Dealing with the psychological effects of weightloss
Options
podgeford123
Posts: 29
Hi MFP people,
I have been hiding behind my fat it seems for a few years; a good barrier to keep people away and also it was a great excuse not to do so many things. So now the fat is going, I am running out of excuses. Also it feels a bit weird that my sides are "missing" now...I have lost about 10% of my bodyweight in a short time...what must it be like to loose 20, 30% or more...how do people deal with that...the additional attention, and the not having weight as an excuse anymore...
any tips from anyone on how they got used to their new body, and possibly their new life? How did you change along with your body?
I have been hiding behind my fat it seems for a few years; a good barrier to keep people away and also it was a great excuse not to do so many things. So now the fat is going, I am running out of excuses. Also it feels a bit weird that my sides are "missing" now...I have lost about 10% of my bodyweight in a short time...what must it be like to loose 20, 30% or more...how do people deal with that...the additional attention, and the not having weight as an excuse anymore...
any tips from anyone on how they got used to their new body, and possibly their new life? How did you change along with your body?
0
Replies
-
I have the same fears. I can't imagine myself as half the weight I am right now! Any insight into this would be great.0
-
I am a chunky monkey now but yrs ago I lost all the weight. Here was my experience...
When I lost people made a huge deal. People in general treated me better and acted like I was important. Guys I knew gave me much more attention and eye contact which kind of annoyed me ( What, I'm more interesting and important now?!) Women were the WORST. They seemed to be friendlier and respected me more which was stupid. More people wanted to be my friend. While out running errands I got looks and cashiers struck up friendly convos. It was a weird feeling to be looked at. When I was overweight I could totally opt out of any situation. It was like I now was part of the world and I had to be present in every situation whether I wanted to or not. It is a scary/ nice feeling but take time to get used to.
I know that part of it was that I dressed better because I felt better so I can't sit here and bash everyone. But there is truth to this!! Overall I don't think i carried myself much differently. I have always been fairly outgoing. My bro lost 60lbs in one summer and when he went back to school he was flooded with attention by people who never spoke to him. It annoyed him but laughed it off and embraced how good he felt about himself. Unlike me he kept it off. I guess you have to try to be open and enjoy yourself and life. Don't be afraid to be happy and embrace yourself!0 -
ALSO-clothes shopping is weird. I always over guessed my size and felt like I was not looking at my body in the mirror. I would always go for flowy tops instead of fitted because it was ingrained in my head that I couldn't wear a fitted shirt. Or even my face, It was odd looking at seeing cheekbones. Its a foreign feeling but you get used to it over time.0
-
I have always used my weight to hide behind. I have never wanted attention or did anything to attract attention if I could help it. Now that I am loosing weight I do have people doing the "OMG you look great how much have you lost" and the "You should meet Jackie she has lost tons of weight and looks amazing". This is hard for me and it is taking a lot to get used to. I have actually left a couple of parties because I felt so uncomfortable with the attention. I try to remind myself that although I am being treated different I am still the same person but people are really happy for me and just want to share in that happiness. As I continue to lose more weight I know it will get harder and harder, mostly because I still see myself as the "fat girl" that never gets the looks. Just remind yourself that you are the same person on the inside, that you have always been this amazing person and try to look past the people that never gave you a second glance before. You know the type of person the are because you knew them before you were this better version of yourself.0
-
I'm in a stage of transition myself. I've always hidden behind the fat. I'm a shy person anyway, but being fat buried anything inside me that I felt was valuable. My self-worth, though independent of the fat, was/is connected to it.
As I've slimmed down, I started gaining my confidence back. I'm beginning to be more comfortable in my skin. It's taken me over a year of hard work. Not just with the eating and exercise, but mentally I've had to overcome a lot of baggage. I, too, have noticed that people are friendlier toward me, but then... I've been smiling a whole lot more! Something I hardly ever did when I carried around the weight.
I still want to lose about 25 more pounds, but if I didn't lose another ounce, I'm so much more happier right now than I ever was carrying around all that extra. It is a process. It's a tough process of learning to love self. I'm still in that process, but I'm getting there! So will you.
0 -
I am a chunky monkey now but yrs ago I lost all the weight. Here was my experience...
When I lost people made a huge deal. People in general treated me better and acted like I was important. Guys I knew gave me much more attention and eye contact which kind of annoyed me ( What, I'm more interesting and important now?!) Women were the WORST. They seemed to be friendlier and respected me more which was stupid. More people wanted to be my friend. While out running errands I got looks and cashiers struck up friendly convos. It was a weird feeling to be looked at. When I was overweight I could totally opt out of any situation. It was like I now was part of the world and I had to be present in every situation whether I wanted to or not. It is a scary/ nice feeling but take time to get used to.
I know that part of it was that I dressed better because I felt better so I can't sit here and bash everyone. But there is truth to this!! Overall I don't think i carried myself much differently. I have always been fairly outgoing. My bro lost 60lbs in one summer and when he went back to school he was flooded with attention by people who never spoke to him. It annoyed him but laughed it off and embraced how good he felt about himself. Unlike me he kept it off. I guess you have to try to be open and enjoy yourself and life. Don't be afraid to be happy and embrace yourself!
Thanks! Good to hear your experience - and also how you and your brother dealt with it. I am getting the same, people want to talk with me more now, which I find annoying for 2 reasons, 1) why now all of a sudden and 2) they are speaking Dutch, which is a totally random language without rules so I still have to master it...anyways, great to hear your story - and good luck with your journey!0 -
I have lost 60 lbs before and so I know what KtAnne is talking about. People do treat you differently. It is very real.
Podgeford, enjoy your new body, but don't try not to get cocky like some do...I can come back on faster than you can imagine! lol Enjoy the attention, be proud of yourself and do things only as you feel comfortable doing them. If you are wanting to keep people away from you, you will probably want to examine in depth the reasons for that and heal your past hurts.
What I am afraid of now, especially if I go for weight loss surgery (which is my goal), is being able to feel bones and veins and things that I never felt before. Just yesterday, I discovered a vein in my hand (I've just lost 43 lbs) and pushed on it and it moved. I was grossed right out! I've also noticed that when laying in bed on my side now, I can feel my knees clacking together because the fat is melting away on them! YUCK! How do skinny people do it? I'm used to having cushioning!! I don't want to not be able to handle things if I DO lose the weight!0 -
I'm actually hoping losing weight will have the opposite effect-
I'm overweight, I was raised by hippies and have a reasonably obvious mental illness, and I'm a ginger.
I can't ever go anywhere and have people ignore me. I feel like if I took up less space and was more "average" sized, people would ignore me more.0 -
I had a thread called "I feel weird" where lots of people said really supportive things to me.
Maybe it would help you to look it up. just type the above quotation marked words into the box you get when you click the search button above.
Hope it helps. :flowerforyou:
As for the pressure to do things your fat was an excuse for. Don't pressure yourself. One thing at a time. Lose the weight first and deal with that. Then start thinking about what you want to do. Naturally if there are things that you feel you must do now like you are raring to go, don't wait..do them. Let the chips fall where they may. It's life. You roll with the punches, takes risks fall down get up and do it all again. Then you reflect on the fun parts.0 -
I have actually left a couple of parties because I felt so uncomfortable with the attention.
I lost weight before and experienced this , it was unexpected and I totally did not know what to do .Unfortunately I was not able to work through it .I had a leg injury and gained all that weight back + 40 lbs.
This time I'm ready for it. I try to do self talk right now that will hopefully prepare me for the looks I hope to get :blushing:
Also , I am married this time and I kknow someone loves me no matter if I'm fat or thin ,so that will help I think.0 -
I totally feel ya on this one! My weight was my barrier against the world...and I pushed people away. It's getting a little easier for me to be a smaller person...but it's a day to day process. I've lost 164 pounds and I have about 80 pounds left to lose. It's really hard to push myself to be a more social person. Right now I'm trying to push myself to join a gym and attend Spinning classes. So far I haven't accomplished that goal...I just don't feel comfortable exercising with other people The thought of it sends me into panic mode. I've been Spinning at home for quite a while, and even though I know I can do it, I still feel like I'll make a fool of myself doing it with other people. The other obstacle, and I don't know if you have experienced this, is that my family and friends are so used to the old me that they're not quite sure how to react to me now. Sometimes I wonder if they'll even like the person I'm trying to be. It's all kind of weird sometimes...lol
All I can say is keep moving forward, Try not to push people away. When someone invites you to do something...do it! Go ahead and get out of your comfort zone. That's the way I'm approaching these psychological issues that pop up more often than not. I know I'll eventually get the nerve up to attend a Spinning class....and there's a better than average chance that I will not die of embarrassment...lol There's probably a better chance that I'll enjoy myself and wonder what the heck I was so worried about!
Good luck....you're doing great! 0 -
I totally feel ya on this one! My weight was my barrier against the world...and I pushed people away. It's getting a little easier for me to be a smaller person...but it's a day to day process. I've lost 164 pounds and I have about 80 pounds left to lose. It's really hard to push myself to be a more social person. Right now I'm trying to push myself to join a gym and attend Spinning classes. So far I haven't accomplished that goal...I just don't feel comfortable exercising with other people The thought of it sends me into panic mode. I've been Spinning at home for quite a while, and even though I know I can do it, I still feel like I'll make a fool of myself doing it with other people. The other obstacle, and I don't know if you have experienced this, is that my family and friends are so used to the old me that they're not quite sure how to react to me now. Sometimes I wonder if they'll even like the person I'm trying to be. It's all kind of weird sometimes...lol
All I can say is keep moving forward, Try not to push people away. When someone invites you to do something...do it! Go ahead and get out of your comfort zone. That's the way I'm approaching these psychological issues that pop up more often than not. I know I'll eventually get the nerve up to attend a Spinning class....and there's a better than average chance that I will not die of embarrassment...lol There's probably a better chance that I'll enjoy myself and wonder what the heck I was so worried about!
Good luck....you're doing great!
Thanks! Wow you have lost a lot of lbs...so I guess you know about change....you are right, I just need to get out of my comfort zone, and see what I want in life...if they means change of, well, anything and everything...so be it. I have been using my flab as a fantastic excuse not to follow my dreams i.e. I'll do that later when I am back in shape; shoot! I am back in shape! ;-) Oh well, my body is thanking me for it all ready, no more sweating and I feel so light going up stairs - so I will focus on that aspect - my body is loving me back for this ;-) success!0 -
I hear you on this one. I had lost 153 pounds by the time I reached goal the first time and almost quit half way through because I couldn't handle the attention. I was BIG all my life, I was invisible to others (you know, no eye contact, etc) and then I started losing weight. The eye contact of strangers really freaked me out! At the time, I had no idea how 'slim' girls acted, how to dress (the choice of clothes are a big difference when going from a 4X to a Medium), I had no idea how to socialize - it was all new to me. So I watched other people and learned from them (sounds weird but it was the only way). I basically reinvented myself.
Experience life - have fun with it - you've earned it. Don't let this hold you back. Just go with the flow, doesn't matter what anybody else thinks (really). Keep moving forward - Out of your comfort zone lil bit by lil bit and pretty soon that zone will be your new comfort zone and you can strive for more.0 -
I don't care what others think....never have. I'm just happier in my own skin. I'm happy that it's not a pain in the *kitten* to do the things I want to do. I can walk easier, sit easier, get up easier, run easier. Proper diet makes me have more energy to do the things I want to do also. I sleep better and think better. My memory is better (some days it still sux haha) I'm just a more relaxed person overall. Just go with the flow. More attention, more opportunities, more chances to decide how you really want to live your life. What's important to you? Priorities. Take it slow and let it sink in. Some things are all about you. Go for everything and enjoy the ride :flowerforyou:0
-
No attention here, even though I've lost over 60lbs from my heaviest weight. I think maybe you're preoccupied with a fear. You need to let go of THAT excuse and head forward into the unknown.0
-
No attention here, even though I've lost over 60lbs from my heaviest weight. I think maybe you're preoccupied with a fear. You need to let go of THAT excuse and head forward into the unknown.
As mentioned, I have been hanging onto excuses for a while...but I can see that now and its time to get real
0 -
I've gained and lost over the years, but one thing I've noticed is that when I was at my heaviest, people rarely made eye contact with me. It made it possible to stand in a crowded room and still be by myself. Now, around 45 lb lighter, I have people make and maintain eye contact. It's very difficult to get used to as I'm conditioned to look at the ground or above or next to people's heads from having been ignored for so long. I've noticed that people have started apologising to me when they bump into me now, when in the past they would've just scurried off. It's sad that people are treated this way. I know I'm not the only one.
As a result, when I see overweight people, I make a point to maintain eye contact and make an effort to speak with them. I'm considering it a learning experience and life lesson.
The idea that someone could flirt with me is such a foreign concept to me that it strikes me as odd when it happens (on the rare occasion that I notice. I'm notorious for managing to miss it)
It's still strange to me not to automatically hunt for the largest size of everything when I shop. There was one time when I automatically bought a sweater without trying it on, got home, and realized it was two sies too big. My smaller jeans look ridiculously small when I first grab them.
It is lovely being able to put my feet on the chair I'm sitting on, though. I got used to that quickly0 -
LOVE YOURSELF!
Once I started to do that, all the attention I was getting didn't bother me as much. I was never scared about losing weight and how It was going to change me. The change in my health and the way that I felt about myself out weighs (pun intended) any of that attention. Also, after a while people stop caring. lol
Congrats in your success. Think of this as your second chance in life...what are you going to do with it?0 -
I don't care what others think....never have. I'm just happier in my own skin. I'm happy that it's not a pain in the *kitten* to do the things I want to do. I can walk easier, sit easier, get up easier, run easier. Proper diet makes me have more energy to do the things I want to do also. I sleep better and think better. My memory is better (some days it still sux haha) I'm just a more relaxed person overall. Just go with the flow. More attention, more opportunities, more chances to decide how you really want to live your life. What's important to you? Priorities. Take it slow and let it sink in. Some things are all about you. Go for everything and enjoy the ride :flowerforyou:
Beautiful!!!! Dropping knowledge, watch your toes!0 -
You might want to get a knee pillow, and a sweater. You'll get colder easier too.I have lost 60 lbs before and so I know what KtAnne is talking about. People do treat you differently. It is very real.
Podgeford, enjoy your new body, but don't try not to get cocky like some do...I can come back on faster than you can imagine! lol Enjoy the attention, be proud of yourself and do things only as you feel comfortable doing them. If you are wanting to keep people away from you, you will probably want to examine in depth the reasons for that and heal your past hurts.
What I am afraid of now, especially if I go for weight loss surgery (which is my goal), is being able to feel bones and veins and things that I never felt before. Just yesterday, I discovered a vein in my hand (I've just lost 43 lbs) and pushed on it and it moved. I was grossed right out! I've also noticed that when laying in bed on my side now, I can feel my knees clacking together because the fat is melting away on them! YUCK! How do skinny people do it? I'm used to having cushioning!! I don't want to not be able to handle things if I DO lose the weight!0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 389 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 918 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions