lack of support? Come on really??

dicoveringwhoIam
dicoveringwhoIam Posts: 480 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am so frustrated. Just on Sunday I was talking with the Hub and we were talking about cardio and running/jogging. I shared that I was embarrassed to BC of a jiggling belly and such. He said maybe "you will someday." Well, today the trainer had me jog from one end of the yard to the other x3. I did it. In total it was 3/4 of a mile. Plus the rest of the session. It was a good day!

I shared with the Hub that I actually jogged today! His reaction an very blah "that's good." It was almost as if he didn't hear me.. I am so sick of the lack of support on his end. Hr says he likes the changes but doesn't show it and doesn't participate in the victories or working out with me when I ask..

I'm so over it..
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Replies

  • ritchiedrama
    ritchiedrama Posts: 1,304 Member
    1) You don't need to make a big deal out of it, you obviously don't need support, you did it.

    2) What did you expect him to say?

    3) People around you don't care what you're doing with your body, because you obsess over it (that is a guess, but i, myself obsess over my body, and everyone around me doesn't care)

    4) At least he said that's good.

    5) now you are over it,, you can go for a jog again
  • cpeacy
    cpeacy Posts: 27
    I go through the same things ALL the time. BF doesn't care or try to understand what I am trying to accomplish, and has absolutely no respect for my plans or the goals I set for my self. It frustrates me to no end.
  • oOxXxOo
    oOxXxOo Posts: 75 Member
    It's not meant to be about him, your supposed to be doing it for yourself. Why would he work out with you? It's not his journey it's yours. I get you probably needed the vent but what is he doing wrong exactly?
  • iTrainHARD
    iTrainHARD Posts: 41
    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.

    Yup.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.


    That.
  • pwittek10
    pwittek10 Posts: 723 Member
    This is about you!
    It does not matter what others think.
    Do it for you and you will be a Winner!
  • Martychall
    Martychall Posts: 2
    Yeah, or maybe he was fine with you before you decided to make the changes, why would he join you? He ain't the one trying to lose weight.
  • weightlossdiva1219
    weightlossdiva1219 Posts: 283 Member
    I am so sorry to hear that your hubby isn't on the same page. :( I have a very supportive and actively involved boyfriend when it comes to my weight loss journey, and I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be if he wasn't like that. Just try talking to him about how it makes you feel....it is easier and more uplifting if the person you live with/spend the most time with is on the same page. Good luck dear. :)
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    This is why god gave you female friends...

    seriously though, expecting your husband to react in a way your girlfriends would is a bit unfair isnt it especially if your hubby isnt that kind of guy
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    It's not meant to be about him, your supposed to be doing it for yourself. Why would he work out with you? It's not his journey it's yours. I get you probably needed the vent but what is he doing wrong exactly?
    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.

    ^This

    And if you are that upset that it pushed you to post your relationship issues with your husband on a public forum to a bunch of strangers (especially when you are so over it)....maybe look into marriage counseling or divorce.
  • DempseyWRX
    DempseyWRX Posts: 93 Member
    This obviously would have to be answered by you personally but it's possible that his reaction stemmed from previous failures. If someone I know who is trying to get in shape, but never sticks to it, and then they expect me to get excited about it when they run once, it IS good, but there's a level of false appreciation because it doesn't continue. For instance, are you going to run tomorrow?

    Admittedly he could have shown more enthusiasm, but consistency is what is going to get you that support. I don't want you to perceive this as a personal attack on you, but I've dealt with this before with someone and while I was initially very supportive, now those one-and-done accomplishments leave me feeling empty.

    Or of course I may be way off base... I'm going with the little information provided. Hope this helps :/
  • VpinkLotus
    VpinkLotus Posts: 849 Member
    I deal with this too on some level but I imagine he doesn't realize he's hurting you. Men sometimes just don't "get it." Sometimes you have to spell things out. "I am really need your support with this and it seems like you aren't interested in hearing my successes." He will most likely say that you are wrong he IS interested and then will show you more love from now on. Sometimes you just have to tell them what you need. Period. AWESOME you by the way!
  • NavyKnightAh13
    NavyKnightAh13 Posts: 1,394 Member
    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.

    This. I have had to learn that the obsession I have about this lifestyle change and me changing is only me. No one else around me cares, therefore mfp.
  • madworld1
    madworld1 Posts: 524
    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.

    So true. Kinda like your wedding day. No one is as stoked as the bride on her wedding day. (I know, kinda off in left field. But, I went to a wedding this year & made this observation).
  • Morninglory81
    Morninglory81 Posts: 1,190 Member
    If I expect my husband to make a big deal about an accomplishment I start by saying, I expect high fives and an *kitten* smack for this, than I tell him what I did. That way he knows how to react and I don't get my bitty feelings hurt.
  • sullykat
    sullykat Posts: 461 Member
    My husband couldn't give 2 craps about what I do at the gym, or on my own, or any kind of fitness accomplishment. He doesn't understand. He'll eat healthy food that I cook, but then complain that there isn't any junk in the house, and that he has to get off his butt to the junk food he wants.

    Personally, I couldn't give 2 craps that he couldn't give 2 craps. When he tells me about some car polish that he got and how fancy shmancy his car looks, I really don't care… It just doesn't interest me… just like fitness does not interest him.

    Be happy for yourself, and celebrate with you like-minded friends on here.
  • dicoveringwhoIam
    dicoveringwhoIam Posts: 480 Member
    It would be nice for him to be excited. He joined the gym with me BC he wanted to workout too and he doesn't. Oh well, except for 3x he went and complains.

    *on a side note I had a major injury less than a yr ago that result in an Achilles tendon replacement with a donor tendon, so for me jogging across the gym yard for 3/4 of a mile is a huge fing deal.
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
    Me: "I just squatted and deadlifted my body weight!"

    Husband: "Is that good?"

    Me: SMH

    Can't wait to see the enthusiasm and cheering that goes on when I break 200 on both of my lifts. LOL

    Doesn't stop me from lifting, though.
  • madworld1
    madworld1 Posts: 524
    My husbutt joined a gym with me last year and he drove me crazy while we were there. His idea of working out is a few quick reps on the weight machines and maybe one lap around the track.

    Needless to say, we didn't renew our membership. I'd rather workout alone. ;)
  • VpinkLotus
    VpinkLotus Posts: 849 Member
    Yeah I totally get all that. Mine thinks that every accomplishment I make in the gym or whatever translates to the bedroom. Like anything I say is..."awesome...and you @ss looks great." as I see his eyes gloss over and not hear anything else I say. Like I said...sometimes you just have to tell them EXACTLY what you need from them. No offense guys, I love you.
  • USMCnetty90
    USMCnetty90 Posts: 277 Member
    I feel your pain - BUT
    that is why i have all my MFP pals so I can share my triumphs here with people who understand what I am doing
  • labeachgirl
    labeachgirl Posts: 158 Member
    *on a side note I had a major injury less than a yr ago that result in an Achilles tendon replacement with a donor tendon, so for me jogging across the gym yard for 3/4 of a mile is a huge fing deal.

    That is a big deal, I think partners should be more invested when it comes to healing from surgery.. And congrats on your recovery progress!!
  • Jlennhikes
    Jlennhikes Posts: 290 Member
    Other people's diet and exercise routines are near the top of the list of boring topics. The only people that care are the people who are doing the same thing.
  • cwsikes
    cwsikes Posts: 86
    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.

    Ouch. If this were true about my marriage, I don't think I would have a very happy marriage. My husband and I go through life together and that includes our fitness/health. The other day I ran for an hour straight for the first time after 3 years of running, and the first thing I did was tell him. If anything, he was just as happy for me as I was for myself. When he achieves something, fitness related or not, I care just as much about his success as he does. I couldn't imagine it otherwise.
  • EHolstrom
    EHolstrom Posts: 2,563 Member
    Nobody will care about your successes as much as you do. Please learn to accept that, or you will constantly be disappointed.

    Ouch. If this were true about my marriage, I don't think I would have a very happy marriage. My husband and I go through life together and that includes our fitness/health. The other day I ran for an hour straight for the first time after 3 years of running, and the first thing I did was tell him. If anything, he was just as happy for me as I was for myself. When he achieves something, fitness related or not, I care just as much about his success as he does. I couldn't imagine it otherwise.

    Completely agree. My husband may not be going for walks with me everyday(he works in a different state) but he encourages me and brings up the topic on his own. We used to have a gym membership and plan on getting one again when he gets home. I realize not all husbands want to exercise with their wives especially if they dont feel the need to do so. but every husband should be proud of their wives accomplishments. And every wife should have the support from her husband.
  • unFATuated
    unFATuated Posts: 204 Member
    It would be nice for him to be excited. He joined the gym with me BC he wanted to workout too and he doesn't. Oh well, except for 3x he went and complains.

    *on a side note I had a major injury less than a yr ago that result in an Achilles tendon replacement with a donor tendon, so for me jogging across the gym yard for 3/4 of a mile is a huge fing deal.

    I understand where you're coming from, but if you're anything like me, my weight loss, health and fitness takes up a pretty massive amount of room in my brain. There certainly wouldn't be a day where I don't think about what I've done, what I have to do and what I'm not doing at least a few times. It is important to me.

    I think it feels disappointing when you've made what seems like a huge achievement (which you have! Congratulations by the way) and it's just not as exciting to the other person. But unless you say to your husband 'What I did today was pretty major for me, and I am excited about it because after less than a year after the operation, I ran!' I don't think it's reasonable to expect anyone to be as excited about it as you are, because they aren't always thinking about all the reasons why it's great that you did what you did. Sometimes you need to spell it out.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member

    3) People around you don't care what you're doing with your body, because you obsess over it (that is a guess, but i, myself obsess over my body, and everyone around me doesn't care)


    This.

    You're only going to get so much "support" because a lot of people don't care, and get sick of hearing about it, even when they do care.

    edited for spelling.
  • WisiPls
    WisiPls Posts: 359
    tell him you ran 23 miles next time, you'll get a reaction then
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    If I expect my husband to make a big deal about an accomplishment I start by saying, I expect high fives and an *kitten* smack for this, than I tell him what I did. That way he knows how to react and I don't get my bitty feelings hurt.

    good idea! :smile:

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