How to help, not offend?

I mean, I'm not too worried about finding a dress for everyone......it's more about the emotions involved. Do you tiptoe around things.....shy away from being proud of your own accomplishments......lie to make someone feel better....etc?

you just don't talk about the weight. don't talk about your own accomplishments, and don't mention/talk about/hint about your cousin's weight problem. Focus on things that don't highlight size - like "oh cousin, that shade of brown looks so great on you!"

This can be hard, and I'm not sure if my answer will make sense. I've opted to have really open conversations with my friends when I'm clothes shopping. My best friend has never struggled with her weight, and I have been overweight/insecure for a long time. When she and I go shopping, I've asked her not to tell me something looks fabulous if it doesn't. My family/friends know that I am very realistic when I shop. Tell me if the pants are too small or too big; tell me if the shirt isn't flattering. And yet, there are days when I shop that I become incredibly discouraged. At that point, it's time to stop for the day. Continuing will see me focusing on imperfections rather than the overall look. Maybe before you go, you both can go have a free make-up session at a store. If I begin shopping feeling beautiful, then the day is easier.

With regards to feeling ashamed about your success or possibly lying, please don't! You've worked hard on your journey. If she asks, tell her. If she doesn't, don't.

Ack! Weddings! It's like someone is always going to be offended no matter what you do, but all you want to do is have everyone be happy! I agree with whoever said get the bigger girls fitted first. Focus on the positives. Say something like "that neckline looks really flattering on you". It will be natural for them to feel jealous of you (so am I!) but there's nothing you can do about that.

If people are ready to change, they'll ask and be open to suggestions. If they're in whine mode, nothing you can do. Regarding the wedding, just be there to help and do your part.

I had surgery about 3 months ago to remove excess skin/fat from losing 120 pounds. When I came back into the office, one of the girls said, "D*mn! Now I'm the biggest person in the office!" I felt bad for a few minutes, then thought, "Hey, I worked hard to get here, and it isn't as if she couldn't have jumped on the band-wagon with me!!" Instead of saying, "I'm sorry" - it was, "Well hey, come on along - you can do it too!!"

You have no control over what other people do/say/think. It isn't as if you were flaunting your loss to her. If she does bring up wanting to lose weight, let her know about this site. Direct her attention to a Nutritionist. Not that you don't deserve kudo's for your accomplishments, you do. I've learned though that most people who ask me what I'm doing aren't usually willing to become uncomfortable enough to do the work to be successful at weight loss.

Most overweight people I know have had such a fear of failure that it's hard for them to start on any program. Not that I haven't stumbled a LOT either. We both know that weight loss is a hard game to play. Just be supportive to her efforts. If she asks you what you did - let her know, and offer support.

Well really the way is to just develop a swagger.

I have a friend who's overweight and gets extremely offended that I want to lose weight myself, as if I'm directly criticizing HER. For a while, I kept a blog about my efforts and she would make comments about hhow sad she was for me and then get really angry at me for asking her if she wanted to go for a walk, even though she had told me she was interested in doing things like that.

I just decided to ignore her and do my thing.

I mean, I'm not too worried about finding a dress for everyone......it's more about the emotions involved. Do you tiptoe around things.....shy away from being proud of your own accomplishments......lie to make someone feel better....etc?

There is a difference between keeping quiet about your accomplishments while someone is actively commenting on how they feel they are failing and lying about your accomplishments to make someone feel better. If you have to lie about your accomplishments that means that your friend has made you feel bad about them -- and what kind of friend does that? Why can you only be positive about their goals/acccomplishments but not about yours? This is not to say you should continuously crow about your accomplishments - but if you find that you can never ever acknowledge your accomplishments in any context because your friend will only use them as a stick to beat themselves up - well you need to talk to your friend, because they are being unfair to both of you.

Part of being a grown up means no longer being jealous of friends. It is okay to be envious - to wish that you had what they had. But jealousy is different -- it's that you don't want them to have it either and somehow blame them for your lack. Jealous friends act betrayed, as if there is greater friendship when both are equally unhappy. A true friend shares your sorrow, but also is shares your joy (why is sharing the joy so much harder for some than sharing the sorrow?). A true friend wants what is best for you, and supports your positive changes.

Be excited about your weight loss at home. There are 24 hours in a day...me thinks it wouldn't even be necessary to bring it up in the few short hours you're spending dress shopping.

As far as talking about dressing goes, just send lots of positivity her way! Point out the things that are flattering and the things that look good - if she's that down, she's probably overly focused on her flaws.