Relationship ????'s

Thanks guys... the few of you who answered reaffirmed to myself what I need to do.

Replies

  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    no, no, no.....

    just no.
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    tl;dr?
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    Marriage counseling trumps internet strangers any day.
  • m16shane
    m16shane Posts: 393 Member
    I would love to help, but I'm to lazy to read all that. Good luck! :smile:
    Marriage counseling trumps internet strangers any day.


    This
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I agree that marriage counseling is probably the best route to take.
  • Zomoniac
    Zomoniac Posts: 1,169 Member
    Thread is useless without pics.
  • I think it might be wise for all 3 of you to visit some sort of relationship counsellor together, to iron out these issues and work out what you ought to do. That would probably be more useful for you all than the MFP forums x
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
    All of this could have been avoided if you were honest with him in the first place and told him you really weren't into it. It's sweet that you wanted to fulfill his fantasy but at what cost? Healthy fantasies are for the benefit of both parties, not just one. Sounds to me like he just wanted his cake, regardless of the impact it would have on your relationship. Good luck getting past this mess.
  • britzzie
    britzzie Posts: 338 Member
    See a marriage counselor. Done.
  • MrsBobaFett
    MrsBobaFett Posts: 802 Member
    Thread is useless without pics.

    Only you.. lol!
  • swede160
    swede160 Posts: 24 Member
    Your husband is being manipulative. He is looking for a way to rationalize having a relationship with another woman without technically "cheating".

    In his mind, as long as you're friends with Sarah and you've had relations with her, then he can't be stepping out....right?
    Um, wrong. First red flag is that he began the relationship in secret with his phone conversations. Second red flag is that as soon as you want to end what was supposed to be a one-time fantasy, he tries to make you feel guilty for breaking up a friendship.

    I agree that counseling might be in order. If for no other reason than for him to see out unfair he's being, and for you to STOP feeling guilty about the situation.
  • sam308lbs
    sam308lbs Posts: 1,936 Member
    Sending fr to all the ladies who actually read all that.
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
    Girl you Cray!!!
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
    Oh and would bang your hubby
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    What in the name of all that is holy did I just read...

    I would seriously reconsider trying to get pregnant at this time.
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
    First, you and your husband both need to break off what ever kind of sexual relationship you have with this other woman, stay friends if its possible if not than move on. Second you and your husband need to seek counseling together. I see this ending badly.
  • zeebruhgirl
    zeebruhgirl Posts: 493 Member
    Absolutely not. He seems hell bent on finding someone else to be with.
    Definitely need to go to counseling.
  • lizsmith1976
    lizsmith1976 Posts: 497 Member
    No.

    No.

    If this is serious, please get help. Not here, from a marriage counselor. Your HUSBAND has feelings for another woman and wants a girlfriend? Surely you know this is a problem.

    Some people want an open relationship. If you don't, get help. He's having one.
  • lizsmith1976
    lizsmith1976 Posts: 497 Member
    Oh, and don't get pregnant without getting help!
  • FerretBuellerr
    FerretBuellerr Posts: 468 Member
    I like the advice that my boyfriend (of 2 years) has told me, and I've heard him tell many other people when the topic of threesomes comes up:

    If you agree to have a threesome, especially with another female, let the FEMALE in the relationship decide, NOT the male. Then she can find someone she's comfortable with and not feel intimidated or jealous by her boyfriend/husband choosing someone for her.

    It actually makes SO MUCH SENSE when he told me this. We're both sexually open, and want to have a threesome with another girl sometime (I never have...with another girl that is :wink: ) but I know it won't happen unless I'm the one that finds the appropriate person. That, and taking a long process of finding another person and agreeing to meet up for some fun time in a week or so gives TOO MUCH time for overthinking and overreacting - when it happens unexpectedly, the jealous is a lot less.
  • swest222
    swest222 Posts: 455 Member
    I feel that if your husband respected you and your marriage vows then he would end it all.
    This is real life, not reality tv. He can't have feelings for 2 women and it sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too.
    To add to this, he's trying to make you feel guilty about it all. Not good.
    This is exactly why these things go wrong/bad. Someone ends up with feelings, someone likes someone more.
    Someone gets hurt. Like a previous poster said, I see it ending badly as well. It's just an all around bad situation.
  • Soccermavrick
    Soccermavrick Posts: 405 Member
    Honestly you are not going to be able to be friends. And I think you need to figure out what you want in your marriage. Because I think your husbsnd WANTS the threesome fulltime otherwise he would have left the topic alone a while ago. Sorry but your marriagehas issues. I might think that you need professional help. Good luck. Sorry.
  • tworthen79
    tworthen79 Posts: 1,173 Member
    First of all you don't bring another into a marriage, but what's done is done.

    Secondly, Get her out of your house, if she truly cares for you both she will move with no hard feelings. Sadly, I don't see a friendship there, because it has gone so far and so many things have happened that can't be taken back. If this bothers your husband, I say he doesn't care for you or your marriage. If he doesn't get mad and agrees she should leave your lives all together, I would then seek counseling. And work through the bumps your marriage will face in the future. Never point fingers and blame one another, since it was both your guys fault. Just start over fresh. And if he has these fantasies, watch porn, buy toys, get kinky with handcuffs, but NEVER invite another into your sex life. So much goes wrong, as you have seen. Not worth it. Good Luck and I hope you all work it out.
  • Dreaaa
    Dreaaa Posts: 319 Member
    Oh honey.. I'm so sorry you are going through this tough time.
    You got yourselves into a bit of a pickle.
    A threesome works ONLY if the couple doesn't develop emotional feelings towards the third party. 3 people in a relationship is tough work and nearly impossible.
    I would suggest you put your thoughts in order and then talk with both of them. At the same time.
    You deserve to be happy as do they BUT that does not mean that what you feel or think is any less valid.

    Seek professional help. There's going to be trust issues among others that will need to be addressed.

    Best of luck.
  • laystarr
    laystarr Posts: 7 Member
    In the end it is going to come down to both of you choosing. For you it will be either your husband or the friendship (girlfriend). For your husband it will be either his wife or her (the girlfriend). Your husband is being very selfish, but you allowed him to get this way. Honesty should of been the first policy, but it's too late for that. If I was you I would tell him I want a threesome with a male and watch his reaction. Start actively searching for a male for you to bring into your bed.Pressure him into it as he did you. He will then hopefully look at this situation differently. Be strong and don't allow him to pressure you anymore. Good luck.
  • cosmic8o8
    cosmic8o8 Posts: 131 Member
    OMGeezy, your marriage is doomed. You're married, you did it more than once to appease him, and he still isn't happy. Not to be mean, but you seem like the kind of person that will let him walk all over you and you'll never leave him. He still wants to dip his wick in a variety of poon while keeping you by his side. I bet if you told him you'd want a three-some with another dude, he'd have a fit.

    If a guy I was dating brought up wanting to do a three-some, I'd make it clear that it wasn't my thing. I wouldn't try to be cool and say that I think it would be fun. I'd also probably dump him because that's a big red flag for me. I sure as crap wouldn't marry him or have his chud children.
  • sabified
    sabified Posts: 1,035 Member
    I would love to help, but I'm to lazy to read all that. Good luck! :smile:
    Marriage counseling trumps internet strangers any day.


    This

    This as well... though have to say, the fact that he's completely disregarding your feelings and the fact that you were never interested in this is a big red flag.