thrown out the house for overeating

Options
2»

Replies

  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Options
    At some point your loved ones have to accept that it is your body, not theirs, and they are not able to dictate what you should do with it.

    Worry and/or concern is no excuse for demanding your body look or act in a certain way when you are in their line of sight.

    If the relationship is otherwise good, definitely sleep on it and return for a good talk. If it is not, a long look at what boundaries you might set up would be a good idea.
  • itsscottwilder
    itsscottwilder Posts: 317
    Options
    I agree. It sounds like your sister is trying to set healthy boundaries where she's limiting the amount of constant worry and stress that have the potential to be a toxic part of her life.

    But I also think that you also have to have healthy boundaries with your sister. Part of love is acceptance. Part of having a healthy relationship is going through life's ups and downs together. I think it's important for you to tell your sister that you're on a journey to get fit. That you have good days and bad days and there are days that you fall off the wagon. But the next day you get back on. I'm NOT okay with her kicking you out based on how the meal goes.

    If it were me, I would do "family time" at someplace neutral where there's no test at the end. A park, a restaurant. something where you can spend some time together; but then it's very natural to go your separate ways. Takes the burden of expectations and approval off of everyone.
  • ArtemisRuns
    ArtemisRuns Posts: 251 Member
    Options
    OK, I am certain you love each other, but here is my experience with my own brother. I hope this might give you a different perspective on things. I am NOT JUDGING.

    First of all, neither my brother nor me are fit and trim and this point, so I am not judging him for how much he eats.

    The only thing is, when he visits, he EATS ME OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME! He is a tall hungry guy and every time he visits I am SHOCKED at the amount of groceries this guy can put away.

    My husband is bigger and way more muscular than my bro, and God love my brother but even my hubby was amazed at all the food he ate while visiting.

    I don't know if that was the issue or not. I know when I cook, I always have extra afterwards to take to work as my lunch for the next day or two. I guess, just be sensitive of how much of her food you are consuming and offer to bring in groceries if you plan to eat 2-3 meals in one evening.

    The end.
  • Pinkranger626
    Pinkranger626 Posts: 460 Member
    Options
    I know from my life, (I'm the big sister) my little sister still to this day causes me a lot of stress. It sounds like she's the older sister, and that she raised you, much like the boat I was in while my mom was deployed. As the older sibling, there is naturally a lot of pressure put on you to watch and take care of the younger ones. In my situation it was taken a bit farther where I had to fill in as the mother role for a while. Once you get into that role, even if you are no longer required to be in that position, you can't just switch it off. It changes your relationship forever.

    From what you describe it sounds like this is an issue that affected you while you were living with her in the past. It also sounds like an argument that my sister and I have had over and over again, not about food and eating habits, but other life choices. It could be that she feels like she's tried everything in her power to help you, and to educate you, and to give you the support you need to change the habit, and when she sees you doing the same exact things that you used to do it causes her to go crazy. I know with my sister I have had to step back a number of times because she's a grown woman and can make her own choices. I still stress over it.... A LOT. And I take everything to heart, and I take it personally, and I cry about it, and I yell about it, because you care and you can see the mistakes that they're making and you don't want them to get hurt.

    Since you've been so mature about all the other posts I would venture that maybe you could sit down with her and ask her what really makes her so stressed out about it. Don't let it escalate into an argument, but say I want to know what it is that you're most worried about. And then you can show her all the changes that you HAVE made, and tell her about the plans that you have to reach your goals and how to get there.

    As a big sister with a big heart and a protective nature, I would find it so helpful if mine would just do that for me. And we have on some subjects. And others we have just had to agree to disagree and leave it at that. You could also ask her if there are certain things that she wish you wouldn't do at her house so you can keep them in mind the next time you visit.
  • BL_Coleman
    BL_Coleman Posts: 324 Member
    Options
    A different view : Again I'm not sure what a packet of biscuits is in relation to your story or how many of them it was. But she may have been as distressed about the money you are eating as your health. If she is on a budget a "binge" for you , might be a few days of groceries for her..and in these times that could be an additional stresser on her and explain her reaction...just thinking
  • joselo2
    joselo2 Posts: 461
    Options
    Thanks for all your helps. still feeling messed up today and don't know what to do. i text my sister saying i don't know what we can do, i didnt answer when she called though. tough times.
  • QueenWino
    QueenWino Posts: 106
    Options
    I think your sister is desperately wanting you to be in control of your food and your health because she doesn't want to lose you too young to a weight related illness. You are the only one in the world who can decide you are going to limit your calories and get your weight to a safe zone, but your sister can decide she can't watch the person she loves eat more than is healthy, because it hurts her, and angers her, and probably seems selfish to her. I won't allow my sister in my home if she is drinking, she has to manage her addiction while around me because I can't bear it. If my sister is coming over I will not have any alcohol where she can access it (and I own a bar, have a ton ton ton of booze!). If you were coming over w/a huge issue with food, I wouldn't have a single biscuit in my house, I'd portion out your dinner serving, and that would be it. I'd probably even throw away any leftovers that might tempt you. I'd think in my head, at least I had her calories correct today. I'd also want to go on a long walk together, to talk and move and enjoy knowing we were doing something healthy together. Talk to her about how to support you, so that you can spend time sharing your lives. She obviously loves you very much.
  • leannerae40
    leannerae40 Posts: 200 Member
    Options
    I feel for you. Please call her. I don't think what she did is right - I'm assuming that she's not perfect - we all have something to work on, and we shouldn't throw stones through our glass houses. Normally, the reason I get upset when someone mentions ANYTHING to do with my weight it's because I feel guilty. Right or not, you love your sister and she loves you. What if something happened to her right now? Make amends, tell her you love her, and make today the best day ever! :flowerforyou:
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    Options
    I also think you're handling a tough situation with maturity and grace. Good for you. I understand where your sister is coming from and I think she has the right to establish boundaries in her own home. It was probably VERY difficult for her to say that to you, but I actually think it is emotionally healthy that she did it. Your struggles with your weight obviously affect her, and she probably feels partially responsible since you were with her as a teenager, like she should have been able to do more to prevent the morbid obesity. Now she's setting up boundaries similar to the family of an alcoholic would, I wouldn't be surprised if she's participated in and gotten advice from a support group for families of overeaters, whatever the equivalent to al-anon would be.
  • walkinthedogs
    walkinthedogs Posts: 238 Member
    Options
    I think in a - not so helpful way - she is trying to help. It is hard to stay motivated and sometimes familiar places (my parent's house for me) can make me want to overeat just because I guess I always have when I was there and maybe you felt the same way, but she is trying to stop that cycle, cause she loves you and cares about you. The first thing I do when I go to my parent's is open the fridge. Why? I still don't know why I do that, then I move to the pantry. Anyway, I also have a larger than life bro, who is my 2nd favorite person in the whole wide world (my daughter is first, lol), and he just turned 50. I want him to turn 90 with me. I actually never say anything about his weight because he knows and there's nothing I can say or do, but I am scared he is going to die younger than he should and I don't want him too, I would be devastated. Maybe your sister is terrified of losing her brother, like I am and she's actually trying to keep you around longer even though it didn't seem that way. Just a thought.
  • mirrinias
    mirrinias Posts: 80 Member
    Options
    These are my initial impressions from your original post. I haven't read through everyone else's responses so maybe someone said this.

    If I had my sister over, and she was very overweight and proceeded to eat half a pack of cookies I bought with my money that I mean to last a lot longer, I'd be pissed too.

    I am willing to bet this is more about respect issues than what you eat and what you weigh. You were her guest but violated it by demonstrating a lack of self control around HER food.

    And, my bet is this was also some tough love. You've already lost 62 lb according to your ticker, and I'm sure she doesn't want to see you cave to eating half a pack of cookies and gaining the weight back.
  • joselo2
    joselo2 Posts: 461
    Options
    (I am a man by the way)
    In some ways, it never occured to me at all that she would mind me having the biscuits as such, like i didn't think she'd miss them. i don't know if she cares about that or not.
    She phoned me 3 times today, i pick up the 3rd time and she said how much she loves me and everything, I said, you too. I feel optimistic either way, i can't guarentee i can easy manage everything next time i call round but together i think we can find a way to mange these things.
    she is a great sister for real, she kind of raised me for my teens, as i say.

    i don't have a plan as such, i just eat what i eat then track it after, if i feel inclined to, but usually not; just trying to eat less really.
  • Ralphrabbit
    Ralphrabbit Posts: 351 Member
    Options
    I have only just caught up with this & sorry I missed it at the time!!

    I suspect it was not the quantity of biscuits that got to your sister but the fact that she knew that it was the start of a slippery slope for you. She obviously loves & cares for you & although she could have addressed this a bit more calmly, she reacted through fear of where you were heading......

    It sounds as though she really wants to help you help yourself but knows that only you can decide to do it properly. I would suggest including her in your plans & getting her on side so she can cheer you on as well as remind you of your goals when you slip.

    It is horrible to see someone you love killing themselves with any addiction. I am glad you have such a loving & supportive sister (although human!) I am not so fortunate & I would give a lot for that!!

Categories