I really need relationship advice...please help

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Replies

  • DaveJ_43
    DaveJ_43 Posts: 139 Member
    There is a lot of great advice here. I especially liked the advice from the father who shared what he said to his daughter, and from the woman who told you to close your eyes and imagine the perfect guy.

    I hope you can find a way to STOP yourself when you are focusing on this guy, and redirect your energy and attention to yourself.
    Redirect that love to YOU. You deserve it much more than anyone else.

    The next time you are thinking about him, stop, and start thinking about doing something for yourself. What do you love to do? What feeds your soul? Being creative, reading, listening to music, getting outdoors, playing with a cat or a dog, spending time with your family or friends, trying new things - there's a great channel for you - get out there, try new things, meet people that share your interests. It is okay to feel loss and grief, but don't get stuck there.

    You will be okay. Now go do something for yourself!
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
    Sometimes we need closure. But I think that the closure you need to have is with yourself. Just admit that he did not want to have a relationship with you, and that he has chosen to take himself out of your life. You had your cry now move on. Find out the real reason behind your sadness.
  • babyj0
    babyj0 Posts: 531 Member
    You're young, stuff like this will happen. And you'll get over it. It will take time.. but pretty soon you'll look back and laugh about it.

    Honestly, he probably did find someone else. Some guys have a hard time expressing their feelings, and will choose the easy way and just walk out. Stuff like this makes you stronger, and prepared in the future. :)
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Wall of text crits you for 1,000!!
  • KnifeThrower89
    KnifeThrower89 Posts: 39
    I met this guy last year. We became vary good friends. We would text eachother almost every day and hangout about once a week. We always had a great time with eachother and enjoyed being together. I fell madly in love with him. I am pretty sure he had feelings for me too. He would say cute little things, he would constantly make me smile and laugh, he would do these cute little gestures and he was so sweet. I know people throw the word love around like it means nothing, but to me it means something. I truly am in love with him. My heart races whenever I see him, I cant help but smile when I see him, nothing could make me upset when I am with him, and I constantly think about him. Anyways so we were having a typical hangout at my house one day. When we got to my house it got really awkward. It was like there was no more connection. My heart was racing and I still felt the same...but he just seemed not himself. He rarely talked. Then we stared to watch a movie. We made it through the whole movie without any conversation which is odd because we usually talk through the whole thing and get distracted. Then when he left he gave me a hug, usually I could hear his heart racing but this time it wasnt, and he even pulled away from the hug. I knew something was odd so I waited a few days to text him. When I did I asked if he wanted to hangout the next week, but he said he was busy. That was the last time I talked to him. I tried to talk to him, but he ignored me. He stopped talking to me in March. I have no idea why he did, honestly I did not do anything wrong. I got really depressed and not myself. My friends stopped talking to me because I was really quiet, everytime I thought of him I cried, it was awful. To this day I still think of him and get upset and sometimes cry remembering the times we shared and looking at old pictures. I know it is pathetic, but I still love him. I am not looking for the sympathy card, I just want to know why he stopped talking to me for no reason and what can I do to fix it or should I just try and move on (which I have been trying to do for months now)?

    Perhaps an emotional issue or crisis has him scatter-brained? Maybe he mentioned something that you perhaps missed?

    If you cannot talk to him and find out, than perhaps you should move on. I know it's hard and I know it takes work, it's not easy but for your sake. No one is to blame not you and maybe not even him he may have just had something really bad happen and didn't know how to handle the situation.

    Be strong and good luck.
  • lisamarie1780
    lisamarie1780 Posts: 432 Member
    I met this guy last year. We became vary good friends. We would text eachother almost every day and hangout about once a week. We always had a great time with eachother and enjoyed being together. I fell madly in love with him. I am pretty sure he had feelings for me too. He would say cute little things, he would constantly make me smile and laugh, he would do these cute little gestures and he was so sweet. I know people throw the word love around like it means nothing, but to me it means something. I truly am in love with him. My heart races whenever I see him, I cant help but smile when I see him, nothing could make me upset when I am with him, and I constantly think about him. Anyways so we were having a typical hangout at my house one day. When we got to my house it got really awkward. It was like there was no more connection. My heart was racing and I still felt the same...but he just seemed not himself. He rarely talked. Then we stared to watch a movie. We made it through the whole movie without any conversation which is odd because we usually talk through the whole thing and get distracted. Then when he left he gave me a hug, usually I could hear his heart racing but this time it wasnt, and he even pulled away from the hug. I knew something was odd so I waited a few days to text him. When I did I asked if he wanted to hangout the next week, but he said he was busy. That was the last time I talked to him. I tried to talk to him, but he ignored me. He stopped talking to me in March. I have no idea why he did, honestly I did not do anything wrong. I got really depressed and not myself. My friends stopped talking to me because I was really quiet, everytime I thought of him I cried, it was awful. To this day I still think of him and get upset and sometimes cry remembering the times we shared and looking at old pictures. I know it is pathetic, but I still love him. I am not looking for the sympathy card, I just want to know why he stopped talking to me for no reason and what can I do to fix it or should I just try and move on (which I have been trying to do for months now)?

    You didn't do anything wrong.... why do women always feel like they have done something 'wrong' when men back off?
    He obviously just didn't feel about you the way you did about him. Simple.
    Harsh... but true .... It happens all the time

    I know it's sad and you felt a lot for him but you have to let go and move on. No point crying over someone who doesn't want you.

    Look at this way... the chances are he knew how you felt about him.... and because he didn't feel the same way and he doesn't want to lead you on or hurt you, he's backed off, he's let you go. He's done you a kindness.... and when you meet the one you're meant to be with you will look back and realise that.

    Be strong and carry on. You never know what's around the corner.
  • BrieLP
    BrieLP Posts: 300 Member
    I can almost guarentee he became involved in a relationship. Everytime one of my guy friends found a girlfriend i was left hanging because of our "friendship". I have a VERY flirty personality and the girls did not like that they thought i wanted their man! so we would stop hanging out or talking until that relationship went away or I was in a relationship and the girls could tell i didn't want their man! I say focus on you! you're young you don't NEED a man!! I found my husband when i wasn't looking we've been together almost 3 years and in October we will celebrate our 1 yr anniversary. so chin up doll, you'll be alright!
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    I am with the he probably got a girlfriend crowd.

    I am also in with the move on crowd too.

    I wasted 18 months hanging on to something that was not real 20 years ago. No way no how could anyone convince me that I was not totally in love with him nor could they convince me that in the end, he was not coming back to me. I was a fool but it was a good lesson for me and I learned a lot, I hurt a lot, I cried a lot and I was alone a lot. Simple fact of the matter was, he was not into me, had he been, he would have moved heaven and earth to be with me. Thank GOD for that because 6 years later, I met my very own prince Charming and have been with him over 15 wonderful years, that other guy? Well he lives with his sister and I do not think even owns his own car. Some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
  • lisamarie1780
    lisamarie1780 Posts: 432 Member
    I am with the he probably got a girlfriend crowd.

    I am also in with the move on crowd too.

    I wasted 18 months hanging on to something that was not real 20 years ago. No way no how could anyone convince me that I was not totally in love with him nor could they convince me that in the end, he was not coming back to me. I was a fool but it was a good lesson for me and I learned a lot, I hurt a lot, I cried a lot and I was alone a lot. Simple fact of the matter was, he was not into me, had he been, he would have moved heaven and earth to be with me. Thank GOD for that because 6 years later, I met my very own prince Charming and have been with him over 15 wonderful years, that other guy? Well he lives with his sister and I do not think even owns his own car. Some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

    this girl tells a true story... better than me!

    Listen
  • Simone_King
    Simone_King Posts: 467 Member
    Move on. Time to get yourself together and just move on. If he is ignoring you than you deserve better. Do not hurt yourself more because of him. He stated plainly what he wanted, or didn't.

    I can't say he is a cowered but frankly, something seems fishy.

    Unless you're fishing. It shouldn't be fishy.
  • cseckinger1
    cseckinger1 Posts: 64
    So sorry for your pain. It just sounds like he isn't ready for any kind of commitment, just give him some time & maybe he will reach out to you. If he doesn't, then it just isn't meant to be. Hang in there.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    Another new member who is 18 yrs old, that can not leave a guy alone, that wants to be left alone.

    This is so much like the other 3 threads that I have a hard time believing this is real.
  • swapnashri
    swapnashri Posts: 1 Member
    With my experience, get up and go girl .....leave the past behind .....just thinking of him and crying would not do any good to u....rather ur missing out opportunity to find a new man in life ......Love those who love u, don't love those whom u love ...
  • sorcha1977
    sorcha1977 Posts: 133 Member
    You didn't do anything wrong.... why do women always feel like they have done something 'wrong' when men back off?
    He obviously just didn't feel about you the way you did about him. Simple.
    Harsh... but true .... It happens all the time

    I'm with her. Don't blame yourself. Just because you got dumped (in a cowardly fashion, nonetheless) doesn't mean you did anything wrong or you aren't worthy.

    You know how some people like onions and some people don't? Onions are awesome. They have health benefits and go with a lot of dishes.

    Some people don't like them, though. It doesn't mean onions suck. It doesn't mean they're unworthy of being on a plate or in a dish. It just means some people don't like them.

    In this case, you're an onion, and he doesn't like onions. Find a guy who digs onions and can communicate when he has issues.
  • PapasMaMitas
    PapasMaMitas Posts: 17
    bang his brother
  • imamonster2000
    imamonster2000 Posts: 43 Member
    Thank you so much everyone for the advice. I know the best thing for me is to get over him, I was just trying to avoid having to do that. Actually tonight my mom and a friend are going to watch He's Just not That Into You lol. I really am going to try to get over him. I realized that if he did really care about me, he would atleast have the decency to tell me what is going on when I asked. I guess he is just not that into me. It's hard to admit it, but I know it is true. Hopefully I will come across someone who cares for me as much as I do for them. Once again, thank you so much. I did not expect this kind of support, especially not from people I don't really know. Thank you <3
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
    The world's your oyster! Go get it girl!:smile:

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