Obsessed and Tired!

ChantiC
ChantiC Posts: 137
in Motivation and Support
I will be completely honest, I am tired of tracking and portioning out my food. I am so tired of always thinking about food and trying to make myself eat less in general. Now I am not saying I starve myself (which you can clearly see in my journal lol), I mean its really hard for me to eat smaller portions and be satisfied with less food. Having a cal limit of 1800 is decent I think, yet I never eat under that. I'm sure many of you will say, if you really want it bad enough etc. You Will. Well I do want it bad enough, bad enough that I have not stopped trying in 10 years. But I guess I have not had that moment where I want it bad enough to change?

I have a good knowledge of nutrition and I do not believe that "diets" work. I work out 2-5 days a week and have been consistently for the past 5 years. I also do have common sense, I know what I eat sometimes is not the healthiest and I do know what I should be eating. I have tried Sparkpeople, New Weight Watchers, I Can Make You Thin by Paul McKenna and the Jon Gabriel Method and finally MFP in the past 5 years. From all I have learned a great deal, and have become obsessed with weight loss.

Every morning I start out with great intentions, exercise, eat fruits, veggies etc. Then at night I just cave. And then feel like crap for caving.

So here's my issue. I don't see myself counting cals for the rest of my life. And when I don't for one day, my obsessive side comes out and as soon as I can track my food I do. For some people seeing a crappy day in their journal would motivate them and open their eyes to how much they ate that day. For me tracking is habit and I do it whether I eat well or not. I am tired of tracking my food and exercise and yet I'm so obsessed with losing weight that I can't stop. In fact I feel anxiety about gaining more weight if I don't track at all. My partner says to me all the time, why do you still track your food every day when clearly for the past year it has not helped you? Now he supports me in whatever I want to do and with weight loss. But it's true. Why do I track when clearly it has not helped me?

One day I would love to just eat healthy food, exercise because I enjoy it, and live my life like a normal healthy person does, not obsessing over calories etc. So many of MFP's eat so great and under their cal goal, and I can't even control my eating for more than one day. After 10 years of trying I am exhausted.... but it's not in me to give up.

I see so many on here in the success forum who has lost what I need to lose in less than a year and I think that can be me. Don't want pity or anything, that's not my style lol. But maybe some of you can relate to me a little? I'm just so tired of constantly thinking about weight loss.

I never had this issue until I did Weight Watchers 10 years ago and lost all my weight. When the weight started to come back on, that's when I started to binge eat and obsess about food, tracking and the scale etc. Sorry about the long post. Just trying to get my thoughts out so I can process them a little better.

Don't be too mean.... some encouragement or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated :)

Replies

  • marilynx
    marilynx Posts: 128 Member
    BAH! I can really relate to how you feel and what your struggles are.

    See, I hate calorie counting too. That's why I don't log the exact foods I eat. I just log the calories. Quick calories is my friend. :)

    I've been trying to lose weight for going on 5 years, and like you, I would obsess over eating and weight loss. But do you know what finally did it for me? When something in my brain clicked. See, we can want all day long, but when you set out to do something hard or life changing, your brain has to follow suit to build the will. The will is a powerful force.

    Eating smaller portions; see, that right there is an issue. Bigger is better, so when we think smaller we think oh goodness gonna be hungry. Instead, think I'm gonna eat the RIGHT SIZED portions. I know it seems silly, but you gotta reside your brain to catch up to what you wanna do. Right now what you want is not being supported by your mindset. I can tell you want it, but until you start replacing negative connotative words with positive ones, weight loss will always seems just out of reach

    By the way, if you have a hard time feeling full, drink water before your meal and after. Water mixed with food helps you feel filler longer.

    Just my two cents. You honestly can do it. I can tell you're serious. You just gotta get your mind to focus on it.
  • ChantiC
    ChantiC Posts: 137
    Thank you for your honest input :) I do appreciate it.
  • lovekoko320
    lovekoko320 Posts: 171 Member
    I agree that the actual act of counting calories/portioning like a person with OCD is addicting. However, you can see it's use. You start out doing so to open your eyes so you can learn portion sizes with weighing/pre portioning food. No one ever said you must ever do this the rest of your life but the advantages I've found to it are that it helps me determine and budget my grocery list. If I need 2 oz of chicken for six days, I know how much I need to buy etc. Pre portioning snacks like chips etc helps you have an easy Ziploc bag to grab instead of just sticking your hand in the bag. In my experiences, in the six years I maintained by weight loss I would weigh occasionally and didn't count calories unless I was unsure of something. At some point, you know what your meals should look like. You know what to eat. You have usually set up a consistent list of meals you are rotating throughout the month and you know from counting in the past, how much calories each is approximately. I always check out calories before eating out so I can make a healthy decision though. I would always advise doing your research when it comes to that. Sometimes sodium, fat, etc can be somewhat crazy lol.

    I agree with the post above. One day it WILL just click for you. No one can tell you why it hasn't yet. That is for you to decided. Obviously we are all here to support you though. But what I want to contribute here is that counting calories is like a jump start for a new lifestyle. It's a learning experience at best. The principle behind any weight loss is a calorie deficit. MFP doesn't tell you to "diet". It tells you a number (and this goes for TDEE etc) that you SHOULD eat to lose weight. From that point it is up to you to make healthy choices, make those calories count, and feed your body the RIGHT things. I don't know you but I can tell that you do want this. I have a special place for my challenge ladies and I truly truly want everyone to succeed. So my honest opinion, based on this post is that maybe you haven't fully embraced the LIFESTYLE aspect of healthy living. It isn't supposed to be stressful. It's supposed to be comfortable for you. You make healthy decisions because you want to, you exercise because you want to. Should you have a crappy day and do neither of these things and treat yourself, you shrug it off and pick it up the next day.

    I promise you that one day these feelings will happen for you but you need to get there first. There will be some residual OCD tendencies you'll have LOL. But in the end, you got to be on point mentally to get where you want physically. Sorry if this is long but there is a light at the end of the tunnel :)
  • ChantiC
    ChantiC Posts: 137
    Thanks again :) I hope one day it just Clicks for me. Especially since I really do enjoy working out and eating healthy, always have. Your right, after a while of cal counting you do get to know the portions etc. My problem is not during the day... its always after dinner. Which is frustrating because I work hard through out the day to eat well and exercise, only to eat crap at night. Maybe I need a hobby lol or just go to bed early.
  • JustUla
    JustUla Posts: 20
    Something that helps me with late-night eating: Right after dinner, go brush and floss your teeth, now you are ready for bed. You should be less likely to eat after doing that if you (like me) are too lazy to brush/floss again. Also, go to bed earlier. And remove yourself from the kitchen area. Go to your room and read a book or something, hope this helps. :)
  • katelynal
    katelynal Posts: 114
    Thanks again :) I hope one day it just Clicks for me. Especially since I really do enjoy working out and eating healthy, always have. Your right, after a while of cal counting you do get to know the portions etc. My problem is not during the day... its always after dinner. Which is frustrating because I work hard through out the day to eat well and exercise, only to eat crap at night. Maybe I need a hobby lol or just go to bed early.

    I have had a similar issue with night time eating. I started finding activities to keep me busy - nothing stressful... as silly as coloring posters from the dollar store to painting my fingernails which I have gotten a lot better at :) I also like to stitch which also keeps my hands and mind occupied!
  • TribeHokie
    TribeHokie Posts: 711 Member
    IMO, I don't think it is really the tracking that is the problem. A lot of us who spend a significant amount of time trying to lose weight (and 10 years is most certainly significant) track all the time without even meaning to. At some point the fact that x amount of y food is z calories is just something you know, like the fact that the sky is blue and grass is green. What seems to be torturing you is your nightly cave-ins. Knowing the effects of what you are doing is what is bothering you but the action of actually doing it is the root problem. Getting a handle on that is what is hard, not ceasing to count calories. Determining you are ready to really commit to a change is a very personal decision but it sounds like that is what it will take in order for you to stop beating yourself up. Either that or resign yourself to not caring, but you are better than that!
  • a_bartlett92
    a_bartlett92 Posts: 1
    I'm confident you will find your click moment! I am new to MFP but have been an athlete all my life. When I was banned from sports due to health and injury, my health suffered and here I am today, 40 lbs heavier. As people have mentioned - a lot of the weight loss process is psychological - not just physical. By surrounding yourself with people who have similar goals, or have achieved the healthy lifestyle you want to have, you will succeed. Rather than obsessing on the number of calories you count, or the size of your food, think of the lifestyle you want to achieve. Personally, I am not a fan of the treadmill. I've been a team-player my entire life (basketball, rugby), so the concept of going to the gym and working out alone was not appealing to me. Until I changed my mindset, found someone to go to the gym on a regular basis with, I was stuck in a rut. I also found other things at the gym that I love to do (i.e the rowing machine vs. treadmill). Find what works for you, and take your goals one day at a time.

    Lastly, I found that by trying different recipes I was able to replace those foods that I crave at night, with healthier options. For example, when I am watching a movie - natural inclination is to eat chips. So, I bought kale, baked it with dill and dill seed - and surprisingly, it satisfied that craving I had for salt, and something crunchy. Cooking with cinammon also helps when I'm craving sugar - eating peanut butter with bananna protein has become my yummy dessert too. I've also tried bumping my meals to a little bit later in the evening so that I'm not so hungry by the time 10pm hits. These may seem silly, and unappealing to you, but the point is to find things that you actually enjoy, to substitute the foods you crave. It's a mental struggle until you find something that will satisfy you, but at the end of the day, you are the one in total control of what you do, eat, and how you live your life!
  • sizzler0123
    sizzler0123 Posts: 55
    You know this sounds like me in so many ways!!! I too always seem to ruin a great day of watching and eating properly at night. I also obsess about food. It used to be that I obsessed when I was heavier about where I was going to eat and what I was going to have and how much I could eat. A trip to the city was terrible for me because I would try to eat at as many places as I could before I headed home!!
    I have come to terms with the fact that I will always need to be obsessed about what I eat but now it seems to be in a way that is about calories,etc like you mentioned. I don't always want to weigh and measure everything either, but I do know that I can get way off track and it's like I pretend I don't realize how much I have eaten. I am totally a binge eater when it comes to the bad stuff.
    I completely agree with you, it's exhausting and tiring and sometimes you just think WHY can't I be like someone who doesn't obsess about food all the time. I wish I knew the answer but I know I am not and will never be one of those people. If I am not careful I will end up back where I was - this has been a 10 year journey for me and it will continue the rest of my life!! At one point I relaxed too much and gained back 70 lbs in about 9 months!! Whoa!!

    I wish I could say it will get easier for you. I don't know that it will. Just like I don't know that it will ever get easier for me either. But I can say to you that feeling better and being healthier is worth it. Period. So you and I just have to keep going.
  • Smarquezrobles
    Smarquezrobles Posts: 1 Member
    I have been feeling the same way lately. I have been obsessed with my diet for years now and have lingered at the same weight and feel exhausted. What I recently started doing to help me out with my night time cravings is eating a lot during the day-- within calorie limits of course-- and at night I feel fine! I don't seem to eat as many snacks because I am full from eating all day. My goal is to eat 4 small meals by 4 PM. When I do this my dinner goes more smoothly and I don't crave late night snacks. Also eat plenty of veggies for lunch and dinner, this helps you go from full to--- SUPER FULL--- which also prevents the late night cravings.
  • husseycd
    husseycd Posts: 814 Member
    I understand! I'm totally obsessed with it and have only been doing it a couple months.

    Maybe step away from MFP for a while but still try to keep that mental reminder of how much food you actually need. I know the more I read about dieting, the hungrier I get. And never keep foods you'll binge on in the house. For me, that's crackers, cookies, nuts that aren't in a shell... I can have a cookie, but I can't bake a dozen.
  • rumplesnat
    rumplesnat Posts: 372
    I could have written your post, pretty much word for word. :frown:

    Today I am such a horrible funk about it. I've lost a TON of weight, I know. I exercise daily...and *almost* enjoy it, track everything, but I am so sick and tired of the scale moving up and down the same 5 pounds, even though I am working so hard.

    I am OCD about calories and tracking and it's such a huge focus...I'm just sick of it. I'm terrified...literally terrified...that when I stop tracking I will lose control and end up back where I've been so many times. Part of me knows that it's an irrational fear, the other part of me knows it's a possibility, so I need to be all over it.

    I'm at my goal weight, but would like to lose about 5 more "vanity" pounds. I just feel like maintenance is so far away at the rate I'm going now, but when I get there, this need to track isn't going to go away.

    Also, I've tried many times to just brush my teeth after a meal so my mouth is minty and fresh...supposedly motivating me to NOT want to eat and ruin that fresh breath feel. Well, let me tell you...the next best thing to strawberries with chocolate is mint with chocolate, so that doesn't work for me! LOL :wink:
  • ChantiC
    ChantiC Posts: 137
    I really want to thank you all for your honest input and tips. You all have helped me a little get out of my funk and really look at my goals and the reasons why I eat the way I do. In the past I was a huge binge eater, I don't as often any more and if I do it is not nearly to the extent that it was a few years ago. Now when I eat too much at night I know it doesn't feel good or most of the time even taste good to me anymore. Three years ago I could polish off a whole bag of chips and dip and just be in heaven as I eat it. Now if I eat that it just doesn't taste as good, which is good so I don't eat as much. And I think afterwards why did I just eat that, you were not hungry and it didn't even satisfy anything? So when I go to eat crap at night I really have to stop and think and say to myself, remember when you ate that ice cream cone last week and you really didn't enjoy it because you were full, you will feel the same way now if you eat that lol. So as dumb as it sounds, my body clearly wants me to change, since when I eat crap at night, it really doesn't even taste good to me anymore. My mindset has to catch up.

    I really do live a fairly healthy lifestyle, I like freggies and workout often and I go out and do outside activities with my spouse and 5 year old son. Just changing those destructive habits are so difficult. In 2007 I weighed 260 lbs after my son was born. I only gained 20 lbs with my pregnancy. I am scared that if I stop tracking and just eat until I feel full etc. I will get back to that weight. And I also fear that if I do lose my weight and reach goal at 150 lbs, I need to eat less to even maintain that.

    Like I said I am not one to give up. I am determined to reach my goals and maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle.

    Also I would love to add, that so many of you ladies above and lost an amazing amount of weight!! So inspiring! You all should be very proud :)

    Thanks again everyone :smile:

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