Trying to help my baby brother but don't know what to do

Okay so, I figured since tthis is the Motivation and Support sub-forum, you guys might be able to help me out. My little brother (7) is four pounds away from being considered overweight and the whole family wants him to lose weight. Which is a good thing, but the only thing they want to change is the amount of excercise he does. Thing is, today I've seen the child demolish more than half of a family-sized salami pizza plus a coke. After having had dinner at our grandparents' house.

Since he's on holiday, he wants to have a movie night about twice a week (at least). Then, he will eat a whole bowl off popcorn by himself. My mother gives him chips instead of dinner sometimes (because she doesn't want him to throw a fit). Basically, everything he eats is brown and while that is quite normal for kids, his portions are not. Now, I want to help the little bugger, obviously, but when I mentioned to my mother that she gives him too much popcorn she straight up denied it and said it wasn't much, only once a week, even though I've seeen evidence to the contrary. I'm kind of bothered by how much in denial she is and how she treats the little guy for gaining weight. I mean, she will literally tell him to his face that he's too fat, yet she. the responsible parent does *nothing* to change his diet.

What can I do to encourage him to eat healthier and most importantly, making my mother conscious of what she shoves down his gullet? I already thought of secretly loging his food intake for a week and confronting my mother with it, but I'm afraid it will do more harm than good.
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  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    So he's a healthy weight? I would just encourage him to do healthy activities, play with him outside, and be a good role model. Making too much of a big deal when he's a healthy weight could give him a complex.
  • sweebum
    sweebum Posts: 1,060 Member
    At this age it's ENTIRELY the parent/guardian's issue. She needs to stop feeding him crap. He's 8. He's going to throw LOTS of fits. Except if she keeps giving in to them, they're going to be about progressively harder things. And calling him fat is damaging. Really, really damaging. Ugh.:grumble:
  • So he's a healthy weight? I would just encourage him to do healthy activities, play with him outside, and be a good role model. Making too much of a big deal when he's a healthy weight could give him a complex.

    Yes, he still is at a healthy weight, but like I mentioned above, his activity level isn't so much of a problem, it's his diet. I always eat healthily in front of him, loads of veggies and almost no starchy foods, no soda, etc. but you know how kids are, he will say yuck and scrunch up his nose at everything that's remotely green. I can eat as many salads in front of him as I want, if his mother feeds him ten fish sticks with fries for dinner then that's going to influence him a lot more than my good example.
    He is also at a phase where everything I say is somehow constructed as mean, so when I tell him, "let's eat something else today and go bicycling later" I'm Misstress Mary Quite Contrary all of a sudden. :ohwell:
  • At this age it's ENTIRELY the parent/guardian's issue. She needs to stop feeding him crap. He's 8. He's going to throw LOTS of fits. Except if she keeps giving in to them, they're going to be about progressively harder things. And calling him fat is damaging. Really, really damaging. Ugh.:grumble:

    I told her that too, but she's weak and loves to indulge him. Mostly she's just happy when he eats *something* but obviously that's damaging. And if I tell him "No you can't have that, you already had enough of t yesterday" or "You can't eat pizza every week" he runs up to her and asks her about it and she just replies with "Oh of course you can, you didn't have much" and then he usually rruns up to me and is like "Ha, told you so!", effectively undermining everything I just said.
    I'm 20 and it doesn't bother me (most of the time I have to hold back a laugh) but I'm afraid that if she keeps going like this he will be an entitled, spoiled momma's boy by the time he hits puberty. :mad:
  • sweebum
    sweebum Posts: 1,060 Member
    It's not the Mamas boy so much, just that he is going to have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Which is what got most of us here to MFP.:frown: Keep doing what you're doing, showing him what good choices are and how they help the body. And that chips ARE NOT supper. :angry:
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
    So he's a healthy weight? I would just encourage him to do healthy activities, play with him outside, and be a good role model. Making too much of a big deal when he's a healthy weight could give him a complex.

    This.

    And lead by example. Ask for lots of veggies and eat them... and encourage him to eat them.
  • It's not the Mamas boy so much, just that he is going to have a very unhealthy relationship with food. Which is what got most of us here to MFP.:frown: Keep doing what you're doing, showing him what good choices are and how they help the body. And that chips ARE NOT supper. :angry:

    Well, okay, the momma's boy part is what would bother me most, personally, besides the diet thing, but it's mostly about convincing my mother to change his diet, but I don't know how to convince her since she seems to be in denial about almost everything. Should I log his food intake like I mentioned and show it to her?
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    The baby of the family is likely to get spoilt. He's your mother's son, not yours, and while it's nice you care about him, there does seem to be an element of the jealous older sister in your response, and I think this is probably what your brother and mother are reacting against, however well-meaning you may be.

    So I'd say, butt out. You can bring up your children, let your mother bring up hers.
  • My mother was the same way with my brother and I also felt helpless. Now he's 12 and over 200 pounds. Wish I had some advice but I had no luck either.
  • loveanddestroyx
    loveanddestroyx Posts: 185 Member
    The baby of the family is likely to get spoilt. He's your mother's son, not yours, and while it's nice you care about him, there does seem to be an element of the jealous older sister in your response, and I think this is probably what your brother and mother are reacting against, however well-meaning you may be.

    So I'd say, butt out. You can bring up your children, let your mother bring up hers.

    This.

    You can only do so much, trust me she will not listen. I know someone in the same situation and the parent just doesn't budge and feeds the child anything they want. 15 years old and almost 300lbs. Honestly I think your brother won't be interested in losing weight until he is ready, and he probably won't be yet since he's a kid.
  • The baby of the family is likely to get spoilt. He's your mother's son, not yours, and while it's nice you care about him, there does seem to be an element of the jealous older sister in your response, and I think this is probably what your brother and mother are reacting against, however well-meaning you may be.

    So I'd say, butt out. You can bring up your children, let your mother bring up hers.

    Considering I needed years of therapy because of her (yay body image issues), I'm not sure if I just want to "let her bring up her child", especially when she's setting him up for the same host of problems I am having now. I'm not jealous, just really angry at her, that's all.
  • sarahz5
    sarahz5 Posts: 1,363 Member
    Did she feed you the same way?

    I had the same kind of concerns about the way my much-younger sister ate, but the fact is, I ate that way when I was young too. Was it good? Nope. Am I healthy now? Do I love all sorts of cuisines? Do I eat my veggies and protein? Yep, yep, and yep. Sometimes parents DO have to the pick their battles, and if he is still healthy, his ped isn't raising it as an issue, you are being a good role model, and you weren't permanently ruined by her feeding habits, then I'd say it's probably okay. Honestly, if my older kid butted into how I was feeding my younger kids I would probably just get pissed. ;) It's sweet of you to care, though.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    The baby of the family is likely to get spoilt. He's your mother's son, not yours, and while it's nice you care about him, there does seem to be an element of the jealous older sister in your response, and I think this is probably what your brother and mother are reacting against, however well-meaning you may be.

    So I'd say, butt out. You can bring up your children, let your mother bring up hers.

    Considering I needed years of therapy because of her (yay body image issues), I'm not sure if I just want to "let her bring up her child", especially when she's setting him up for the same host of problems I am having now. I'm not jealous, just really angry at her, that's all.

    So, did she put you through the exact same thing? Did it take a knight in shining armour to pull you out or did it have to wait until you were ready to do it yourself (with the help of professionals)?

    As a mother of only one child, currently pregnant with the next, if my older son tries overriding my parenting decisions as he gets older, he will be put firmly back in his place. I'm the mummy. I suspect obesity will never be a problem for my older son as he hates to be overfull, and I hope his little brother will be the same,
  • Did she feed you the same way?

    I had the same kind of concerns about the way my much-younger sister ate, but the fact is, I ate that way when I was young too. Was it good? Nope. Am I healthy now? Do I love all sorts of cuisines? Do I eat my veggies and protein? Yep, yep, and yep. Sometimes parents DO have to the pick their battles, and if he is still healthy, his ped isn't raising it as an issue, you are being a good role model, and you weren't permanently ruined by her feeding habits, then I'd say it's probably okay. Honestly, if my older kid butted into how I was feeding my younger kids I would probably just get pissed. ;) It's sweet of you to care, though.

    Yes, she did feed me the same way, and I too, was almost overweight at his age. It didn't get better. I developed stretch marks all over my legs when I was 9 years old. Keep in mind that I have a physical disability, so for me to be able to walk properly, I really should not be overweight. However, by doing that (feeding me loads of crap) she made my mobility issues even worse. which of course increased bullying at school, but it was my fault for being lazy anyways (I practiced martial arts three times a week back then).
    Fortunately, my brother is not disabled, but I hate seeing her commit the same mistakes with him as she did with me. I went through a lot of **** because of this and it hurts me to think he should even face half of that.
  • The baby of the family is likely to get spoilt. He's your mother's son, not yours, and while it's nice you care about him, there does seem to be an element of the jealous older sister in your response, and I think this is probably what your brother and mother are reacting against, however well-meaning you may be.

    So I'd say, butt out. You can bring up your children, let your mother bring up hers.

    Considering I needed years of therapy because of her (yay body image issues), I'm not sure if I just want to "let her bring up her child", especially when she's setting him up for the same host of problems I am having now. I'm not jealous, just really angry at her, that's all.

    So, did she put you through the exact same thing? Did it take a knight in shining armour to pull you out or did it have to wait until you were ready to do it yourself (with the help of professionals)?

    As a mother of only one child, currently pregnant with the next, if my older son tries overriding my parenting decisions as he gets older, he will be put firmly back in his place. I'm the mummy. I suspect obesity will never be a problem for my older son as he hates to be overfull, and I hope his little brother will be the same,

    I mentioned above that she did raise me the same way. I also mentioned that I have a physical disability that would make it necessary to be on a strict diet, which she didn't put me on. Like with food, she was also in denial about me having mobility issues. She always told me that it wasn't so bad and that a few extra pounds wouldn't be bad. (They were.) What it took was a doctor telling me that if I kept going like this, I would end up in a wheelchair, soon and I'm "only" 40 pounds overweight. Something my mother was apparently supposed to know but did not tell me.

    I am deeply sorry if I offended you and I'm sure you will be a better mother to your child than mine was to me, but seeing my mother let him overeat and sit on the couch all day, while he is perfectly able-bodieed and healthy just seems like such a waste and it especially hurts me, so I feel like I absolutely have to butt in.
  • FixIngMe13
    FixIngMe13 Posts: 405 Member
    If you don't have full custody of your brother, I don't see how you are going to change what he eats. Sounds to me like your mother is going to feed him what she wants. Eating bad things is a learned behavior. We adapt to it because it is given to us, so we must "un" learn it. He is young and doesn't know any better.... so it is up to his mother, and from what you are saying she isn't going to change. I know you feel bad... but I don't see how you are going to change it unless your mother herself changes it. I hate to say it, but you are fighting a losing battle. I will also say that if my oldest child told me how to raise my youngest, I would probably be very offended also and not listen. You really should let your mother raise him, even though you may not like the way she is doing it, and maybe when your little brother is older have that talk with him on nutrition. Seriously.... you are probably pushing your mom to the breaking point of not wanting you anywhere near them..... so don't do that to yourself or your little brother.

    I say this in the sincerest way. No way to offend you. I do hope it all works out for you all.
  • have your mom get some different colored veggies and some light dip he likes and have him help cut them in shapes or pieces he likes to eat
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    Try to lead by example, but other than that.....stay out of it.
  • If you don't have full custody of your brother, I don't see how you are going to change what he eats. Sounds to me like your mother is going to feed him what she wants. Eating bad things is a learned behavior. We adapt to it because it is given to us, so we must "un" learn it. He is young and doesn't know any better.... so it is up to his mother, and from what you are saying she isn't going to change. I know you feel bad... but I don't see how you are going to change it unless your mother herself changes it. I hate to say it, but you are fighting a losing battle. I will also say that if my oldest child told me how to raise my youngest, I would probably be very offended also and not listen. You really should let your mother raise him, even though you may not like the way she is doing it, and maybe when your little brother is older have that talk with him on nutrition. Seriously.... you are probably pushing your mom to the breaking point of not wanting you anywhere near them..... so don't do that to yourself or your little brother.

    I say this in the sincerest way. No way to offend you. I do hope it all works out for you all.

    Okay so I had a nap (more like fell asleep at the computer heh) and I thought about what you and another poster (also a mother) said. You both said you would feel offended. What exactly would your reasons be for that?
    And if yor eldest child came to you and told you he wouldn't want you to commit the same mistakes with your younger child as you did with them since they now have a disordered relationship with food, would you just brush it off because you feel offended orr would you actually give it some thought?
  • Cleaneatinggal23
    Cleaneatinggal23 Posts: 4 Member
    OP, you should not be apologising to anyone. I am so sorry about what you went through with your mother and it sounds like she has serious issues. Just because you give birth to a child does make you an expert or give you the right to do what the hell you like in relation to that child. I suspect she is doing it subconsciously to make your brother more dependent on her and giving her an element of control over him by being a 'feeder'. As I said, this is likely to be subconscious but insecure people can sometimes get a sense of satisfaction by giving 'treats' and being the source of happiness for the feedee. If children are overweight, they are likely to be more heavily dependent on their parent. They are more likely to be bullied at school and so home (and food) becomes a refuge for them and the comfort eating cycle starts. It can be hugely psychologically damaging, as you have found out yourself.

    The people saying "well, he's a healthy weight at the moment, butt out", I think it is logic like this that has led to a huge child obesity epidemic. He might be (just about) a healthy weight now but if he is eating the portions you mentioned, I am betting that he will be overweight before long. He is a child and cannot make his own choices. Feeding him pizza and junk will help to develop an unhealthy and destructive relationship with food which could take years to overcome (if he overcomes it at all). It is incredibly hard to keep weight off once you have been overweight. The way to avoid it is never to be overweight in the first place. Approximately 90% of dieters fail to keep weight off for 5 years or more. The majority of the people who have lost huge amounts on here will put it back on sadly. It is heartbreaking watching a young child being set up for that life.

    So as you can see, I understand exactly what you are saying. And of course you are not jealous. You are 20 years old. Why would you be jealous of an 8-year old? Clearly your mother does not always know best, as you have found out to your peril. Sadly though, if your mother won't listen to reason (which I am betting she won't), there is not that much you can do to change her behaviour. You might have been told in therapy that you can't change how people behave. Your mother has issues and unless she accepts this and addresses them, she will not change. You can change yourself but not her. I know you are trying to save your brother from what you went through. It will not be easy but I think you need to continue to be there for him and support him. As he gets older (and overweight), I think his attitude will change and having a healthy role model like you will be invaluable. What about your dad? Or does your brother have any other male role models in his life that you can talk to about encouraging him? Good luck.
  • FixIngMe13
    FixIngMe13 Posts: 405 Member
    Most certainly don't apologize to anyone, that wasn't my intent... I could care less about an apology, because she has absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Unfortunately, it is a forum. Full of people that have their own opinions, and advice. I gave what I thought, just like others are giving what they think. Period.

    You can't change her. You can only do what you feel is best for yourself. You know that as well as we all know it. Now.. if she listens, than that is fantastic! I actually hope for that... for your brother. BUT... the way you are talking, she won't. SO... be there for him when he gets older (he won't understand it now at his age!) and maybe you can instill YOUR good habits onto him. That's all... nothing else I am going to say because really, that was the point I was trying to make anyhow.

    And I would still be angry/upset if my oldest tried to tell me how to raise my youngest. Maybe too I'm not feeding my kids crap... maybe that's why I feel this way. If I actually was feeding my kids crap, I wouldn't need to be told by my oldest, because my kids' doctors would catch it if the BMI for them was overweight or obese... see what I'm saying? Telling a parent how to raise their children when you yourself are one of her children... well.... wait til you have a few children and then come back to me with that same question. I guess you have to be a mother to understand what I'm talking about.

    Now.. NO hard feelings what so ever, and by all means don't be upset. You posted this thread, and we are just posting OUR opinions. That's all... opinions that you asked for. You really don't have to agree with them, just take it with a grain of salt. And Clean... you sound so... um.... mad. Relax. lol... Wow.

    I really do wish you well Thunder, and I also hope that it gets resolved. :flowerforyou:
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    calorie count him for one, whole, typical day.

    work out how many hours running he'd need to burn off the excess .

    show his mother how stupidly unrealistic this expectation is and tell her she is a selfish ###.
  • OP, you should not be apologising to anyone. I am so sorry about what you went through with your mother and it sounds like she has serious issues. Just because you give birth to a child does make you an expert or give you the right to do what the hell you like in relation to that child. I suspect she is doing it subconsciously to make your brother more dependent on her and giving her an element of control over him by being a 'feeder'. As I said, this is likely to be subconscious but insecure people can sometimes get a sense of satisfaction by giving 'treats' and being the source of happiness for the feedee. If children are overweight, they are likely to be more heavily dependent on their parent. They are more likely to be bullied at school and so home (and food) becomes a refuge for them and the comfort eating cycle starts. It can be hugely psychologically damaging, as you have found out yourself.

    The people saying "well, he's a healthy weight at the moment, butt out", I think it is logic like this that has led to a huge child obesity epidemic. He might be (just about) a healthy weight now but if he is eating the portions you mentioned, I am betting that he will be overweight before long. He is a child and cannot make his own choices. Feeding him pizza and junk will help to develop an unhealthy and destructive relationship with food which could take years to overcome (if he overcomes it at all). It is incredibly hard to keep weight off once you have been overweight. The way to avoid it is never to be overweight in the first place. Approximately 90% of dieters fail to keep weight off for 5 years or more. The majority of the people who have lost huge amounts on here will put it back on sadly. It is heartbreaking watching a young child being set up for that life.

    So as you can see, I understand exactly what you are saying. And of course you are not jealous. You are 20 years old. Why would you be jealous of an 8-year old? Clearly your mother does not always know best, as you have found out to your peril. Sadly though, if your mother won't listen to reason (which I am betting she won't), there is not that much you can do to change her behaviour. You might have been told in therapy that you can't change how people behave. Your mother has issues and unless she accepts this and addresses them, she will not change. You can change yourself but not her. I know you are trying to save your brother from what you went through. It will not be easy but I think you need to continue to be there for him and support him. As he gets older (and overweight), I think his attitude will change and having a healthy role model like you will be invaluable. What about your dad? Or does your brother have any other male role models in his life that you can talk to about encouraging him? Good luck.

    The wholee feeding thing rings true to me - she tried to make me happy when she divorced from my dad when I was nine by giving me junk food and soda but she does this all the time. For example, I am mad at her for something, so she goes shopping and gets something for me too, be it food, clothing or books. So in a way, I feel like she is trying to buy my affections and I think she is falling into the same pattern again with my brother. Thankfully I never thought like this as a child, but he already expects me to do/buy something for him if we had a little argument and he feels in the right. :(

    I'm also trying really hard to have a relationship with him, but like you already said, he is very dependent on his mother (he even still sleeps in the same bed as her) and if I tell him something like: "You really should do this instead of that" then he will immediately walk up to my mother as I mentioned above and ask her about it. Her response mostly boils down to "Oh that's not true/nonsense/whathaveyou and so, everything I say is, in his mind seen as nonsense and useless and I'm really uncomfortable with that.

    How are you supposed to have a functioning relationship with a person (even one as tiny as himself) when they automatically think everything you say and think is stupid anyways? Unfortunately, I'm not the only one that feels that way - I remember it being the cause of many arguments my parents had. My stepfather always felt she was trying to undermine him, which strained the relationship with his chld. I mean, he is messed up too, for other reasons, but I don't think that that additional stressor was really necessary.

    Of course I will support him his entire life, but I would rather prevent him being overweight and unhappy rather than help him lose weight in his teens/20's, you know? I am already eating as healthily as possible in front of him and always let him try my food too, so he won't have to recondition himself later on. Since I started MFP I have learned a lot of new things, all useful and good, but I'd rather not have to unlearn bad habits in the first place.

    And now I will go for a bike ride along the Danube, so I will respond to other posters later. :wink:
  • jr235
    jr235 Posts: 201 Member
    If you're mother was willing to do this to the point it caused serious problems in her marriage I don't think she's going to change it. Husbands can come and go, but children are stuck with you as a mother.

    I'm sure its infuriating, but all you can really do is set a good example. He's only 8. At some point he will start to get opinions of his own, or just get tired of being teased at school. I would also stop telling him what he can and can't do. Its counterproductive if you don't have any actual authority over him, which you don't.

    I would ask him if he'd like to go places with you, and even offer to bring him and his friends to the park/beach/rollerskating rink/someplace with physical activity but not the movies or the mall. Try to phrase it like "I'm going for a bike ride. Would you like to come to?" Make it casual, and if he says no leave it alone.
  • mspoopoo
    mspoopoo Posts: 500 Member
    Have you ever just sat your mother down and told her how you felt about growing up?

    Maybe print out some backup from doctors; articles etc. and sit her down and just tell her. Ask her if she wants him to be teased and bullied and set up for health problems later on? Put the reality in front of her face.

    Too bad rotten parents can't get a trip to the woodshed.
  • danika2point0
    danika2point0 Posts: 197 Member
    I understand exactly what you are saying. And it is very upsetting to watch someone who has custody over the child to more or less - whatever their motivations intentional or otherwise - set their child up for a lifetime of emotional and physical issues. He is developing habits that will be very difficult for him to break later. He will be overweight or obese within a few years nearly guaranteed if he continues to eat that way (barring exceptional circumstances).

    This IS a child welfare issue and I find it upsetting that it does not seem to be viewed that way by many.

    My advice would be to bring your brother to a doctor. I am assuming you are in Eastern Europe somewhere (based upon your Danube comment) so I am guessing you are able to get him an appointment within your healthcare system. Before the appointment, do a food journal for maybe a week of everything he eats and bring it along with you. See if you can get some advice from the doctor...Can they write out instructions for your mother?

    Your mother is not going to listen to you but she *might* listen to a doctor.

    I wish you the best of luck. I would absolutely encourage you to intervene in any way possible in the same way I would encourage someone to intervene if anyone was endangering a child's health or emotional wellbeing.
  • fuzzieme
    fuzzieme Posts: 454 Member
    I think it's all on the mum. She loves him and just wants him to be happy. She's giving him what he wants, something lots of parents do. It's strange that she calls him fat though. She's definitely in denial and doesn't think it's her fault, you gotta ease her into a new way of thinking where she finds ways to encourage healthy eating. He'll not take kindly but through encouragement and praise for when he does well, in a few months things will be better. Better helping him now while he's young before he does become overweight - inevitably if this continues - than have him feel horrible during puberty when he decides for himself that he's fat. I was this kid, I was spoiled with food and consumed gross amounts of it. Everyone knew I was fat but nobody said it. I'd mush have preferred losing 10lbs at 8 than losing 30lbs at 11
  • rosemaryhon
    rosemaryhon Posts: 507 Member
    If you don't have full custody of your brother, I don't see how you are going to change what he eats. Sounds to me like your mother is going to feed him what she wants. Eating bad things is a learned behavior. We adapt to it because it is given to us, so we must "un" learn it. He is young and doesn't know any better.... so it is up to his mother, and from what you are saying she isn't going to change. I know you feel bad... but I don't see how you are going to change it unless your mother herself changes it. I hate to say it, but you are fighting a losing battle. I will also say that if my oldest child told me how to raise my youngest, I would probably be very offended also and not listen. You really should let your mother raise him, even though you may not like the way she is doing it, and maybe when your little brother is older have that talk with him on nutrition. Seriously.... you are probably pushing your mom to the breaking point of not wanting you anywhere near them..... so don't do that to yourself or your little brother.

    I say this in the sincerest way. No way to offend you. I do hope it all works out for you all.

    Okay so I had a nap (more like fell asleep at the computer heh) and I thought about what you and another poster (also a mother) said. You both said you would feel offended. What exactly would your reasons be for that?
    And if yor eldest child came to you and told you he wouldn't want you to commit the same mistakes with your younger child as you did with them since they now have a disordered relationship with food, would you just brush it off because you feel offended orr would you actually give it some thought?

    I'm a parent (and grandparent) and yes, I would give your points some thought. I wouldn't come out of the gate reacting pissed off, offended, and unwilling to listen.


    Oh and I agree with the others who have suggested you try to lead your brother by your good example ~ keep it up and it might sink in a bit :)
  • JerseyGirlinTN
    JerseyGirlinTN Posts: 144 Member
    Here are my 2 cents.

    I will agree with the 'lead by example'.

    DO NOT make direct comments about his eating habits - it could make him a closet binge eater.
    DO NOT make direct comments about his weight - an 8 year old does NOT need to hear that negativity from his family.
    DO NOT count calories for an 8 year old. They are VASTLY different from an adult and need so much more in terms of nutrients, etc., because of their physical and mental growth and activity.
    DO offer to take him to the park for bike rides and walks, or treasure hunts!
    DO offer to cook dinner once or twice a week, which will include health foods.
    DO offer low calorie snacks for movie time - grapes, cherries, carrots and hummus, fruit salad and a little whipped cream

    MOST IMPORTANTLY, regardless of what you or your mother think, what does his doctor say?!

    I can tell you from first hand experience, my son grows in spurts; he will start 'bulking up' and then grow. He will go in waves where he will eat ANYTHING he can get his hands on, and then not be hungry at all. He has always been above average in size, proportionally in height and weight. He goes for yearly physicals and blood work, and his pediatrician is absolutely satisfied that a few extra pounds are not a concern whatsoever.

    I trust my pediatrician implicitly, but I too lead by example. That's why I'm here!!! :happy: