Compliments from strangers - your opinions

athenasurrenders
athenasurrenders Posts: 278 Member
in Motivation and Support
HandfordRose had a lovely thread this week about strangers at the pool noticing her hard work and progress. It got me thinking and I didn't want to derail her thread.

I often see people out running or walking, or at the pool, and I can tell they are making a huge effort. Sometimes it might be a person that is significantly overweight, or perhaps an older person or someone who seems to have a physical injury making exercise harder. I often think I should take a moment to say something encouraging or complimentary but I almost always stop myself because I'm worried they might think I'm interfering or condescending.

I know a lot of people feel tremendously self-concious exercising in public (oh man I've been there), and I really, really don't want to make anyone feel worse. I'm worried that by saying something I might make them feel like they stick out, or worse, that I'm being patronising.

Thoughts? Should I speak up when the urge hits me? Or leave them in peace? What can I say that sounds casual and friendly but also encouraging?

Replies

  • FixIngMe13
    FixIngMe13 Posts: 405 Member
    Personally.... because I'm 240 lbs... I would feel much more inclined to work harder if someone noticed I was taking the time and effort to make a change. I walk daily in the local park... rain or shine.... and in the past year only ONE person has noticed I've gotten smaller, or noticed my consistency. I think it is a very nice gesture... one btw that could make a person so happy and make them want to keep at it. You seriously never know if you could be the one that encourages someone to the point of change...and THAT is a POSITIVE change... so I say, go for it. I btw have done it in the past to people I have seen struggling to keep up or do it when it rains, and they thanked me for it, and I've seen them at the park more often trying harder.

    You are really sweet for even considering it... most people don't even think about it.
  • qtgonewild
    qtgonewild Posts: 1,930 Member
    I say say something
  • Allyoopadoop
    Allyoopadoop Posts: 30 Member
    From the perspective of behavioral psychology, it is usually good to "catch" someone doing good and praise them. That positive reward should make the person want to continue working hard.

    From my own experience, when someone tells me how hard I am working, how fast I am going, how long I've been doing something, it just makes me want to stop. I don't know why -- I just want to give up.

    That said, I was really happy when my friend commented that she thought I had lost weight -- I had. I wish my co-workers would say something like they notice that I've done something (or lost weight) but I am temporarily living in a very conservative state where people are rather reserved so they don't take conversational risks.

    It is kind of a mixed bag. I think it is good to send your positive thoughts silently and I believe that the message gets there!

    Good post!
  • candylilacs
    candylilacs Posts: 614 Member
    I don't know -- it can go both ways. Being overweight, you're used to be being invisible so being noticed is a bit startling at times. I don't usually exercise alone in public, so I don't know how I'd feel -- probably that someone was hitting on me.
  • kckBxer396
    kckBxer396 Posts: 460 Member
    Personally, I'm shy. I would become really awkward and probably injure myself attempting to be less obvious. However, I would enjoy the compliment;I wouldn't know how to take it. haha.
  • kjskibum
    kjskibum Posts: 3
    If it is someone who you see regularly at a gym or park, SMILE AT THEM, MAKE EYE CONTACT, NOD "Hello"! Next time you see them, SMILE and say "Good Job!"

    I lost over 100 lbs. in a short period of time. As I became "visible" to others, I noticed more and more strangers SMILING at me and making eye contact with me no matter where I was or what I was doing - When men started rushing toward me to open doors for me, I initially clutched my purse to my body and flinched, fearing I was about to be mugged! When I was fat, people averted their eyes, especially when I was exercising, and men certainly did not bother to smile at me or to open doors. Other women also averted their eyes.....

    Making eye contact with people, smiling, and acknowledging their existence with a nod or "hello", "good job" while exercising will encourage them to continue with the effort.
  • dbmata
    dbmata Posts: 12,950 Member
    See something, say something.
  • bunbunzee44
    bunbunzee44 Posts: 592 Member
    well I'd love it. :P but you never know until you try!
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    If it is someone who you see regularly at a gym or park, SMILE AT THEM, MAKE EYE CONTACT, NOD "Hello"! Next time you see them, SMILE and say "Good Job!"

    I lost over 100 lbs. in a short period of time. As I became "visible" to others, I noticed more and more strangers SMILING at me and making eye contact with me no matter where I was or what I was doing - When men started rushing toward me to open doors for me, I initially clutched my purse to my body and flinched, fearing I was about to be mugged! When I was fat, people averted their eyes, especially when I was exercising, and men certainly did not bother to smile at me or to open doors. Other women also averted their eyes.....

    Making eye contact with people, smiling, and acknowledging their existence with a nod or "hello", "good job" while exercising will encourage them to continue with the effort.

    THIS^^

    I started at the gym when I looked like this
    8193374926_e25182cc2b_q.jpg
    0120100909 by crochetmom2010, on Flickr

    I was invisible to most people. To my surprise, staff at the gym noticed me. BY the time I had been going to the gym for 3 months, the trainer on duty mentioned that he had noticed how regularly I was in. We've actually ended up being pretty close friends outside the gym.

    Now I look like this, and the last month or so I have had all kinds of people approach me and tell me how good I am doing, how they can see my body getting tighter. I've noticed that I am getting smiles and nods from the regulars in the free weight area. Although I honestly have trouble "seeing" the changes that they see, it still gives me a mental boost knowing that they took the time to tell me.

    8681875038_8398899acd_q.jpg
    march and april 2013 by crochetmom2010, on Flickr
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
    I would love to hear that kind of compliment. As long as it's not followed up by something backhanded ("because you looked horrible before") or something sexual, it would make me happy to know that people notice my self-improvement.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    The general rule of complimenting a stranger is that you must be cute to do it. Otherwise you're labelled a creeper and will very likely have a thread about you on myfitnesspal
  • joselo2
    joselo2 Posts: 461
    I appreciate compliments on my hardwork, effort and progress, great when ppl notice. i have mixed feelings about compliments on weightloss as i feel like it suggests they felt it was bad when i was bigger. if that makes sense. for all they know i could have been happy at my biggest and got an illness causes weightloss.
  • RoyBeck
    RoyBeck Posts: 947 Member
    The general rule of complimenting a stranger is that you must be cute to do it. Otherwise you're labelled a creeper and will very likely have a thread about you on myfitnesspal

    Hahaha!

    I say do it. Who doesn't like being complimented??
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Honestly, I'm not sure how I would feel about this. On the one hand, it's cool that someone notices my effort, but on the other hand, I think it would make me feel awkward and self-conscious. I'm always really happy when I see other bigger people working out though, especially when they're really working at it.
  • sioark55
    sioark55 Posts: 52 Member
    I would always say 'Hi' to someone I saw regularly, on my way to work/ at the gym/ in the post office... If I saw someone regularly in the gym I probably would comment on their regularity or progress.

    I think sometimes we also need to be noticed when we aren’t as regular or don’t progress. I wonder what people do when they see that a friend on here hasn’t logged for a while, do you ignore it, or send a message to see what’s going on and encourage them back. Someone did that for me once, and it nearly made me cry; a complete stranger had noticed that I was struggling and offered support..... I have never had that before and it really touched me.

    I think it couldn't do any harm to just 'notice' other people more in general.

    p.s. great topic post!
  • mspoopoo
    mspoopoo Posts: 500 Member
    I think it would be great coming from a woman but insulting coming from a man.

    As a fat woman, other women still see me as a human and will talk to me. To men, I don't exist and am not worth talking to or just to insult or laugh at with their buddies if they are young.

    If I wasn't worth talking to when fat, don't bother talking to me when I am thin. Plus men seem to think they have permission to interrupt or comment on women's appearance.
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    I would love to hear that kind of compliment. As long as it's not followed up by something backhanded ("because you looked horrible before") or something sexual, it would make me happy to know that people notice my self-improvement.


    actually, the last person to walk up to me was a grandmother aged woman, and she said "not that you looked bad/fat before...I just noticed the changes". I wasn't the least bit offended.
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    The general rule of complimenting a stranger is that you must be cute to do it. Otherwise you're labelled a creeper and will very likely have a thread about you on myfitnesspal

    actually...most of my compliments are from people old enough to be my parent/grandparent. I'm not worried about them being creepers.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Personally, I'm shy. I would become really awkward and probably injure myself attempting to be less obvious. However, I would enjoy the compliment;I wouldn't know how to take it. haha.

    Ok, you said what I was trying to say, only better...:flowerforyou:
  • caramelgyrlk
    caramelgyrlk Posts: 1,112 Member
    Never underestimate the power of kind words. Those words may be the fuel the person needs to get them through that current workout or even their day.
  • NoeHead
    NoeHead Posts: 516 Member
    It really depends on the person but I say go for it.

    The times it's happened to me actually made me want to push harder and it was perfect timing because one of the times I was disappointed in myself and getting so pissed lol. the most recent time I almost cried when he told me because I was so happy(don't judge me i was tired and lifting lol)
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    I think it would be great coming from a woman but insulting coming from a man.

    As a fat woman, other women still see me as a human and will talk to me. To men, I don't exist and am not worth talking to or just to insult or laugh at with their buddies if they are young.

    If I wasn't worth talking to when fat, don't bother talking to me when I am thin. Plus men seem to think they have permission to interrupt or comment on women's appearance.

    I actually don't care if it is a man or woman...it is more about the tone of voice, and the word choice.

    I am used to being invisible too. That is why it blew my mind when the 25 year old male trainer took notice of me when was still over 200 lbs ( at 5'2" tall). Even though I have told him several times, I don't think he really *knows* what an impact his attention had on my motivation to keep coming in to the gym. We ended up being so close that when he moved 2,000 miles away, I was one of the few people he stayed in contact with.
  • ibleedunionblue
    ibleedunionblue Posts: 324 Member
    Be genuinely encouraging to everyone.
  • longingforcontrol
    longingforcontrol Posts: 67
    It happened to me. I worked so hard but never anywhere else but in my house, doors closet. I got frustrated because I worked so hard and i just simply couldn´t see change (this didn´t hold me back though). I go to the same little shop since years and the a person working there (we never really talked before) stopped me and told me that I am losing weight and I look so good and how well you can regonize it. I was speechless, at this time I was still so cut off of the world that I was never talking with anyone but boy did this made me happy. She told me she lost weight too but did it differently from me and from that day she stops me every now and then now to tell me that I look good and how it goes and I tell her the same.

    I have the same problem like you, I would like to say "hey you do amazing, I see you working so hard all the time" but I don´t really dare. what if they get it wrong? what if they feel bothered? however I can tell you one thing, I would love if someone did it to me. as long as it was only a compliment alone and nothing like "you really needed it or finally you did it" it must be honest and only postive and non sexual.
  • LisaInUP
    LisaInUP Posts: 63 Member
    If it is someone who you see regularly at a gym or park, SMILE AT THEM, MAKE EYE CONTACT, NOD "Hello"! Next time you see them, SMILE and say "Good Job!" ....

    I think someting along this line would be appropriate and appreciated!!!

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