess veg...and what meat you do have for some reason has to be some dried out piece of chicken breast that isn't even seasoned. I eat all the meat...I season it...I marinate it...I slap big slabs of it on the grill and I eat like a king...I just stay within my calorie goal and I'm 40 Lbs down.

    Yes, fruit and veg need to be major players in your diet (noun)...but the need not be the only players. In addition to having some type of fruit or veg at every meal, I also have some protein and fat source...and often a grain or starch. I eat meat, poultry, or fish at every single meal.

    Also, don't be afraid to treat yourself...life's little pleasures are what it's all about...again, 40 Lbs down and I regularly treat myself to gummy worms, chocolate, ice cream, pizza, etc. I just fit it in and don't make it a part of my daily lifestyle...it's an occasion.

    Also keep in mind he i going to have a higher caloric requirement than you. It sounds like you're trying to have him stick to your calorie requirements (perhaps that's why he's lost so quickly) which isn't enough for a man. We need much more calories to maintain and can lose eating much more. Just as an example, my wife loses good and consistently eating 1500-1800 and maintains around 2200-2300. I would be one pissed off SOB eating 1500-1800 calories per day. I maintain around 2700 calories and lose good and consistently with 2100 - 2400 calories per day. If you're trying to make him eat your calorie requirement he's going to be absolutely famished and miserable.
  • emilycarr71404
    emilycarr71404 Posts: 176 Member
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    When people start "dieting" they often become pre-occupied with some notion of "healthy" vs "non-healthy". Often this notion is very skewed...often this notion involves eating a lot of bland ****, nothin' but veggies and fruit...cutting out all the fat, etc. It doesn't have to be that way and if it is that way you are most definitely doing it wrong.

    Let's start with fat because that's where a lot of people **** this up. Fat doesn't make you fat...an over consumption of calories makes you fat. Fat is actually essential to body function and people should be getting at least 20-30% of their calories in fat...more if they are doing low carb.

    But what happens when you go on a diet? Suddenly every vegetable gets steamed and meat poached, boiled, steamed, and or otherwise drained of it's fat (i.e. flavor). Essentially you're creating a flavorless and downright boring diet for yourself. Don't be afraid of the fat. Cook with olive oil and don't be afraid of a little butter either.

    Don't cut out the meat...when people diet it suddenly becomes all about little meat...excess veg...and what meat you do have for some reason has to be some dried out piece of chicken breast that isn't even seasoned. I eat all the meat...I season it...I marinate it...I slap big slabs of it on the grill and I eat like a king...I just stay within my calorie goal and I'm 40 Lbs down.

    Yes, fruit and veg need to be major players in your diet (noun)...but the need not be the only players. In addition to having some type of fruit or veg at every meal, I also have some protein and fat source...and often a grain or starch. I eat meat, poultry, or fish at every single meal.

    Also, don't be afraid to treat yourself...life's little pleasures are what it's all about...again, 40 Lbs down and I regularly treat myself to gummy worms, chocolate, ice cream, pizza, etc. I just fit it in and don't make it a part of my daily lifestyle...it's an occasion.

    Also keep in mind he i going to have a higher caloric requirement than you. It sounds like you're trying to have him stick to your calorie requirements (perhaps that's why he's lost so quickly) which isn't enough for a man. We need much more calories to maintain and can lose eating much more. Just as an example, my wife loses good and consistently eating 1500-1800 and maintains around 2200-2300. I would be one pissed off SOB eating 1500-1800 calories per day. I maintain around 2700 calories and lose good and consistently with 2100 - 2400 calories per day. If you're trying to make him eat your calorie requirement he's going to be absolutely famished and miserable.

    Okay, my hubby is eating his own calories (2100) and I have a lower goal of 1600. I think I must have confused people when I said I did the counting. I meant that I made mindful food choices that would fit his and my calorie requirements. I am not running his diet for him. I don't require him to do anything like I do because he's a grown man. We eat plenty of meat, fat and veggies and fruit with very little breads and starches. I am learning more about seasoning and we have gone out to eat a few times easily. I am just looking for ways to encourage him and make our success more likely. I'm not starving my husband or myself by any means.

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