Food For Thought: There's Not One Right Way
eautrey124
Posts: 60 Member
I hope you all will take the time to read this. 
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/eautrey124/view/there-s-not-one-right-way-553123
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/eautrey124/view/there-s-not-one-right-way-553123
After reading through these forums, I have realized one thing. Some people can be really mean, and it really just seems unnecessary. I understand their is sarcasm and it's fine to be funny, but what is not okay is completely bashing someone's lifestyle.
Okay. So you love meat. Or you're vegan. Or paleo. Or you eat all the junk food you want as long as it fits your macros. That's great. And I encourage you to share with others so that their knowledge can be deepened. However, if someone lives a different lifestyle, with a different diet and different workout routines, that should be okay too. Let's face it: There is not one perfect diet no matter how much you might want to believe there is. This is because we are human beings. We have different needs, situations and emotions. For example, I really love ice cream, but I don't want people saying I need to eat clean 100% of the time because I feel restricted and when I have restrictions, I fail. But I also try to fit my macros with the best sources possible and I don't want someone telling me I should just stop and go to McDonald's.
Every person has a different financial situation that contributes to how much money they can actually spend on food. They have different desires and goals. This site is to be used for support. That means that by being active here they are taking steps to a healthier lifestyle, and I will let them do whatever they want as long as it keeps them on track. If they try to change everything about their life at once, they are more likely to fail. So keep encourage that if you wish, but I am going to choose to answer questions to the best of knowledge and provide a range of things that may fit what they need. I want this world to be a healthier, happier place, and that won't happen with everyone tearing people down for not living their lifestyle.
Encouragement can go a long way.
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Replies
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There is no RIGHT way, but if someone comes on eating enough for a 2 year old complaining they aren't losing, but putting in 6-10 hours in the gym a week, I might mention that your body may not thank you for that. I like to be supportive as the next person, but if someone is asking for help and they are obviously doing something stupid I will call them out. I'm not always right, but I did lose 45 pounds, so I know what does work. I'm also human, I gained 10 of those back and working to get rid of them again. But I know a heck of a lot more know about what does get weight off - Diets don't work. Counting calories and living a heathier lifestyle does.0
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I am not saying you shouldn't offer your advice. I feel like that is highly beneficial and can help people make adjustments, but if someone really likes zumba or pasta. I wouldn't suggest saying "Cardio is stupid. Weight lifting is what you should do!" and "Gluten is bad, no more pasta!" because that is counter productive and can make the person feel as if they have to give up everything and that can make it seem very difficult for them. If the are asking for advice, I typically would tell them to start adding some strength training in to maintain muscle mass and try to stick to whole grain foods and make sure they get enough protein. I feel like when I started paying attention to things to add to rather that completely cut out, I was able to transition much easier.
When I started watching my protein intake and making sure it was at the level it need to be, my grains natural went down so I could have room for enough protein, but I didn't feel deprived.
ETA: Also, when someone is eating like a bird and seems to have an eating disorder (not just I eat 1200 and burn 900, what's wrong?!) but legitimately has/had a problem, I have seen people bash them, which is going to be very unsettling to a person with an psychological problem with the way they view themselves.0 -
This is going to end badly I suspect.0
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Eautrey -
thanks so much for posting this. I am in complete agreement with you. This is why I DON"T use the support boards on MFP, I've been cut down and ridiculed too many times, it's not worth it.
I agree that everyone has to find their own way and we must support each other and learn from each other, not make it harder. Just because you're behind a computer keyboard doesn't give you license to say anything you want! Just because you can, doesn't mean you should!!
I want you to know I appreciate your comments and wish you much success with your goals. Pax, mlcdz:flowerforyou:0 -
Thanks mlcdz! I know a lot of people won't agree, but it's nice to know I'm not alone!0
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I see no reason for people to be mean to one another on this board. I always welcome good advice, whether I use it or not is up to me..but no diet is perfect and every person reacts differently to exercise and diets. If someone is having an issue, good support is crucial to success, nasty comments are low class and serve no purpose ....
Some people view forums and blogs as a free for all.. and that's what is truly sad..0 -
I agree that everyone has to find their own way and we must support each other and learn from each other, not make it harder. Just because you're behind a computer keyboard doesn't give you license to say anything you want! Just because you can, doesn't mean you should!!
This is true to a point, but you always have a choice to ignore what people say and move on. If you let it get to you, it's on you. If you are not cut out for this message board, find the right one for you. Honestly, I have not used these message boards for long but clearly there are many people who are uber-sensitive and some who bring issues here that would be better off brought to a therapist.
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Wow! No one's used the phrase "lift heavy" yet?0
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I agree that everyone has to find their own way and we must support each other and learn from each other, not make it harder. Just because you're behind a computer keyboard doesn't give you license to say anything you want! Just because you can, doesn't mean you should!!
This is true to a point, but you always have a choice to ignore what people say and move on. If you let it get to you, it's on you. If you are not cut out for this message board, find the right one for you. Honestly, I have not used these message boards for long but clearly there are many people who are uber-sensitive and some who bring issues here that would be better off brought to a therapist.
You do always have the choice to ignore what people say, but when you are looking for advice and all you get is criticism, it isn't helpful or beneficial to that person. If they can't find an answer to help them, they could easily fall off, which I don't want to encourage. And sure people bring problems that should be brought to a therapist, but I typically give them the best advice I can and then point them in that direction. I am not therapist, but I can try to help in any way I can.0 -
Amen Sister! If everyone was a little nicer, the world would be a MUCH nicer place to be. KARMA........0
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I agree that everyone has to find their own way and we must support each other and learn from each other, not make it harder. Just because you're behind a computer keyboard doesn't give you license to say anything you want! Just because you can, doesn't mean you should!!
This is true to a point, but you always have a choice to ignore what people say and move on. If you let it get to you, it's on you. If you are not cut out for this message board, find the right one for you. Honestly, I have not used these message boards for long but clearly there are many people who are uber-sensitive and some who bring issues here that would be better off brought to a therapist.
You do always have the choice to ignore what people say, but when you are looking for advice and all you get is criticism, it isn't helpful or beneficial to that person. If they can't find an answer to help them, they could easily fall off, which I don't want to encourage. And sure people bring problems that should be brought to a therapist, but I typically give them the best advice I can and then point them in that direction. I am not therapist, but I can try to help in any way I can.
My feeling that it's about personal responsibility. If someone says something to me that could make me easily "fall off", there are clearly bigger problems. I think it's great that you want to keep things positive, but I believe, and I have learned from experience, that if you don't own your task at hand, in this case getting fit, you will have delayed progress. I get what your saying, but this is just my take on it.0 -
Wow! No one's used the phrase "lift heavy" yet?
LOL0 -
Nice sentiments, I think you had the best of intentions and people can be dogmatic. But what I tend to see when things get nutso on here isn't one person demanding that another subscribes completely to their lifestyle and choices. It goes more like this:
OP: Help! I'm struggling with (issue)
Respondent: Okay, well (requests for more information)
OP: (elaborates)
Respondent: Okay you might want to (suggestion)
OP: But (reason that's unacceptable)
Respondent: But what you're doing now isn't effective because (reasons)
OP: Not everyone is the same
Respondent: But you asked for help because (thing) isn't working
OP: Bully
Third Person: Yeah Bully
Crazy Person: I've never had that problem, always been slim.
Fourth Person: (defends Respondent)
Fifth Person: IN
Respondent: (posts gif)
OP posts second thread about how mean people are.
A lot of people here ask questions they don't want the answers to.0 -
It's saddening to see that within the first page people are already trying to argue with such an innocent, uplifting post. It further proves the points that you've made. Thank you for posting this! It's incredibly positive, and if people take the time to absorb it rather than pick it apart to argue it, it may go a long way
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Nice sentiments, I think you had the best of intentions and people can be dogmatic. But what I tend to see when things get nutso on here isn't one person demanding that another subscribes completely to their lifestyle and choices. It goes more like this:
OP: Help! I'm struggling with (issue)
Respondent: Okay, well (requests for more information)
OP: (elaborates)
Respondent: Okay you might want to (suggestion)
OP: But (reason that's unacceptable)
Respondent: But what you're doing now isn't effective because (reasons)
OP: Not everyone is the same
Respondent: But you asked for help because (thing) isn't working
OP: Bully
Third Person: Yeah Bully
Crazy Person: I've never had that problem, always been slim.
Fourth Person: (defends Respondent)
Fifth Person: IN
Respondent: (posts gif)
OP posts second thread about how mean people are.
A lot of people here ask questions they don't want the answers to.
True.0 -
I agree that everyone has to find their own way and we must support each other and learn from each other, not make it harder. Just because you're behind a computer keyboard doesn't give you license to say anything you want! Just because you can, doesn't mean you should!!
This is true to a point, but you always have a choice to ignore what people say and move on. If you let it get to you, it's on you. If you are not cut out for this message board, find the right one for you. Honestly, I have not used these message boards for long but clearly there are many people who are uber-sensitive and some who bring issues here that would be better off brought to a therapist.
You do always have the choice to ignore what people say, but when you are looking for advice and all you get is criticism, it isn't helpful or beneficial to that person. If they can't find an answer to help them, they could easily fall off, which I don't want to encourage. And sure people bring problems that should be brought to a therapist, but I typically give them the best advice I can and then point them in that direction. I am not therapist, but I can try to help in any way I can.
My feeling that it's about personal responsibility. If someone says something to me that could make me easily "fall off", there are clearly bigger problems. I think it's great that you want to keep things positive, but I believe, and I have learned from experience, that if you don't own your task at hand, in this case getting fit, you will have delayed progress. I get what your saying, but this is just my take on it.
I understand where you are coming from as well. But I have seen many threads turn into bashing one another's beliefs and also the OP's. If the OP needs help or advice, they can't get it when people turn their questions into targets of hate and ridicule. I am willing to discuss with everyone, but in the world of nutrition and fitness there is a lot of information out there to try to sort through. This person is making en effort by trying to reach out, so the least we can do is try to help. I have a pretty thick skin and I can agree to disagree, but when someone is just outright rude, it can make one feel like this isn't the place they should be to reach out. Some people can't afford nutritionists and personal trainers, so this free website is a place they can reach out. I know I can't expect everyone to be perfectly nice human beings, but it wouldn't hurt if we were helpful instead of hateful.0 -
I know this is true for me, and I agree with the OP as well. Besides, making judgmental hangry posts isn't going to win anyone over to a particular way of thinking anyway.When I started paying attention to things to add to rather that completely cut out, I was able to transition much easier.0 -
Nice sentiments, I think you had the best of intentions and people can be dogmatic. But what I tend to see when things get nutso on here isn't one person demanding that another subscribes completely to their lifestyle and choices. It goes more like this:
OP: Help! I'm struggling with (issue)
Respondent: Okay, well (requests for more information)
OP: (elaborates)
Respondent: Okay you might want to (suggestion)
OP: But (reason that's unacceptable)
Respondent: But what you're doing now isn't effective because (reasons)
OP: Not everyone is the same
Respondent: But you asked for help because (thing) isn't working
OP: Bully
Third Person: Yeah Bully
Crazy Person: I've never had that problem, always been slim.
Fourth Person: (defends Respondent)
Fifth Person: IN
Respondent: (posts gif)
OP posts second thread about how mean people are.
A lot of people here ask questions they don't want the answers to.
A. This is the truth. People ask questions and then add things like "I don't want to be told to eat more" "Don't tell me to do more/less of..." "I want nutrition advice, not advice on how much to eat." "I'm not going to stop working out a million hours a day so..." And it's just like....well why bother? Do you really want help, or do you want people to back you up and make you feel good about your choices?
B. I'm person 5 and I suddenly feel very exposed....0 -
Nice sentiments, I think you had the best of intentions and people can be dogmatic. But what I tend to see when things get nutso on here isn't one person demanding that another subscribes completely to their lifestyle and choices. It goes more like this:
OP: Help! I'm struggling with (issue)
Respondent: Okay, well (requests for more information)
OP: (elaborates)
Respondent: Okay you might want to (suggestion)
OP: But (reason that's unacceptable)
Respondent: But what you're doing now isn't effective because (reasons)
OP: Not everyone is the same
Respondent: But you asked for help because (thing) isn't working
OP: Bully
Third Person: Yeah Bully
Crazy Person: I've never had that problem, always been slim.
Fourth Person: (defends Respondent)
Fifth Person: IN
Respondent: (posts gif)
OP posts second thread about how mean people are.
A lot of people here ask questions they don't want the answers to.
Sixth Person: 8/10 would bang
Seventh Person: 25 years old, single, real estate agent0 -
Nice sentiments, I think you had the best of intentions and people can be dogmatic. But what I tend to see when things get nutso on here isn't one person demanding that another subscribes completely to their lifestyle and choices. It goes more like this:
OP: Help! I'm struggling with (issue)
Respondent: Okay, well (requests for more information)
OP: (elaborates)
Respondent: Okay you might want to (suggestion)
OP: But (reason that's unacceptable)
Respondent: But what you're doing now isn't effective because (reasons)
OP: Not everyone is the same
Respondent: But you asked for help because (thing) isn't working
OP: Bully
Third Person: Yeah Bully
Crazy Person: I've never had that problem, always been slim.
Fourth Person: (defends Respondent)
Fifth Person: IN
Respondent: (posts gif)
OP posts second thread about how mean people are.
A lot of people here ask questions they don't want the answers to.
Sixth Person: 8/10 would bang
Seventh Person: 25 years old, single, real estate agent
You forgot the strong first posters0 -
Hey, everyone.
Ninth person here...
...and I completely forgot my line.
*how embarrassing*
ETA: Oh! Now I remember...
OP: admit it...you made this forum post primarily to drive traffic to your blog, didn't you?0 -
Nice sentiments, I think you had the best of intentions and people can be dogmatic. But what I tend to see when things get nutso on here isn't one person demanding that another subscribes completely to their lifestyle and choices. It goes more like this:
OP: Help! I'm struggling with (issue)
Respondent: Okay, well (requests for more information)
OP: (elaborates)
Respondent: Okay you might want to (suggestion)
OP: But (reason that's unacceptable)
Respondent: But what you're doing now isn't effective because (reasons)
OP: Not everyone is the same
Respondent: But you asked for help because (thing) isn't working
OP: Bully
Third Person: Yeah Bully
Crazy Person: I've never had that problem, always been slim.
Fourth Person: (defends Respondent)
Fifth Person: IN
Respondent: (posts gif)
OP posts second thread about how mean people are.
A lot of people here ask questions they don't want the answers to.
Sixth Person: 8/10 would bang
Seventh Person: 25 years old, single, real estate agent
You forgot the strong first posters
My (someone poster knows) is sabotaging me.0 -
Nice sentiments, I think you had the best of intentions and people can be dogmatic. But what I tend to see when things get nutso on here isn't one person demanding that another subscribes completely to their lifestyle and choices. It goes more like this:
OP: Help! I'm struggling with (issue)
Respondent: Okay, well (requests for more information)
OP: (elaborates)
Respondent: Okay you might want to (suggestion)
OP: But (reason that's unacceptable)
Respondent: But what you're doing now isn't effective because (reasons)
OP: Not everyone is the same
Respondent: But you asked for help because (thing) isn't working
OP: Bully
Third Person: Yeah Bully
Crazy Person: I've never had that problem, always been slim.
Fourth Person: (defends Respondent)
Fifth Person: IN
Respondent: (posts gif)
OP posts second thread about how mean people are.
A lot of people here ask questions they don't want the answers to.
I understand this as well, and I sometimes find myself frustrated by it and sometimes have actually been that person, when the advice wasn't in the direction I thought it would be. Not looking for affirmation, but more along the lines of I thought advice wouldn't be related to what I ended up getting, which was fine and I ended up taking some of the advice.
I am not typically talking about some of those. I am talking about people who respond "No." "Seriously?!" or "Don't worry about x, because Y worked for me. X is pointless."
This is not saying that they are discussing a topic with someone, but more believing there is only one right way and not trying to compromise. The person you mentioned in this situation did.0 -
the only people i personally disagree with are the ones who eat ice cream, cookies, brownies, etc.. and say this is a good part of my weight loss! (i now know why they do that).. but at first, thats the only thing that put me off.
i was thinking the other day, man, if i just "eat my macros" i can exist on a muffin, milk breakfast, muffin and milk lunch and another muffin for dinner and be under 1200.. but i woud not want to live every day like that. so i have to disagree with the "fit everything under your macros number and you will be fine" theory of weight loss. haha0 -
It's saddening to see that within the first page people are already trying to argue with such an innocent, uplifting post. It further proves the points that you've made. Thank you for posting this! It's incredibly positive, and if people take the time to absorb it rather than pick it apart to argue it, it may go a long way
It is odd, what I read as discussing, you read as arguing. Isn't it weird how that works?0 -
Nice sentiments, I think you had the best of intentions and people can be dogmatic. But what I tend to see when things get nutso on here isn't one person demanding that another subscribes completely to their lifestyle and choices. It goes more like this:
OP: Help! I'm struggling with (issue)
Respondent: Okay, well (requests for more information)
OP: (elaborates)
Respondent: Okay you might want to (suggestion)
OP: But (reason that's unacceptable)
Respondent: But what you're doing now isn't effective because (reasons)
OP: Not everyone is the same
Respondent: But you asked for help because (thing) isn't working
OP: Bully
Third Person: Yeah Bully
Crazy Person: I've never had that problem, always been slim.
Fourth Person: (defends Respondent)
Fifth Person: IN
Respondent: (posts gif)
OP posts second thread about how mean people are.
A lot of people here ask questions they don't want the answers to.
^QFT0 -
When I began my journey here nearly a month ago I was full of questions. Was actually a little frustrated not knowing what " support " I was actually going to receive. Would it be too much for me with my health , giving up too much the one time on my own ......would that be possible. I have found each friend on the motivational support have been far more than I could ask for .
I can ask any questions and have been getting answers feeling my points are valid, I do accept it when someone tells me I am not drinking enough water and I might try giving it a chance . ....
I have however seen on here so many like this conversation going this way .Totally negative just because she posted her thoughts everyone has come against her . I agree with her because there are many times when individuals do not keep others lifestyles at the forefront of their mind and show support and motivate.Rather they love to lookatt it as a time to tear down and maybe cause them to have setbacks.0 -
the only people i personally disagree with are the ones who eat ice cream, cookies, brownies, etc.. and say this is a good part of my weight loss! (i now know why they do that).. but at first, thats the only thing that put me off.
i was thinking the other day, man, if i just "eat my macros" i can exist on a muffin, milk breakfast, muffin and milk lunch and another muffin for dinner and be under 1200.. but i woud not want to live every day like that. so i have to disagree with the "fit everything under your macros number and you will be fine" theory of weight loss. haha
That fits your macros?
I know this isn't the point of this thread, but I'm having trouble coming up with a solid macro ratio where this would be true. Unless you're subscribed to a 80/10/10 C/P/F plan.0 -
the only people i personally disagree with are the ones who eat ice cream, cookies, brownies, etc.. and say this is a good part of my weight loss! (i now know why they do that).. but at first, thats the only thing that put me off.
i was thinking the other day, man, if i just "eat my macros" i can exist on a muffin, milk breakfast, muffin and milk lunch and another muffin for dinner and be under 1200.. but i woud not want to live every day like that. so i have to disagree with the "fit everything under your macros number and you will be fine" theory of weight loss. haha
10th through 40th poster: (rant about people who eat 1200 calories).0 -
Well, there's no justification for being mean, but there's stuff that works and stuff that doesn't work. not all ways are right. some are completely wrong. some are simply more right than others. doesn't mean you or I can have some ice cream if we feel like it. our systems are designed for SOME resiliency. I happen to like ice cream. but I don't live on it.0
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