How do you handle criticism?
rc2paris
Posts: 26 Member
I've lost 40 pounds, then put some on, then lost a lot (i have no idea how or why), then put it back on after a death in the family. I have 20 to go to be at a healthy weight. It has always amazed me how people are so quick to criticize. For example, one night I was watching tv with an older...larger...woman. I got up and made myself a bag of popcorn. (Just throwing in here it was low fat, light butter stuff). She looked over at me and went off on how I was going to blow up like a blimp and how I should be watching what I ate. I just kinda nodded and went back to my tv show. (and cried, but she didn't see that). I'm never sure how to handle stuff like that.
How would other people handle situations like that?
How would other people handle situations like that?
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If the person is bigger than me (and you'd be surprised how often that happens, even though I'm now at my goal weight and am maintaining), I say something like 'You know, that's a good idea. I should get "back on track." We could do this together! You want to go on a diet with me?" That usually shuts them up! :-)
-David / BootJockey
-257 pounds0 -
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I've lost 40 pounds, then put some on, then lost a lot (i have no idea how or why), then put it back on after a death in the family. I have 20 to go to be at a healthy weight. It has always amazed me how people are so quick to criticize. For example, one night I was watching tv with an older...larger...woman. I got up and made myself a bag of popcorn. (Just throwing in here it was low fat, light butter stuff). She looked over at me and went off on how I was going to blow up like a blimp and how I should be watching what I ate. I just kinda nodded and went back to my tv show. (and cried, but she didn't see that). I'm never sure how to handle stuff like that.
How would other people handle situations like that?
Ignore her. People only have power over you if you let them. She's entitled to her opinion but obviously, if she's large, then she has NO clue what the hell she's talking about and isn't worth the energy to get upset about.0 -
I would:
-ignore her, its none of her business
-assume she is just insecure and projecting it onto other people
-assume she is actually trying to be helpful and doesn't realize that reminding you to eat healthy or whatnot may be taken as criticism rather than help
-invite her to lose weight with you, maybe she is insecure about her weight and doesn't know how to "reach out"
it's easy to take criticism harshly, but maybe she didn't mean it to be harsh or anything. everyone has opinions, but as long as you're doing whats best for yourself, just keep doing what your doing and turn the criticism into motivation, you know you can prove them all wrong0 -
I would have had two reactions in that situation the mature one and the one that my 13 year old would be jealous of. In that situation both would have been fitting. The mature side would have said "Yeah, maybe...you want some?' and just enjoyed the tv show. People like that don't deserve tears they are just pushing stuff onto you so they don't feel it themselves. Now the immature response would have been...."Is that what happened to you? Can you please tell me how you LOST all your weight."
But seriously, use those types of comments as motivation. Don't allow others to bring you down, weight loss is a journey and you are going to have highs and lows. Learn from the ride, and leave the haters waiting in line.0 -
It depends on who it is and what I think their intentions are with the comment.
Typically, I just say "I think I'll be fine," and do what I like. I'm the one who has access to my food logs. I'm the one who's strategizing and I'm the one who knows how many calories I've allowed for what over the course of my day.
If I'm particularly sensitive that day, sometimes it might put me off food for a while, but on the other hand, sometimes that rubs my stubborn, snarky side the wrong way, and I go "You're right. I should watch what I eat," lean back, set it on my chest so I can literally "watch" it, while I eat it, and if they stare at me go "what?... I'm keeping it up here so I can keep an eye on it. Wouldn't want it to escape... *munch munch* Don't look at me like that, it was your idea..." and then if it was a bowl of popcorn sitting on my chest, I'd maintain eye contact while I used my tongue to touch one piece so it'd stick to it and I wouldn't have to use my hands to take a piece (think human-chameleon hybrid) and sit there and chew on it with the most deliciously awkward silence (trust me, it's like a train wreck in slow motion. They won't be able to look away no matter how much they'll want to hehehe). If they don't look horrified enough, I'd then offer them a piece just to see them get sufficiently grossed out.
I kind of have a way of doing things overly literally like that to make things very awkward very quickly. If they're going to make it awkward for me by watching what I'm eating too closely and making comments that are none of their business, I'm going to make it awkward for them by doing something strange in front of them to make them uncomfortable. It's surprisingly effective for shutting people up and making them mind their own business.0 -
Keyword there is "larger."
She's jealous that you are losing weight and wants to rain on your parade. It's the whole crabs in a bucket mentality. Some people just can't stand to see others succeed at anything, especially when they themselves are failures.
You have encountered today what is known as a "hater." Haters are there to remind you of how awesome you are. They do it in hater fashion (trying to insult you) but everybody sees the truth so it makes you look good and them look like a jealous cretin.
Good job. You'll be at goal in no time.0 -
"Thank you for your concern, but i'm in command of my own fitness and nutrition."0
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She was projecting her own lack of discilpline onto to you. She wanted you to feel about yourself the way she feels about herself: bad and out of control. The way to handle it? Try to remind yourself that she is projecting and it had nothing to do with you. You didn't mention your relationship with this woman but she probably knows she can get to you. I say this because I know how hard it is and I am very sensitive to this type of behavior. Take it as a lesson that this is a person who does not support what you are doing and keep your distance or at least don't share anything about your weight loss experience with her.0
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Usually I take a moment to consider the source. 9 times out of 10 they are being vastly hypocritical. And I'm not going to lie sometimes I'm downright snarky. Odds are in that specific situation I'd probably have said "Good thing you're not having any then eh?" and went right on eating.0
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Some people in my family mostly my sisters will do this to me because they are overweight and about at my start weight. They don't like it that I am thinner than they are now. But they will be like you are really going to eat cake? I always tell people I am not on a diet I am LIVING healthier. And I am living I am not going to eat salad all day long. I also tell people thanks for you concern but I have had it under control this far I think I can handle. I guess kind of rude maybe but also the truth0
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I used to do exactly what you did but I have got to the point where I really don't care about other peoples opinions. Now if someone said that I would reply and say 'I know, but this is a little better and rather than cut it out and crave it, I will eat some or all of it now and work it off later at my choice and if I don't then oh-well it was mine to decide.' and I also try my best not to jump to negative assumption. If I believe they are were negative, that only reflects my own thinking about myself.
However I would also like to point out, that the larger person may not actually be jealous (a negative assumption) they may know they are larger and might have shared the same habit as you. Sometimes people say things with no idea of how it affects people. Did the larger person say it nastily, as a friendly joke or with concern? Sometimes you just need to tell someone that their words upset you for them to learn to curb it.
I know personally I see myself in my much younger sister and I often tell her to ease up (because yes, she may soon need to be rolled out) and its not jealousy, its fear. Fear she will end up like me.0 -
However I would also like to point out, that the larger person may not actually be jealous (a negative assumption) they may know they are larger and might have shared the same habit as you. Sometimes people say things with no idea of how it affects people. Did the larger person say it nastily, as a friendly joke or with concern? Sometimes you just need to tell someone that their words upset you for them to learn to curb it.
I know personally I see myself in my much younger sister and I often tell her to ease up (because yes, she may soon need to be rolled out) and its not jealousy, its fear. Fear she will end up like me.
I never thought of it that way! That incident it was a snide remark, but it definitely gave me a new perspective!0 -
However I would also like to point out, that the larger person may not actually be jealous (a negative assumption) they may know they are larger and might have shared the same habit as you. Sometimes people say things with no idea of how it affects people. Did the larger person say it nastily, as a friendly joke or with concern? Sometimes you just need to tell someone that their words upset you for them to learn to curb it.
I know personally I see myself in my much younger sister and I often tell her to ease up (because yes, she may soon need to be rolled out) and its not jealousy, its fear. Fear she will end up like me.
I never thought of it that way! That incident it was a snide remark, but it definitely gave me a new perspective!
I completely agree. Sometimes people say things out of concern and with the best of intentions but the message gets lost in the context or whatever. That doesn't mean you should just forgive them and let it go though. Always let the other person know that you're uncomfortable with their words or actions if they're hurtful to you or make you uncomfortable. And if you have a hard time standing up for yourself, think about how you would feel if it was your sibling or best friend in that situation. You wouldn't want them to put up with being treated badly, right?! Don't expect any less for yourself. I know it's hard to stand up for yourself but you'll never be treated better if you don't.0 -
However I would also like to point out, that the larger person may not actually be jealous (a negative assumption) they may know they are larger and might have shared the same habit as you. Sometimes people say things with no idea of how it affects people. Did the larger person say it nastily, as a friendly joke or with concern? Sometimes you just need to tell someone that their words upset you for them to learn to curb it.
I know personally I see myself in my much younger sister and I often tell her to ease up (because yes, she may soon need to be rolled out) and its not jealousy, its fear. Fear she will end up like me.
I never thought of it that way! That incident it was a snide remark, but it definitely gave me a new perspective!
With all due respect, that's a load of crap. If it was said out of concern, that person would not have said that the OP was "going to blow up like a blimp." Maybe I'm more jaded than some but I refuse to automatically assume that the person was being helpful in that situation. It sure as hell doesn't sound that way to me.0 -
However I would also like to point out, that the larger person may not actually be jealous (a negative assumption) they may know they are larger and might have shared the same habit as you. Sometimes people say things with no idea of how it affects people. Did the larger person say it nastily, as a friendly joke or with concern? Sometimes you just need to tell someone that their words upset you for them to learn to curb it.
I know personally I see myself in my much younger sister and I often tell her to ease up (because yes, she may soon need to be rolled out) and its not jealousy, its fear. Fear she will end up like me.
I never thought of it that way! That incident it was a snide remark, but it definitely gave me a new perspective!
With all due respect, that's a load of crap. If it was said out of concern, that person would not have said that the OP was "going to blow up like a blimp." Maybe I'm more jaded than some but I refuse to automatically assume that the person was being helpful in that situation. It sure as hell doesn't sound that way to me.
It isn't a load of rubbish, the words hurt the original poster and obviously she should not have to stand for it but I use those exact words (and more) on my sister (which is why I bothered to post on this thread in the first place - however my sister knows I joke and I make sure I say it in a funny voice and laugh about it together)
I was merely stating we shouldn't all jump to negative assumptions and should assess it better (the only person who can ever clarify the motive of the un-thoughtful words is the original post - and she did - they were mean) So I suggest the best option would be to have told the offender, politely, that her words were unappreciated and hurtful, and maybe perhaps instead if holding a grudge on someone because you think they are mean or forever being upset by her words, when you might actually be able to help each other or at least better understand them.
And if this doesn't work, I would advise her to keep her opinions to herself in future.0 -
When people who are around my size criticize me, I laugh. I'm actually trying and losing weight. They are doing nothing.0
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