Just a vent from a mum , coming apart at the seams .....

Just a little vent coming up, having no-one to talk to as pathetic as it sounds I need to vent somewhere, and cant vent on FB, its too personal : I feel so confused, going through a 'break-up' with the father of my son, who I do love dearly, and we havent broken up persay just separated, he no longer lives with me and my son, and trying to patch things together, we have had it hard from, our son spending alot of his nearly four years of life in and out of hospital, to a bad pregnancy where my 'other half' if you will had to give up work to care for me, and then being diagonised Bi-Polar ( wrongly I had severe post natal depression) around the same time my dad died ( who I hadnt spoken to since I was 16) I was 23 when he passed .... I hated him ( he was abusive in ways i dont wish to discuss) but kinda loved him still struggle with how to deal with this to this day ( nearly three years since he went ( 14 august) ) and then my 'other half had a blood clot on his brain, all the while our son still in and out of hospital, then sept 2013 I nearly lost my son on his birthday and spent two weeks with him on ICU ( intensive care) , then my son had a opp in feb, then I fell really ill in march ... and only just recovering now ..... on top of all the crap my 'other halfs' ex throws our way ( he has two girls from a previous relationship - I have been with him 6 yrs) his ex is awful, as are the girls unfortunately ( down to his ex) .... causing so much stress i was re-emited to hospital in May with encephalitis. anyway we have always had a huge strain on us, myself and my 'partner/ex' and we are trying to work through it, trying to be old fashioned and fight to the bitter end, as my gran always said .... people these days don't understand the meaning of relationship/marriage ... and so we struggle on ... and since 'the split' I have had NO support from anyone! Just struggled on alone .... and today my Gran ( who is really like my mum) turned on me, and said she is turning her back one me, for 'struggling on' with the father of my son, not that she has really been around for me anyway, but now i feel even more isolated, and confused as she was the one who told me to work at it, but now she wants nothing to do with me or my son as im staying with my sons father , living separate .... im sure this makes no sense, it makes no sense to me ..... but I just needed to vent .... a message from a lonely desperate mum, starting to un-ravel after all the crap thrown my way!