I'm struggling...follow-up...and thank you.

Thank you...everyone. Unfortunately, the scale is correct....I checked it against my mother in law's yesterday...and the weight before the weekend weight gain was accurate too.

I'm on a 1200 calorie diet...per my doctor.... only 1200 calories and I don't get the luxury of eating exercise calories. I'm in the program to have gastric bypass surgery...I haven't commited to it yet, but this is what is required of me to have it. I am not allowed to snack...only three meals per day. I do sometimes snack...I have to sometimes, but I keep some 100 calorie snack packs in my desk (the "bad" food at work is not in my desk...I work for the Salvation Army, and we have a food pantry attached to my area, that is full of crap)

Normally I do very well...even 1200 calories a day is ok as far as not feeling hungry. I've adapted a lot of my favorite recipes, switched to fat free sour cream, no-calorie butter spray, and I grind my own chicken breasts to use in recipes that would normally take ground beef. I only eat chicken breast (I'm not a fish eater), and occaisionally a piece of pork tenderloin. I LOVE all types of veggies and fruits. I usually even have enough calories at the end of the day to have a scoop of light vanilla ice cream and fresh sliced strawberries...or if I've cut it close, I eat sugar free jello with sliced bananas and strawberries in it. I've been making it work...and I've been extremely happy with the progress I've been making.... That first 37 pounds, I lost in two months!

Even with the junk food around me, I can say no and be happy with saying no. When we go to parties or BBQ at my parents, I bring my own food because I don't want to give into temptation...and I haven't been feeling deprived. In fact, I still don't feel deprived. I don't really want to eat the candy, etc, but that part of me that thinks "what's the use if you're going to be good and gain 22 pounds" starts to think "what the heck, why does it matter what you eat if you gain weight anyway?".

As far as exercise goes. I do it, but it's not consistent. Maybe walking 3x per week right now...and I have asthma which makes it worse...not making excuses. I have been making some modifications to the way I do things...like choosing the parking space farthest from the door at the store. Or coming in early to do some of my assistant's stocking work...but I need to increase the frequency.

I think I feel like a failure. If I fell off the wagon this weekend and gained even five pounds, I'd be ok. But I've gained back more than half of what I lost and I have to show up at my doctor's office and be weighed next week. I made a choice this weekend, that I could "reward" myself because I've been so good...and I wish I could take it back. Food doesn't have the hold it used to over me, but giving into it has undone the progress I've made.

Thank you for your support and kind words. I was a good girl...walked right past the snickers to the microwave and heated up my lean pocket, ate that, my orange and a bottle of crystal light.

The reality of it is...I don't want to be this size. I want to be around for my children, and dang it, I want to buy a bra that doesn't end in DDD or H! If by chance I really gained 22 pounds that I'm going to have to fight off...I did it once, I can do it again....but I'll tell you what...next time I reward myself, it will be with a pair of summer sandals!