I was just called the DUFF-designated ugly fat friend!:(

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time2change14
time2change14 Posts: 70
in Motivation and Support
My friend was texting a guy and he asked her what she was doing. She responded "I'm hanging with my best friend." Then he said "Oh you mean the duff?" I forget what she said after that but then he said "Lock her in a closet." Then my friend said something like "WHOA. CALM DOWN." and he didn't respond when I was at her house.

When I asked her why he called me DUFF she said her brother's friend "K" told him that I was. Idk if "K" actually said that either way I'm still hurt.

Do I have a right to be upset? Am I making a big deal about this? I'm not gonna lie this really did upset me! I mean do all guys consider me the DUFF when I'm with my friend? UGH! And I don't even know this guy and he's never seen me in person! (Not "K" he's seen me in person many times). I mean maybe he saw my Facebook or instagram but my Facebook is private and I don't have any "ugly" pics of myself on instagram and I don't have any body shot where I look fat. I guess I look kind of chubby in a few but I'm am chubby, but I don't consider myself fat.

Also I'm mad at my friend too. She didn't really stick up for me and I kind of feel that he has said that before without her saying anything to stick up for me.
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Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    unfortunately you cant stop random people having an opinion....

    ignore him, move on.

    yes your friend probably should have stuck up for you, but she probably wants to hook up with the guy who said it which is why she didnt...
  • CatAMcC
    CatAMcC Posts: 166 Member
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    What a horrible experience for you. Maybe try to spin this and use this to keep you motivated so next time he wonders who you are - say Im the Duff according to you.

    When i was much larger had these issues. You got 2 ways to go - get really upset and make yourself feel worse and stressed or use MFP and whatever regime you using now and push even further.

    I really hope you do the 2nd! :-)
  • time2change14
    time2change14 Posts: 70
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    What a horrible experience for you. Maybe try to spin this and use this to keep you motivated so next time he wonders who you are - say Im the Duff according to you.

    When i was much larger had these issues. You got 2 ways to go - get really upset and make yourself feel worse and stressed or use MFP and whatever regime you using now and push even further.

    I really hope you do the 2nd! :-)

    Don't worry I am definitely going to keep pushing myself and working hard to lose weight! But it really did bring me down since I don't consider myself ugly OR fat; I am chubby, but not fat. :/

    Maybe one day I'll get super hot and then those boys will be into me and then I could be like "Oh I'm sorry I thought you said I was the DUFF!" :bigsmile:
  • ZealousMissJJ
    ZealousMissJJ Posts: 454 Member
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    Maybe one day I'll get super hot and then those boys will be into me and then I could be like "Oh I'm sorry I thought you said I was the DUFF!" :bigsmile:

    Now THAT'S the spirit! You go and show them they were dead-wrong!! Work out hard and eat healthy. Be the best 'you' you can be!
  • CatAMcC
    CatAMcC Posts: 166 Member
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    What a horrible experience for you. Maybe try to spin this and use this to keep you motivated so next time he wonders who you are - say Im the Duff according to you.

    When i was much larger had these issues. You got 2 ways to go - get really upset and make yourself feel worse and stressed or use MFP and whatever regime you using now and push even further.

    I really hope you do the 2nd! :-)

    Don't worry I am definitely going to keep pushing myself and working hard to lose weight! But it really did bring me down since I don't consider myself ugly OR fat; I am chubby, but not fat. :/

    Maybe one day I'll get super hot and then those boys will be into me and then I could be like "Oh I'm sorry I thought you said I was the DUFF!" :bigsmile:

    You are gorgeous and i love people who always tries at least to get healthy. He probs aint a looker himself. Remember what one person sees as ugly is what another sees as beautiful. No maybe one day - I don't know how much you looking to lose but it will happen. Good luck!
  • RoseDarrett
    RoseDarrett Posts: 355 Member
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    This has happened to people I know. Never to my friends,just acquaintances,but your friend should've said something.

    So many guys are horrible like that.

    Don't let this incident get to you. It sucks that there's people in the world like this. The ones who need a high five in the face with a chair. This guy is one of them!!
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    What a horrible experience for you. Maybe try to spin this and use this to keep you motivated so next time he wonders who you are - say Im the Duff according to you.

    When i was much larger had these issues. You got 2 ways to go - get really upset and make yourself feel worse and stressed or use MFP and whatever regime you using now and push even further.

    I really hope you do the 2nd! :-)

    Don't worry I am definitely going to keep pushing myself and working hard to lose weight! But it really did bring me down since I don't consider myself ugly OR fat; I am chubby, but not fat. :/

    Maybe one day I'll get super hot and then those boys will be into me and then I could be like "Oh I'm sorry I thought you said I was the DUFF!" :bigsmile:

    There will always be someone that finds you unattractive no matter what you look like. When I was a size 10 (UK) one of my friends partners liked his women a size 6, and no more. To him, I was fat.

    You can't get hung up on other peoples opinions. Lose weight for you, no-one else.
  • lauren_614
    lauren_614 Posts: 1 Member
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    Sounds like your "friend" needs a couple of lessons in how to be a good friend! The funny thing is, if she'd have stuck up for you he probably would have liked her more for doing it and having a bit of backbone (although he doesn't sound like a particularly nice guy so perhaps that doesn't apply to him!) Either way, well done for using it to motivate you! Good luck!! :)
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
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    The phrase doesn't even make sense. It's idiotic... like the person your friend was texting.
  • time2change14
    time2change14 Posts: 70
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    What a horrible experience for you. Maybe try to spin this and use this to keep you motivated so next time he wonders who you are - say Im the Duff according to you.

    When i was much larger had these issues. You got 2 ways to go - get really upset and make yourself feel worse and stressed or use MFP and whatever regime you using now and push even further.

    I really hope you do the 2nd! :-)

    Don't worry I am definitely going to keep pushing myself and working hard to lose weight! But it really did bring me down since I don't consider myself ugly OR fat; I am chubby, but not fat. :/

    Maybe one day I'll get super hot and then those boys will be into me and then I could be like "Oh I'm sorry I thought you said I was the DUFF!" :bigsmile:

    You are gorgeous and i love people who always tries at least to get healthy. He probs aint a looker himself. Remember what one person sees as ugly is what another sees as beautiful. No maybe one day - I don't know how much you looking to lose but it will happen. Good luck!

    Eh his face is alright, just too skinny for my liking.

    And thanks everyone for all the responses! I kind of was being a drama queen but it really did hurt me! And like I said, I should use this for motivation to get hot and then show them who the DUFF is!
  • RebekahR84
    RebekahR84 Posts: 794 Member
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    Um, SCREW them! You have every reason to be upset! I'm pissed off just thinking about it. I hope your friend starts defending you now that she knows how hurt your feelings are.
  • Maaike84
    Maaike84 Posts: 211 Member
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    That's a horrible, shallow and unfeeling thing to say - you are fully in your right to be angry annoyed, also with your friend. Don't let it get you down though!! This remark of the guy says SO much more about what kind of person HE is, than it says anything about you!
  • geebusuk
    geebusuk Posts: 3,348 Member
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    Get yourself the perfect beach body and a make over to look like a typical model.
    You will STILL get people being *****y behind your back. Just the way human nature wowkrs, I'm afraid.
  • Mainosaur
    Mainosaur Posts: 23 Member
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    What a horrible experience for you. Maybe try to spin this and use this to keep you motivated so next time he wonders who you are - say Im the Duff according to you.

    When i was much larger had these issues. You got 2 ways to go - get really upset and make yourself feel worse and stressed or use MFP and whatever regime you using now and push even further.

    I really hope you do the 2nd! :-)

    Don't worry I am definitely going to keep pushing myself and working hard to lose weight! But it really did bring me down since I don't consider myself ugly OR fat; I am chubby, but not fat. :/

    Maybe one day I'll get super hot and then those boys will be into me and then I could be like "Oh I'm sorry I thought you said I was the DUFF!" :bigsmile:

    People suck. What I've learned to make people shut their face is even if you are chubby or whatever, strut your stuff!
    I used to be super self conscious and my friend told me "Just fake it 'till you get it." It works if you let it :)
  • RebekahR84
    RebekahR84 Posts: 794 Member
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    I won't write exactly what it was, because it still stings to see it written out for some reason, but one of my childhood nicknames that followed me into young adulthood had something to do with a pig. My mom always told me success is the best revenge. Focus on yourself, not them. So that's what I did. Not to brag too much, but I consider myself a successful adult.

    So, what did I do? I went and got a pig tattoo on the back of my ankle. It motivates me. Ever hear the story of Yankee Doodle? Yankee Doodle was used as an insult by Confederate soldiers against Union soldiers. When the Union won, they marched through southern towns singing Yankee Doodle Dandy. This tattoo is my Yankee Doodle.

    Let your past empower your future.
  • katherinealicea
    katherinealicea Posts: 1
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    Your friend not sticking up for you only makes me believe that comment has been said before and she never said anything then either and that to me is more upsetting that what the guy said. Who cares what he thinks you don't even know him and hopefully you never will. A true friend should have your back no matter what and for her to brush it off is not right. Unfortunately there are people out there that are just mean and they think they can say anything and not think about others feelings.

    You need not waste your time on this negative stuff. You are obviously trying to make changes for yourself and that is what is important here. Do not lose focus and have him or anyone discourage you from your goals.

    There is a song by Jessie J called "Who you are" and there is a line that I love because she writes about trying to fit the mold of perfect and you know what there is not one and people suffer for it because of what TV, stars and all the other stuff that is drilled in our heads since birth of what society thinks is beauty. We all have flaws. You are not DUFF, I don't know you and never seen but your not! Curves are beautiful. I am losing weight to be healthy but I still want some curves I am not trying to fit into any bikini or flash my belly. I just want to fit into my clothes comfortably and feel good.

    Look up the song, I hope you like it as much as I do.
  • AntWrig
    AntWrig Posts: 2,273 Member
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    Everyone isn't going to like you.
  • helpfit101
    helpfit101 Posts: 347 Member
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    They were mean and that's on them.

    They harshly confronted you with reality and that's you're probably overweight. That is on you. Do with it what you want? The only way to win here is to stop being overweight by ... eating less and what not.

    Edint because I think I'm coming off harsh here, but I've been bullied before (other reasons) and most of us have and that's what it sounds like what happened. The only thing you can do is be a better (looking) you.
  • RebekahR84
    RebekahR84 Posts: 794 Member
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    Everyone isn't going to like you.

    That's not really the point, though, is it? She's more concerned that a) she's never MET this guy who is comfortable saying cruel things about her like it's some sort of common knowledge and b) her friend dropped the ball in sticking up for her. I feel like she couldn't care less about this idiot liking her! It's more the nonchalance that stings.
  • StheK
    StheK Posts: 443 Member
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    The guy? Meh. A lot of men are a55holes in this regard (not all, but certainly an awful lot of them).

    I would be PISSED at my best friend, though. None of my best friends would continue any kind of conversation with a man who was so disrespectful to me- not just out of solidarity with me, but because they have some self respect and wouldn't be interested in having anything to do with a man who would feel so free to disrespect a woman based on her looks. To her best friend. How desperate is your best friend to put up with that? And how crappy that she apparently felt that continuing the conversation with him was more important than reassuring you by dismissing him completely.

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