Heartbroken, and trying to stay on track

IamRachaelLea
IamRachaelLea Posts: 10 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey Fitness Pal People!
I started losing weight in February, after a guy who I was really interested in, doubted that I could run 20 minutes on a treadmill. I ran that 20 minutes, and it all kept going from there. Sad part is, I thought I'd feel better, be able to walk away from "Mr.Wrong"..and prove that I didn't need his approval. Somehow, that never happened, and now I find myself on the brink of wanting to overeat. Going back to my old ways of comforting myself with food.
Not to mention, that this guy always finds a way to "cut me down"... first it was the weight, now its "you better not gain it back...what will you do?" I see the behavior, and cringe if another one of my friends had been experiencing the same thing. But somehow, I seem to put up with it.
I clearly need to look at the real reason I wanted to lose this weight... I have taken the frustration and made it into something positive, but having a really hard time staying on track. I need some support! Big time!

Rachael.
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Replies

  • lioooba
    lioooba Posts: 105 Member
    Hey hun,

    just take this breakup as motivation. Be the hottest girl he ever had and never get back. Make him regret it!

    But actually you just should do it for yourself, for a fitter, happier and healthier you. Exercise and looking after my body always makes me feel better! Just be the best you can be.

    I know you can do this!
    xx lio
  • Determined518
    Determined518 Posts: 138 Member
    You can do this!!! One thing I would suggest is speaking life into your situation. I don't know if you are a Christian, but the word of God says that there is power of life and death in the tongue... Meaning that what you confess over your situation is how it will be. So a lady speaks, so she is.

    Everyday, look yourself in the mirror and say, " I am a strong, beautiful woman. I have the self control and work ethic needed to reach and maintain my goal. I will accomplish everything I set my mind to."

    Discipline is ALWAYS rewarded. Blessings ALWAYS follow obedience.
  • sharonfoustmills
    sharonfoustmills Posts: 519 Member
    The guy is an as* and does not deserve a fine woman like you. Get back on track girl! You can do this- do it for you, because you will be hot and sexy and he will be kicking himself.
  • IamRachaelLea
    IamRachaelLea Posts: 10 Member
    Thank you ladies.
    I sit here and tears well up. It's funny that this whole weightloss thing is making me really look at myself. I'm generally a strong leader in my community, I'm actually in the performing arts in Toronto, but that's just it. I put up fronts, and rarely allow myself to really look at me. Now I have no choice..it's right in my face. Thank you so much for your kind words and yes @determined518, I am a christian. Thank you liobba. :)
  • IamRachaelLea
    IamRachaelLea Posts: 10 Member
    <3 thank you!
  • kRcu
    kRcu Posts: 18
    Although I'm a guy, I have had a similar situation happen to me with a previous gf. She had no faith that I could stick to a plan and she didn't want me to. She had this fear that if I got in my previous shape, she would have more competition. She would constantly pick at me, making me feel like I was bad for wanting to be healthy.

    You really need to do it for yourself. You will have loved ones, friends, and even some family members who secretly hope you may fail at your goals. It typically comes from people who don't have the focus to obtain their own goals, so they hate to see others feel lifted from their progress.

    Keep at it and trade up to the next guy!!
  • IamRachaelLea
    IamRachaelLea Posts: 10 Member
    You're so correct. I often realize that he spends so much time teasing me, that he himself has a lot of insecurities, but I pass it on as cockiness. Friends have had, not all but some, a hard time with my transition. So I think it's time to branch out and meet others who are on the same journey. Feels better already!
  • tekwriter
    tekwriter Posts: 923 Member
    You are worth so much more than some one who puts you down and criticizes you. He is trying to make himself feel better by belittling you. Let him go. It will hurt, but you will be so much better off.
  • salladeve
    salladeve Posts: 1,053 Member
    You know he is wrong, you even call him Mr. Wrong. Be proud of what you have accomplished, and what you can do. You do NOT need this man, you can do so much better. Concentrate on yourself, love yourself, be proud of yourself. Discover what makes you uniquely you, and special. Then if a man comes along, fine, but you do not need to settle for Mr. Wrong, so don't.
  • kellyskitties
    kellyskitties Posts: 475 Member
    I read a smart thing one time - paraphrasing:
    Sometimes a smart woman has to be strong enough to break her own heart.

    Isn't that the truth when the relationship is toxic yet enticing. If it's not good for you, it it's hard to maintain the relationship, it's not a good relationship. Don't waste precious time on a jerk, it's just taking time away from a good man you haven't let in or met yet.

    Change is hard - sometimes we keep the toxic because it becomes our norm and the change of our norm is scary - but 10 years from now what will be your norm with this guy if you stay in? Or will it be 10 years you wish you could get back?
  • IamRachaelLea
    IamRachaelLea Posts: 10 Member
    I love this community, i don't know why I didn't join and start talking sooner. Thank you all.
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
    He cut you down? Use that as motivation to be the hottest piece of azz he ever laid eyes on! His loss honey! :happy:
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
    Why do allow some loser to bother you with negative comments!!! Get some self esteem and.stop dating men with No Class!!



    Herb
  • bonkers1224
    bonkers1224 Posts: 80 Member
    FORWARD MARCH :flowerforyou:
  • shampooplanet
    shampooplanet Posts: 9 Member
    Some people feel threatened when they see someone in their lives making a positive change. Ask yourself if you are better off with him, or without him and go from there. Good luck!
  • IamRachaelLea
    IamRachaelLea Posts: 10 Member
    You're right. Another 10 years would be GASTLY! I feel empowered. You are all awesome... I am feeling a lot less sad, since reading all these notes. xo
  • reinventingandrea
    reinventingandrea Posts: 323
    All I can say is don't do it for anyone but yourself. Once you're happy with yourself, everything else will fall into place.
  • melimama2
    melimama2 Posts: 40 Member
    He cuts you down because he knows you're too good for him! You can't lose weight for anyone but yourself. Be the person you want to be and the person you are in other aspects of your life. If you're a leader in your community and in the performing arts, you must have confidence, put that into your health and well-being and know you will find someone who deserves you and appreciates you for who youare!
  • ZapBoomPow
    ZapBoomPow Posts: 4
    This guy sounds like a creep and like he doesn't deserve you and your time... When I went through my breakup that triggered my weight loss, I would get on the elliptical and imagine two things - running away from my ex and his cloud of negativity, or on a less sad day/these days, I run to the horizon, and I imagine everything I want just coming into focus where the sky meets earth - including a REAL man who treats me with kindness and respect - the kind of man we deserve. <3 Best of luck. :)
  • sunshineanstars
    sunshineanstars Posts: 109
    Bump
  • kutterba
    kutterba Posts: 107 Member
    I married a guy like that. When confronted he said - are you ready? He said, "oh, you're ok, I just want you to be better." AND YOU KNOW? I never was good enough. He's my ex.
    Walk away and don't look back!

    :heart:
  • juliemouse83
    juliemouse83 Posts: 6,663 Member
    Real men don't put you down. Real men are supportive.

    That said? Cut this toxic guy out of your life, get MAD and use that anger as motivation, take it out on the treadmill, the weights, or the elliptical one whatever workout you love.

    Your picture is gorgeous, and you deserve more than some critical man that has nothing nice to say to/about you.

    Don't eat your feelings! I know it's hard, but you've got this. :flowerforyou:
  • runningcats
    runningcats Posts: 26 Member
    Anyone who cuts another person down is really deflecting attention from their own shortcomings. Remember that.

    This journey - not just your weightloss, but your *life* - is about you, not him. Remind yourself of that every moment of every day until it becomes a part of you. You are worth it because it is *your* life. Surround yourself with people and things that make you smile, that make you happy. Relish in every step you take when you run, because it is your time that you're investing in yourself. And - even relish the food you put in your body - and be completely mindful of it! It nourishes you muscles so that you can run, just like the goodness you surround yourself will will nourish your soul.

    You're worth it. You can do this! And when you need more support - you've got your family, friends, faith and MFP peeps to send you waves and waves of positive energy!
  • terri_journey
    terri_journey Posts: 287 Member
    You can do this!!! One thing I would suggest is speaking life into your situation. I don't know if you are a Christian, but the word of God says that there is power of life and death in the tongue... Meaning that what you confess over your situation is how it will be. So a lady speaks, so she is.

    Everyday, look yourself in the mirror and say, " I am a strong, beautiful woman. I have the self control and work ethic needed to reach and maintain my goal. I will accomplish everything I set my mind to."

    Discipline is ALWAYS rewarded. Blessings ALWAYS follow obedience.
    This is Totally true!! You are beautiful, with or without him!! :smile:
  • IamRachaelLea
    IamRachaelLea Posts: 10 Member
    I sit here... beyond moved. Good tears I think. Inspired to keep going. I spend most of my life being "the strong one", the one "who inspires others", the woman who people think "she's got it all going on"...and there are very few forums, where I feel ok, to just be me. Being in the "somewhat public eye"...its hard to say when you're sad, disappointed, or feel like a failure. I am so grateful that I posted... It means more to me than you all know.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,409 Member
    First to suggest Just Break Up ™
  • Fiercely_Me
    Fiercely_Me Posts: 481 Member
    I read a smart thing one time - paraphrasing:
    Sometimes a smart woman has to be strong enough to break her own heart.

    Isn't that the truth when the relationship is toxic yet enticing. If it's not good for you, it it's hard to maintain the relationship, it's not a good relationship. Don't waste precious time on a jerk, it's just taking time away from a good man you haven't let in or met yet.

    Change is hard - sometimes we keep the toxic because it becomes our norm and the change of our norm is scary - but 10 years from now what will be your norm with this guy if you stay in? Or will it be 10 years you wish you could get back?

    What a powerful quote! Being a person who also left a terrible situation, this couldn't be more true.

    I agree with everyone who say that you have to do this for you. You will have your ups and downs( fitness wise and emotionally wise) but the process is so worth it once you reach your goal. He was horrible to treat you the way that he did, and be glad that the relationship is over.
  • blackcloud13
    blackcloud13 Posts: 654 Member
    I'm usually very neutral and cautious on any relationship posts - its really hard to give proper advice without all the facts. But this is a pretty easy case. Just go with the following complex steps

    1. Ditch the dimwit.

    And that's about it really - you seem like a really awesome person, and things will only get better when you get rid of him
  • RAEQ127
    RAEQ127 Posts: 106 Member
    Until you truly love yourself and value yourself I am afraid Mr. Wrong will be in indefinite repeat regardless of a changing face. Love yourself enough to be okay by yourself. I think you already have a great amount of personal insight into the whys and whats, but until you treat yourself like your own best friend and go to bat for yourself if it isn't this guy it will be another who will knock you down. Fill your heart and your spirit with things that uplift you and guide you to be the woman you want to be, and before long you wont have the time or space within yourself for people like that. Sending you my love!
  • IamRachaelLea
    IamRachaelLea Posts: 10 Member
    Such powerful advice from all of you. Thank you. I decided to dust myself off, get out in the sun today, as it's beautiful where I am, and meet some new people. I was invited on a whim, and while I wanted to stay home and feel sorry for myself, i decided... get up and move your *kitten*. So I'm going :)

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