You're at goal weight, so whats wrong?
kristina1709
Posts: 119 Member
I am 31, 5'3 and currently 131 lbs. I am a wife, I am mother to one trying little 2 yr old boy and a full time Paralegal for a Real Estate Law Firm.
My heaviest weight was 205 lbs when I was 22 years old. Lost over 80 lbs to get to 118 lbs over the course of a few years. Maintained 118-125 for a good year or so.
Met my husband when I was 26. Gained some but maintained 130-135 for the first year. Married when I was 27. Weight gradually rose to 140. Became pregnant just after I turned 28 (summer 2010). Gave birth June 1, 2011 weighing 194 lbs. Breast feeding did not go as planned and only lasted for 3 months. From September 2011 until February 2012 year my weight stayed about 180.
It was not until March 2012 that I said I just could not do this any more. I hated that i was still wearing maternity clothes 7 months after I gave birth. So I went back to the gym. I counted WW points at that time since that was I was accustomed to in the past. In May 2012 I started running. Running has been the only thing that lets me be free with my thoughts. It lets me release stress and reflect on life. I ran my first 5k in August 2012. I reached 135 lbs that September and ran my second 5k in October. This is the time I joined MyFitnessPal. Then Halloween it. Candy, Candy, Candy. Mostly chocolate. Then comes Thanksgiving and Christmas. I got lazy with keeping track and neglected my running. By January 2013 I was back up to 151 lbs.
Unacceptable! I had to get this back on track before it was too late. I spent my hard earned end of the year work bonus on a treadmill so I had no excuse for not running. I was so disappointed in myself because my endurance was just about gone, it was like starting all over again. By this past May I was back into the 130's. I ran my first 5k of the year in May and my first 8k just a week after that. In June I fell below goal weight. Which I am struggling to maintain now. In July I got lazy for a few weeks but snapped back into it before it was to late. I lost just about all that I gained and am at 131 lbs (give or take a .5-1 lbs).
I am an emotional eater and a binge eater and struggle with this every single day. This is why I have had such a hard time maintaining.
So this is not the first time I have been at goal weight. Maintenance is completely foreign to me. I am trying to find a balance. I know that I am going to have to count calories for a long time to come and I am ok with that.
My issue is that even though I am below goal weight I still feel terrible about myself. Ive worked so hard to lose my pregnancy weight and my marriage weight (
). I've pushed myself to new levels when it comes to running, even though my progress is extremely slow. I stopped with special training programs because it took the love out of running. So now I just run to run. But when I look in the mirror all I see are the imperfections, the loose skin etc. Why can't I just be happy? When I first lost 80 lbs when I was 22/23 I loved the way I looked. Maybe now because I've been pregnant and given birth and the weight did not come off the way it did when I was younger? I know my hips are wider than they once were. All I see is jiggle here and jiggle there.
Does any one else out there feel the same way I do?
Sorry for the long rant but I just had to put it out there. Thanks for listening!
My heaviest weight was 205 lbs when I was 22 years old. Lost over 80 lbs to get to 118 lbs over the course of a few years. Maintained 118-125 for a good year or so.
Met my husband when I was 26. Gained some but maintained 130-135 for the first year. Married when I was 27. Weight gradually rose to 140. Became pregnant just after I turned 28 (summer 2010). Gave birth June 1, 2011 weighing 194 lbs. Breast feeding did not go as planned and only lasted for 3 months. From September 2011 until February 2012 year my weight stayed about 180.
It was not until March 2012 that I said I just could not do this any more. I hated that i was still wearing maternity clothes 7 months after I gave birth. So I went back to the gym. I counted WW points at that time since that was I was accustomed to in the past. In May 2012 I started running. Running has been the only thing that lets me be free with my thoughts. It lets me release stress and reflect on life. I ran my first 5k in August 2012. I reached 135 lbs that September and ran my second 5k in October. This is the time I joined MyFitnessPal. Then Halloween it. Candy, Candy, Candy. Mostly chocolate. Then comes Thanksgiving and Christmas. I got lazy with keeping track and neglected my running. By January 2013 I was back up to 151 lbs.
Unacceptable! I had to get this back on track before it was too late. I spent my hard earned end of the year work bonus on a treadmill so I had no excuse for not running. I was so disappointed in myself because my endurance was just about gone, it was like starting all over again. By this past May I was back into the 130's. I ran my first 5k of the year in May and my first 8k just a week after that. In June I fell below goal weight. Which I am struggling to maintain now. In July I got lazy for a few weeks but snapped back into it before it was to late. I lost just about all that I gained and am at 131 lbs (give or take a .5-1 lbs).
I am an emotional eater and a binge eater and struggle with this every single day. This is why I have had such a hard time maintaining.
So this is not the first time I have been at goal weight. Maintenance is completely foreign to me. I am trying to find a balance. I know that I am going to have to count calories for a long time to come and I am ok with that.
My issue is that even though I am below goal weight I still feel terrible about myself. Ive worked so hard to lose my pregnancy weight and my marriage weight (
). I've pushed myself to new levels when it comes to running, even though my progress is extremely slow. I stopped with special training programs because it took the love out of running. So now I just run to run. But when I look in the mirror all I see are the imperfections, the loose skin etc. Why can't I just be happy? When I first lost 80 lbs when I was 22/23 I loved the way I looked. Maybe now because I've been pregnant and given birth and the weight did not come off the way it did when I was younger? I know my hips are wider than they once were. All I see is jiggle here and jiggle there.Does any one else out there feel the same way I do?
Sorry for the long rant but I just had to put it out there. Thanks for listening!
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Replies
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I don't think it ever ends. I still see the loose skin left over from 3 pregnancies. I still see my flaws and imperfections. However, I learned to avoid the scale, except for weigh-in day on my workout calendar (currently doing Les Mills Pump). I embrace how I look with clothes on and take the good with the bad. I may hate the loose skin and tons of stretch marks but my children gave them to me. I think that "the girls" are too small now but that is way better than having to remind a man to look at my face when he speaks.
I try to keep a positive outlook on the flaws I see. I have been in maintenance for 6 months now... it took me till here recently to see a skinny girl in the mirror and pictures. I still saw the big me. I am praying that with more time, my perception of myself will continue to get better. All I can say is point out the beauties and the positives. Remind yourself we all have flaws, that no matter how hard we try, we cannot change.0 -
I hear ya. At 54, with 2 adult children I have my share of stretch marks, saggy skin....but what eases my mind is just remembering that I'd rather be this way than the 40 pounds over weight I was when I joined MFP. like the poster above, I like how I look with clothes on and I remember too that my hubby loves me with my clothes off! I'm learning to slowly back away from my expectations of personal perfection and just try to live a happy life. Not always easy, but it is something I think about everyday.
I think most of us here are emotional eaters of sorts.....and that can be conquered ...it just takes daily perseverance. Again, not easy.
Just keep believing that this is going to work out, take the little steps everyday to insure it will. Best
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I understand the disappointment when the mirror doesn't seem to reflect all the work and effort you've expended. Loose skin especially can make you think "Why do I even bother if I still have to hide in clothes like when I was fat?"
Not sure I have any wisdom to help you get past that. My own approach is just keep telling myself that being healthier is worth the effort. It may be believable with time.2 -
Have you thought about post partum depression? These issues sound more serious than just weight. And lots of us are affected by it. It can hit a year after birth. And it can last a long time without help.0
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Are you doing any weight training? I know I still have some trouble with seeing how I really look ( still see the fat girl in the mirror sometimes) even though it's been over 5 years since I was that size. I swear by weight training, with my body I can do all the cardio in the world, hours and hours and not see anything change. As soon as I start weight training consistently my body responds. And it doesn't take hours and days of weight training to see results. For me twice a week, one day of upper and one day of lower splits does the trick. That may help with some of the loose skin (although, unfortunately not all of it). But I know when I'm not feeling very sexy, weight training also helps boost my confidence because you can log your progress and see that you're getting stronger.0
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At 48 with 2 children (1 natural, 1 c-section) i have plenty of stretch-marks and flabby belly. But the rest of me is toning up slowly - there's the odd cushion ehre or there, and I might drop another 3-4 lb to see what that does, but other than that I'm just thankful I can wear fitted clothes again rather tha worry about all the bulges. The way i see it, I'm not about to go shopping naked so as long as clothes fit I'll look better than I did!
Having said that, I met up with an old friend recently and the photos my Hubby took made me look nearly as big as before - partly because I was wearing loose summer clothes (wide-leg linen cropped trousers, loose-fitting sleeveless top), partly because I was perched in an unflattering pose and partle because my friend is (and always has been ) at least a size smaller than me. But pictures of me on the beach show how much I've lost (shorts and a bikini top)
As others have said there may be a hint of post-natal depression, or maybe you're a bit tired/rundown witha fulltime job and a young child (its not called "the terrible twos" for nothing!). Or maybe you're not eating enough/over-exercising.
If your clothes are fitting OK and you're at the right weight, maybe go and talk to your Dr. Or could someone babysit while you have a pamper day? (or hour?) Its important to have time to be yourself and have fun, as well a keeping all the work-life juggling going on. 0 -
Weight training = Better body composition = better looking body 0
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Thank you everyone for your input. I have struggled with depression for about 12 years or so now. Off and on meds. I know it might be a reason I am struggling now.
I have not done any weight training and may need to look into it. I have turbo jam with the sculpt and toning maybe I could start there.
Thanks again, its much appreciated!0 -
Yes, the same thing happened to me. I lost about 186 pounds, was down to a 6--8 and I found myself one day thinking "Ok, so where is all the fun?" I had to come to grips with the fact that I was still the same me - I still had the same issues in my marriage, with my kids, with my schedule, with my eating disorder (binge eating) and depression. I am fine now, but I stopped counting calories before I was able to put the brakes on my emotional issues thinking I knew what to eat and gained back about 100 pounds so quickly even my co workers say that it was like one day I was thin and the next day I wasn't!
My suggestion is go to a therapist. I finally did and it has helped a lot. Seeing the wrong body in the mirror is something a therapist can help you with. Trust me, the loose skin is much better than taut, fat filled skin any day! You have to learn to like yourself as you are which is very difficult for some people. My therapist took me through my eating disorder, depression and has generally been getting me to allow myself to actually like who I am.
If you can't afford a therapist, there are a lot of books out there which take you through your own cognitive behavioural restructuring. However,pretty much all health plans now cover visits to therapists and in my opinion, it is worth every co-pay I have ever paid!
Good luck and learn to take pride and get joy from your success. Oh yes, and keep logging those calories and stop obsessing over the image you see in the mirror - ask your friends...I am sure they will all tell you that you look great!1 -
too many women, myself included, are too hard on themselves. we all need to be happy with what we have but we always want more. be kind to yourself. when you look in the mirror and say something negative, follow it up with two positives. physically I would recommend beefing ** up on a little muscle. A toned look might boost ur self esteem.2
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PS. bingeing usually occurs when you feel deprived of something. is your day and do not deprive yourself of food or of love or on Rest and relaxation.1
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Chadomaniac - Some things aren't that simple. I had a trainer once that thought that I wasn't losing weight because I wasn't trying hard enough. After 3 years and lots of weight lost with upswings in between he told me that he learned a lot from me. He learned that some people just struggle with issues, have serious food issues and even though they try hard, work hard in the gym,, things don't always go in a straight line..
I had a beautifully sculpted body....if you didn't see the loose skin on my stomach, legs and arms. No amount of weight training will get rid of that. It is ridiculous to believe that hitting the gym harder will get rid of all of some people's emotional issues. It will certainly not get rid of a lot of loose skin.0 -
I totally agree about weight training. I have never seen my body look as good as it does now, well high school it looked good but that is a dream, lol. Anyway. Last summer I took up running, it was all I did, no weights just running. I lost weight but I still had a bit of a gut and my thighs were still pretty huge. January I started the gym and not only did cardio but got introduced to weight lifting. After joing MFP and reading more and more info about women and heavy lifting I started my own version and I love the results. I have a flat tummy (well until after dinner than it has expanded a bit from eating all day), my thighs are smaller than they have ever been in my adult life (even my high school life). It is wonderful!! I recommend looking more into weights.
I definately believe that as women we will never be a 100% satisfied with ourselves. It just isnt in our nature. We will always find something to key in on that is "horrible" to us. Just try to focus on the positive. You have come so far you should be so proud of yourself!0 -
I am similar in height and weight and have similar imperfections, some loose skin, plenty of cellulite, stretch marks, sagginess... I still feel awesome about my body and love it. I'm hot despite my imperfections, at least my husband and I think so lol, and I'm guessing others would say the same about you. Might not even notice the imperfections you see. I wish I had some advice for you to improve your confidence and start loving your body. :flowerforyou:
ETA I do lift, and I agree that it's great for your body and your confidence. But there will always be imperfections that you can either pick apart or realize that they're just a part of life. 0 -
One thing I keep in mind is that you don't have to be perfect to be beautiful. My husband isn't perfect. But he is beautiful to me, and the crinkles at the corners of his eyes when he smiles make me just want to . . . well, anyway. I'm certainly not perfect, yet we've been together for 15 years and there is a ton of love, kindness and attraction between us. Love doesn't hinge on perfection. Beauty doesn't require on perfection either.
To me, you sound like you're under stress. A two-year-old can be *very* trying, and to be honest, I wasn't personally cut out to stay home with a young child. I'm not sure that everyone is, male or female, y'know? I almost lost my mind the year I stayed home with my son. Some people are super happy staying home with a young child, but it just wasn't for me-even though I love my son fiercely!
When I'm stressed out, sometimes I can only see the negative--I stare at my tummy in the mirror instead of my legs, I search my skin for flaws, etc. Weightlifting really helps, and so does body weight training, because you do get this feeling of amazement as you end up achieving things you might have thought were not possible for you physically.
I think the things that others have suggested, like weightlifting and talking to someone about your stress are great suggestions. But keep in mind, right at this very moment, you are probably more beautiful to the people who love you than you would ever realize. And you don't have to be perfect to be *really* attractive.0 -
:flowerforyou: You will find a lot of poeple on here who have suffered depression at some point. Some poeple don't eat when they're stressed, others (me included) turn to food on the basis that "I need something to cheer me up", "I've had a c**p day so I deserve it", et. etc.
Part of the benefit of MFP is that it CAN help break that cycle. If you had ever told me I'd go home after a stressful day and immediately do some exercise rather than just climbing into a bath then a wine bottle I would have just laughed. But now after a busy day out comes the Wii Zumba (or some exercise DVD) and I dance off the stresses. Then climb into the bath and wine bottle - but I've earned the calories to do it!
Feel free to friend me if I can help.0 -
I have been going through the same thing. I have lost 41 pounds and still look in the mirror and see the "mom pouch" of skin on the front or the boobs that lost 2 cup sizes from running and having my daughter. I try to remember when I see the mom pouch that there are women out there that would kill to have a baby and even though it's frustrating it's SO worth it! Keep your head up, your doing an awesome job, and beautiful isn't just about the outside (even though we all see it that way at some point)... You sound like a great mom, a great wife, and are working your butt off! That classifies as beautiful to me! :-)0
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I think the key here is to start by loving yourself. I realized through my own mistakes that regardless of what you weigh, you will hate yourself unless you look at your self image. It won't matter if you're 200 pounds to 50 pounds.
Whatever you do, I suggest this: Force yourself to compliment your body. Look at yourself in the mirror in undergarments or in nothing and pick out the specific parts of your body that you love. If you love nothing, find something. For example, maybe you don't like any part of you're body, but your weight is in the 130s. Do you know how many people on MFP would do anything to have your body? There are people still struggling to meet a goal you already have. Be proud of that and realize that you are beautiful just the way you are.
Do this every day for a few weeks or months and you'll soon start to believe yourself and love your body.1 -
Thank you everyone for your input. I have struggled with depression for about 12 years or so now. Off and on meds. I know it might be a reason I am struggling now.
I have not done any weight training and may need to look into it. I have turbo jam with the sculpt and toning maybe I could start there.
Thanks again, its much appreciated!
I'm not sure if you're doing this already but I would suggest finding a counselor to speak to. This would be a safe and private way to discuss everything weighing on your mind. If you have health insurance there might not even be a co-pay. If not, there are free resources available to you. It's just one piece of the pie to help you stay on track. There's a lot going on in your post and you've come so far in your weight loss goals.
It's a HUGE step that you are posting this here on the forums...think of that as a springboard!
Maintenance is really tough! I reached my goals in the fall of 2011 and gained it all back. I figured out it's important to keep logging and as you have said keep the balance.0 -
One of the tricks I use to maintain my weight is to constantly be trying to lose 5 lbs. Really, I'm fine where I am, but if I try to eat at a slight deficit daily (I eat between 1800-2000 calories), then the days where I don't track or go over balance out the week.
I've done this for years and maintain between 130-140. I'm 5'5". Although right now I'm trying to sneak down to 125. 2 -
When I'm stressed out, sometimes I can only see the negative--I stare at my tummy in the mirror instead of my legs, I search my skin for flaws, etc. Weightlifting really helps, and so does body weight training, because you do get this feeling of amazement as you end up achieving things you might have thought were not possible for you physically.
I agree with the point here about body weight training (and that requires NO equipment). My best suggestion is to try power yoga. There's even DVDs you can do at home that range in cost from $5-8 or free on Netflix Instant. Body weight training is an amazing way to strength train...no special equipment or fancy gym membership needed.0 -
One of the tricks I use to maintain my weight is to constantly be trying to lose 5 lbs. Really, I'm fine where I am, but if I try to eat at a slight deficit daily (I eat between 1800-2000 calories), then the days where I don't track or go over balance out the week.
I've done this for years and maintain between 130-140. I'm 5'5". Although right now I'm trying to sneak down to 125.
Great advice!0 -
Your issue, in your own words, is that all you see are imperfections and you can't just be happy.
With respect, those are not simple weight management issues. They are fundamental problems with your ongoing thought processes. The good news is that you can change them.
(Be wary of professional help - their paychecks keep coming as long as you DON'T get better - but don't discount it all together.)
Mindfulness is a great place to start, and google is a great tool for it.
I wish you every success.0 -
One of the tricks I use to maintain my weight is to constantly be trying to lose 5 lbs. Really, I'm fine where I am, but if I try to eat at a slight deficit daily (I eat between 1800-2000 calories), then the days where I don't track or go over balance out the week.
I've done this for years and maintain between 130-140. I'm 5'5". Although right now I'm trying to sneak down to 125.
Great advice!
that IS indeed GREAT advice 0 -
One of the tricks I use to maintain my weight is to constantly be trying to lose 5 lbs. Really, I'm fine where I am, but if I try to eat at a slight deficit daily (I eat between 1800-2000 calories), then the days where I don't track or go over balance out the week.
I've done this for years and maintain between 130-140. I'm 5'5". Although right now I'm trying to sneak down to 125.
I've always done this too. I know most MFP'ers don't like the word "diet" but I love it. Whenever someone asks if I'm on a diet when I pass on something or they see my healthy meals, I answer "Always". Call it a lifestyle change if you prefer, but dieting is my lifestyle. I would be obese for sure without it because I really love to eat.0 -
I've been giddy with losing weight (surgery + change). Still am. But am starting to see the sag - a lot.
Have realized even though this is healthier, and looks okay in clothes, it's not pretty in a swimsuit. Gonna keep having body image problems.
Appreciate all the advice to remember this is still better than it was, and to use weights (in addition to cardio) to sculpt, and to keep thinking 5 more pounds (when I get there), and that happiness is not marred by imperfections alone.
Thank you for this thread. May we all be strong. Loved your rant. Would love to hear updates. Will send you a friend request.0 -
It's hard to love your body when you are a woman in this culture! I have had those same feelings for years, when I've been at goal weight or below, I still haven't been happy. My knees are too fat, my breasts have stretch marks, my waistline isn't what it once was (3 kids, 4 pregnancies here). But as I've gotten older (36) and my daughter has gotten older, I've decided I really, really want to just appreciate what I have, which is a body that is reasonably ache-free and really works quite well. And I don't want to waste any more emotional energy worrying about my vanity, I just want to feel good and my clothes to fit.:)0
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Your issue, in your own words, is that all you see are imperfections and you can't just be happy.
With respect, those are not simple weight management issues. They are fundamental problems with your ongoing thought processes. The good news is that you can change them.
(Be wary of professional help - their paychecks keep coming as long as you DON'T get better - but don't discount it all together.)
Mindfulness is a great place to start, and google is a great tool for it.
I wish you every success.
^^^^^^^
This this THIS!
It's so sad to read so many wonderful, beautiful people are basing their self-worth on their 'body imperfections.'
The really sad part is thanks to age & gravity the body will be surprising them with new and different imperfections daily...a new wrinkle, a bit of a sag, an age spot, several gray hairs (or no hair).
Once I decided to love my true, real, eternal self, removing and maintaining the weight has been less of a struggle and much more joyful than the last time--when I was 'dieting' to look better.
The book "Unteathered Soul" helped me, and continues to help me, immensely in becoming mindful and appreciative of all I have and all I am at each moment.
"It's fine to have goals but realize that you will not be any happier when you achieve your goal than you are in this moment. The circumstances of our lives are constantly changing, and if we depend on our external circumstances to give us inner peace, joy and love, we will be prisoners to the situations, people and things that come in and out of our lives. Trying to control our external world is both, exhausting and futile."~Eckhart Tolle0 -
And as for the swimsuit problem - having just come back from a beach holiday, if you've lost weight then really don't worry about what you look like - there are many worse sights out there!
There are some fabulous swimsuits now with control panels, so its well worth looking around, especially larger department stores or lingerie specialists. 0 -
I don't like the idea of having an end goal... forever cutting and forever bulking.0
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