other peoples (not very +ve) comments!

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sparklesammy
sparklesammy Posts: 465 Member
in Motivation and Support
I dont know if anyone has started to experince this, but people I know, some from work others from family and friends have started asking me questions about my weight loss.

Im not finding it very encouraging, becasue they are saying things like "you'll not want to lose much more or you'll be too thin". "are you eating enough" "im just a bit worried your being too extreme"And its really stating to bother me...becasue i am no where NEAR my target size/weight. The way some of them look at me you would think i was aiming for size zero or something...no! I am OBJECTIVELY still overweight and and aiming to be a normal weight (in terms of BMI i will still be in the upper half of the normal weight graph when i reach my target).

I have already lost several stones in weight, so i understand that to them i look drastically different from before, but it upsets me that they think ive taken it too far before im even close to my goal (more than 2 stones to lose!). And it has been gradual weight loss too, over 3 years so far, so its not been a sudden change!

Do they not realsie that these are not really useful comments??

Has this happened to anyone else? how did you deal with it?

Replies

  • bikerbiz
    bikerbiz Posts: 179 Member
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    Maybe they don't know you are actually on a diet, and that your weight loss is intentional to get into that healthier range. I would be concerned, too, if someone I knew suddenly starting losing weight fast...and would wonder if they were going through a bad time (like during a divorce, or something). Or, they may just be jealous you diet is working! ;-)
  • jenlhugg
    jenlhugg Posts: 141 Member
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    I think it is a very common problem. No one on my side of the family has been supportive at all. All I get is, "You aren't trying to lose more weight are you," and my grandfather actually told me that I look worse since losing 30 pounds. I think that people, especially family and close friends, get this picture of you in their head. You have looked the same for so long, that is the only way that they see you, and any change, even positive, isn't considered that way because, well, I am not for sure why, but mose people are don't like change. But, keep it up, and once people surrounding you see what a positive impact it has had on your life, hopefully you will inspire someone to make that change for themselves, even if it doesn't seem like they are supportive now.
  • jlorton82
    jlorton82 Posts: 21
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    Personally, I would encourage them to join my fitness pal along with you and fill them on the things you are doing. If you are seeing a doctor you can assure them that your doctor approves and that you are doing the right things or they can join and follow along with you and possibly encourage them to lose as well. Might shush them right up! :) good luck!
  • karinem88
    karinem88 Posts: 2
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    most likely they are jealous. This has happened to me also and I am not at y target weight yet either. I gradually lost all the wight in a year from 170 to 136 right now but i am going for 125. My friends try to get me to eat more and try to make fun of me. But I know how much commitment it took to lose the weight and when others can't but that effort into it they will hate on you. Keep losing the wight girl!
  • jlorton82
    jlorton82 Posts: 21
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    I agree, it is probably jealousy. I have overweight friends that say i am doing too much and losing to quick when I know that is not the truth at all. Keep it up!
  • 19marie74
    19marie74 Posts: 44
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    I have noticed this myself. My weight was in the 200's. I have lost 35 pounds so far already but not near my goal yet. And people have told me I look good and that I need to stop losing weight. That if I lost anymore I will be to skinny. But I have noticed that the people that say this is the people that need to lose a little themselves. Maybe they are upset because your making a change and they don't have the willpower to do it. Who knows what others think. I am still in the obese range and just want to be in a health range, like 130 or 140. Right now I am still in the 180's. I wouldn't try to let it bother you. Just keep doing what you are doing you know what is healthy for you and where you want to be. Good luck to you.
  • fitterpam
    fitterpam Posts: 3,086 Member
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    Most people I know have been really supportive. There are about 10 people in my life that get biweekly updates of my progress, but no more than that. Any negative comments that I have gotten are more about the clothes that I'm wearing - I haven't gone to the right size yet...still wearing my old, now baggy, clothes. "Geez - you look terrible in that" Thanks Mom....LOL

    The comments that upset me the most have been two of my closest friends. My best friend said to me "Geez, you're doing so well. I should give you my extra weight and you can lose it too" As if I'd like to take another 40 lbs on - she just doesn't understand the challenges I've faced. Or another one of my good girlfriends after I started sending out the bi-weekly updates (I was 25lbs down) said to me "Oh you should try Herbal Magic. I lost 20 lbs doing that". I was like, but I've lost 25 this way, why would I mess with a good thing?

    I don't think people mean to make negative comments. I know that I probably wasn't the most supportive when my husband's cousin lost 25lbs 2 years ago - but I've learned from that mistake. For people that we telling me that I was losing too quickly, I'd let them know that my loss is well within the guidelines for healthy weight loss and that my doctor is supportive of my goals (provided of course, that you've checked your goals with your doctor). Hearing that you know what you're doing and have professionals behind you will typically make them stop.
  • melodious2878
    melodious2878 Posts: 33
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    I agree with sharpk. They might not have any idea whats going on with you. And if they do just let them know that you are doing whats best for your body. Just politely put them in their place and let them know that their comments arent very helpful. Keep up the great work, girl!! Keep your head held high!
  • TammyK777
    TammyK777 Posts: 230 Member
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    it does seem to be fairly common, unfortunately. I tell people I'm not even 1/2 way and they that I couldn't possible have that much more to lose, I'll disappear, etc. A couple friends of mine have the same issue. They've lost the weight and are in healthy ranges, yet people say they are too thin. Personally, I think people just get jealous, or condemn themselves for not doing it and want to bring you down too. While I do appreciate the genuine concern from some, I find myself cautious about talking about weight loss to most people.
  • Kminor67
    Kminor67 Posts: 900 Member
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    I don't know if this reply will be helpful or not, but I'm starting to get angry about this stuff. The first thing I would do is go see my doctor. Then you can honestly tell them that you have seen the doctor and they say I'm fine. Secondly, let them know that your weight is really none of their business. Here's where my rant starts: Why is it that when you're thin, no-one ever says ANYTHING to you about your weight, but when a person is or has been overweight, suddenly their weight is EVERYONE's business???? I used to be one of those people who could eat whatever they wanted and never gain an ounce, and then as a result of life circumstances, the weight has piled on over the past 6 years. No-one used to care about my weight... as a matter of fact, I found out that my dad thought I had an eating disorder when I was a teenager, and NO-ONE ever said a word about my weight. As long as I was thin, it was never brought up! Now that I am heavier, it seems to be EVERYONE's business! Total strangers make comments about my weight. What about me being heavier gives people the right to judge me? I'm still the same person as I was when I was thin. Now that I am heavy, I feel the need to report to my loved ones my progress on weight loss. When I start to really shrink, I'm sure that people will begin to tell me that I need to stop losing. I'm tired of it being everyone's business what I look like. BTW, my father recently told me that the reason I can't find a job is because I stopped coloring my hair. I earned ever gray hair on my head, and why should I have to cover it up just to please others? I am SICK AND TIRED of being judged all the time, just because my issues show on the outside. Nuff said.
  • sparklesammy
    sparklesammy Posts: 465 Member
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    hi all,

    thank you for your posts, i have found them encouraging! The last time i spoke to my doctor they were happy with my progress and had no concerns.

    kminor67, that was helpful, you are soo right, there are people i know who genuinely are very thin and people would be more likely to worry about my weight loss being too drastic than the fact that they probably actually are under weight. hopefully we can rise above it, knowing that we know what is best for us.

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