Mom can't be supportive (have a normal mom, don't read)

my mum hasnt ever been hugely overweight. All the women in my family are tall (over 5ft 8) and carry weight well. She owned a diner when I was a kid and my dad was a truck driver so they were always gone before I felt for school. I religiously skipped breakfast only to pig out at mid morning in school on tuck shop sweets, chips, crisps and pastries. I even got caught shop lifting a snickers when I was 10. I used to binge a lot when I was a young kid. I'd steal money for food even though the cupboards were always full and I had a cooked meal every night. I wasnt allowed to leave the table until it was all gone though. I was also allowed to eat whatever I wanted at her diner in the holidays when I worked there from 14 up.

When I was 11 my mum enrolled me in slimming world (a UK version of a diet club) and she put me on a diet. That just made me eat in secret even more. Im definitely an emotional eater. She told me when I was 15 that I had legs like tree trunks and my grandma took a photo of me in a swim suit at the pool when i was 11 and said i looked huge. I didnt think i looked that bad. I had a lap band to try and control my weight after I piled on the pounds after being in an unhappy marriage. It didnt work for me. I couldnt afford the fills. She was dissapointed and I know why. My dad had a heart attack because of his weight and insists that "ive had my heart attack now, i wont have another" even though he's heavier now than he was when he had it. My brother died after being over 500lbs. I know shes concerened about my weight and Im trying to get it off but asking me twice a week if ive lost any more weight adds pressure to me. I live 3000 miles away now so I only have minimal face to face criticism. Its still tough though.

Mind you, my mom actually sees a mental health professional and a few other specialists...

When you're older those conversations become very different even when the people haven't changed because the situations change. Growing up, my mom didn't bother hiding that she felt that the only way even her family would want anything to do with her was if they were as screwed up as she was and felt the need to act on it. Aside from the weight, she failed. She's given up on trying to pull off a lot of things, including eating to control her diabetes. She goes through more full sugar soda in a month than I would go through in a year when I wasn't trying to lose weight. She doesn't make it up two flights of stairs when baited with a kitten and hasn't attempted to make her house wheelchair/walker friendly. Now, she acts like I'm a social worker she happens to be related to. I don't feel annoyed by her anymore, just... sad.

Yes. I also have a cray cray mom. I remember one time when I walked in her apartment and the first thing she said was "Wow, you're getting fat." and then started laughing at me.

I also know that your mom is the one person who can push your buttons for some weird reason. It the one who you need and expect the unconditional love and support from, just doesn't always work.

Can I whine about my dad? Urgh!!! When my marriage to my ex-husband was crumbling, I was so stressed out. I was constantly trying to fix the relationship, I had just launched my business, I was stretched so thin. My dad kept coming in town to visit - every.single.weekend. He would bring friends too. I should have told him no, but I was trying to be respectful and kind. BIG MISTAKE. The last time, he told me he was bringing a friend who really needed the get a way. I reluctantly agreed to the visit. While they were visiting, she and I were talking and she let the cat out of the bag. "Your dad begged me to come visit you with him so I could see for myself how bad it is (as in, my situation)." WOW!!! Later, he told me that visiting my home was like going to a third world country - it never gets any better. That was it. My dad has not been welcome in my home since. I've seen him once in the six years since that happened. I can't tell you what a HUGE weight was lifted off of me to let that relationship go. I'm a totally different person now then I was then and I truly believe that I've become a positive, happy person simply by getting away from all that drama and negativity that he brings.

My mom is supporting but she tells me she likes me a little "big" because she likes my face to have some stuffing in and yet commenting on how my tummy has to go. She confuses the hell out of me. @_@

As for my dad, he was always bashing on me. He gives me alot of food and every now and then likes to GRAB my fat rolls and shake it saying "LOL What is this?" Yes, I know hes childish -_- Luckily it has died down some.

My parents are also weird about weight. They are both overweight. My mom doesn't seem to care about her own weight, and she has been more or less the same size for years and years. My dad however has lost and gained weight numerous times, but never in a healthy way. He'll exercise like a crazy person (I remember his cardio sessions wearing a garbage bag as a shirt), as in, he goes from no exercise to instantly 6 times a week for hours at a time at high intensity. Plus he'll eat very little like an apple and a small cup of yoghurt to last through the day and then a salad (no meat) for dinner.

My parents both enjoy making fun of fat people. They'll watch shows like the Biggest Loser and then gasp, point, laugh and make comments about the size of the people and their eating habits. The same when they see a heavy person outside. They'll say things like "Wow look at that huge *kitten*! You could put a beer on it!" or "If I'd eat like that you could roll me around!" I have often found it embarrassing and hurtful, and since at my highest weight I was definitely bigger than my parents, I have often taken these comments personal.

My mom tends to make comments like "WE would never look good in a skinny jeans" implying that I'm the same size and shape as she is. I'm not, I'm about 20lbs lighter, I'm a pear and she's an apple. Or "WE could never eat this or that". Some things that are said you'll never ever forget. I had a lump in my breast in my early 20's, and was getting surgery to have it removed. The only thing my mom said was "Keep in mind that you'll have a deformed breast after the surgery". I wasn't even scared of the surgery until she said that, and actually, it all turned out fine.

My mom never gives me compliments. She'll make a comment when she notices I've lost weight, ("You're getting skinny cheeks") but she'll never tell me that I've done a good job or look nice. She's always fishing for compliments herself and patting herself on the back though. "Look at this card I made, nice huh?" "What a good idea that was (of me) to make our own pizza for dinner huh?" A few weeks ago we all went to a family wedding and I was wearing a dress for the first time in 10 years. My dad, and some other relatives, told me how nice I looked. My mom didn't even talk to me all through the evening, and when she did she commented on how I hadn't worn a dress in a long time and nothing about how I looked in it.

Although it is difficult to deal with this, I tell myself to look at their good qualities. They're not bad people, and I guess it's their way of dealing with their own issues and insecurities. I simply avoid talking about weight and health with them, and I don't go along with their fat people comments. Plus, knowing how much I'd like to get a nice compliment, and how nice it feels to actually GET a compliment, it's a good reminder to GIVE them to others without expecting something in return.

OMFG YES!
My mom was a yoyo dieter her whole life which led to me learning that behaviour. She went to get gastric bypass to lose her weight, which she has but now it's almost like she's jealous. I did it on my own and she had to resort to a surgery. She'll be super supportive one day then the next will comment on how I've lost to much or how I will gain it back.
I love my mom to pieces but she's slightly out there haha

Unfortunately there will always be people in our lives that cannot put their own demons aside to be happy for other people.

This is difficult to comprehend as you wouldn't DREAM of giving anything other than love & support to your family & friends achievements or goals.

The important thing to remember here is their negativity is a reflection on them - NOT YOU! YOU are STRONG & choosing to be a healthier & happier person!

I once read this quote.... “Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.”

:-)

This is difficult to comprehend as you wouldn't DREAM of giving anything other than love & support to your family & friends achievements or goals.



I once read this quote.... “Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.”



:-)

nice quote and you are right - I cannot IMAGINE saying the things to my daughter that my mother has said to me. I think it makes me more aware actually of how hurtful some things can be.

I have lost over 30 pounds and my mom acts like its nothing. My husband said to her "look how Kay lost so much weight" and my mom said "I saw that". Really? Thats all? You are not alone hunny. I was expecting more than that ,but sometimes you have to accept people for who they are,even family.