Trying to help my baby brother but don't know what to do
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thunderstruck134
Posts: 51
Okay so, I figured since tthis is the Motivation and Support sub-forum, you guys might be able to help me out. My little brother (7) is four pounds away from being considered overweight and the whole family wants him to lose weight. Which is a good thing, but the only thing they want to change is the amount of excercise he does. Thing is, today I've seen the child demolish more than half of a family-sized salami pizza plus a coke. After having had dinner at our grandparents' house.
Since he's on holiday, he wants to have a movie night about twice a week (at least). Then, he will eat a whole bowl off popcorn by himself. My mother gives him chips instead of dinner sometimes (because she doesn't want him to throw a fit). Basically, everything he eats is brown and while that is quite normal for kids, his portions are not. Now, I want to help the little bugger, obviously, but when I mentioned to my mother that she gives him too much popcorn she straight up denied it and said it wasn't much, only once a week, even though I've seeen evidence to the contrary. I'm kind of bothered by how much in denial she is and how she treats the little guy for gaining weight. I mean, she will literally tell him to his face that he's too fat, yet she. the responsible parent does *nothing* to change his diet.
What can I do to encourage him to eat healthier and most importantly, making my mother conscious of what she shoves down his gullet? I already thought of secretly loging his food intake for a week and confronting my mother with it, but I'm afraid it will do more harm than good.
Since he's on holiday, he wants to have a movie night about twice a week (at least). Then, he will eat a whole bowl off popcorn by himself. My mother gives him chips instead of dinner sometimes (because she doesn't want him to throw a fit). Basically, everything he eats is brown and while that is quite normal for kids, his portions are not. Now, I want to help the little bugger, obviously, but when I mentioned to my mother that she gives him too much popcorn she straight up denied it and said it wasn't much, only once a week, even though I've seeen evidence to the contrary. I'm kind of bothered by how much in denial she is and how she treats the little guy for gaining weight. I mean, she will literally tell him to his face that he's too fat, yet she. the responsible parent does *nothing* to change his diet.
What can I do to encourage him to eat healthier and most importantly, making my mother conscious of what she shoves down his gullet? I already thought of secretly loging his food intake for a week and confronting my mother with it, but I'm afraid it will do more harm than good.
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So he's a healthy weight? I would just encourage him to do healthy activities, play with him outside, and be a good role model. Making too much of a big deal when he's a healthy weight could give him a complex.0
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At this age it's ENTIRELY the parent/guardian's issue. She needs to stop feeding him crap. He's 8. He's going to throw LOTS of fits. Except if she keeps giving in to them, they're going to be about progressively harder things. And calling him fat is damaging. Really, really damaging. Ugh.:grumble:0
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So he's a healthy weight? I would just encourage him to do healthy activities, play with him outside, and be a good role model. Making too much of a big deal when he's a healthy weight could give him a complex.
Yes, he still is at a healthy weight, but like I mentioned above, his activity level isn't so much of a problem, it's his diet. I always eat healthily in front of him, loads of veggies and almost no starchy foods, no soda, etc. but you know how kids are, he will say yuck and scrunch up his nose at everything that's remotely green. I can eat as many salads in front of him as I want, if his mother feeds him ten fish sticks with fries for dinner then that's going to influence him a lot more than my good example.
He is also at a phase where everything I say is somehow constructed as mean, so when I tell him, "let's eat something else today and go bicycling later" I'm Misstress Mary Quite Contrary all of a sudden. :ohwell:0 -
At this age it's ENTIRELY the parent/guardian's issue. She needs to stop feeding him crap. He's 8. He's going to throw LOTS of fits. Except if she keeps giving in to them, they're going to be about progressively harder things. And calling him fat is damaging. Really, really damaging. Ugh.:grumble:
I told her that too, but she's weak and loves to indulge him. Mostly she's just happy when he eats *something* but obviously that's damaging. And if I tell him "No you can't have that, you already had enough of t yesterday" or "You can't eat pizza every week" he runs up to her and asks her about it and she just replies with "Oh of course you can, you didn't have much" and then he usually rruns up to me and is like "Ha, told you so!", effectively undermining everything I just said.
I'm 20 and it doesn't bother me (most of the time I have to hold back a laugh) but I'm afraid that if she keeps going like this he will be an entitled, spoiled momma's boy by the time he hits puberty. :mad:0 -
It's not the Mamas boy so much, just that he is going to have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Which is what got most of us here to MFP.:frown: Keep doing what you're doing, showing him what good choices are and how they help the body. And that chips ARE NOT supper.
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So he's a healthy weight? I would just encourage him to do healthy activities, play with him outside, and be a good role model. Making too much of a big deal when he's a healthy weight could give him a complex.
This.
And lead by example. Ask for lots of veggies and eat them... and encourage him to eat them.0 -
It's not the Mamas boy so much, just that he is going to have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Which is what got most of us here to MFP.:frown: Keep doing what you're doing, showing him what good choices are and how they help the body. And that chips ARE NOT supper.
Well, okay, the momma's boy part is what would bother me most, personally, besides the diet thing, but it's mostly about convincing my mother to change his diet, but I don't know how to convince her since she seems to be in denial about almost everything. Should I log his food intake like I mentioned and show it to her?0 -
The baby of the family is likely to get spoilt. He's your mother's son, not yours, and while it's nice you care about him, there does seem to be an element of the jealous older sister in your response, and I think this is probably what your brother and mother are reacting against, however well-meaning you may be.
So I'd say, butt out. You can bring up your children, let your mother bring up hers.0 -
My mother was the same way with my brother and I also felt helpless. Now he's 12 and over 200 pounds. Wish I had some advice but I had no luck either.0
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The baby of the family is likely to get spoilt. He's your mother's son, not yours, and while it's nice you care about him, there does seem to be an element of the jealous older sister in your response, and I think this is probably what your brother and mother are reacting against, however well-meaning you may be.
So I'd say, butt out. You can bring up your children, let your mother bring up hers.
This.
You can only do so much, trust me she will not listen. I know someone in the same situation and the parent just doesn't budge and feeds the child anything they want. 15 years old and almost 300lbs. Honestly I think your brother won't be interested in losing weight until he is ready, and he probably won't be yet since he's a kid.0 -
The baby of the family is likely to get spoilt. He's your mother's son, not yours, and while it's nice you care about him, there does seem to be an element of the jealous older sister in your response, and I think this is probably what your brother and mother are reacting against, however well-meaning you may be.
So I'd say, butt out. You can bring up your children, let your mother bring up hers.
Considering I needed years of therapy because of her (yay body image issues), I'm not sure if I just want to "let her bring up her child", especially when she's setting him up for the same host of problems I am having now. I'm not jealous, just really angry at her, that's all.0 -
Did she feed you the same way?
I had the same kind of concerns about the way my much-younger sister ate, but the fact is, I ate that way when I was young too. Was it good? Nope. Am I healthy now? Do I love all sorts of cuisines? Do I eat my veggies and protein? Yep, yep, and yep. Sometimes parents DO have to the pick their battles, and if he is still healthy, his ped isn't raising it as an issue, you are being a good role model, and you weren't permanently ruined by her feeding habits, then I'd say it's probably okay. Honestly, if my older kid butted into how I was feeding my younger kids I would probably just get pissed.
It's sweet of you to care, though. 0 -
The baby of the family is likely to get spoilt. He's your mother's son, not yours, and while it's nice you care about him, there does seem to be an element of the jealous older sister in your response, and I think this is probably what your brother and mother are reacting against, however well-meaning you may be.
So I'd say, butt out. You can bring up your children, let your mother bring up hers.
Considering I needed years of therapy because of her (yay body image issues), I'm not sure if I just want to "let her bring up her child", especially when she's setting him up for the same host of problems I am having now. I'm not jealous, just really angry at her, that's all.
So, did she put you through the exact same thing? Did it take a knight in shining armour to pull you out or did it have to wait until you were ready to do it yourself (with the help of professionals)?
As a mother of only one child, currently pregnant with the next, if my older son tries overriding my parenting decisions as he gets older, he will be put firmly back in his place. I'm the mummy. I suspect obesity will never be a problem for my older son as he hates to be overfull, and I hope his little brother will be the same,0 -
Did she feed you the same way?
I had the same kind of concerns about the way my much-younger sister ate, but the fact is, I ate that way when I was young too. Was it good? Nope. Am I healthy now? Do I love all sorts of cuisines? Do I eat my veggies and protein? Yep, yep, and yep. Sometimes parents DO have to the pick their battles, and if he is still healthy, his ped isn't raising it as an issue, you are being a good role model, and you weren't permanently ruined by her feeding habits, then I'd say it's probably okay. Honestly, if my older kid butted into how I was feeding my younger kids I would probably just get pissed. It's sweet of you to care, though.
Yes, she did feed me the same way, and I too, was almost overweight at his age. It didn't get better. I developed stretch marks all over my legs when I was 9 years old. Keep in mind that I have a physical disability, so for me to be able to walk properly, I really should not be overweight. However, by doing that (feeding me loads of crap) she made my mobility issues even worse. which of course increased bullying at school, but it was my fault for being lazy anyways (I practiced martial arts three times a week back then).
Fortunately, my brother is not disabled, but I hate seeing her commit the same mistakes with him as she did with me. I went through a lot of **** because of this and it hurts me to think he should even face half of that.0 -
The baby of the family is likely to get spoilt. He's your mother's son, not yours, and while it's nice you care about him, there does seem to be an element of the jealous older sister in your response, and I think this is probably what your brother and mother are reacting against, however well-meaning you may be.
So I'd say, butt out. You can bring up your children, let your mother bring up hers.
Considering I needed years of therapy because of her (yay body image issues), I'm not sure if I just want to "let her bring up her child", especially when she's setting him up for the same host of problems I am having now. I'm not jealous, just really angry at her, that's all.
So, did she put you through the exact same thing? Did it take a knight in shining armour to pull you out or did it have to wait until you were ready to do it yourself (with the help of professionals)?
As a mother of only one child, currently pregnant with the next, if my older son tries overriding my parenting decisions as he gets older, he will be put firmly back in his place. I'm the mummy. I suspect obesity will never be a problem for my older son as he hates to be overfull, and I hope his little brother will be the same,
I mentioned above that she did raise me the same way. I also mentioned that I have a physical disability that would make it necessary to be on a strict diet, which she didn't put me on. Like with food, she was also in denial about me having mobility issues. She always told me that it wasn't so bad and that a few extra pounds wouldn't be bad. (They were.) What it took was a doctor telling me that if I kept going like this, I would end up in a wheelchair, soon and I'm "only" 40 pounds overweight. Something my mother was apparently supposed to know but did not tell me.
I am deeply sorry if I offended you and I'm sure you will be a better mother to your child than mine was to me, but seeing my mother let him overeat and sit on the couch all day, while he is perfectly able-bodieed and healthy just seems like such a waste and it especially hurts me, so I feel like I absolutely have to butt in.0 -
If you don't have full custody of your brother, I don't see how you are going to change what he eats. Sounds to me like your mother is going to feed him what she wants. Eating bad things is a learned behavior. We adapt to it because it is given to us, so we must "un" learn it. He is young and doesn't know any better.... so it is up to his mother, and from what you are saying she isn't going to change. I know you feel bad... but I don't see how you are going to change it unless your mother herself changes it. I hate to say it, but you are fighting a losing battle. I will also say that if my oldest child told me how to raise my youngest, I would probably be very offended also and not listen. You really should let your mother raise him, even though you may not like the way she is doing it, and maybe when your little brother is older have that talk with him on nutrition. Seriously.... you are probably pushing your mom to the breaking point of not wanting you anywhere near them..... so don't do that to yourself or your little brother.
I say this in the sincerest way. No way to offend you. I do hope it all works out for you all.0 -
have your mom get some different colored veggies and some light dip he likes and have him help cut them in shapes or pieces he likes to eat0
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Try to lead by example, but other than that.....stay out of it.0
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If you don't have full custody of your brother, I don't see how you are going to change what he eats. Sounds to me like your mother is going to feed him what she wants. Eating bad things is a learned behavior. We adapt to it because it is given to us, so we must "un" learn it. He is young and doesn't know any better.... so it is up to his mother, and from what you are saying she isn't going to change. I know you feel bad... but I don't see how you are going to change it unless your mother herself changes it. I hate to say it, but you are fighting a losing battle. I will also say that if my oldest child told me how to raise my youngest, I would probably be very offended also and not listen. You really should let your mother raise him, even though you may not like the way she is doing it, and maybe when your little brother is older have that talk with him on nutrition. Seriously.... you are probably pushing your mom to the breaking point of not wanting you anywhere near them..... so don't do that to yourself or your little brother.
I say this in the sincerest way. No way to offend you. I do hope it all works out for you all.
Okay so I had a nap (more like fell asleep at the computer heh) and I thought about what you and another poster (also a mother) said. You both said you would feel offended. What exactly would your reasons be for that?
And if yor eldest child came to you and told you he wouldn't want you to commit the same mistakes with your younger child as you did with them since they now have a disordered relationship with food, would you just brush it off because you feel offended orr would you actually give it some thought?0
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