Opinions please

CarlaRG
CarlaRG Posts: 264
in Chit-Chat
My husband and I aren't on the best of terms (considering divorce) but he is wonderfully supportive in my weight loss.

The other day I sent him a progress pic of my rear (wearing panties).

My best friend just happened to be sitting next to my husband when he got that text. She could not see who it was from but saw the pic and how he was trying to hide it.

She thought he might have a girlfriend or something so she told me about it. Like I said, it was my pic so no harm (Idk that I'd care had it not been but oh well)

I think her bringing it up to me was great and just another brick in the foundation of our friendship. I don't think a lot of people would have said anything.

That's my question....would you tell your friend if you thought their SO was cheating?
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Replies

  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
    Only if I was 100% sure...
  • trogalicious
    trogalicious Posts: 4,584 Member
    Only if I was 100% sure...
    yup
    only this.
  • runner2runner
    runner2runner Posts: 1,937 Member
    I'd have to be 100% sure first before I do anything!! It'd be a shame if I were to say something only to find that I got it wrong and the friendship is potentially ruined!! But if the evidence is there and is concrete, then it would only be my duty as a friend to tell him/her!!
  • CarlaRG
    CarlaRG Posts: 264
    I should add that I have my suspicions already
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
    I should add that I have my suspicions already

    That's not relevant...
  • trogalicious
    trogalicious Posts: 4,584 Member
    I should add that I have my suspicions already
    suspicions =/= proof. If you're already in the "I think he's cheating" call him out on it and move on, but I wouldn't go to a friend with it until you're 100%... otherwise, your friend will hate the guy even if you're wrong about your suspicions.
  • jaycbadass
    jaycbadass Posts: 325
    I ve learned my lesson. stay out of it!! see no evil, speak no evil....
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    bringing up things that you aren't sure of can create problems that aren't there.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    I should add that I have my suspicions already

    so does that make it more or less okay to add to those suspicions with guesses and conjecture?
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    Made that mistake once, ended up losing a friend and she is still with the guy. The messenger definitely got shot.

    What I would do is have a word with the cheater and try and get them to be honest.
  • NathanielUK
    NathanielUK Posts: 61 Member
    I should add that I have my suspicions already

    But if your talking divorce - why does it matter? You obviously dont want to be with him, considering your divorcing him.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    i am confused... is this post about how good your friend is for saying soemthing to you, or whether you should tell another friend that they think their partner is cheating?
  • KatieBee8
    KatieBee8 Posts: 61
    Yes, I wouldn't hesitate in telling my friend if I had reason to believe their partner was cheating. Even if I wasnt 100% sure I would probably say something.
  • edible_lifter
    edible_lifter Posts: 7
    Like many above me, I'd have to be 100% sure.
    My best friends' husband (ex now) was trying to cheat on her for their ENTIRE relationship. She knew what he was like but was in denial. I didn't say anything because it's exactly who he was.

    The only difference cheating makes now is what box to select on the divorce papers.

    You deserve better. Love yourself enough to make the right decision. <3
  • CarlaRG
    CarlaRG Posts: 264
    I think this is very interesting. Thanks for your opinions.
    My friend's husband is always telling her that part of the "Bro Code" is to keep things like that to themselves and that seems to truly be the case.

    @wolverine66...I am a practical person. I try to not jump to conclusions but I will weigh things out to determine what is fact and what just might seem off. I am a big believer in the "grass isn't always greener on the other side" and will not do anything to jump the fence prematurely. However, if there is no hope of bringing life back to the side I am on.... that is what I need to figure out.

    Again, thanks for all the opinions...keep them coming
  • CarlaRG
    CarlaRG Posts: 264
    i am confused... is this post about how good your friend is for saying soemthing to you, or whether you should tell another friend that they think their partner is cheating?

    I am of the OPINION that my friend did the right thing for me. That is just how I feel about it. The point of the post is just to see if others would voice their suspicions.
  • KatieBee8
    KatieBee8 Posts: 61
    I'm amazed that so many people wouldn't tell their friends :noway:. Isn't that what friends are for?

    I would rather tell my friend that I had reasons to believe/evidence that her partner was cheating and risk our friendship being damaged. Rather than her finding out later that not only was her partner having an affair but her friend knew about it! Surely that's more damaging to any friendship?!
  • labeachgirl
    labeachgirl Posts: 158 Member
    Just curious, why was your best friend sitting next to your husband when you weren't there?
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
    Just curious, why was your best friend sitting next to your husband when you weren't there?

    Uh oh.
  • lorettasnewbeginning
    lorettasnewbeginning Posts: 136
    I think I would tell my friend if I had reason for a strong suspicion. I would tell her what I saw, heard, etc. and let her draw her own conclusions. Unless I was actually in the bedroom with her husband and a paramour there is no way to be 100% certain. As a divorce attorney in a state where irreconcilable differences is sufficient grounds for a divorce, I generally steer my clients away from claiming adultery as the grounds for divorce unless there is a claim for alimony. The reason is that it is very difficult to prove, unless the offending party confesses.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Agreed. I wouldn't say anything unless I was 100% sure, and even then I'm not sure if I would. I've been through this sort of situation with a friend of mine who confessed she messed around with another guy. Her hubs was a good friend of mine too so I felt bad for him and was mad at her for betraying his trust but at the same time I'd promised her I wouldn't tell so I couldn't. When I finally called her to tell her I couldn't be friends with her anymore (after weeks of agonizing about the situation), she told me the whole things was none of my business. At first that ticked me off because she made it my business by telling me but after a fashion, I realized she was right. What goes on between spouses in any marriage is between them and really no one else's business. There are lots of unknown things that go on behind the closed doors in a marriage and even if they're made public, that doesn't necessarily mean it's ok to stick your nose in or gossip about it.

    The only exception I'd make to that is spousal abuse - no one should put up with that and a good friend would, of course, try to convince their friend to leave that harmful toxic situation. But even then there's only so much you can do...
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    Just curious, why was your best friend sitting next to your husband when you weren't there?

    I did think that, but wasn't brave enough to go there.
  • TyTy76
    TyTy76 Posts: 1,761 Member
    I'm amazed that so many people wouldn't tell their friends :noway:. Isn't that what friends are for?

    I would rather tell my friend that I had reasons to believe/evidence that her partner was cheating and risk our friendship being damaged. Rather than her finding out later that not only was her partner having an affair but her friend knew about it! Surely that's more damaging to any friendship?!

    It's obvious you have never been the person that goes and tells your friend that you have SUSPICIONS about their SO cheating. It was then found out that you were wrong. So not only did you ruin their relationship, but you lost your best friend.
  • CarlaRG
    CarlaRG Posts: 264
    Just curious, why was your best friend sitting next to your husband when you weren't there?


    My husband was sitting with my friend and her husband. We are all friends and hang out together. I wasn't there simply because I didn't want to go. We have quite a few couple friends and none of us would have a problem sitting in public with the spouse of a friend.
  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
    I would immediately try to hide a pic on my phone of my wife's *kitten* in panties if sent to me when I was with other people too...has nothing to do with being faithful and everything to do with some things are private.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    You know... this thread makes me kind of sad.

    I don't know the details of all that has happened in your marriage, but it still sounds like you and your husband have a pretty good relationship.

    My opinion is that you really should try to work things out.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    It cannot be that bad of a relationship if you are sending him butt shots, just saying.
  • labeachgirl
    labeachgirl Posts: 158 Member
    Just curious, why was your best friend sitting next to your husband when you weren't there?


    My husband was sitting with my friend and her husband. We are all friends and hang out together. I wasn't there simply because I didn't want to go. We have quite a few couple friends and none of us would have a problem sitting in public with the spouse of a friend.
    Ok, it just helps to know the dynamics and any possible agenda. :flowerforyou:
  • KatieBee8
    KatieBee8 Posts: 61
    I'm amazed that so many people wouldn't tell their friends :noway:. Isn't that what friends are for?

    I would rather tell my friend that I had reasons to believe/evidence that her partner was cheating and risk our friendship being damaged. Rather than her finding out later that not only was her partner having an affair but her friend knew about it! Surely that's more damaging to any friendship?!

    It's obvious you have never been the person that goes and tells your friend that you have SUSPICIONS about their SO cheating. It was then found out that you were wrong. So not only did you ruin their relationship, but you lost your best friend.

    Incorrect, but thanks for the wild assumption. I have been the person on both ends. I have had to inform a friend that her other half was cheating (we're still close friends and he's gone) and I have also been the one cheated on. Unfortunately no-one thought to tell me and I found out 9 months later. Perhaps I have friends like the people in this thread who wouldn't think to inform me. I honestly wish they had.

    Saying all of that, I can completely understand how it can ruin friendships if false accusations are made. I'd still rather risk it.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,749 Member
    I'm with the only if I was 100% sure crew because you don't know who is sending the picture (as in this instance) AND you were being nosy enough to snoop and look at someones phone.

    My husband receives racy pictures from mutual female friends that we have and I'd be a little mad if another friend came running to me telling me about some picture she saw him opening and looking at assuming that he is cheating when he is clearly not. My thoughts would be:

    1) Who are you to assume anything? You don't know what my relationship is nor do you know whether or not it was me in the pictures

    and

    2) Why were you looking over my husbands shoulder at his personal property?

    Perhaps the reason the OP's soon-to-be ex was "hiding" the picture was because he thought it rude for said friend to be breathing down his neck looking at something that is not her business.

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