Getting Back in the Game...

brenstar05 · July 2013

I have no idea what forum this post should go in... but I thought I would see what kind of responses I get.

So, I have to start with a little background... I am a 30 SWF who lives in Wisconsin. About 10 years ago I was engaged to a horrible little man who treated me poorly, lied to me, sold drugs out of our house and cheated on me repeatedly. I obviously didn't know any of this was going on. Once I found out, I left my ring on the pillow and moved out of the house and I haven't seen him since. However, that horrible experience at such a young age kind of scarred me in terms of dating. I am super untrusting and when I do find someone I like, I tend to be overbearing because I just assume he is lying and cheating. So, needless to say, I have basically been single for the last 10 years.

I have been ok with it though... (no really, I have) I have focused on my career. I went back to school, so I have my BS in Business Management, my MS in Sports Administration and my JD (law degree). I am working as a lawyer for a great company and I am pretty good on my own. I am very independent... but if you will recall from the beginning of this post, I am 30. And I'm not getting any younger. So, now that I'm established in my career, I'm sucessful, and I'm living on my own I think I'm ready to get back out there. I think I'm ready to meet a nice man and start dating again.

Ok... so you're asking, "what the hell is this girl talking about??" What I want to know is if anyone has used online dating sites. I'm kind of skeptical about it. I believe in fate, and I have a hard time believing that fate uses the internet. But I want to know if anyone has used them and what kind of experience they've had. Was it all creepers looking to get laid? Did you meet the love of your life? Did you go out on countless dates just to find that they were all duds?? I'm not sure I'm at the point where I want to try online dating, but I feel like I need to do something to meet new people. So, even if it's not online dating... does anyone have suggestions on ways I can meet normal, successful, professional type people that aren't already in my social group??

RaineMarie · July 2013

I did the online dating for a while - initially during law school one summer as boredom relief - my friends and I had a bet going to see who could go on enough dates to earn back the registration fee (i.e. however much money was spent on the date). Then after I had a really bad breakup (not with someone I met online), when I was finally ready to start dating I decided to just try the online dating thing a bit more seriously and I ended up dating a really great guy for about 6 months. We did talk over the internet for about 1.5 months before meeting in person because I was overly cautious. After I joined the military and moved across the country and found I wasnt meeting many people through work, I tried online dating again. I never met anyone worthwhile, but it passed the time, and I think if anything it gave me more confidence to put myself out there a little more. I have a really good friend who met her soon-to-be husband on christianmingles.com (they are both very religious) and another really good friend that met his wife on match.com, so I think you can meet quality people. I ended up meeting my now boyfriend (of 1.5 years) at work and it was completely random and unexpected.

If you arent into the online dating though, I would recommend maybe joining a group on meetup.com - I know in my area they have a bunch of groups for 20s and 30s. If anything it's a good way to go out and make friends and do fun things, and it will expand your social circle. Or maybe join a local run club or something like that!

RMinge14 · July 2013

I did online dating for a while, Plenty of Fish to be exact, mainly because it was free. Went on a few dates, until I met my current wife, so I'd say it worked out pretty well for me. If the whole online dating thing doesn't wotk a single friend of mine just mentioned a new site caller Grouper, I believe where you take yourself and two (female) friends and they match you up with a group of three male friends, that may be something to look into.

brenstar05 · July 2013

Thanks guys. Those are both good stories... I'm just not sure what to do. I'm not a shy person by nature, but the thought of going to a bar to try and meet guys seems so ridiculous to me. But aside from working two jobs and training for races, I don't have as much time as I'd like. The meetup idea is a good idea, I may look into that one... and I like the idea of a "group" date, except that all of my friends are in long term relationships, so I'm not sure who I would get to come with me.

Thanks again, guys!! Anyone else have any ideas/ suggestions/ experiences to share??

djshari · July 2013

I tried online dating and it wasn't for me. Many of the guys didn't seem to read my profile. Many were pushy. Most did not want to chat long enough for me to get a better idea of who they were and wanted to meet right away. I understand not wanting to "waste time" getting to know someone well and then not having the chemistry in person... but I wasn't asking for years I was thinking weeks. The one guy I met, it didn't go bad exactly but it didn't go well. I don't like the idea of meeting strangers so... I gave it a shot at least. I work full time and don't know where else to look either so... let me know if you find something that works for you.

brenstar05 · July 2013

Baby steps..... So, I signed up for a meetup (thanks raine) for Single Professionals. I haven't RSVPed to any of the events yet and I may not for a little while. But hopefully it's a step in the right direction. It's not a whole "I like long walks on the beach" dating profile, but hopefully it will be a way to meet some new people. They do things like speed dating and "lock and key" parties. Just ways to make you talk to people you may not otherwise.

I also signed up for 20s and 30s Area Professionals meetup group. This one isn't necessarily a singles group, just other professionals in the area who get together to do things like wine tasting and trivia nights. Again, I haven't made the step to sign up for any of the events, but hopefully it is just a way to meet people. I'm thinking this group may be even better because there won't be that pressure of "I'm at a singles event, I have to make a connection." So we'll see....

I'm going to get through the bar exam first, and then I'm going to work up the nerve to go to some of these events. Thanks for all the advice and support!!

I'll be sure to keep you posted....

Getting Back in the Game...

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