Clean eater in public, binge monster when alone

ForRainyDays
ForRainyDays Posts: 9 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi,

I'm new here, so I don't know if this is the right Main Forum to post this under, but here it goes.

I have had a problem with binge eating for quite a while, and now notice a pattern - I only do so when I am alone, and it is always a private matter. For instance, I wait for my parents to go grocery shopping on weekends before I binge. Or, unfortunately, now that it is summer and school is out, every day seems to be a perfect day to lose control of myself...

I have also noticed that when I am with my friends, eating in public, at an event, or even eating in front of my family, I eat clean. Like super clean. I feel like a fluke, a fake, and a liar - why do I act like I'm so perfect, when I know the next day I'm bound to binge? Like for Canada Day (yes, I'm Canadian :P) I went out with friends, and I ate healthily, only to come home and the next day binge like crazy. Or there was this other time, where I knew I was going to a restaurant for a friend's birthday, and yet I binged all day leading up to the dinner, and then basically ate lettuce leaves for dinner. I mean, why can't I just enjoy the meal there? Clearly, I would have eaten a more sustainable amount of calories, rather than the explosive amount that comes with binging...

If anyone knows what's wrong with my head, or any ways to stop this messed up way I'm currently living, please let me know!

Replies

  • KarenJanine
    KarenJanine Posts: 3,497 Member
    I would suggest consulting a doctor/dietitian.

    But in the short term, if you are not doing so already, log everything you eat and keep a mood diary too so you can see what emotions may trigger your binges.

    If you have set yourself an unrealistically low calorie goal then it may also just be sheer hunger causing you to binge.
  • viragoeap
    viragoeap Posts: 107
    As this seems to be a private thing, it sounds like you don't want others to know what you are doing. Have you considered discussing it with other members of your family and trusted friends etc. When I was serious about giving up smoking, I told the world and it was great to receive so much encouragement and to feel that I had a team supporting me, like on here!

    Do you eat more when your mind is troubled? We tend to comfort eat when stressed and the mind can work overtime when we are on our own. When I get the 'craves' I try and say to myself that I'm going to wait another 10 minutes and then when I think about it again, I take myself out for a walk to get away from the food. I hope this helps!
  • lyttmab
    lyttmab Posts: 87 Member
    I am a "closet eater". I do exactly what you describe. I actually wrote a blog about it not too long ago, feel free to read it,
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/lyttmab

    The reason I wrote the blog was that my friends on here were asking why my diary is private. I explained to them that I would not be honest if it was open to the public because I would be too embarrassed to record what I really eat, even if it isn't in excess. My major problem is the way I was raised.

    I think the questions you raise are the first step in getting help. Unfortunately I don't know that you will get all the help you need on this site. I think you probably need to see a doctor/nutritionist/therapist. I did. I still do. I consider it an eating disorder, as does my therapist.

    The idea of a food diary and mood diary is critical. It's important that you see a pattern and that you hold yourselt accountable. Feel free to friend me and/or pm me. I'm happy to help in any way I can. Good luck -
    jean
  • PrettyGirI
    PrettyGirI Posts: 10
    As someone who knows what your going through(and has recovered) I would say the best thing I ever did was to get one of those huge water bottles that hold your intake for the day.Fill it up (I like to add some lemon juice)And drink it throughout the day so you'll be too full to binge.And plan meals around your family,eat with someone around you as much as you can.
    Hope this helps!
  • maz2469
    maz2469 Posts: 67 Member
    bump
  • hayleymc3
    hayleymc3 Posts: 128 Member
    I also have problems with binging. I mean, really bad problems. I have been struggling with it nonstop for several months now, and I have just recently been taking the steps necessary to combat my eating problems.

    What helps me is not counting calories. I know that seems crazy, but when I count calories I become obsessed with food. I try to focus on eating only when I'm hungry. I'm focusing on understanding hunger cues and how full I need to be. I also try to cook things I really like. Cooking involves some effort and time, so I am less inclined to binge. When it comes to fast food, gas stations, etc. I have a huge problem. That's still something I'm figuring out tbh. :embarassed:

    Overall, the 'one day at a time' approach helps me best. I focus on one positive action at a time. Can I go walking? Great, that takes time away from food. Can I do homework? Yep, that also helps me focus on something besides food. Take my cousin to the park, clean and organize, go thrifting? Yeah, that all helps.

    Just find things that will help get your attention, take it one step at a time, and do whatever it takes to focus on health instead of food. Also, add me if you need support. :flowerforyou:
  • proudandprejudiced
    proudandprejudiced Posts: 127
    Well, it either sounds like you don't really want to lose weight, you just want the attention that people will give you from only eating lettuce in a restaurant on your friend's birthday (You sound pretty young, it sounds like you want attention. Sorry for being critical, that's just the truth, lots of young people do it.), or you have a serious problem. If you genuinely DO have a problem, talk to your parents, talk to a doctor etc. Get help.
  • HaleySerena
    HaleySerena Posts: 3 Member
    I do the same thing.. I've realized that loading up the pantry with healthy foods, such as fruit, really helps.
  • lookitsbecc
    lookitsbecc Posts: 22 Member
    You sound to be in the same situation I'm in.
    For the transition from binging everyday to trying to adopt a healthier diet I told EVERYBODY that I was cutting calories, starting to try to eat healthier, excercising more etc. I'm not sure why it helped me stick to it for longer this time, but it did. As if, people were expecting me to get smaller so I had to keep it up. I know it's not mentally healthy to lose weight because of the expectations of others but I did find it helped alot.

    I've been logging everyday day for 56 days now and although I do have my slips, I log EVERYTHING. I tend to think alot more about what I'm eating if I KNOW I have to log it later on in the day. If you're a massive sweet tooth like me, try allowing calories for sugary snacks (of a controlled portion size) if you like the feeling of being full (also like me) try eating a lot of low calorie foods, or try bigger meals instead of 5-6 smaller ones (like most people suggest).

    I quit smoking about 4 months ago. The ONLY way I managed to do it was by telling the people around me. They excused my ratty outbursts, tried not to smoke in front of me, NEVER offered me cigarettes, quitters gave me advice, or just sat around and talked about how difficult it is to curb cravings etc. It's very similar to "quitting binging".

    It is definitely hard to stop binging. Try and view your problem as an addiction. Addiction is such a dirty word but you need to view yourself as "in recovery". Relapses are BOUND to happen, aslong as you can admit you have a problem, rely on people to talk to about it (I find talking on here more helpful than talking to family or friends personally).

    Remember. This is not a quick fix, it'll take time. Even if you go ONE day without a binge, that's progress. Progress is what you're after.
  • ForRainyDays
    ForRainyDays Posts: 9 Member
    As this seems to be a private thing, it sounds like you don't want others to know what you are doing. Have you considered discussing it with other members of your family and trusted friends etc. When I was serious about giving up smoking, I told the world and it was great to receive so much encouragement and to feel that I had a team supporting me, like on here!

    Do you eat more when your mind is troubled? We tend to comfort eat when stressed and the mind can work overtime when we are on our own. When I get the 'craves' I try and say to myself that I'm going to wait another 10 minutes and then when I think about it again, I take myself out for a walk to get away from the food. I hope this helps!

    My family knows of my dilemma, and I am going to therapy tomorrow! I did tell my 2 close friends, but I don't think they truly understand the severity? Perhaps because they've never seen how much I say I eat.

    And you're right! I think I need to slow down, and take in the whole picture. Maybe that will stop me from binging :)
  • ForRainyDays
    ForRainyDays Posts: 9 Member
    I am a "closet eater". I do exactly what you describe. I actually wrote a blog about it not too long ago, feel free to read it,
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/lyttmab

    The reason I wrote the blog was that my friends on here were asking why my diary is private. I explained to them that I would not be honest if it was open to the public because I would be too embarrassed to record what I really eat, even if it isn't in excess. My major problem is the way I was raised.

    I think the questions you raise are the first step in getting help. Unfortunately I don't know that you will get all the help you need on this site. I think you probably need to see a doctor/nutritionist/therapist. I did. I still do. I consider it an eating disorder, as does my therapist.

    The idea of a food diary and mood diary is critical. It's important that you see a pattern and that you hold yourselt accountable. Feel free to friend me and/or pm me. I'm happy to help in any way I can. Good luck -
    jean

    Thank you! I think you have gone through exactly what I am going through, and yes, I am going to see a therapist soon!
  • shenny730
    shenny730 Posts: 2
    you might want to check out http://www.oa.org/. specifically this page: http://www.oa.org/newcomers/is-oa-for-you/ see if its for you. a lot of people have gotten a lot of help from that program.
  • ForRainyDays
    ForRainyDays Posts: 9 Member
    Well, it either sounds like you don't really want to lose weight, you just want the attention that people will give you from only eating lettuce in a restaurant on your friend's birthday (You sound pretty young, it sounds like you want attention. Sorry for being critical, that's just the truth, lots of young people do it.), or you have a serious problem. If you genuinely DO have a problem, talk to your parents, talk to a doctor etc. Get help.

    I hope it's not an attention thing...Usually when I eat that way when out with people, I don't want them looking at me, rather than looking for attention.

    And I do want to lose weight, it's just that when I'm overeating, there seems to be some road-block in my mind.
  • lee91356
    lee91356 Posts: 330 Member
    Its not an attention thing like someone guessed. As best as I can tell its is a stress/ anxiety mechanism, mixed with a food behavior issue. I suffer from stress and anxiety and I'm a huge binge eater. I have lost a lot of weight and I'm scared that if I dont reign it in I will regain my weight. I started going to therapy to talk with someone to try to curb it. I've only just started so I cant tell you how long it takes till its stopped. I was really good for almost a year and recently with some new stressors I've been doing it :frown:

    Take care and good luck
  • lamlamsmakeover
    lamlamsmakeover Posts: 6,574 Member
    Hi,
    There is a great group on here that I belong to. It has a lot of good information and a monthly challenge to have as few binge days as you can. It's called "Binge-Eating Support Group." Hope this helps.
  • tbetts23
    tbetts23 Posts: 303 Member
    Well, it either sounds like you don't really want to lose weight, you just want the attention that people will give you from only eating lettuce in a restaurant on your friend's birthday (You sound pretty young, it sounds like you want attention. Sorry for being critical, that's just the truth, lots of young people do it.), or you have a serious problem. If you genuinely DO have a problem, talk to your parents, talk to a doctor etc. Get help.
    Aren't you just the charming ray of sunshine! Trust me, no one binges for attention. I'm 47 yrs old and I don't always know why I do it. It sure as hell not for the attention! Honey, you're here because you know it's a problem. Own it. Log it. Get counciling if you need it:flowerforyou:
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
    I've gone through the same thing. For me, it got to the point where I could not eat in front of others, period. I think it's a fairly common symptom of a binge eating disorder, but since you recognize that you do that, it's possible for you to fight against it. (: I still fight against it on a daily basis (with good days and bad days), but it gets easier as you work on it. Like others have said, seeking professional help can really make a difference if you feel it's really out of control.

    Don't listen to others who say that you're just not working hard enough - just by admitting it, you're taking a big first step towards getting healthier. By the tone of your first post, this is something you're really struggling with, and takes a strong will and support to overcome. I'm sure you can do it, though. (:
  • MsEndomorph
    MsEndomorph Posts: 604 Member
    I don't think it's a horribly uncommon thing.
    My mother-in-law was 5'3 and 400lbs and when we LIVED with her I couldn't figure out how she was so heavy. She didn't eat great, but I'd seen worse.
    Apparently she ate locked in her room quite often.

    I, on the other hand, binged without MYSELF knowing it. I'd bake cookies and was in shock when I realize I'd just consumed 500 calories worth of them in an hour.

    I agree that talking to a professional is a really good idea. Also, keeping your log up and filling in notes about how you were feeling when you binged would be super helpful.

    Anyway, you definitely are not alone, and it's something you can overcome with the right tools!
  • arcticfox04
    arcticfox04 Posts: 1,011 Member
    I'm the exact opposite. When I have to cook I eat smaller portions. Normally I'll make 1 big meal like a Baked Ziti and split into 4 meals to eat over the day. When I eat out I always seem to over eat. I think its because I'm lazy or I have a habit of eating everything on my plate because throwing away food is terrible.

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