Feels like giving up before I begin....
PoisonedCursed
Posts: 143
I reached my target goal weight, was extremely happy but then met a series of twists and turns and gave in to depression. 5 months in and I gained all that weight back. I can't help feeling pathetic and hating myself for going astray. Now I've been working at it for a few weeks, doing everything I did to lose weight like last year, except it's not working this time around. My scales just wouldn't budge, my jeans are still tight. Is it supposed to be harder the second time around? Does the metabolism change or something? Every time I see no progress, I just feel so down that I don't want to do anything anymore. This sucks, I didn't use to be the failure I am now.
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Replies
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First of all let me say this:
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
People struggle all the time it doesn't mean it's the end. Keep going. Watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tonZIOqd1wQ
It is a spoken word poem about bullying. I think it works because sometimes we are our greatest critics. And we need to get past that ALL or nothing mentality.
Don't hate yourself for any reason. If you did it once you can do it twice. You might have to switch up your diet this time around, but don't give up because you're afraid you're going to fail again.0 -
Thanks a lot, your words help more than I can say. It's just that it's hard to be optimistic when I'm depressed majority of the time0
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I understand being depressed. In fact a lot of the reason why I am doing this is because I don't want to go back to it. If you're unhappy right now the only thing you can do is try to be better. DON't focus on the numbers or results. Do it for your health, sanity and emotional needs. One day at a time is the best advice I can give.0
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Giving up does not work when it comes to weight loss. Ever.0
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this^^First of all let me say this:
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
remove the sentence "I am a failure" from your lexicon.
there are many who struggle daily - with a lot of things - weight, work, relationships, money... we are not failures, we are doing the best we can. even if your scale isn't budging - you are still trying, you are still doing *something*.
now - if you can write down what you are doing, open your food diary, maybe we can help.0 -
Believe in yourself and thats half the battle. No person on this site is a failure, you are a winner, because you have decided you need to get healther and lose weight. So you have started your journey and no journey is easy. If you carry on you will see results, I have been doing so well, in three months I had lost 30lbs, then last week I gained 6lbs, I was shattered. But this week I intend to really watch what I eat, keep going with the exercise and see what happens, hopefully I will lose some of what I have gained back. Just stick with it and things will start to get better, but you need to believe this and that will help. Good luck on your journey, if you want to add me for motivation feel free. Take care AND YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE, YOU ARE A WINNER!0
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Sounds like you need to deal with your depression issue before you do the weightloss. Maybe go and speak to a professional0
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You're all right, and thanks for taking ur time to comment. It means a great deal hearing these and having some sense knocked back into me. I love the "Dont focus on the results". Yes, I should be taking it one day at a time and keep going without giving up0
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At the end of the day, I think it's still better to fail trying rather than fail without doing a damn thing about it0
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You're not a failure. You're here, trying. I have been up and down this road many times (unfortunately), and I do think it gets a little harder each time. Keep trying and I'm sure you'll see results. Hang in there!0
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Don't be disappointed..........Stick at it!!! Come on you can do this..........
Move a lot more
Drink loads and loads of water......Flush everything out
Clean eating, Lots of veggies, protein, nuts, fruit, etc....
Once you lose a couple of lbs.... Will keep ya going
You done it once, You can SURE DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : )0 -
You can do it! Don't get discouraged! It may also be that being depressed has changed some of the hormone levels etc in your body making it harder to lose the weight this time. Also, some anti-depressants make it extremely hard to lose weight. Talk to your doctor and take it one day at a time... Nothing in life is meant to be easy, we just have to build our inner strength to make it easier. :-)0
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This is sensible advice. Having been severely depressed and over weight - loosing weight wont happen in a positive way (i.e come off and stay off) until your heads in the right place.
I dropped almost a stone earlier this year, hit a bad spot (it happens) and put half of it back on.... mostly because I felt angry about something.
Motivation and commitment comes from inside you - so take care of You first and get straight. Ask for help from people who are properly qualified to help you. Get your head better and the rest follows on naturally.
And be easy on yourself, we aint none of us perfect. But its our imperfections that make us interesting.0 -
Sounds like you need to deal with your depression issue before you do the weightloss. Maybe go and speak to a professional
this.
I was severely depressed for several years and it wasn't until I was able to address all the other issues that were contributing to it that I was able to focus on getting physically healthy.
How is your sleep? Many people with depression experience some kind of issues with sleep, insomnia, oversleeping, sleeping during the day instead of at night... did you know that those issues can make it more difficult to lose weight? and it's not just a mental thing, sleep disturbances cause changes in the way our bodies release hormones, which often lead to increased hunger.
Of course it's not that simple and there are so many contributing factors but, get some help, and get the right kind of sleep and those two things can help get you on your way to feeling better.
It IS possible to bounce back from a major depressive episode (I was sunk in pretty far for several years). It does take a lot of work, but it's possible.0 -
Congratulations on having the courage to start over and also the courage to seek advice.....you're already half way to success!! Everyone who commented is right and I'm just being redundant but I'll say it too because I believe it, you are NOT a failure. We all make mistakes, some are just more visible than others. I did the same thing you did. SAME. But, I realized that it feels worse to quit than to keep doing this. Hang in there. It may take a little bit longer to see the results but 100 days from now you will be so glad you did. Examine everything you are doing..... are you getting a little exercise? Exercise was key to get the scale moving for me. I don't mean 90 minutes of kick-boxing but even a steady 30 minutes a day of walking was a great help (and after the two weeks of "not wanting to" I also started to notice it was a great mood lifter). Drink that water.....and keep reading all the amazing stories on MFP. You can do this and you are already a success!0
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Having a Depressive/Anxiety disorder and on medication, recently have gone through menopause and currently dealing with the stress of some major lifestyle changes it is very difficult for me to loose weight. Even when I do everything right; eat healthy and within my calorie range and exercise, it is hard to see the scale move down. Sometimes it is discouraging because we are a society that wants to see things happen fast-including weight loss! This morning, after weighing in I expected to see another pound down. It didn't happen. I could throw in the towel and say, "this isn't working for me" but then I would just go back to living a sedentary lifestyle with an unhealthy diet. No, I'll stay the course because I believe in the long run it will pay off to a healthier, better Me.
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Stop beating yourself up. Try to set smaller goals that you can achieve. Don't use the scale or your clothes to measure your worth. Be kind to yourself. Set goals for 1 meal at a time if you have to. Eliminate the negatives. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.0
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I'm battling a lot of the same struggles. I lost 115 pounds, then had surgery to remove the extra skin/fat from my stomach (surgeon took off 26 pounds!). Then my body went haywire with hormone imbalance and depression, etc. Now I'm just over 3 months post-op, and I've gained most of that 26 pounds back.
The thing is, getting "back on the wagon" has proved harder this time than it was the first time. The first time, I had a reason....I had gone to a school event with my daughter and couldn't walk to the front door without stopping several times and sitting on the floor once inside the door. I remember sitting there as people were climbing over me thinking "Something has GOT to change."
That was 115 pounds ago. I can now move around a lot better than I could then. I'm not the same person I was then, so the same thing isn't going to motivate me now that did back then. We had set a goal to go to Disney in June this year, and we did. My goal was to be able to walk around and not be the one holding things up - I wanted to be able to keep up with everyone going around the park and riding the rides, etc. We did that. (YAY!) Now we've set another goal to go again in 3 years. I want to lose the rest of the weight, get more skin removal done, and get healed up by the time we go again. For some reason, now getting going seems much harder.
I totally understand where you're coming from. Wish I had a response for you that would help you rev things up. The only thing I keep telling myself is: I have to find something that's "worth it" enough for me to become uncomfortable enough to do it. We know what to do....we've done it before. If it isn't working now, it's because we aren't working it like we did before.
Let's get back on the wagon and get things going!!
P.S.: I do go to see a therapist. Been seeing him for almost 2 years now. It does help a lot, and I do take an anti-depressant that helps too. Don't be afraid to go see a therapist/counselor for help! That's what they're there for!!0 -
I have depression also, been diagnosed but choose not to take meds that make me feel bad on top of the depression. Weight loss and dealing with a depressive episode (which can be months long in varying degrees) can be tricky. I go one day at a time with everything. I notice that my depression is not as bad when I force myself to take care of myself, eating healthy, getting some, sleep, exercising, which all helps with the weight loss part! And I know my confidence will get batter as I lose weight. Hang in there:)0
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At the end of the day, I think it's still better to fail trying rather than fail without doing a damn thing about it
You nailed it here.0 -
All of you guys here are such a great beacon of hope for me. Really, I've been having several terrible days trying to get back on the wagon and none of the days have been as promising and enlightening as today have been. I owe it all to u, all credits to each and everyone of you who took their time to reply. I only hope we all can overcome these obstacles, keep moving towards a better tomorrow and be better people than we were today.0
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At the end of the day, I think it's still better to fail trying rather than fail without doing a damn thing about it
You nailed it here.
I agree 100%. And you've got a leg up on losing the weight because you've already done it. You have actual proof that you can do it. Take me, for instance. I've been obese all of my life and I've tried different things. When I first joined MFP, I wasn't sure I could actually lose weight on it because I have never consistently lost weight before. Ever.
This won't be you because you HAVE done it before. Proof that you CAN ACTUALLY DO IT. You've got this. You aren't the first person to fall off the wagon and you definitely won't be the last.
And last, you are ABSOLUTELY NOT A FAILURE. I have never heard a single success story that didn't include stumbling at some point along the way. Sure, some stumbles are bigger than others, but none of them are insurmountable. Think of the success story you'll have when you tell people you lost it, gained it back, and lost it again.0 -
Sounds like you need to deal with your depression issue before you do the weightloss. Maybe go and speak to a professional
this.
I was severely depressed for several years and it wasn't until I was able to address all the other issues that were contributing to it that I was able to focus on getting physically healthy.
How is your sleep? Many people with depression experience some kind of issues with sleep, insomnia, oversleeping, sleeping during the day instead of at night... did you know that those issues can make it more difficult to lose weight? and it's not just a mental thing, sleep disturbances cause changes in the way our bodies release hormones, which often lead to increased hunger.
Of course it's not that simple and there are so many contributing factors but, get some help, and get the right kind of sleep and those two things can help get you on your way to feeling better.
It IS possible to bounce back from a major depressive episode (I was sunk in pretty far for several years). It does take a lot of work, but it's possible.
You're so right, I used to oversleep. I did sleep during the day as well as night too. This depression messed up my exams as well, i couldnt study and i'd be asleep most of the time. And it would be like I'm physically drained, had no energy and always felt tired.0 -
At the end of the day, I think it's still better to fail trying rather than fail without doing a damn thing about it
This! I hope you get back to the place you were in in the first place to feel motivated lose all that weight.0 -
Thanks a lot, your words help more than I can say. It's just that it's hard to be optimistic when I'm depressed majority of the time
Have you seen a doctor about your depression? If not, you should.
The best advice I can give is to focus on health, rather than whether your jeans are tight. Eat plenty of vegetables and lean proteins. Allow yourself treats and don't beat yourself up when you go off track. The only way having a bad day ruins a weight loss plan is when you don't get back on track after.
Exercise! There are a plethera of studies showing exercise can reduce depression. Find something you enjoy and do it regularly.0 -
Knowing when to quit - we all will face that time in our life when we want to quit, when we want to give up and simply just abandon what we've done. BUT - don’t stop, we are not finished yet - God is not finished with us - not yet. Sometimes we stumble, sometime we fall - but we are not finished. Despite what you might hear, feel, been told - don't quit. You are never too lazy, too ugly, too fat, not determined enough - you can never undo what's been done - you can only ever change what once was. You are not finished - not yet. So if you feel it is time to quit - don’t because you are not finished - God is not finished with us - not yet. So if you feel you have to quit - don't. If something doesn't work, don’t quit, find that right energy, find that right tool(s), right the right process, the right friend - right what is wrong and - don’t quit!0
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“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” - Michael Jordan
You CAN do this!!! I'm doing this for the 3rd time. I've had my moments of feeling bad, mad at myself I let this happen again, but you know what, *kitten* happens, life happens. What I am learning this time around is that this is a lifestyle thing, not just a until I hit my target weight thing. This is something we will have to work on the rest of our lives and that's okay! Our bodies will thank us for it!!!0 -
Congratulations on having the courage to start over and also the courage to seek advice.....you're already half way to success!! Everyone who commented is right and I'm just being redundant but I'll say it too because I believe it, you are NOT a failure. We all make mistakes, some are just more visible than others. I did the same thing you did. SAME. But, I realized that it feels worse to quit than to keep doing this. Hang in there. It may take a little bit longer to see the results but 100 days from now you will be so glad you did. Examine everything you are doing..... are you getting a little exercise? Exercise was key to get the scale moving for me. I don't mean 90 minutes of kick-boxing but even a steady 30 minutes a day of walking was a great help (and after the two weeks of "not wanting to" I also started to notice it was a great mood lifter). Drink that water.....and keep reading all the amazing stories on MFP. You can do this and you are already a success!
It's really great knowing someone have walked down this road like me before. Your words are really encouraging
I walk one and a half hours everyday. I run up and down the stairs to get my heart pumping, I've read articles saying it's a good cardio and it really is. Usually combined these two with calorie allowance of about 1200/1300 calories per day, last year I'd lose weight noticeably. But now, i haven't seen any difference and it's weighing me down a lot with all that frustration.0 -
Knowing when to quit - we all will face that time in our life when we want to quit, when we want to give up and simply just abandon what we've done. BUT - don’t stop, we are not finished yet - God is not finished with us - not yet. Sometimes we stumble, sometime we fall - but we are not finished. Despite what you might hear, feel, been told - don't quit. You are never too lazy, too ugly, too fat, not determined enough - you can never undo what's been done - you can only ever change what once was. You are not finished - not yet. So if you feel it is time to quit - don’t because you are not finished - God is not finished with us - not yet. So if you feel you have to quit - don't. If something doesn't work, don’t quit, find that right energy, find that right tool(s), right the right process, the right friend - right what is wrong and - don’t quit!
That's one excellent way to put it, and you're right God is not finished with us yet. I guess the purpose of these obstacles and difficulties is so that we can learn to appreciate the finer things in life and know the value of hardwork and dedication. I do need that energy, I need to search it within me and I believe the lacking of that energy is what's bringing me to this hopelessness and helplessness.0 -
I totally understand your words, I can relate so well to them! Being "mad at myself I let this happen again", exactly what I feel throughout the day. I really need to forgive myself, give an opportunity, a second chance and start over from scratch and enjoy the thrill of the ride. Good luck on your third time too, I wish you all the best“Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.” - Michael Jordan
You CAN do this!!! I'm doing this for the 3rd time. I've had my moments of feeling bad, mad at myself I let this happen again, but you know what, *kitten* happens, life happens. What I am learning this time around is that this is a lifestyle thing, not just a until I hit my target weight thing. This is something we will have to work on the rest of our lives and that's okay! Our bodies will thank us for it!!!0
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