mini rant re: mother in laws and cake!

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  • jacklis
    jacklis Posts: 280 Member
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    I don't know what crazy hormone it is that makes moms of men go Cruella Deville on the women they married, but with some men's moms it is ridiculous. I told myself that the hormone malfunction was so strong that they were not in their right mind.

    I hope you have a son someday!

    Ha! I have 2- and I recognize what you are getting at.
  • KristyAnn81
    KristyAnn81 Posts: 128 Member
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    That's going above and beyond to sabotage you.... as much as we can love them, they are evil.

    My MIL goes "wow, you're losing weight. well... that's good.. but did you know that *her daughter* now weighs 130 pounds? Yeah, she lost weight.. you'll get there, I guess"
  • mclgo
    mclgo Posts: 147 Member
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    I've had my share of MIL issues too, here's what I've learned:

    1. All of life is attitude. Every single one of us can choose how to "see" and react to any situation.
    2. Other people are walking a path that is not ours to understand
    3. Don't try to figure out people's motivation - see #2.
    4. Do what you feel is best for you, and don't take responsibility for how others react - see #1.
    5. Read "The 4 Agreements"
  • jlqt2000
    jlqt2000 Posts: 25 Member
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    I don't know what crazy hormone it is that makes moms of men go Cruella Deville on the women they married, but with some men's moms it is ridiculous. I told myself that the hormone malfunction was so strong that they were not in their right mind.

    I hope you have a son someday!

    Having a son and having a son and being obsessively controlled are two totally different things. I hope I have a son so I know exactly how NOT to be. My MIL caused one divorce with her other son and I refused to let that happen to us. It took my husand 3 years but he finally has realized the craziness. Not all MILs are this way, but as she said, with some it's ridiculous. I could write a book about all the evil things done but just know... some can be BAD.
  • jlqt2000
    jlqt2000 Posts: 25 Member
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    That's going above and beyond to sabotage you.... as much as we can love them, they are evil.

    My MIL goes "wow, you're losing weight. well... that's good.. but did you know that *her daughter* now weighs 130 pounds? Yeah, she lost weight.. you'll get there, I guess"

    Ah, that's awful!! My MIL told me on a vacation once "you know... when you can start to see your bones in your neck... that's just not cute" then later apoligized when my husband called her out on it. However, on top of all the other horrible things, it was definitely meant to be purely offensive! And I am in no way THAT skinny! lol!
  • cappri
    cappri Posts: 1,089 Member
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    I don't know what crazy hormone it is that makes moms of men go Cruella Deville on the women they married, but with some men's moms it is ridiculous. I told myself that the hormone malfunction was so strong that they were not in their right mind.

    I hope you have a son someday!

    Ha! I have 2- and I recognize what you are getting at.

    I have two as well and I live in fear of being that awful mother-in-law.
  • missy_girl001
    missy_girl001 Posts: 53 Member
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    I ate the cake and the ice cream, and it was delicious! Here's hoping there's no more baking adventures tomorrow ... I'm debating hiding the sugar before I go to bed! :wink:
  • bunbunzee44
    bunbunzee44 Posts: 592 Member
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    mother-in-laws.... sigh :| they are just the worst sometimes. but grannies and other older ladies give it a good run when it comes to offering treats. thanks, but no thanks should be enough..
  • Christina8585
    Christina8585 Posts: 73 Member
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    Good morning MFP! I'm not normally one to publicly rant to a group of strangers, but this mini rant has got to come out in some way or my head may pop off. (Not literally of course, but even figurative head poppings are bad news!)

    Staying with the in-laws for a wedding this weekend. Arrived yesterday and while chatting with my mother-in-law I mentioned that I'm trying to watch what I eat and work out to lose some weight. Dinner time rolls around and she suggests grabbing fast food for dinner. Odd, I think, since she's a wonderful cook and rarely eats fast food, but whatever I'll find something "healthy-ish" to eat. Later when we're watching TV she offers me ice cream, which I politely declined. Her response "Oh, you really are being good." Um, yeah, lady, that's what I said earlier!

    Then this morning we wake up to find her in the kitchen cooking and BAKING up a storm. She got up early to bake a cake. I say to my guy, "wow, your mama must love you if she got up early to bake you a cake." To which she replies, "oh no, I baked it for you!" with a mischievous smile on here face.

    I love her dearly, but WTF! I tell you I'm watching what I eat and you offer up fast food, ice cream and bake me a bloody fantastic-looking ooey gooey chocolate cake! Luckily I'm not a fast food or ice cream fan, but cake ... cake is my kryptonite!

    New plan of action: covert workout. I'm gonna be sneaky and get in a work out with a friend later and totally allot room in my day to eat a piece of that damn cake with nary a complaint or comment about eating cake while on a diet. She'll think she'll have won, but that cake is gonna be worked of before it even has a chance to lodge itself somewhere on my thighs! Take that mother-in-law!

    That's it. Mini-rant finished. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. And wishing you all a fantastic day! :)


    Not gonna lie. She seems like a bit of a bit-ch. But you know, that's how it seems to be with me too. The second I try to rally an ounce of support, everyone and I mean everyone starts offering me the bad foods and trying to give me cheat days. I think it's an instinct that they have to keep me the same and also a possible subconscious sabotage. In your mil case, I think she's trying to sabotage you. I'd take the piece and toss in the garbage right infront of her, but that's just me.
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
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    Serious question. I've never been married, so maybe there's something I'm missing, but why don't you just have a serious conversation with your MIL?

    i.e.

    Hi Betty, can we go out for coffee, just the two of us?
    The reason I wanted to talk to you is that I feel like you're not taking me seriously when I say that I'm trying to make fitness a real priority in my life. I love your cake, and it's really hard for me to control myself when you make it. I would really appreciate it if you could support me in this. It makes it harder for me to achieve my goals when you are A) pushing ice cream and B) making sweets EXPLICITLY FOR ME.

    Sure, if she wants her MIL to become her enemy, that would work great. The interaction between MIL and DIL are much more delicate and subtle than that. For the most part the MIL would like to continue to control her son, and this also means controlling the DIL. Trust me, I have to play referee between my mom and my SIL (brother's wife) all the time. Although my mother only wants her son to be happy, she actively tries to piss off my SIL in an attempt to drive a wedge between my brother and his wife.

    The relationship is more akin to that of the current wife to the ex-wife in how delicately it needs to be handled.
  • RebekahR84
    RebekahR84 Posts: 794 Member
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    Reading through all of these posts, my GOODNESS I hit the jackpot with my mother-in-law. She is so supportive and accomodating!
  • nfpswife
    nfpswife Posts: 63 Member
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    I am going to respond simply because I endured life with my mother-in-law for 3 years in my own home and it was torture. I have seen posts such as yours and responses from people -advising the poster that no one is trying to sabotage, and give the MIL a break and just say no, and so on. My response is to support you, and encourage you to laugh (ya you heard me) laugh when your MLI claims she made a chocolate cake for your and laugh like you think she is joking and you are in on the joke (based on your communicated wishes). This is the only way I survived a lot of things with my MIL, and I don't know what crazy hormone it is that makes moms of men go Cruella Deville on the women they married, but with some men's moms it is ridiculous. I told myself that the hormone malfunction was so strong that they were not in their right mind.
    Hang in there, do your workouts, and be proud of your determinism. If you can overcome her, imagine how easy some other challenges will be in this journey.

    This. Your MIL might not be evil OP but ask yourself if it were your hubby on a diet would she be baking a cake?


    Yes...yes mine would...and his favorite brownies, cookies, breads and a steak on top of it all.
  • nfpswife
    nfpswife Posts: 63 Member
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    I feel your pain, but I can honestly say my MIL does it because she just doesn't understand dieting. She eats what she wants, when she wants and stays the size of a twig. Both my future SIL and I are dieters and she is flummoxed that our entire meal does not include bread, butter, fatty dressings, potatoes, gravy, etc.

    I've grown to accept it, smile and say "No thank you"...she's been getting better about accepting that while YES, I DO want that piece of cake, my willpower is bigger than my craving (sometimes) and it's not a matter of insulting her.

    Plus my hubster will eat the entire damn cake anyway.
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
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    This is reason #3989 that you don't mention you're on a 'diet'. Ever. To anyone. Ever.
  • kellehbeans
    kellehbeans Posts: 838 Member
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    My MIL to be (one day, perhaps) has MASSIVE portions. She has no sense of portion control, even being with Slimming World. For her night time snack, she will have cheese, salad, crackers and coleslaw. Sounds great, right? No. She has a whole block of Brie (about 350g-500g), a whole tub of coleslaw and about 6-8 crackers - and very little salad as she still uses a small plate.

    She is exactly the same with her dinners that she does for me. The amount of lard she uses on her roast dinners is criminal and try not to eat all day so I can keep within my calorie goal!

    She does try to help my OH with losing weight with 2 large tortilla wraps, plenty of protein and salad. But what she doesn't get, is that those wraps are pretty calorific. She'll then throw in Mr Kipling slices etc. etc. I have to dictate what I want for dinners or lunches or I will end up this way too.

    EDIT: Spelling mistake
  • battyg13
    battyg13 Posts: 508 Member
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    shes a saboteur. i hate people like that.

    every one i work with is always trying to get me to eat junk. and my boss always makes snide comments that i dont eat. no i just live a healthy lifestyle you moron.

    i dont want to end up fat, obnoxious and with a woman who is a pain in the *kitten* like you. haha
  • earndien
    earndien Posts: 195 Member
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    i feel your pain, my mother inlaw hasnt got any heathly foods like fruit or veg in her house
    when we get there, its always MEAT, rice and patotoes!!
    and it sometime gets too me like realy when do u get your veggies in
  • lsmsrbls
    lsmsrbls Posts: 232 Member
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    it's not necessarily sabotage. some people view diets as purgatory, and helping you to cheat on your diet as a kindness, because they're giving you what you really want which you're denying yourself. they think they're doing you a favour when they offer you delicious food. It says a lot about their own attitude towards dieting. For these people, saying something like "oooh how delicious, but I just ate so I'll have a small slice" works a lot better than "I'm only having a small slice because I'm on a diet" because the first one, they see that you really don't want a larger slice, the second one is interpreted as "oh, I'd love to have a really big slice but I'm being good and denying myself something that I really want" - to which they'll respond by giving you permission to have what you really want, i.e. encouarging you to take a larger slice. So have a whole bunch of reasons why you're eating small servings or saving something for later, and that kind of thing, and don't mention anything about diets, being good, etc.

    This is very insightful! And it makes a lot of sense. Thank you for your excellent explanation.
  • lilbearzmom
    lilbearzmom Posts: 600 Member
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    Reading through all of these posts, my GOODNESS I hit the jackpot with my mother-in-law. She is so supportive and accomodating!

    Treasure her. seriously. I am always so envious of women with good MILs. I have one that is not-so-good. To put it nicely.
  • rachseby
    rachseby Posts: 285 Member
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    I don't know what crazy hormone it is that makes moms of men go Cruella Deville on the women they married, but with some men's moms it is ridiculous. I told myself that the hormone malfunction was so strong that they were not in their right mind.

    I hope you have a son someday!
    I have 3, and am going to be a lot nicer to their significant others than my MIL is to me!:flowerforyou:

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