How can I help lead?

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Fayve
Fayve Posts: 411 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi guys,

I've been on this website for a few years now. It helped me lose 20 lbs, and then personal life got in the way and I'm back to losing it again. I found out today that my husband installed the app on his phone. I'm really excited - he's been very supportive through the work I've been doing. He comes to the gym with me when our schedules converge.

I feel like I've been around the block enough times to try and offer some help and advice. I was trying to be supportive and nonjudgmental, until I found out his goal was 1200 calories a day and he doesn't believe in eating back any exercise calories. I probably responded too critically towards him, but I just don't feel that's healthy for his weight and height (5'7, 155 lbs - I think he wants to lose at least 20). He mentioned once that back in highschool, he jokingly fit into his girlfriend size 0 jeans, so he used to be a very very skinny guy.

What are some ways I can help motivate him and persuade him to change his mind? He's not interested in lifting any sort of weights when we go to the gym, and he didn't believe me when I said MFP sets the protein goal quite low for most people. I'd love for us to work on this together.

(Ok, maybe I'm a little jealous he said he lost 5 lbs in the last week or two also *grumble grumble*)

Replies

  • Fayve
    Fayve Posts: 411 Member
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    Bump :)
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    Hi! Is there a male friend that he might listen to? My husband and I are both counselors, and we find that women will listen to me about nutrition and fitness and men will listen to him. So we have to refer our patients to each other accordingly. Also, men hardly ever listen to their wives (not even mine - haha!) so having someone else talk to him might be more effective.

    Good luck! And congrats on your past and continued successes!
  • Fayve
    Fayve Posts: 411 Member
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    Thank you for the response! I don't know of anyone that might fit that bill. All of his family is pretty out of shape, and we live with out of shape roommates.

    You're probably right about not listening to my advice as his wife. However, part of me sometimes feels like he's ignoring my advice because I'm not losing weight at the rate I'd like.

    I guess I might have to let him try it and see. Hopefully he'll feel it's not enough and eat more. With his willpower though, I think he could not eat for days on end without complaining about it. Just worried about his health with that mentality.
  • dacspace
    dacspace Posts: 109 Member
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    It is definitely difficult when they won't listen to us HA HA! I know mine doesn't like to listen when it comes to healthy eating/exercising; that is until he saw a trainer recently... now he tells me all these "new" things he's learned!

    What about setting up a session with a trainer at the gym? Maybe as a "gift" to him or as something you both do together? Then hit on eating healthy/calories/nutrients, etc. and see if that pulls him into the conversation. Or you could probably even ask the trainer prior to the appointment to discuss eating healthy.
  • Fayve
    Fayve Posts: 411 Member
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    It is definitely difficult when they won't listen to us HA HA! I know mine doesn't like to listen when it comes to healthy eating/exercising; that is until he saw a trainer recently... now he tells me all these "new" things he's learned!

    What about setting up a session with a trainer at the gym? Maybe as a "gift" to him or as something you both do together? Then hit on eating healthy/calories/nutrients, etc. and see if that pulls him into the conversation. Or you could probably even ask the trainer prior to the appointment to discuss eating healthy.

    This is a great idea! There is a trainer at our gym that I wanted to make an appointment with. I'll put it on the table for discussion, t hank you.

    And yeah, don't you love being taught all the "new" things? Haha.
  • VegeLover
    VegeLover Posts: 21 Member
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    You can try sending him interesting articles on fitness from experts that he may respect. MensHealth (http://www.menshealth.com/fitness/) Prevention (www.prevention.com/‎) consistently offer thoughtful tips.

    Another idea, ask him for help with something fitness related. Some people are motivated do more research when helping someone else. Plus when someone invests in you they're thinking of you more often and that 's a very fine thing coming from a significant other.
  • AJ_G
    AJ_G Posts: 4,158 Member
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    Wow, he is going to lose a ton of muscle on that calorie intake. Honestly, best thing to do is have him watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHHzie6XRGk

    The guy talking is Layne Norton. He's a natural bodybuilder and also has a PhD in nutrition science with an emphasis on protein metabolism. The video talks about how the larger your calorie deficit is, the faster your metabolism will try to bridge that gap by slowing itself down. It also talks about how higher calorie deficits lead to muscle loss. Check out Dr. Norton's credentials if you'd like, he knows his stuff...
  • Red_Sparrow
    Red_Sparrow Posts: 56
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    Here's an awesome article by an awesome guy who knows what he's talking about:

    http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/fat-loss/why-big-caloric-deficits-and-lots-of-activity-can-hurt-fat-loss.html

    The examples in this article are women, but as a male, he's going to have higher calorie requirements.
  • lizziecheek
    lizziecheek Posts: 65 Member
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    It probably is best to support him at this time how he wants to be supported. You can ask him what would be helpful. You voiced your concern and he was not interested today but maybe will be another day. I would just let it go at this point. He will soon find out how his body will respond to 1,200 calories.
  • Fayve
    Fayve Posts: 411 Member
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    Wow, he is going to lose a ton of muscle on that calorie intake. Honestly, best thing to do is have him watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHHzie6XRGk

    The guy talking is Layne Norton. He's a natural bodybuilder and also has a PhD in nutrition science with an emphasis on protein metabolism. The video talks about how the larger your calorie deficit is, the faster your metabolism will try to bridge that gap by slowing itself down. It also talks about how higher calorie deficits lead to muscle loss. Check out Dr. Norton's credentials if you'd like, he knows his stuff...

    Thanks for this response. My concern as well. I told him earlier that if he ate that little, it'll just make it harder for him to maintain his LBM, and he'll gain weight faster in future. He claimed he just gains weight because he pigs out, and he'll be fine on this amount. I can't live on 1200, and I'm 5'1 - I hope he sticks with it either way, but just makes some changes (compared to saying "screw it" and giving up).
  • 2boned
    2boned Posts: 44
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    No weights? Size 0? Trying to lose weight? U sure hes a dude?!?
  • AJ_G
    AJ_G Posts: 4,158 Member
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    Wow, he is going to lose a ton of muscle on that calorie intake. Honestly, best thing to do is have him watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHHzie6XRGk

    The guy talking is Layne Norton. He's a natural bodybuilder and also has a PhD in nutrition science with an emphasis on protein metabolism. The video talks about how the larger your calorie deficit is, the faster your metabolism will try to bridge that gap by slowing itself down. It also talks about how higher calorie deficits lead to muscle loss. Check out Dr. Norton's credentials if you'd like, he knows his stuff...

    Thanks for this response. My concern as well. I told him earlier that if he ate that little, it'll just make it harder for him to maintain his LBM, and he'll gain weight faster in future. He claimed he just gains weight because he pigs out, and he'll be fine on this amount. I can't live on 1200, and I'm 5'1 - I hope he sticks with it either way, but just makes some changes (compared to saying "screw it" and giving up).

    It also might be beneficial to tell him that a calorie intake that low is a recipe for him to go on a binge, and it has nothing to do with his willpower. It is biological. The body will force him to eat if it feels like he's not getting enough food, and he will binge, it's just a matter of when.

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