I JUST have to rant
Replies
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When I got married, I paid for the bridesmaid's dresses for my sister and my two stepdaughters! :huh:
BUT since I've lost all contact with my sister now since our dad died, (I don't know why, I'm guilty of some dreadful evil I know nothing about for which I'll never be forgiven) I would also say - don't let the high emotion of all this drive a wedge between you and your sister.0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.
Sad like "Being pressured and guilt tripped into doing things with people you dont like because you happen to have the same parents is sad." Or sad like "Grown women throwing temper tantrums is sad."
Sad you can't be friends with your own sister. I'd kill to have one. I believe in family although I guess I don't have any problems in mine so what the f do I know.
Sadly sharing DNA doesn't make intolerable people tolerable or make personalities that don't mesh suddenly mesh. I moved from the east coast to Hawaii and one of the best parts of that is the distance between my sister and I.
But hey, I've got four sisters. You can have the one that's getting hitched if you want.
Pass!
Well you can't blame me for trying.0 -
Make her take it back and change it. Does she want the dress in the wedding, or does she want you?
^ This.
It may be her 'special day', but this is her ****-up, not yours. I'd wear the dress - however ghastly - because it's her day and her choice, but guessing & buying the wrong size in your absence was her mistake. Hopefully it can be exchanged and everything amicably resolved
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Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.
Sad like "Being pressured and guilt tripped into doing things with people you dont like because you happen to have the same parents is sad." Or sad like "Grown women throwing temper tantrums is sad."
Sad you can't be friends with your own sister. I'd kill to have one. I believe in family although I guess I don't have any problems in mine so what the f do I know.
Sadly sharing DNA doesn't make intolerable people tolerable or make personalities that don't mesh suddenly mesh. I moved from the east coast to Hawaii and one of the best parts of that is the distance between my sister and I.
But hey, I've got four sisters. You can have the one that's getting hitched if you want.
Pass!
Well you can't blame me for trying.
Hahhaa!0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.
Sometimes it is like this. Coming from a nice family, I used to think that having bad relations means people weren't putting any effort into it. But after having gotten to know my boyfriends family (4 years now), I concur. His mother is a horrible person and cutting off contact with her (14 months and counting) was the best decision. It becomes a physical ordeal to deal with her on a regular basis.
My sympathies for everyone who has to resort to these measures.
Yes! I have the world's coolest sister and I'm pretty lucky to have been born into the family I have. My husband's family is a different story. He cut them off years ago and hasn't regretted it. To me, it's less sad to cut off the jerks, abusers and toxic people in your life than it is to stick around and tolerate or enable misery just because someone allegedly shares your DNA. I mean, at some level, we all share DNA, right? Choose happiness. :flowerforyou:0 -
She's your sister and this is HER big day--deal with it. Having to pay for your own bridesmaid dress is very common. I have been a bridesmaid in 3 weddings, and had to buy the god-awful dresses in 2 of them. (My friendship is more important than any dress!) This is mostly on you, IMO, you didn't go to the fitting, and you waited months to try on the dress. Suck it up, exchange the dress for the right size and be there for your sister. Getting married is stressful--don't be a pouty little sister.0
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It's very common for bridesmaids to pay for their dress. In fact, I've never heard otherwise. At least where I'm from.Wow.
I'm just amazed you're expected to PAY for the dress?????
It's her wedding, so it's their responsibility to make sure the bridesmaids have dresses and the groom's men have suits.
With hindsight it might have been wise, when you knew you couldn't make the fitting, to send her your measurements though. :ohwell:0 -
You've been railroaded. Don't put up with it. Get the damned dress in YOUR size or she can find somebody else.0
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I'm surprised how many people expect the bride to pay for the bridesmaids' dresses. I've never heard of the bride doing that unless she had extra money to spare and wanted to treat her bridesmaids. It certainly wouldn't be expected around here. I think, with things like this, it's important to remember that expectations vary greatly from region to region when it comes to what's expected at weddings.
That being said, if the bride isn't paying, she has no right to order a dress without even asking the bridesmaid for the correct size to order. I'm sick of brides who think that getting married gives them the right to be complete dictator *****es until the wedding is over. Yes, traditionally the bridesmaids can be expected to wear a dress of the bride's choice, but it's common courtesy to at least make sure that fittings are scheduled for a time when the bridesmaid can come and that, if she can't come, you at least make an effort to get the correct measurements before placing the order. The OP should not be expected to drop her entire life to show up for the fitting if it's at a bad time for her, and the bride should be responsible for fixing the problem if she ordered the wrong size without consulting her bridesmaid first.
I'm sure that, ultimately, the bridal shop will be able to get the correct size and all will be well. However, this sounds like a symptom of larger family issues (control? selfishness? jealousy?), and, in my experience, this kind of bridezilla behavior only gets worse as the wedding approaches, and it doesn't necessarily disappear afterwards.0 -
I'd be irate too! Considering she wants the 'perfect wedding' why on earth did she guess your size?! All she had to do was ask for your measurements and all this would have been avoided! Hope they have one that actually fits you! I have a funny feeling that you would never get into a 2XS at your height anyway. We tall women have bigger bones to keep our lofty height!
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Ditto!Wow.. I would never pay for a dress that wasn't something I specifically wanted. If it's for THEIR wedding and they require it, they should pay for it in my opinion..
And about the size, wow. Hopefully they'll exchange that for you.. if not get your money back! She'll just have to suck it up. Her mistake.0 -
Interesting that I'm not the only one with sibling issues!
Yes you are right, I should have tried on the dress months ago. Some people have correctly identified that my relationship with my sister is a bit...difficult, and I am very ambivalent about the wedding. I don't feel like getting involved at all, yet due to family pressures (she's the first one getting married) I'm being roped into it.
So I have put off trying it on for a long time. My fault. However I still feel that she should have given me an opportunity to attend the fitting or at least asked for my measurements before ordering.
I also feel that she's very shallow and materialistic which I detest. I have told her that I feel that spending large sums of money on one day is pointless. They will need to buy a house and they will have other financial needs in the future - but she just disregards my views. Fine. Her life, her choice.
I am unlikely to get married anytime soon but if I'm choosing the dresses I would not expect the bridesmaids to pay for them. It just seems like common human decency.0 -
I work for a bridal boutique. Chances are slim you'll be able to exchange it. If it were a decent place, they'd have not ordered the dress for you without your measurements. And it sounds like you're in the UK, so I know things are different, but here, in the USA, it is common for both bridesmaids and groomsmen to take care of the cost of their attire, so I don't understand all the outrage over paying for the dress. I do understand it's frustrating to pay for something that doesn't fit, then to have to pay for alterations as well though. Good luck!0
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I think asking bridesmaids to pay for their dress or anything is rude!.
Its your wedding if you want them there, want matching dress hair make up shoes etc you should pay.
It shouldn't be up to them as your guest to pay for a dress they may hate and never wear again.
Is this tradition outside of the USA? I've been in 8 weddings as a bridesmaid, and I've always had to pay for the dress, and never got to pick the style (although there were a couple where the bride picked a collection, which gave us the option to pick one of 4 or so that we thought was most flattering).
The bridal salon should have NEVER ordered a dress without measurements. Most times you don't have to go to the bridal salon (because sometimes you're in a different state/country than the bride), but you call and give them your measurements and they order from that. Your sister should have consulted with you on the dress / price before it was ordered to make sure you could afford it, but I don't think she should pay for it. But again, maybe things are done differently in other countries. Hopefully it's fixable.0 -
Her life, her choice.
Exactly... So why not be the bigger person, sort out the dress, and plaster a smile on your face at the wedding....0 -
Maybe I'm just not dramatic enough, but this doesn't seem like a huge deal. You should have gone for the fitting, since it's your sister's wedding, and I'm sure she's stressed about getting everything done. If you legitimately couldn't make it work, I get why she went ahead and jumped on the dress she wanted her bridesmaids in. It's pretty common for the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses these days. It's not awesome, but I think I'd willingly shell out $125 for my sisters...even the ones I don't like that much.
You'll exchange the dress for a size that works, which you should go do yourself rather than sending another sister.0 -
Her life, her choice.
Exactly... So why not be the bigger person, sort out the dress, and plaster a smile on your face at the wedding....
I still say don't engage in acts that you don't care for with people you don't care for out of some silly family based guilt complex. Just tell her it doesn't fit so you'll be attending as a guest. Then ignore her calls and enjoy not having to be involved with her petty nonsense.
But then I don't believe in being unhappy for the sake of other people or some strange notion of being the bigger person. You don't have to suffer to prove you're a decent human being.0 -
while I paid for my own dress for my sister-in-law and brother's wedding, I had a pick of what I wanted. We were told the color scheme and asked to get with the other brides maids to make sure there was an even number of each if possible (blue and red) but had the freedom of choice on style and pattern and everything. And it worked out that 3 of us wanted red and the other 3 wanted blue so everyone was happy.
If your sister really wants you in her wedding, she needs to "give" a little. Its flattering that she thinks your a size XS but she also needs to ask other their "opinion" when it comes to spending that kind of money, especially when you ask others to pay for it.0 -
First of all, why should you owe her money? I think not. Also, it is her wedding, but it was rude of her to order without you first being there; bridesmaids are supposed to be there to shop with you, and while it's still going to be the bride's choice, it's just the principle of it all. Weddings are supposed to be a happy time, and your sister seems to be taking it too far.0
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I work at a bridal salon, and we do exchanges for all sorts of reasons. There isn't anything wrong with at least asking them to exchange the size for you (it's not like they're losing any money). I also have never met a person who loved their bridesmaids dress, ultimately someone always hates it. I do have to say though, and this isn't meant just for you it's a blanket statement, that being in a wedding party is a large financial commitment. You have to purchase a dress, shoes, accessories and pay for alterations if need be. There's the bridal shower, and gift, the bachelorette party, and gift, and then comes the big day. Paying for an updo, nails and makeup is not cheap!!
Being in someone's wedding is an honor, but if the financial obligation is too much sometimes you just have to say no. I mean, truthfully, if you weren't able to go and have an opinion on the dress, or get sized for it, or do your own exchange.....do you really want to be a part of this event?0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.
Sometimes it is like this. Coming from a nice family, I used to think that having bad relations means people weren't putting any effort into it. But after having gotten to know my boyfriends family (4 years now), I concur. His mother is a horrible person and cutting off contact with her (14 months and counting) was the best decision. It becomes a physical ordeal to deal with her on a regular basis.
My sympathies for everyone who has to resort to these measures.
Yes! I have the world's coolest sister and I'm pretty lucky to have been born into the family I have. My husband's family is a different story. He cut them off years ago and hasn't regretted it. To me, it's less sad to cut off the jerks, abusers and toxic people in your life than it is to stick around and tolerate or enable misery just because someone allegedly shares your DNA. I mean, at some level, we all share DNA, right? Choose happiness. :flowerforyou:
I love what you just said. " To me, it's less sad to cut off the jerks, abusers and toxic people in your life than it is to stick around and tolerate or enable misery just because someone allegedly shares your DNA" You're so right!0 -
Maybe I'm just not dramatic enough, but this doesn't seem like a huge deal. You should have gone for the fitting, since it's your sister's wedding, and I'm sure she's stressed about getting everything done. If you legitimately couldn't make it work, I get why she went ahead and jumped on the dress she wanted her bridesmaids in. It's pretty common for the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses these days. It's not awesome, but I think I'd willingly shell out $125 for my sisters...even the ones I don't like that much.
You'll exchange the dress for a size that works, which you should go do yourself rather than sending another sister.
£125 does not equal $125 -- it's more like $200. And in the UK it is not common for the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses; the bride/her family always pay in my experience.
Would you appreciate a family member, especially one you don't get along with that well, spending $200 of your money on something you'd only wear once, and dislike actually wearing as well?
OP -- I understand where you're coming from. If you can't exchange the dress then your sister should pay for a replacement or to get it fixed (if that's even possible). If it isn't possible then she reimburses you for the dress which you can't wear. No way should you have to pay for your sister's mistake.0 -
Yeah, it's not unusual to pay for a bridesmaid dress in my world -- California. However, if you didn't make it to her special fitting, she should have arranged an alternative fitting day so you don't end up with some ridiculous-sized dress that sounds as if she did it out of spite.
If you can't exchange it, which I hope you can, I would go to a seamstress and see how much can be let out. If it's a complete impossibility, I'd tell the bride that it's never going to fit. Your choice is to either not be in the wedding, or choose a similar or different dress. Leave it up to the bride, or make the choice for her.0 -
Interesting cultural differences here-I've been in 5 weddings as a bridesmaid (at least) and paid for all the dresses (and hair, makeup, shoes) Even for the wedding where the couple was well off. The cheapest dress was about $150 and ranged up to $300. It kind of sucks, but at least here, it's understood as the cost when you agree to be in someone's wedding. Putting it altogether for the sake of this thread, I realize I've spent at least $1000 on wedding attire I'll never wear again and probably already donated it all. :sad:
On the other hand, I saved that much not paying for my bridesmaids' dresses so I guess it evens out.
The biggest thing that stood out to me was not trying it on for months. It was a bit impulsive to order it, but I'm curious why you didn't ask her the size in time to call the boutique? Or look at the dress when it arrived? Playing devil's advocate, do you have a pattern of doing things like that (putting things off that involve your sister)? Maybe your sister ordered for you because she didn't trust you to get to a fitting in a timely fashion?
Tell her you will pay for a single dress and hope they can exchange it. If you have to re-order, in the end, that initial misorder is on her for not having your size or measurements. If the salon balks at exchanging it, I would ask if it is their policy to order dresses without measurements. Reputable boutiques do know that the sizes fluctuate from designer to designer and would tell the bride they were happy to order the other dresses but need the remaining bridesmaid to call with her measurements or come in (on her own is fine) for a fitting.0 -
Do you actually want to be in this wedding. It doesn't sound like you're overly thrilled with the idea or overly pleased with your sister. I'm not one for doing crap I don't want or dealing with people I don't like because they happen to family. If it's got you that annoyed back out.
That's what I'm doing. My sister is getting married and I excused myself from the wedding party after the first temper tantrum. Not only do I not have to buy some tacky dress, I can avoid having to speak to her, which is how I like things.
Wow that's very sad.
Sometimes it is like this. Coming from a nice family, I used to think that having bad relations means people weren't putting any effort into it. But after having gotten to know my boyfriends family (4 years now), I concur. His mother is a horrible person and cutting off contact with her (14 months and counting) was the best decision. It becomes a physical ordeal to deal with her on a regular basis.
My sympathies for everyone who has to resort to these measures.
Yes! I have the world's coolest sister and I'm pretty lucky to have been born into the family I have. My husband's family is a different story. He cut them off years ago and hasn't regretted it. To me, it's less sad to cut off the jerks, abusers and toxic people in your life than it is to stick around and tolerate or enable misery just because someone allegedly shares your DNA. I mean, at some level, we all share DNA, right? Choose happiness. :flowerforyou:
I love what you just said. " To me, it's less sad to cut off the jerks, abusers and toxic people in your life than it is to stick around and tolerate or enable misery just because someone allegedly shares your DNA" You're so right!
Amen. Dysfunctional families are unhealthy, particularly for the 'black sheep'. Usually the sensitive one who picks up on what's going on. Throw in an abusive parent or two, some competitive, morally bankrupt (or just cowardly) siblings - who enjoy ultimate power and freedom (and if they can't get that there's hell to pay) and you have the perfect storm. In simple terms - if your family is an autocracy run by a bully - get out!0 -
Same here. I've never heard of a wedding where the bride paid for the attendants' dresses. Paying for the dress and helping to throw the bridal shower are common expectations when you say yes to being in a wedding. It's a gesture of support for a friend/family member you care about. You can always say no if the person isn't a very close friend/family member or the bride has bridezilla tendencies.
It's very common for bridesmaids to pay for their dress. In fact, I've never heard otherwise. At least where I'm from.Wow.
I'm just amazed you're expected to PAY for the dress?????
It's her wedding, so it's their responsibility to make sure the bridesmaids have dresses and the groom's men have suits.
With hindsight it might have been wise, when you knew you couldn't make the fitting, to send her your measurements though. :ohwell:
I just want to add that the whole wedding industry/ my perfect day/ wedding to top all weddings thing just seems so out of balance. A wedding is special, but it's just the first day in a marriage. Every day in a marriage needs care and attention and is therefore special.0 -
NOT measuring before buying anything that must be fitted is a silly mistake. You should not pay for her mistake.
I paid for everyone's attire. I also paid for alterations made. We paid for the whole wedding. If I expected someone to pay for their dress, I would let them choose what they wore (within reason).0 -
My sisters (and my mother) were/are all snide, thoughtless and unkind. Haven't spoken to any of them in years! Life is SO much better, now. :-D
Go where you're celebrated, not tolerated. xx
This is seriously awesome advice! I love that quote, too. It reminds us to also treat those we love in a way that makes them feel like they are truly appreciated so that they never have to question whether the relationship is worth it.0 -
Sounds like to me that they got the order wrong. Your sister would certainly know that you didn't wear a size XS. And I doubt she would order a dress for her wedding several sizes too small. Someone else must have messed up.
With that being said, you need to MAKE THE TIME to go try on a dress before she has to order them. She should have to hold up an order because her bridesmaid just can't find time.0 -
My best friend asked me to lose weight only in my chest and make my boobs smaller for my bridesmaid dress for her wedding. Of course I assumed she had gone crazy with this absurd request. Lol. Bridezillas!0
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