How to help, not offend?

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  • corgicake
    corgicake Posts: 846 Member
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    She probably wants someone to wave cute things in front of her. So wave the cute things in front of her and talk about all the fun stuff you could do together that happens to involve being active as she tries them on, possible bonus points if they're crazy and reckless depending on her tastes.
  • MsEndomorph
    MsEndomorph Posts: 604 Member
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    Be excited about your weight loss at home. There are 24 hours in a day...me thinks it wouldn't even be necessary to bring it up in the few short hours you're spending dress shopping.

    As far as talking about dressing goes, just send lots of positivity her way! Point out the things that are flattering and the things that look good - if she's that down, she's probably overly focused on her flaws.
  • ahclay
    ahclay Posts: 36 Member
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    I'd say, help her to see what is beautiful about her. I myself am very fat, but I have gorgeous skin, hair and eyes, and I'm really funny. I like it when people notice things about me that I like about myself. It makes me feel like I'm ALREADY attractive and wonderful.
  • LMick1986
    LMick1986 Posts: 431
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    I mean, I'm not too worried about finding a dress for everyone......it's more about the emotions involved. Do you tiptoe around things.....shy away from being proud of your own accomplishments......lie to make someone feel better....etc?
    you just don't talk about the weight. don't talk about your own accomplishments, and don't mention/talk about/hint about your cousin's weight problem. Focus on things that don't highlight size - like "oh cousin, that shade of brown looks so great on you!"

    I really don't like to talk about it.....it gets brought up and then I start to feel bad, when I shouldn't, you know? I guess it's more subtle. For example, when we both put on a certain dress, she said she hated it and didn't want to show us. I asked her to let me see and so she halfway stepped out. Aside from some pulling in the chest, I thought it was cute. We could have just upped the size to fit in the chest. My mom pointed out how great I looked in the dress and then my cousin kinda followed....but then shut the door to take hers off. So it's nothing obnoxious like I'm running around like "Hey look at me, I lost x amount of weight and now I look fantastic!" I do think everyone should be happy in their own skin and do think everyone has their own insecurities at any size. I guess I just don't know how to help someone else feel comfortable with themselves.....when I was in that place once too. Then again, maybe you can't help someone feel good about themselves when they just don't.
  • mojohowitz
    mojohowitz Posts: 900 Member
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    If others don't like their own size that is their problem, not yours. You are responsible only for your own emotional well being and weight loss.
  • LMick1986
    LMick1986 Posts: 431
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    Hey....you guys are all awesome! I just got done reading through all the responses. Thank you all so much! It's definitely a touchy thing and it's difficult for me, for sure. Like I said, I adore my cousin and just want everyone to feel good. I can't control others' emotions, so all I can really do is continue to be supportive. Thanks guys!

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