"You weight what? Girl, I'd kill to be that weight!"

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  • Rikki007s
    Rikki007s Posts: 102 Member
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    Don't complain about it if you don't want to hear people tell you how they are worse off than you are. It's human nature. And they are probably trying to make you feel better about it, whether it worked or not.

    THIS! I might say something similar if I had this comment on my feed.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I'm answering as someone that used to naively respond exactly the same way as your friends. As someone that weighed over 300 pounds for years, I used to roll my eyes when someone would complain about needing to lose five pounds like it was the end of the world.

    Then I had this friend, 5'6", 135 pounds, thin, GORGEOUS girl. I would have killed to look like her, she remains one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. We were drinking at a party one night when she pulled me aside and asked me why I was so shy, so I told her it was because I was fat. She looked around, pulled me to the side of the house where we were alone, and then told me that she understood how I felt because she had a little pooch of fat over her stomach thanks to her pregnancy. She lifted up her shirt and showed me her little pad of fat and at first I was incredulous... here I am, a size 26, she's like a size 6 and she's worried about this little pooch that no one even knows about? But then I saw that she was on the verge of tears. This was really bothering her, probably just as much as my own weight bothered me.

    It showed me that weight and appearance is all relative and that we shouldn't dismiss other people's perceptions of their own body. Just because we can see somebody is thin, gorgeous and healthy doesn't mean that they feel the exact opposite and they deserve support and understanding every bit as much as someone with obvious issues.

    That girl was a dink. Seriously. I'm her size with a little pooch, and I would NEVER compare my pain/frustration/whatever to a woman 10 sizes larger. Nor would I ever expect a woman 10 sizes larger to feel empathetic for my little issue. That's so freaking selfish, I can't even imagine.

    She said they were drinking at a party. People tend to have lowered inhibitions in many many ways, significantly reduced logic, and reduced understanding/processing information, stronger/overwhelming emotional issues come out in a more exaggerated way. Plus we don't know how old she was. Or what her issues were. This is a sweet moment of a friendship. I would never do that also. But, if I was really young, and drinking I might have at one point when I had a distorted sense of my own body.

    I've been in this situation. I'd never had any stretch marks, but got a couple small ones that are thin, surface, white on my legs from pregnancy. I felt really bad about it. I showed a friend. She said that those aren't really considered stretch marks. She said many people get those during puberty. She showed me her own, so I could see the difference.

    When I was a teen a friend of mine tried to illustrate to me that I was not "fat". I was not at all. I had body image issues from severe child abuse.

    I'm thankful my friends helped me that way. Sometimes people need help learning things when they learned the opposite growing up.

    Then if it was just some drunken thing, why post this big epiphany? Seriously, you folks make way too much of things sometimes. I would never in a million years, no matter how drunk, compare my little post pregnancy pooch to a woman size 26 and think she should empathize. If I woke up the next day realizing I did do such a thing, I would feel like a total ahole.

    I wasn't there and I don't know them. Just seems odd to proclaim her a dink and an ahole, when they seem fine and happy in their friendship. That's all. But, whatever, like I said, I don't know them. I'm not even sure why you say, "you folks make too much of things". Lol. We are all strangers here. We don't even know each other. We aren't the borg. Maybe you are making too much of things. And just to clarify (due to lack of tone on the internet), I'm not in any way upset by this light conversation that I randomly stumbled across in passing (I'm just too busy today to come by here and suddenly see some little thing blown out of proportion. Not saying you would do that. Just sensing a disconnect in our understandings and I've seen that go wacky in the past before with strangers on the internet).
  • sunglasses_and_ocean_waves
    sunglasses_and_ocean_waves Posts: 2,757 Member
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    I'm answering as someone that used to naively respond exactly the same way as your friends. As someone that weighed over 300 pounds for years, I used to roll my eyes when someone would complain about needing to lose five pounds like it was the end of the world.

    Then I had this friend, 5'6", 135 pounds, thin, GORGEOUS girl. I would have killed to look like her, she remains one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. We were drinking at a party one night when she pulled me aside and asked me why I was so shy, so I told her it was because I was fat. She looked around, pulled me to the side of the house where we were alone, and then told me that she understood how I felt because she had a little pooch of fat over her stomach thanks to her pregnancy. She lifted up her shirt and showed me her little pad of fat and at first I was incredulous... here I am, a size 26, she's like a size 6 and she's worried about this little pooch that no one even knows about? But then I saw that she was on the verge of tears. This was really bothering her, probably just as much as my own weight bothered me.

    It showed me that weight and appearance is all relative and that we shouldn't dismiss other people's perceptions of their own body. Just because we can see somebody is thin, gorgeous and healthy doesn't mean that they feel the exact opposite and they deserve support and understanding every bit as much as someone with obvious issues.

    That girl was a dink. Seriously. I'm her size with a little pooch, and I would NEVER compare my pain/frustration/whatever to a woman 10 sizes larger. Nor would I ever expect a woman 10 sizes larger to feel empathetic for my little issue. That's so freaking selfish, I can't even imagine.

    She said they were drinking at a party. People tend to have lowered inhibitions in many many ways, significantly reduced logic, and reduced understanding/processing information, stronger/overwhelming emotional issues come out in a more exaggerated way. Plus we don't know how old she was. Or what her issues were. This is a sweet moment of a friendship. I would never do that also. But, if I was really young, and drinking I might have at one point when I had a distorted sense of my own body.

    I've been in this situation. I'd never had any stretch marks, but got a couple small ones that are thin, surface, white on my legs from pregnancy. I felt really bad about it. I showed a friend. She said that those aren't really considered stretch marks. She said many people get those during puberty. She showed me her own, so I could see the difference.

    When I was a teen a friend of mine tried to illustrate to me that I was not "fat". I was not at all. I had body image issues from severe child abuse.

    I'm thankful my friends helped me that way. Sometimes people need help learning things when they learned the opposite growing up.

    Then if it was just some drunken thing, why post this big epiphany? Seriously, you folks make way too much of things sometimes. I would never in a million years, no matter how drunk, compare my little post pregnancy pooch to a woman size 26 and think she should empathize. If I woke up the next day realizing I did do such a thing, I would feel like a total ahole.

    I wasn't there and I don't know them. Just seems odd to proclaim her a dink and an ahole, when they seem fine and happy in their friendship. That's all. But, whatever, like I said, I don't know them. I'm not even sure why you say, "you folks make too much of things". Lol. We are all strangers here. We don't even know each other. We aren't the borg. Maybe you are making too much of things. And just to clarify (due to lack of tone on the internet), I'm not in any way upset by this light conversation.

    I didn't call her friend an ahole, I said *I* would feel like an ahole if I ever did anything like that. And dink is just a damn funny word.

    I'm not mad either. I'm just passing time while my kid lifts since he likes having someone in the weight room with him.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    Ok, good! :wink: Enjoy your day!

    People do make mistakes. Maybe she realized that the next day. Maybe it was a learning experience for them.
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
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    Are you seriously offended at the responses? They were trying to compliment you and make you feel better. If I mention to a friend who is 350 pounds, that I'm sad that I gained 10 pounds from 210 to 220, she's gonna be like, "oh whatever, I'd love to be 220, right now". I'd laugh sheepishly and continue getting back on track. No big deal.

    My goodness, some of the people on here are so sensitive to anything regarding weight. Even if it's a compliment!
  • wilsoje74
    wilsoje74 Posts: 1,720 Member
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    I'm really shocked any woman would post her weight on Facebook!
  • BluejayNY
    BluejayNY Posts: 301 Member
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    As a general rule I would never ever complain about my weight to someone who is larger than I am. The example you gave was complaining to someone about 100 lbs heavier than you.
  • PrettyPearl88
    PrettyPearl88 Posts: 368 Member
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    Has anyone else come across this? You make mention of your weight and how it's upsetting you, and all you get is "I wish I could be that weight" as a subtle hint to STFU?

    I gained 10lbs and it REALLY upset me. I posted on my facebook "I'm up to 157. I don't know what happened." and here are some of the responses:

    "157 lbs??? Girl, I am 250 lbs. I am fat. You are not."
    "I'd sell my soul to the devil to be 157 pounds."
    "Seriously. I'd love to be at that weight too, but everyone is right."
    "Omg that's not fat."
    "hey while your busy feeling fat just remember that out there is a fat black chic that would kill to only weigh that much."
    "If I cut off one of my legs, I might weigh 157. Probably not though"

    Has anyone else come across this, and how do you react to it? What is the best solution? Is it really better just to shut up about weight issues?

    I've learned that it's just best to shut up about weight issues with most people. I only talk about it with people who I know will understand, such as a healthy friend or people on MFP who are all going through the same thing. I would never blast that publicly on Facebook though, mainly because I know FULL WELL that it will genuinely hurt some people. I myself used to be a heavier girl who would get very hurt when my skinny friends would complain about how "fat and ugly" they looked at 115 lbs and how they wished they could get back down to 100 lbs. The thought that went through my head was "Well if they think THEY'RE fat and ugly, I wonder what they REALLY think of me then..." Those complaints from my skinny friends really hurt back then and I don't wish that pain on others. So, just out of respect, I won't talk about my weight issues around most people now that I'm at a healthy weight.
  • tracefan
    tracefan Posts: 382 Member
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    Another reason I never say what I weigh.
    you can have 3 different people with similar heights all with the same weight but all look different..

    I won't say what I weigh but if I were to mention or ask.. I think everyone would tell me I weigh too little and should not lose.

    I know what I'm happy weighing and that is what matters.. and for you it should be the same.

    It's all about being healthy

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