How do I deal with negativity?

takethissoul
takethissoul Posts: 2
in Motivation and Support
I'm having a bit of a problem with some people in my town, and was wondering if anyone could give me some advice and motivation.

Ok, so I'm 21 years old and weigh about 248lb. I lose some weight and feel really good about myself then put it all back on and then some. I've been doing really well this time, and decided to start using my local gym, something I don't usually do (I'll explain later).

I was the only person in the gym, which is pretty small, with about 10 machines because I live near a really small town, so I was feeling pretty good about my workout. Then some guys that I vaguely knew from school came in and started making horrible comments about me and my body and my efforts to lose weight, which I don't really want to type out. I tried to ignore them, and then they started actively trying to humiliate me, going to the vending machine and waving chocolate in front of me. I told them where to go, but that just made things worse so I left before they saw I was upset.

I was going to report the guys to staff, but I know the people who work there too, as a few of them date my friends or I know from school, and I've heard them saying the same sort of horrible stuff about "fatties" that use the gym. I just don't even want to talk to any of them.

And mostly since then I've just been feeling really crappy about myself and de-motivated. I think I believe everything that these people were saying about me, and I'm at a stage where I just feel "what's the point even trying, I'll just put all the weight back on again". I'm pretty new to myfitnesspal, and never used anything like it before, and wondered if anyone out there had any tips about dealing with negativity or keeping motivated?

Replies

  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
    Well, first of all what a great move you have made to take control of your weight, well done :flowerforyou:

    I live in a small town now, but am quite a bit older than you, but I grew up in a small town and can totally get the bullying from peers.

    Some times in life you have to take the bull by the horns...and you are doing this already by wanting to take care of your health.

    There are a few ways you can go with this.

    Give up...not an option OK

    Ignore them...easier said than done.

    Confront them all....scary stuff

    Speak to the staff, who you know, but they are employed by the gym owner?

    So...here is my plan speak to the gym owner, explain how the staff make you feel, ask if they can help you with workouts. Try to get people on board.

    Do not isolate yourself and make yourself a `victim`

    You have as much right as the other people in the gym to exercise (maybe more, because of what they make you feel like) hold your head high and stand up for yourself xx
  • TheBitSlinger
    TheBitSlinger Posts: 621 Member
    If the gym owners/staff allow that kind of thing to happen, I would think they would be liable.

    Got a phone with video capabilities? If so, record these *kitten* hats. That will give you a lot of options.

    As far as motivation, you have to determine not to allow anyone to dictate what you will do. Your life is yours to control.
  • skscroggins87
    skscroggins87 Posts: 3 Member
    Wow, what a bunch of idiots. You can fix a weight problem, but they will always be ugly on the inside. Don't let this kill your motivation! Use it as leverage for when you get to where you want to be, so that you can show off how hard you worked to those haters and everyone else. It takes strength to achieve your goals. Giving up would just prove them right in their teeny little minds.

    If I were you, I'd file a complaint directly with the owner or manager of the gym. He/she deserves to know that not just members, but employees too, are bullying and making others feel unwelcome in the facility. Could you do this via phone so you can be somewhat anonymous? I used to work at a fitness club and that behavior would absolutely not be tolerated, especially by the managers. As the above poster said you have as much right as anyone to feel welcome there.
  • bhavnoor
    bhavnoor Posts: 36
    I totally agree with the above comments.

    You had a choice - to sit on you butt and do nothing.. OR... to get in better health. However, you decided that you were going to do something about it - by working out, watching what you eat and joining MFP. You're going to stop because of some loosers??? Don't let them win. We are all here to help you and support you.
  • USMCnetty90
    USMCnetty90 Posts: 277 Member
    Its amazing how mean people can be!

    I agree with an above post - Giving up is not an option!

    Dont let them get you down - maybe you can find a time to work out when they are not there -

    but don't stop because people are jerks - that should make you want to work harder to show them that you can do it- make them eat their words....

    I hate that people are so mean!

    You can do this - just dont give up on you!!!!
  • kellyskitties
    kellyskitties Posts: 475 Member
    I would report to the owner the complaint - that is uncool - IN ANY BUSINESS to behave that way - not good for business.

    If nothing is done - I would demand a refund.

    Usually bullies are just cowards and sometimes it's just a pack of cowards. I've stood up to bullies, with knees shaking sometimes, and they've just backed down. I know you are trying to stand up to them but the reaction they are getting may be just fueling them. I would tell them to back off into their own space or I would call police or owner (hopefully he/she would provide you a phone number for future problems).

    I also like the video idea - they may be able to later say you took them too seriously, they were just joking... etc.

    Take a workout buddy that is sympathetic to your plight. I know my BFF would stand up to a bull elephant with me - although she would put me in front LOL. It's harder to bully two than one.

    Some idiots just don't know they are out of high school and the rules have changed. It's their maturity level, not yours. They think they have some exclusive group going - but instead they just look like what I call DAK's (Dumb A Kids)

    and last - Karma's a ***** -
  • jenijen25
    jenijen25 Posts: 137 Member
    if I was you I would get myself a good home workout I bought zumba with the toning sticks from Tesco its so enjoyable and you can go at your own pace there is a lot of home dvds out there that work a treat I would tell you to just go back to the gym and ignor them but its easier said than done so if I was you I would do my workouts at home or go for walks and things I lost 2 stone doing the zumba at home it does work and then when you have lost a bit of weight and your feeling better about yourself id go back to that gym and show them bullies that you can do it and throw the chocolate bar in there faces I know its a negative thing that's happened to you but you can turn it into a positive let it be one of the inspirations to loose weight that your going to show them xx
  • amandzor
    amandzor Posts: 386 Member
    Stick your headphones in, flip em the bird and march on!

    Who cares what they think? This is about you.

    They'll eventually get bored and find some other puppies to kick.
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    1. Your problem: harassment by fellow gym goers.


    2. Possible Solutions:
    a. report them to staff (don't assume the staff will take their side ('a few of them' is not all of them) & if they do, go to the manager)
    b. ignore them

    Why do you even consider adding 'c: give up exercising, because I'll just gain the weight back" ? -- how does that solve your problem?

    You are trying to solve a different problem (I feel demotivated by harassment) -- and you know what? Quitting is the worst possible solution to that problem too. The best possible solution to that problem is either (a. ignore them; or b. draw attention to them (report to staff, yell "what are you doing?" in an incredulous voice when they harass you & then say slowly and loudly "Get - away - from - me" then turn your back on them. Or since you live in a small town, call their mothers and tell on them.)

    Their behavior is shameful, and the shame is theirs to bear. And even if you are at the gym alone, know that there are hundreds of MFP members who are on your side.
  • AnDiallo
    AnDiallo Posts: 131 Member
    Listen...
    You are giving THEM control over how you feel about your body.
    You are letting THEM sabotage your self-esteem.
    I know how hard those comments are to hear and I know how they make one feel. Trust me I know.
    But under no circumstance can you allow them to derail your health efforts. That is letting THEM win.
    Please, I know it's difficult, but keep at it. Imagine how you will feel when you reach one goal...and then the next..then the next..
    You might feel you want to comfort eat...you might feel you want to get fit in order to get back at them. I don't know you, but that is how I would feel, but the fact of the matter is that you should do it for YOU and only YOU.
    Soldier on, because letting them get to you will not do you any favours.
  • SpleenThief
    SpleenThief Posts: 293 Member
    Scientifically, opposite charges attract. Meeting negativity with positive actions will simply attract more negativity.

    Like charges repel. Tell the naysayers to eff the heck off then go nuke your workout undisturbed.

    Works every time.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    If the staff is rude too, then speak with the owner. How appalling. And screw all of those *kitten*. They're just showing what shallow sacks of crap they are.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Scientifically, opposite charges attract. Meeting negativity with positive actions will simply attract more negativity.

    Like charges repel. Tell the naysayers to eff the heck off then go nuke your workout undisturbed.

    Works every time.

    Not necessarily. They're working to hurt her feelings and rile her up. Fighting is exactly what they want.
  • FarmboyWesley
    FarmboyWesley Posts: 7
    Stick your headphones in, flip em the bird and march on!

    Who cares what they think? This is about you.

    They'll eventually get bored and find some other puppies to kick.

    This for sure. Although reporting them to management with video evidence isn't a bad idea either.
  • ren_ascent
    ren_ascent Posts: 432 Member
    Scientifically, opposite charges attract. Meeting negativity with positive actions will simply attract more negativity.

    Like charges repel. Tell the naysayers to eff the heck off then go nuke your workout undisturbed.

    Works every time.

    I disagree. They WANT her to get upset and tell them where to go. People like that hate positivity, it's their anathema. I really wonder what a genuine looking smile and a "thanks, I need the motivation, want to join me?" would have done. Not that I'm capable of that kind of a reply. I'm more of the typical "go to he!!" kind of girl.
  • TriShamelessly
    TriShamelessly Posts: 905 Member
    I assume you're paying to go to this gym. If that's the case, then simply go to the owner and demand a refund. Nothing hurts worse than a blow to the pocketbook (okay, there is one other blow that hurts worse, but I'm not going there).
  • djshari
    djshari Posts: 513 Member
    That really sucks. I agree with above suggestions - going straight to the owner or corporate - recording things they are saying.

    I would have a hard time going to a gym like that :( Feel free to add me on here.
  • rachseby
    rachseby Posts: 285 Member
    Just going to throw this out there--I wonder if they are attracted to you? The old rule about boys teasing girls they like, but unfortunately it's not so innocent at 21...Just ignore them. They will give up. And when you lose weight they will be sorry, but you won't care by then.
  • Mishinmite
    Mishinmite Posts: 43 Member
    I'm really sorry this happened to you. Report them for sure. Don't let it make you sad, get mad. Then take your anger out on your workout. Keep on keeping on and focus on how good it will feel to strut your stuff in their faces when you reach your goal. Best of luck and big hugs to you. :)
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    aw my dear, this is really sad. Just tell them "i know i'm chubby, do you think I'm here to hang out with you?" or "if you have some suggestions on lifting or cardio, feel free to let me know"...it takes courage to stand up to them. And being in a small town really sucks. if they don't get the hint just say "seriously dude, just let me bust my *kitten* and go home, I'm not bothering you"...and take it to the managers...if that doesn't work, take it to the media...people would love to hear about how terrible the gym treats people that are focusing on changing their lifestyles. Radio shows, write to the editor of the local paper (we have a ticked off column in our local paper). If it's the only gym, people will know where you're talking about. Don't give up though, don't let those *kitten* win. Take it for the chubby team honey, we all need the encouragement to stand up for ourselves.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
    Write a review on yelp about the gym. It's anonymous. All the businesses I have worked at really do read them and bring up the issues at our staff meetings.
  • jljshoe1979
    jljshoe1979 Posts: 325 Member
    Write a review on yelp about the gym. It's anonymous. All the businesses I have worked at really do read them and bring up the issues at our staff meetings.


    I would go to the owner/manager first. Explain what is happening. If they can't get it stopped (ie banning those people from the gym), then post a review on yelp. I've read and used reviews on yelp to make decisions about places I've gone/not gone.

    Now, since you live in a small town, you will probably run into these people at other places around town. If they give you a hard time elsewhere, do your best to ignore them. In the mean time, practice your "I can't believe an in-bred monkey like you exist" face :huh: :devil: I don't have quick comebacks, so I find a good smirk or look of disbelief usually does the job. Someone, somewhere once said, "Never argue with fools, people might not know the difference."

    Good luck on your weight loss journey!!!
  • takethissoul
    takethissoul Posts: 2
    Thank you so much to everyone for replying. I'm slightly overwhelmed at the support I've received through myfitnesspal. Just thought I would give you all an update on the situation.

    I'm not the best at confrontations, and didn't want to go back to the gym as I know the staff. Plus, I was pretty humiliated and didn't want to have to explain what happened. But somebody suggested that I make an anonymous phonecall directly to the manager (which I can't believe I didn't think of before. Duh) which I did and I explained everything to her.

    She told me that there was nothing they could really do about it now, as I had waited 5 days even although I told here I could give name the group of idiots, and that if I was being harassed I should have reported it to the member of staff present in the gym at the time who was trained to deal with situations like this.

    I explained that there was nobody else in the gym. Its part of a leisure center, and she told me that by policy or their regulations or something there is always supposed to be someone in the gym when public are using it. I then explained again that there wasn't, and that some of her employees had been quite open about the fact that it makes them feel sick when overweight people come in to use the gym or even worse, the swimming pool, so they probably just hadn't bothered to leave the staff room after I had paid at reception.

    She apologised to me profusely, and assured me that this would not happen again in future and that the staff would be dealt with as they're not supposed to discuss individuals and customers outside of work.

    I spent a couple of days feeling very upset about the whole thing, and fell of the fitness wagon, but thanks to everyone on here I'm back on track. Oh, and the manager is also sending me a free ten day access pass as an official apology so I'm going to back and use it up as soon as it comes through. Hopefully I'll be able to see the positive changes that have taken place at the gym :)
  • jljshoe1979
    jljshoe1979 Posts: 325 Member
    I'm glad you didn't let those idiots scare you off permanently...sometimes we do need to take a break, step back, and regroup...AND now, if it happens again I would have the manager/owner's # ready to call and say it's happening right now (then, if she doesn't directly address it with the ones causing the problem, I would try to find somewhere else to work out or go ahead and do as many honest reviews of the place that I could).
  • mmouse90
    mmouse90 Posts: 83
    Keep that managers number with you when you go and should it happen again immediately call her
  • danarandallreed
    danarandallreed Posts: 132 Member
    Reading your post made me realize how often I bully myself, which should be more appalling that when someone else bullies me.

    When you said they said mean things, I tried to recall if anyone ever treated me that way at the gym. I realized I treat myself that way. My negative talk says "You are ugly." "You are stupid for not staying fit." "Even is you lose, you will still be fat and end up fat again." "Oh look, you are trying to lose again, for the 100th time." "Just remember, as soon as your pants are looser, you will start pigging out and stop exercising."

    I am now learning, at age 47, to stop bullying myself. If I stop, I will start to have the courage to stand up to bullies who are hurting me or someone else. I will respond with words that shame their perverse character.

    I am sorry you were treated with such disrespect. I was recently treated badly at the beach, made fun of because a regular bath size towel did not go around my hips. It hurt, it made me angry, and I turned that inward instead of realizing the ones who teased me were dim-witted, scum-sucking perverts.

    MFP has really helped me with awareness of what I eat and why I need to exercise. Stay on track for yourself, and if someone speaks to you with disrespect, reverse the words in your mind and heart, and if you can, speak back to yourself that you are kind, irreplaceable and fearfully and wonderfully made in God's image. Your desire to be fit is to honor yourself and to honor the body Gad has given you to live in.

    Be strong, my friend.
  • kellyskitties
    kellyskitties Posts: 475 Member
    So glad that you took action! I know it can be hard, and we procrastinate because of that. I'm just glad you did it.

    I agree, if those losers start again - call her right then. If nobody is on staff like they should be - call her right then. Bullies are just immature A-holes. Don't let them determine what happens to you. If they ran the world and made all the rules it would be one suckfest of a world.
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
    I spent a couple of days feeling very upset about the whole thing, and fell of the fitness wagon, but thanks to everyone on here I'm back on track. Oh, and the manager is also sending me a free ten day access pass as an official apology so I'm going to back and use it up as soon as it comes through. Hopefully I'll be able to see the positive changes that have taken place at the gym :)
    Good for you in speaking up for yourself. And please know this going forward --

    these people who try to discourage you or tear you down - they don't KNOW you. They don't care about you any more than a toy to play with, and they don't think about you once you are out of their sight. It is obvious to all but them that they are WRONG,. They are hurtful people who are self-absorbed, immature and emotionally-underdeveloped. And if you stop doing what you want to do, if you make your decisions based on going along with their 'suggestions' you will look back and regret it. It's a small town, but it is not the whole world. Keep coming back to MFP - there are plenty of people here who've walked your path, and can provide you with a world of support.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    I would do what I do on this site, ignore the bullies and just get with the people who have a lot to offer and concentrate on yourself and do what is best for you. Make yourself great and leave them in the dust!

Categories