People act funny now that Im smaller...

I think sometimes we're quick to jump to the conclusion that they're jealous or trying to sabotage us. My husband and I have started getting the "you're not trying to lose more, right?" comments from well-meaning family members who have never seen us this thin. I look different than I have in my entire life. Since I'm still a few pounds overweight (and have discovered that I have a petite figure), yes I'm still losing, slowly and healthy. Some can handle talking about it (like my mom), with others (like grandmothers) we just nod along. They don't mean anything by it, but change is hard. Their mental picture of me has always been heavy, so thinner than that starts looking "too thin" even when it's not.

I think sometimes we're quick to jump to the conclusion that they're jealous or trying to sabotage us. My husband and I have started getting the "you're not trying to lose more, right?" comments from well-meaning family members who have never seen us this thin. I look different than I have in my entire life. Since I'm still a few pounds overweight (and have discovered that I have a petite figure), yes I'm still losing, slowly and healthy. Some can handle talking about it (like my mom), with others (like grandmothers) we just nod along. They don't mean anything by it, but change is hard. Their mental picture of me has always been heavy, so thinner than that starts looking "too thin" even when it's not.

I would quicker jump to this conclusion than "Sabotage." People perhaps are simply not used to seeing you in a different way - especially when/if you have been heavier for a long time. Its natural to ask "Are you getting smaller and smaller? Do you need to be more thin? You look great now!" when you see a friend literally melting in her clothes, and I would be one to ask a friend of mines that same thing just to wonder what her goal was. It wouldn't be me growing jealous, personally.

Not only does your mental image of yourself have to change, but the people around you need time to accept such drastic changes too. Otherwise, the questions will keep flying.

They most likely still think of you as being bigger, so it's an adjustment for them, too. While, yes, on one hand, their behaviour is crappy, on the other, they aren't experiencing your weight loss on the same level you are. They aren't there with you every day, at every meal, in your head making your decisions with you. They're just seeing the results of your labour, and they're probably seeing them happen fairly quickly (to them).

People get used to things the way they are. Your friend was used to seeing you pick a size or a few larger than she chose, so seeing you pick up a size that was smaller than she wears probably made your journey real to her in a way it wasn't before. It's one thing to see your friends show up thinner, and in smaller clothes, but in a strange way, to see them choose them right in front of you... That can take it from an abstract concept to a concrete thing which can no longer be ignored, and what you saw was likely her being forced to deal with the fact that you're making progress and that could've, on a basic level, made her feel like she wasn't. She was used to being smaller than you. It might have been part of her idea of herself in relation to you, and that's gone now, so, yeah, she might need a bit of time to adjust to the difference.

It's kind of difficult to explain, but I remember watching a friend of mine, after getting bariatric surgery, shrink before my eyes. I went shopping with her, and I very distinctly recall her, this girl who'd always been bigger than I was by at least 100 pounds suddenly, what felt like over night, was in single digit sizes. I knew she had gotten the surgery. I knew, on a theoretical level, that she had been fighting tooth and nail to not only adjust to her new lifestyle, but to get the weight off, and to adjust to her new body. I knew because we had talked about it. I'd been there with her every step of the way, but it didn't really hit me until I saw her actually take a size that was smaller than the one I was wearing at the time, head to the dressing room, and have it be too big - and let me tell you. When it hit me, it hit me like a truck. I didn't expect it, and it blindsided me. It wasn't that I wasn't happy for her. I was. I no longer had to worry about her dying, having a heart attack, or any other thing that was related to her weight, and she was extremely happy. On the other hand, I've fought with my weight for ages, and all the sudden she didn't look like she was struggling as hard as I was (even though that was irrational and false. Her life is still an uphill battle), and in that one moment, I went from feeling like I had a sister fighting alongside me to being completely alone, swimming against the current and not getting anywhere because she was close to her goal and I was still near the beginning of my journey and not making a lot of progress.

Looking over this thread, I have to wonder if she thought I was jealous. I wasn't jealous of her. On the contrary, I was discouraged for me. On the surface, I'm sure they looked the same. It was probably selfish to think that way, but that's both a luxury and a curse of not having our thoughts displayed verbally on our faces, what others perceive isn't always accurate.

Anywhoo! Congrats on your weight loss!! You look absolutely lovely =^_^=

Why is it that people are happy with your weight loss until you surpass their own weight? and then they are all OMG ur too skinny now! REALLY?:grumble: *side eye* Or that look of horror flashes on their face when you are out shopping and you are picking up the same size clothes/smaller clothes them then.

Has anyone else ever experienced this bullsh*t? This is a totally unwanted side effect of my weight loss. how do i deal with this without getting angry?

OH I have. I went shopping last summer with two of my friends. They had been supportive of me up until I had to ask one of them to take the size 8s back and get me a smaller size. She refuses to shop with me now. So now when I'm shopping I'll snap a pic of an outfit I want to get and send it to her asking what she thinks. I know...its childish but hey I miss shopping with my friend.

I dont know exactly how to out this into words so I will just say it the best I can. Some people have a fat friend so to speak. Having this friend makes them feel better about themselves. You are not the fat friend anymore. It scares people to see change happening so quickly. I have a few of these friends myself that ask if im hungry. No im not hungry lol. I still eat. Unless they knew you before you put on the weight they are seeing a whole new person for the very first time. Great friends will be happy for you. Give them some time to adjust to your new body. If they still act like this after some time has passed its time for them to hit the road. You look amazing and deserve to have positive people in your life supporting you all the way.

It works both ways and is very frustrating. I've gained 50 pounds in the past year (not proud) going from 110 to 161 pounds. Obviously I'm upset and want to lose it, yesterday! But everyone in my office tells me I look so much more "womanly". WHat I look like is pregnant, ugh. Ignore them and do what is right for you and your body.

LOL, i JUST had this conversation with my sister today. She weighs 140 lbs, I weigh 154. We both wear a size 8 (I have more muscle than her.) She asked me if I was done losing and said that i looked great how i am now, i should probably just starting maintaining. I said that my goal is another 10-15 lbs. She says no, you look great now. Don't lose anymore. I tell her shes turning green and to stop hating and that i'll give her my size 8s when they get too big on the way down But this is the beauty of having a sister. When my friends do this i just roll my eyes and say yeah, yeah.