Reasons Why You're Not Losing Weight

Sedna_51
Sedna_51 Posts: 277 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
* You are currently levitating above your scale

* Possessed by ghost of Marlon Brando

* Contrary to all science, walking backwards on treadmill makes you gain weight

* Spouse keeps sneaking tiny rocks into pants

* Food plan accidentally set on "Sumo Wrestler"

* "Body butter" is being absorbed through skin

* Weighed in wearing new chain-mail undergarment

* Terrorized by demons made of pizza

* Accidentally blended microscopic black hole into morning smoothie
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Replies

  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
    *Forgetting your umbrella has made you retain water
  • diannethegeek
    diannethegeek Posts: 14,776 Member
    *Your 100% homemade bread has rock and gravel ground in with the flour

    *Gnomes are secretly storing their gold in your shoes

    *All that chewing gum you swallowed as a child is still digesting in your stomach
  • Sedna_51
    Sedna_51 Posts: 277 Member

    *Gnomes are secretly storing their gold in your shoes

    I KNEW IT WAS THE GNOMES
  • diannethegeek
    diannethegeek Posts: 14,776 Member

    *Gnomes are secretly storing their gold in your shoes

    I KNEW IT WAS THE GNOMES

    You can't trust them with those pointy hats! What are they hiding under there, huh?!
  • jmwolffyy
    jmwolffyy Posts: 212 Member

    * Spouse keeps sneaking tiny rocks into pants

    I KNEW it! He's been acting awfully sneaky lately. This MUST be why! :laugh:
  • dellaquilaa
    dellaquilaa Posts: 230 Member
    *Forgetting your umbrella has made you retain water

    ^hehehe
  • sympha01
    sympha01 Posts: 942 Member
    All those murders weighing down your soul.
  • breeshabebe
    breeshabebe Posts: 580
    All those murders weighing down your soul.

    creeppppppppy.
  • DaniKaren
    DaniKaren Posts: 79 Member
    The scale is messing with you.
  • algebravoodoo
    algebravoodoo Posts: 776 Member

    *Gnomes are secretly storing their gold in your shoes

    I KNEW IT WAS THE GNOMES

    <stealthilylaysouteverypairofshoessheownsforeasyaccess>

    Here, Mr. Gnome! I has cookies for you!!
  • tinylightsbelow
    tinylightsbelow Posts: 85 Member
    * Cady from Mean Girls gave you some 'diet' bars to eat that actually promote weight gain
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    *Your scale is passive-aggressive.
  • diannethegeek
    diannethegeek Posts: 14,776 Member
    The scale is messing with you.

    It's not the scale you have to watch out for. It's the fairies that are messing with your scale at night that you have to watch out for.
  • obrientp
    obrientp Posts: 546 Member
    The scale is messing with you.

    It's not the scale you have to watch out for. It's the fairies that are messing with your scale at night that you have to watch out for.

    Those fairies are also shrinking your clothes as you sleep.
  • cleotherio
    cleotherio Posts: 712 Member
    As soon as you step on the scale, your cat walks circles back and forth around your legs.
  • amberinnyc
    amberinnyc Posts: 4 Member
    All those murders weighing down your soul.

    Makes so much sense when you put it that way...
  • diannethegeek
    diannethegeek Posts: 14,776 Member
    The scale is messing with you.

    It's not the scale you have to watch out for. It's the fairies that are messing with your scale at night that you have to watch out for.

    Those fairies are also shrinking your clothes as you sleep.

    As long as it's not another visit from those elves who make my shoes less comfortable after I bring them home from the store!
  • SrJoben
    SrJoben Posts: 484 Member
    *It was predicted by Nostradamus.

    *You've been lied to: water has calories.

    *Ice cubes have even more.

    *EM radiation from your cell phone is altering hormone levels.

    The way to counteract this is this new thing called "Clean Texting"
  • tanyadolan1
    tanyadolan1 Posts: 55 Member
    My scale always messes with me
  • LearnFromTheRed
    LearnFromTheRed Posts: 294 Member
    It's not you putting on weight: it's your clothes, which have had a pizza addiction for years.
  • icimani
    icimani Posts: 1,454 Member
    * You use shampoo for "for more volume & extra body".



    I'm gonna switch to Dawn dishwashing liquid. It says it "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
  • kellijauch
    kellijauch Posts: 379 Member
    * You use shampoo for "for more volume & extra body".



    I'm gonna switch to Dawn dishwashing liquid. It says it "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

    HAHAHAHA yes!
  • 08kat
    08kat Posts: 51
    LMAO
  • paulkj
    paulkj Posts: 163 Member
    [/quote]
    I'm gonna switch to Dawn dishwashing liquid. It says it "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."
    [/quote]

    Stocks just went up on Dawn!!!
  • tincanonastring
    tincanonastring Posts: 3,944 Member
    All those murders weighing down your soul.

    creeppppppppy.

    Especially with that profile pic!
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    *You chew tons of gum, but then swallow it. Piece after piece is now sitting in your stomach waiting years to be digested.
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    * You only weigh in once a year on April Fool's Day.
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
    * You use shampoo for "for more volume & extra body".



    I'm gonna switch to Dawn dishwashing liquid. It says it "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

    Damn I knew it! Time to stock up on washing up liquid...think drinking it would make it even more effective? Or maybe just slathering it over your skin like lotion would work...
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    * You use shampoo for "for more volume & extra body".



    I'm gonna switch to Dawn dishwashing liquid. It says it "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

    Thats pretty classic right there.
  • PepperWorm
    PepperWorm Posts: 1,206
    * Your cat sheds fur by the pound and sticks to you like some kind of super lint.

    * Someone turned the gravity up in your home. Check your meter closely.

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