At the bottom right now.

Sewweaver · August 2013

I am admittedly a little in shock. After some months of testing today I received the diagnosis that I have bone cancer. I am having a port put in on Monday and go on a 24/7 chemo pack.

I came to this site with virtually no support or friends due in large part to my own upbringing. I was trained and conditioned to withdraw. Don't be a bother or be in the way or annoy people with your own trivialities. I was brought up to somehow for some reason to believe that the way to become a great friend is to be there, listen, support others, but be invisible.

This place is more than diet to me. It is really my effort to change from the inside out. The diet/exercise is in some ways, just the outward culmination of an inward transformation. But I guess I am not faced with the fact that I am indeed going to have to change and perhaps some of the ways I was brought up were faulty. Someone encouraged me to put myself forward and everything in me said, "dont do it, people dont want to hear other peoples' crap."

I guess I am at the bottom. I am willing to take the ridicule for posting on a public forum and I'll take my stripes and try to move forward.

I am not sure at this point what I should expect in relation to diet/exercise.

I know that at a 6 week marker a decision will be looked at more closely about limb salvage / radiation / amputation, to attempt to save my left leg (the site of the primary tumor).

I am not sure quite how to proceed I guess. I am a little in shock I guess. EVen now I have the screeching desire to hit delete, but I truly do want to change any future I have, in any way that future might look. I want to be different. I want to be different inside, not just on the scale or in an outfit. I don't want to just see food or exercise differently. I want to see life differently.

I am a little afraid of the responses. I do not like being told that I am foolish or stupid or illogical. I guess, like most people, I want to hear positive. But what I want, and what I need are not always the same thing. I am willing to take the honest responses, even though they may hurt, because sometimes that is more needful, than desired.

Let the hazing begin... I guess.

pastryari · August 2013

I am admittedly a little in shock. After some months of testing today I received the diagnosis that I have bone cancer. I am having a port put in on Monday and go on a 24/7 chemo pack.

I came to this site with virtually no support or friends due in large part to my own upbringing. I was trained and conditioned to withdraw. Don't be a bother or be in the way or annoy people with your own trivialities. I was brought up to somehow for some reason to believe that the way to become a great friend is to be there, listen, support others, but be invisible.

This place is more than diet to me. It is really my effort to change from the inside out. The diet/exercise is in some ways, just the outward culmination of an inward transformation. But I guess I am not faced with the fact that I am indeed going to have to change and perhaps some of the ways I was brought up were faulty. Someone encouraged me to put myself forward and everything in me said, "dont do it, people dont want to hear other peoples' crap."

I guess I am at the bottom. I am willing to take the ridicule for posting on a public forum and I'll take my stripes and try to move forward.

I am not sure at this point what I should expect in relation to diet/exercise.

I know that at a 6 week marker a decision will be looked at more closely about limb salvage / radiation / amputation, to attempt to save my left leg (the site of the primary tumor).

I am not sure quite how to proceed I guess. I am a little in shock I guess. EVen now I have the screeching desire to hit delete, but I truly do want to change any future I have, in any way that future might look. I want to be different. I want to be different inside, not just on the scale or in an outfit. I don't want to just see food or exercise differently. I want to see life differently.

I am a little afraid of the responses. I do not like being told that I am foolish or stupid or illogical. I guess, like most people, I want to hear positive. But what I want, and what I need are not always the same thing. I am willing to take the honest responses, even though they may hurt, because sometimes that is more needful, than desired.

Let the hazing begin... I guess.

Oh, wow. I'm so sorry to hear that. There is nothing foolish, stupid, or illogical about feeling the way you are upon recieving news such as this.

I wish you nothing but the best and I really hope everything gets better for you.

douglasnorton · August 2013

Sorry to hear the diagnosis came back that way. But, you have the choice to make the most of life or to regret life. By coming out of your shell, you are making the better decision of making the most of life. Anyone who chastises you for putting this out as a topic and blasts you is a complete fool. I think you are doing a great job in taking back your life and making the best of what life has to offer you. If you ever need to talk or just need a friend to listen, hit me up. Always here for ya!

sharonfoustmills · August 2013

You will be totally shocked just how much support there is to be had on this site. It is AWESOME.

michelledfoster · August 2013

Anyone who would dare say anything negative to you on this post could not possibly have a soul. There are no words that can make you feel better: you are facing a devastating diagnosis and words alone cannot soothe that fear or ache.

I understand being brought up to feel like you should be a great friend to others but never ask for anything in return. I had some similar ideas instilled in me as well, but I stopped believing it.........I dont know when. But I did. You will too. You CAN ask for what you want or need. You may not always get it, but you will never get it if you dont ask.

As for the diagnosis: approach with prayer. Handle yourself in the next few weeks as you would handle someone ELSE who is facing this: with extreme gentleness and kindness. Reach out to others; at work, home, church, or in a group therapy setting, or even here. People are basically good. Let others lift you up. Message me anytime. Praying for you. *hugs*

bert16 · August 2013

Shock is a completely understandable reaction; in fact, I can't imagine reacting any way other than that. And please stop apologizing for sharing this - there is nothing in your message that any sane person would possibly find fault in.

I haven't gone through this myself, so can't claim to be any kind of expert, but as with most challenges in life, I suggest that you take the information you've got in, continue to work with your doctors and medical team to get more data to make the most informed decisions you can, lean on your family and friends (including MFPals!), and put up the fight of your life. If this is the bottom, the good news is that there's nowhere to go but up.

Huge (((hugs))) to you - you CAN beat this.

debaloo · August 2013

I'm so sorry! My cousin just started the chemo process last week. It's a lot to take in and you need support. Don't be afraid to ask for it! Take it one day at a time. There is no way to predict what is going to happen. Are you going to a good treatment center? The nurses in good centers are always available to answer your questions and give you important information. Please take advantage of those resources and maybe join a support group, either in person or online.

taniak3 · August 2013

So sad to hear your news. Sending hugs and prayers your way!

brower47 · August 2013

I'm at a loss for words. :flowerforyou: At the risk of sounding canned ham and disingenuous, I hope you get a lot of support for what you're going through and that it turns out as well as it can.

My mom's a cancer survivor, so I know it's hard and my best wishes go out to you and yours.

agdyl · August 2013

I can't imagine what there is to criticize in your post! I don't think anyone can really imagine how they would really react to a diagnosis like that unless they are experiencing it. There's no "normal" - whatever you are feeling now just IS. All I can say is that I wish you all the best in healing. Talk to your doctors about what you should do for diet and exercise and then try to do what you can that is the most healing for your body and mind. I wish there was anything I could say to make it better, but you're in my thoughts!

PikaKnight · August 2013

I'm so sorry

I've lost a few family members due to cancer

I wish you the best OP :flowerforyou:

dab52776 · August 2013

My thoughts and prayers are with you, for everything you are facing.

Skrib69 · August 2013

You have nothing to apologise for, and no reason to hide away. This is a very brave ad honest post. Whilst nothing I can say or do will undo the past, or change the future for you, it sounds lie you have done the hard part of facing your situation. Now that you ave got the bit between your teeth, make the best of the here and now and enjoy yourself. I hope the treatment works for you.

mandles82 · August 2013

There really is nothing I, or anyone else can say to make this better for you. BUT, I certainly won't say anything negative, I can't imagine anyone else would either. We all deal with situations differently, some people do internalize everything and it really does nothing to help. I've learned that letting it all out, while it may not help, will certainly help to relieve stress and hurt. I lost someone close to cancer, they were in poor health before their diagnosis and they were elderly but what I found was attitude is everything. Ask questions of your doctors and don't hold back how you are feeling!!

Try to stay positive, much easier said then done.

redladywitch · August 2013

Oh honey, I'm sorry this is happening right now. My heart goes out to you. I don't think anyone is going to give you crap or tease you. There really is a lot of support here.

I wonder if the nursing staff can answer your questions? Take it one day at a time. This is a lot to take in.

nettasue35 · August 2013

I'm sorry to hear your diagnosis of bone cancer, my heart goes out to you and your family. I will ask my family to pray for you and your family. I have never been diagnosed with cancer, but worked for the doctor who diagnosed his. I know that he was grateful for all the support he had. I suggest that you talk with family and friends and let them help you. you maybe surprised how much help you will have. If you need someone to talk with please message me.

bakingforlife · August 2013

Im so sorry. Your having to deal with this devatating news .saying it out loud is the first step .im going to say this meditate. Sing dance do the things you love that you can ...may sound odd but really its freeing ..calming .talk talk talk about it ..no negetive thoughts i know that will be hard also but if theres any neg thought dont let them out. Replace neg with positive words theres going to be days of saddness and neg thought yes but say it deal with it and move on then back to positive .surround your srlf with awrsome people .eat well stay away from sugar surgar feeds the tumor .lost of water good whole food s greens .im no doc but. I no this stuff helps .have a family full of cancer .its not fun but beleaving yourgoing to be alright is one of the ways to neay this ...good luck talk talk talk about your feeling. ............

newblue95 · August 2013

Wow. I'm so sorry. But I am happy that you are coming out of your shell. I am also extremely introverted, but I've changed recently too. Everyday, we grow a little bit more and a little bit more. You can be whoever you want to be.

ssmithbowman · August 2013

I am so sorry that this has all happened to you. I wish you the best and I will be praying for you.

Regarding the loss of your limb (potentially)...I work with patients who often have to get amputations due to diabetes or vascular diseases. They have to go through a grieving process for their limbs just as if it was a family member of friend. Eventually they learn to move on and live iwthout the limb. Many of them still exercise. I have a patient who is a double amputee who lifts. He is really passionate about fitness.

In any case, don't make the fact thaty ou might not have a leg in the future define you. It won't. You will overcome it.

36Frieda · August 2013

I am sorry to here about your diagnosis, it is a lot to wrap your mind around. I too was raised to 'not be an imposition' and it took me a good 30 years to realize that I short change friends and family by not allowing them to extend themselves when I need help. I am still a work in progress myself.
Take care off yourself and allow others to be there for you.

LaserOctopus · August 2013

I know it's way out of your comfort zone, but I'm glad you posted this; you've had a rough time of it lately, and today has been the worst of it.

And I'm thrilled to see so many people offering their support and encouragement. I know you need it right now.

At the bottom right now.

Replies

Categories