Am I trying too hard?
naterciarodrigues58
Posts: 105 Member
So here it is:
I've been really good - track the calories, eat healthy, fit treats in my calories, do a lot of exercise.
However, last night my fiance told me he was offered a permanent contract at work (YAY!) and begged me to have pizza for dinner as a celebration. I told him to order it, I wouldn't mind but he just said he'd be fine not having it but he'd just not have it by himself - he would eat it if I was ok with it, but if i didn't want to order any pizza he'd be fine without it.
As ususal, he was really cool about it, comprehensive when I said I'd prefer not to break my good ways. However, after he mentioned I started to binge... and then I wanted pizza, and garlic bread and ice cream and the whole lot of fast food in one night. But I couldn't bring myself to order it. "just one slice" he said, and I was like NO WAY. It just scares me how much I wanted it and how terrified I was of getting over my calories and how scary the fear of getting all the weight back in one night was.
I am still thinking about that pizza but cannot bring myself to just have it already. Just can't. Am I overdoing this or am I doing it just right? To make it clear my problem is that I feel I am absolutely denying myself things I love to eat. Not finding reasons not to have it or not to binge - wanting them desperatly and just not allowing myself to have them.
I've been really good - track the calories, eat healthy, fit treats in my calories, do a lot of exercise.
However, last night my fiance told me he was offered a permanent contract at work (YAY!) and begged me to have pizza for dinner as a celebration. I told him to order it, I wouldn't mind but he just said he'd be fine not having it but he'd just not have it by himself - he would eat it if I was ok with it, but if i didn't want to order any pizza he'd be fine without it.
As ususal, he was really cool about it, comprehensive when I said I'd prefer not to break my good ways. However, after he mentioned I started to binge... and then I wanted pizza, and garlic bread and ice cream and the whole lot of fast food in one night. But I couldn't bring myself to order it. "just one slice" he said, and I was like NO WAY. It just scares me how much I wanted it and how terrified I was of getting over my calories and how scary the fear of getting all the weight back in one night was.
I am still thinking about that pizza but cannot bring myself to just have it already. Just can't. Am I overdoing this or am I doing it just right? To make it clear my problem is that I feel I am absolutely denying myself things I love to eat. Not finding reasons not to have it or not to binge - wanting them desperatly and just not allowing myself to have them.
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Replies
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I was like that at the beginning too. My advice to you would be to avoid trigger foods until you have developed more self control and are confident in your ability to only eat a slice or two.0
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Yes. You need to develop a healthier relationship with food where you have control over it, not the other way around.
It's pretty sad that your boyfriend wanted to celebrate a big thing and couldn't because you can't handle one slice of pizza. Now that life has shown you how unworkable your "wipe out entire foods" plan is, you can change it. There will be lots of celebrations in life. You and he should be able to partake.
Having such a good BF means you should probably make it up to him in some way. Balloon bouquet. Send him some delivery pizza. Show up with a small pizza and a big salad and drink to share and say sorry for screwing up your celebration and being so wacky about my own goals that I lost sight of you.0 -
My opinion is, you still have an unhealthy relationship with food. You are restricting yourself to the point that just the thought of pizza gets you salivating and on the verge of a binge. In my opinion, you need to "change your mind", meaning, change the way you think about food. If my wife came home with great news and said lets celebrate, i would eat all the food knowing I can make it up and fit it into my goals. If I were to restrict my foods, I would think about food all the time. But since I dont, I balance my eating and when an occasion comes around i enjoy the hell out of it.0
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I was like that at the beginning too. My advice to you would be to avoid trigger foods until you have developed more self control and are confident in your ability to only eat a slice or two.
NO!. The eating plan has to fit into our life. Our life and our boyfriends life and his promotion and his bosses life and his bosses wifes life and his bosses wifes kids life and his bosses wifes kids piano teachers life does not have to fit our plan. SHE is the one with the weight goal, SHE has to come up with a workable plan. NOT annihilate everything and everyone in her path to skinny.0 -
Yes. You need to develop a healthier relationship with food where you have control over it, not the other way around.
It's pretty sad that your boyfriend wanted to celebrate a big thing and couldn't because you can't handle one slice of pizza. Now that life has shown you how unworkable your "wipe out entire foods" plan is, you can change it. There will be lots of celebrations in life. You and he should be able to partake.
Having such a good BF means you should probably make it up to him in some way. Balloon bouquet. Send him some delivery pizza. Show up with a small pizza and a big salad and drink to share and say sorry for screwing up your celebration and being so wacky about my own goals that I lost sight of you.
Yeah, I should have just waited and said......THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^0 -
So here it is:
I've been really good - track the calories, eat healthy, fit treats in my calories, do a lot of exercise.
However, last night my fiance told me he was offered a permanent contract at work (YAY!) and begged me to have pizza for dinner as a celebration. I told him to order it, I wouldn't mind but he just said he'd be fine not having it but he'd just not have it by himself - he would eat it if I was ok with it, but if i didn't want to order any pizza he'd be fine without it.
As ususal, he was really cool about it, comprehensive when I said I'd prefer not to break my good ways. However, after he mentioned I started to binge... and then I wanted pizza, and garlic bread and ice cream and the whole lot of fast food in one night. But I couldn't bring myself to order it. "just one slice" he said, and I was like NO WAY. It just scares me how much I wanted it and how terrified I was of getting over my calories and how scary the fear of getting all the weight back in one night was.
I am still thinking about that pizza but cannot bring myself to just have it already. Just can't. Am I overdoing this or am I doing it just right? To make it clear my problem is that I feel I am absolutely denying myself things I love to eat. Not finding reasons not to have it or not to binge - wanting them desperatly and just not allowing myself to have them.
By the way I notice words like "good" and "bad" a lot in these kinds of situations. Perhaps that's the first thinking you need to get out of your head. The black and white, GOOD versus BAD in the food situations stuff. Maybe?0 -
My opinion is, you still have an unhealthy relationship with food. You are restricting yourself to the point that just the thought of pizza gets you salivating and on the verge of a binge. In my opinion, you need to "change your mind", meaning, change the way you think about food. If my wife came home with great news and said lets celebrate, i would eat all the food knowing I can make it up and fit it into my goals. If I were to restrict my foods, I would think about food all the time. But since I dont, I balance my eating and when an occasion comes around i enjoy the hell out of it.
Yeah, I should have just waited and said......THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^0 -
Let me tell you, I've been through that so many times. Alienating myself from friends and family because I wanted to eat "clean". My whole life changed when I dropped the "clean" eating and started eating whatever I want in moderation. Now I can have that pizza and ice cream and everything else, as long as I don't go over my calories for the day. I never thought eating this way would be possible, but now I'm living it and losing fat at 1-2 Lbs per week. Change your lifestyle to a more manageable one and learn the art of moderation.0
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Yes. You need to develop a healthier relationship with food where you have control over it, not the other way around.
It's pretty sad that your boyfriend wanted to celebrate a big thing and couldn't because you can't handle one slice of pizza. Now that life has shown you how unworkable your "wipe out entire foods" plan is, you can change it. There will be lots of celebrations in life. You and he should be able to partake.
Having such a good BF means you should probably make it up to him in some way. Balloon bouquet. Send him some delivery pizza. Show up with a small pizza and a big salad and drink to share and say sorry for screwing up your celebration and being so wacky about my own goals that I lost sight of you.
You are right... I was just really scared that it would all turn up to be a 3000++ too much calories and that it would make me fall off the wagon and made such a big drama out of the whole thing... He was a perfect star, did not judge my decision and wouldn't have done so even if I had decided otherwise.
Ordering take outs terrifies me because I feel I cannot control what I eat then :sad:0 -
Yes. You need to develop a healthier relationship with food where you have control over it, not the other way around.
It's pretty sad that your boyfriend wanted to celebrate a big thing and couldn't because you can't handle one slice of pizza. Now that life has shown you how unworkable your "wipe out entire foods" plan is, you can change it. There will be lots of celebrations in life. You and he should be able to partake.
Having such a good BF means you should probably make it up to him in some way. Balloon bouquet. Send him some delivery pizza. Show up with a small pizza and a big salad and drink to share and say sorry for screwing up your celebration and being so wacky about my own goals that I lost sight of you.
You are right... I was just really scared that it would all turn up to be a 3000++ too much calories and that it would make me fall off the wagon and made such a big drama out of the whole thing... He was a perfect star, did not judge my decision and wouldn't have done so even if I had decided otherwise.
Ordering take outs terrifies me because I feel I cannot control what I eat then :sad:
Do it online. Order a small or personal sized pizza that you wouldn't be hurt by eating half. You would HAVE to leave half for him, wouldn't you? I mean you arent' so out of control that you'd grab it out of his hands and eat his half? Then get the salad that seems right to your amount of calories and a drink. Diet coke if you want. OR iced tea. Or whatever fits your calorie goals.
Then light some candles and sprinkle some confetti or something and wait for him and the food to show up. Trust me if that's all the pizza that shows up you will not die and immediately turn into the blueberry girl from charlie and the chocolate factory.0 -
Am I overdoing this or am I doing it just right? To make it clear my problem is that I feel I am absolutely denying myself things I love to eat.
Unless you're never going to eat pizza again in your life, you need to come up with a more moderate approach. Otherwise, when you reach your target weight, you'll find yourself back in the bad habits that led you to MFP in the first place.
What I suggest is that you order pizza from a place that puts its calorie counts online, or if you have a local place you like, weigh a slice and then find a comparable pizza from a chain that does put calorie counts online. Figure out the calories per ounce of pizza. Figure out how many calories of pizza you can eat based on your plan, divide that by calories per ounce, and you've got the weight of pizza you can eat. Put a piece that size on your plate, enjoy every bite, but don't take any more. In fact, I'd put the pizza in another room, so you can't just reach out and grab more.
In other words, you need to prove to yourself that you can have pizza occasionally, as a treat, without binging, and without leading to other foods.
The same applies to anything else you're not planning to give up forever. Folks who lose weight by dieting often put it back on again because they think that when they reach their target, the diet is over. It's not -- not if you see "diet" as "a healthy, sustainable way of eating for the rest of my life." When you reach your target, you add more calories (so you don't get unhealthily thin), but you shouldn't make any major changes in the kinds of things you eat. Otherwise, your hard work is likely to go out the window.
Give it a try, and good luck!!0 -
Yes. You need to develop a healthier relationship with food where you have control over it, not the other way around.
It's pretty sad that your boyfriend wanted to celebrate a big thing and couldn't because you can't handle one slice of pizza. Now that life has shown you how unworkable your "wipe out entire foods" plan is, you can change it. There will be lots of celebrations in life. You and he should be able to partake.
Having such a good BF means you should probably make it up to him in some way. Balloon bouquet. Send him some delivery pizza. Show up with a small pizza and a big salad and drink to share and say sorry for screwing up your celebration and being so wacky about my own goals that I lost sight of you.
You are right... I was just really scared that it would all turn up to be a 3000++ too much calories and that it would make me fall off the wagon and made such a big drama out of the whole thing... He was a perfect star, did not judge my decision and wouldn't have done so even if I had decided otherwise.
Ordering take outs terrifies me because I feel I cannot control what I eat then :sad:
If there's no wagon, there's nothing to fall off of.
Eat the food your body needs 80% of the time, so when the occasion comes to have pizza, it's no big deal.
And look at it this way - they are always making more pizza. You can eat just one or two slices now because you can get more anytime you want it. If you have car, a little money, a kitchen, and some free time, you can have any kind of food you want almost any time you want it. You don't need all of it today. Get more next time.0 -
By the way I notice words like "good" and "bad" a lot in these kinds of situations. Perhaps that's the first thinking you need to get out of your head. The black and white, GOOD versus BAD in the food situations stuff. Maybe?
I generally face food in a very "grey" way, so I do fit my treats in my calories for the day... The problem was I didn't want to not to be able to control myself and go OVER my allowance for the day, and that thought terrified me so much that I chose not even ordering it
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Maybe pre-log a slice of pizza, see what the calories are, and adjust around it.
If you are worried about the binge, then make up your plate with other foods that you would normally eat with one slice of pizza added to that plate. Don't bring the the pizza box in the table, immediately put the leftovers in a ziplock bag in the fridge or freezer once you've pulled out the amount your boyfriend would normally eat, and throw away the box.
Just please don't give up entirely because the need to enjoy these kinds of foods makes you think you've failed.
I'm not saying eat it daily or even weekly, but figure out a way that works for you to not have regrets. Pre-logging may be beneficial for you.0 -
OP you are getting great advice here. Here's some more food for thought.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1042954-moderation-is-a-basic-life-skill0 -
What I do in these situations is plan in advance. My boyfriend and I are total pizza junkies...depriving myself of it does not work. But I arm myself with knowledge. I know how many calories are in one slice for just about every different place we get it from (obsessive much?? LOL) . We went to his mother's house for dinner one night and she bought pizza....knowing this particular pizza was over 400 calories for ONE SLICE I went to the kitchen, put one slice on my plate and sat down and did not go for seconds. Everyone else ended up finishing it and I still felt like I got my treat and did not feel deprived. Also, one time at work my boss decided he wanted to order pizza for the office. I had planned ahead and brought my own lunch (salad and a protein bar). I was driving myself crazy thinking about and was ready to restrict myself...but I said no, I will have ONE slice and my salad and save the protein bar for later. I stuck to my guns, logged everything and was ok!
You can allow yourself to have some treats, just remember knowledge is power! Go in with a plan and stick to your guns. And guess what, if you slip up...it probably won't be the end of the world. It is a journey. You make mistakes and learn what to do to help yourself for the future. JMO.0 -
i think it's great to be disciplined, but you also need to enjoy your life. i got to the point of tears when i realized i was saying no to my husband to go and do fun things, like get frozen yogurt or go to the movies or something, because i didn't have enough calories left for the day. i should have been thrilled that he wanted to go and do fun things, but instead i felt distressed because of my stupid calorie limit. i had enough. i decided not to live like that anymore. i stay disciplined and make healthy choices, but i also say yes now when he wants to go do something. i have decided that my life is not going to be all about eating celery and exercising. i do care about my health a great deal, but i also i want to have fun and enjoy my relationship with my husband and hanging out with family and friends.
i agree with what BeachGinger says. pre-log that pizza and see how it fits into your day. my husband and i usually order a salad (with vinaigrette) along with pizza, so i eat a bunch of that first to help fill me up before i go for the pizza. it also helps that the place we order from has individual slices, so i can order one slice with what i want on it, and i don't care much for the (whole) pizza my husband orders.
as others have said - things in moderation are ok. you've shown that you can exercise self-control with food thus far, so challenge yourself to keep doing it, even with not-so-good-for-you choices. plus, you should be celebrating! there is so much to celebrate 0 -
Yes. You need to develop a healthier relationship with food where you have control over it, not the other way around.
It's pretty sad that your boyfriend wanted to celebrate a big thing and couldn't because you can't handle one slice of pizza. Now that life has shown you how unworkable your "wipe out entire foods" plan is, you can change it. There will be lots of celebrations in life. You and he should be able to partake.
Having such a good BF means you should probably make it up to him in some way. Balloon bouquet. Send him some delivery pizza. Show up with a small pizza and a big salad and drink to share and say sorry for screwing up your celebration and being so wacky about my own goals that I lost sight of you.
You are right... I was just really scared that it would all turn up to be a 3000++ too much calories and that it would make me fall off the wagon and made such a big drama out of the whole thing... He was a perfect star, did not judge my decision and wouldn't have done so even if I had decided otherwise.
Ordering take outs terrifies me because I feel I cannot control what I eat then :sad:
Do it online. Order a small or personal sized pizza that you wouldn't be hurt by eating half. You would HAVE to leave half for him, wouldn't you? I mean you arent' so out of control that you'd grab it out of his hands and eat his half? Then get the salad that seems right to your amount of calories and a drink. Diet coke if you want. OR iced tea. Or whatever fits your calorie goals.
Then light some candles and sprinkle some confetti or something and wait for him and the food to show up. Trust me if that's all the pizza that shows up you will not die and immediately turn into the blueberry girl from charlie and the chocolate factory.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Yes. You need to develop a healthier relationship with food where you have control over it, not the other way around.
It's pretty sad that your boyfriend wanted to celebrate a big thing and couldn't because you can't handle one slice of pizza. Now that life has shown you how unworkable your "wipe out entire foods" plan is, you can change it. There will be lots of celebrations in life. You and he should be able to partake.
Having such a good BF means you should probably make it up to him in some way. Balloon bouquet. Send him some delivery pizza. Show up with a small pizza and a big salad and drink to share and say sorry for screwing up your celebration and being so wacky about my own goals that I lost sight of you.
You are right... I was just really scared that it would all turn up to be a 3000++ too much calories and that it would make me fall off the wagon and made such a big drama out of the whole thing... He was a perfect star, did not judge my decision and wouldn't have done so even if I had decided otherwise.
Ordering take outs terrifies me because I feel I cannot control what I eat then :sad:
Adjust the wagon to fit your life. Take the stigma out of food that you eat and look at it like fuel. People fall off of the wagon because they try too damned hard to fit onto a wagon that shouldn't exist in the first place. There aren't inherently evil are non-evil foods. Take a deep breath, reassess, and go from there.0 -
The other night my wife wanted pizza and asked if it was ok with me if she ordered pizza, knowing I was already at my goal for the day. I said sure, go ahead...I'm not hungry. She ordered pizza and cheesy bread sticks. Pizza arrived at the house. Pizza smelled SSOOO good.
I ate 2 slices and 2 cheesy breadsticks. Logged it. Went a good amount over on calories. Didn't care. Still losing weight. Life went on. I survived.
True Story.
ETA: If you're this way with a pizza for a celebration...how do you handle holidays and birthday parties with cake and such or vacations and vacation food? Life is going to happen...fit it in..enjoy it. As long as you're hitting your goals 80% or higher, math and logic say you'll lose weight. Don't treat this like a prison...treat it like a vacation, enjoy food, enjoy yourself...show willpower most of the time and then let your hair down the rest.0 -
This is a smart woman!Yes. You need to develop a healthier relationship with food where you have control over it, not the other way around.
It's pretty sad that your boyfriend wanted to celebrate a big thing and couldn't because you can't handle one slice of pizza. Now that life has shown you how unworkable your "wipe out entire foods" plan is, you can change it. There will be lots of celebrations in life. You and he should be able to partake.
Having such a good BF means you should probably make it up to him in some way. Balloon bouquet. Send him some delivery pizza. Show up with a small pizza and a big salad and drink to share and say sorry for screwing up your celebration and being so wacky about my own goals that I lost sight of you.
You are right... I was just really scared that it would all turn up to be a 3000++ too much calories and that it would make me fall off the wagon and made such a big drama out of the whole thing... He was a perfect star, did not judge my decision and wouldn't have done so even if I had decided otherwise.
Ordering take outs terrifies me because I feel I cannot control what I eat then :sad:
Do it online. Order a small or personal sized pizza that you wouldn't be hurt by eating half. You would HAVE to leave half for him, wouldn't you? I mean you arent' so out of control that you'd grab it out of his hands and eat his half? Then get the salad that seems right to your amount of calories and a drink. Diet coke if you want. OR iced tea. Or whatever fits your calorie goals.
Then light some candles and sprinkle some confetti or something and wait for him and the food to show up. Trust me if that's all the pizza that shows up you will not die and immediately turn into the blueberry girl from charlie and the chocolate factory.
Fear is paralyzing, it is the fear you need to remove from food.0 -
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I love this.0 -
My husband wanted pizza last night because he wasn't in the mood to cook. So I ordered the large and had 1 slice and some breadsticks. Pizza is certainly easy to go through very quickly, you just have to remember to talk to yourself. No distractions. So don't eat pizza while say watching TV. Drink plenty of water before it arrives. Then take small bites. You could even ask him to take it away after 2 slices or put it away. You can do it! But yes, I don't think you should feel like it's going to spin you out of control.0
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I have days like this too. Yesterday I ate some gelato and my stomach started to hurt afterwards, so I guess I'm getting used to not having fatty/sweet things. When my husband wants to go out to eat, which is often I either have to tell him no (mostly because we don't have money for it at the time due to our budget) or I just eat half of my meal. When we get pizza I'll order a big salad and just eat one slice of pizza or have a bit of his to get my pizza fix. If I were to binge, I would just try my best to get back on track with my food intake and exercise to burn off some of those calories. That's about all you can do. It's really hard to resist the urge to eat the things we used to 'binge' on so often.0
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Yes. You need to develop a healthier relationship with food where you have control over it, not the other way around.
It's pretty sad that your boyfriend wanted to celebrate a big thing and couldn't because you can't handle one slice of pizza. Now that life has shown you how unworkable your "wipe out entire foods" plan is, you can change it. There will be lots of celebrations in life. You and he should be able to partake.
Having such a good BF means you should probably make it up to him in some way. Balloon bouquet. Send him some delivery pizza. Show up with a small pizza and a big salad and drink to share and say sorry for screwing up your celebration and being so wacky about my own goals that I lost sight of you.
This quote is full of win. You can have to foods you love. It is just not good to binge on it. Track those calories like everything else, and eat it slowly to enjoy it. I have a bad habit of inhaling food, so slowing down really helps you enjoy it.0 -
You did good. It seems like overkill, but if you haven't gotten to your goal weight and developed a proven record of maintenance you're right to avoid foods that will prompt a lot of bad eating.0
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You have been too restrictive with what foods you've been eating for too long, you're placing foods in categories of "good" and "bad." I drove myself insane and fell off the weight loss wagon many times before I just formed a healthy relationship with food and stopped trying to cut things out because they were "bad."
My suggestion, make your own pizzas, together. Pizza can actually be quite a complete meal, when made properly. Add low sodium pizza sauce (or make your own), a whole wheat crust, a sliced chicken breast, veggies you like, whatever cheese you want and you can measure every single thing on the pizza to log accurately. Your BF can do the same, he can put whatever meat and cheese he wants on there. You'll both be happy.0 -
Food, and it's inherent calories, has too much control over you. I find that being militant about ANYthing is detrimental. You have to learn to be healthy while still living life. And, for most of us, that life will include pizza, birthday cake, office cookies, holiday meals, etc. Going over on calories one day does not a failure make. Chalk it up for what it was and move right back to mindful eating.
Thinking we can totally control any aspect of our lives is a complete myth and one that drives people batty trying to acheive. Manage the things you can as well as you can. When the pizzas in life show up. . .find joy in that pizza and then move on.0 -
Yes. You need to develop a healthier relationship with food where you have control over it, not the other way around.
It's pretty sad that your boyfriend wanted to celebrate a big thing and couldn't because you can't handle one slice of pizza. Now that life has shown you how unworkable your "wipe out entire foods" plan is, you can change it. There will be lots of celebrations in life. You and he should be able to partake.
Having such a good BF means you should probably make it up to him in some way. Balloon bouquet. Send him some delivery pizza. Show up with a small pizza and a big salad and drink to share and say sorry for screwing up your celebration and being so wacky about my own goals that I lost sight of you.
You are right... I was just really scared that it would all turn up to be a 3000++ too much calories and that it would make me fall off the wagon and made such a big drama out of the whole thing... He was a perfect star, did not judge my decision and wouldn't have done so even if I had decided otherwise.
Ordering take outs terrifies me because I feel I cannot control what I eat then :sad:
Lots of good advice in this thread. At some point, you'll need to learn to eat trigger foods in moderation. So you might as well start planning for it. Practice under ideal circumstances. Change your relationship with it, and when it becomes a reasonable part of your diet, it can lose its power over you.0
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