Reactions to weightloss/exercise

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Corrie62
Corrie62 Posts: 191
in Health and Weight Loss
I am curious to know what others experiences have been.

1. I have been a member of TOPS since May 2009. While I went to meetings and weighed in regularly, I spent my first year there not doing anything about my weight loss. Other members were supportive and encouraging, but it seems that almost everyone was doing the same as me...nothing really...just going through the motions. Well now that I am losing weight and exercising, it feels like many of the group are annoyed. I win the weekly "most weight lost" prize often, and when we have monthly contests I feel like people don't even want to try because they are under the impression that I will win anyway (I even asked that a monthly contest be changed into a draw so that people wouldn't feel like that).

2. My friends...I think they are friends anyway. I feel like I am losing them. I am not sure why. I think that when I was the "fat friend" who didn't care about her weight, and was anti-exercise (not really, but couldn't keep up so said wasn't interested), that they felt good about their 2x per week walks and half hearted attempts at eating healthy, Now that I am doing something, and doing it successfully, I think they are jealous.

I thought my new lifestyle changes would motivate people not alienate them...and that it would improve friendships not ruin them...

3. Work...Strange but true. I have relationships with people at work...they are collegues, but I don't socialize with any of them, and wouldn't really list them amongst my list of friends. They, however, have been the most supportive and encouraging of all. They comment often about how well I am doing, and have been asking to join me in walks, at they gym, etc. They seem the most motivated by what I am doing.

4. Family... This is okay...neither overly encouraging and supportive (at least not outwardly) nor discouraging. That is alright by me.

I am thankful for MFP, because for me in the real world, weightloss, exercise and a healthy life makes for a lonely world. At least for now.

Anyone having similar experiences?

Replies

  • CFAITH_WARD
    CFAITH_WARD Posts: 281 Member
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    I think some people just think the only way to interact with people is through really unhealthy food......and if we try to something different from them it makes them feel bad...Sometimes people suck.....I guess in someways I am pushy about it in their mind....Going hey lets do an activity instead of going to the movies...I want them to feel great just like I do.....I want my huby to eat right and look hot...I know kinda selfish....I did this for him...Of course he didn't ask but I cannot help but think how yes I had let myself go.....Not any more and I feel great for it.
  • samiko
    samiko Posts: 34
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    It's not a lonely world, sometimes it takes people longer to realize WHAT they want for themselves. Have a strong mind and feel GREAT about what YOU have accomplished. NEVER lessen what you have accomplished because others have not encounter the same success! It only feels lonely for a little while :) But the results and better eating will last a lifetime if you stick with it! And that feels SO GOOD! For now keep company with those who make you feel good about yourself...and the rest you can do without (except your family ofcourse LOL, they'll come around too). My daughter for the longest time couldn't stand every where we went how people would comment about my weightloss....it was kinda funny to me how it would bug her so, but I tell her one day she will understand, and she will thank me for showing her how to eat healthy without dieting so she will not struggle the way I did for years!
  • 1Steph1
    1Steph1 Posts: 145
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    Some people are more comfortable being overweight, its too much of a hassle for them to REALLY truly do anything about it. So they seek others like them who say they want to lose weight and may even make a few changes but in reality they are not doing enough to make a difference. When someone comes along and actually does it they feel defensive because they are self-conscious about themselves because they want to lose the weight but actually doing it is another story. Its all jealousy. Pretty sad if you ask me. If they were truly your friends they would be happy for you that you are working towards being healthier. So good job! And hopefully you can make some new friends who are hard workers like you :)
  • azlady7
    azlady7 Posts: 471 Member
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    Wow that is horribly sad that your made to feel lonely and looked down on for your weight loss. Really, I would quit that group you mentioned where you win the prizes. It seems they are dragging you down, and you dont need their prizes, your health is your own reward!

    If friends cant stick it out with you whether your fat or thin, then they arent friends! Make some new ones lol.

    I am proud of you for sticking to your goals regardless! Surround yourself with like-minded people no matter what your doing. Birds of a feather flock together....

    Keep going and good luck!
  • vkpmusic
    vkpmusic Posts: 343 Member
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    I have the opposite. No one at work has noticed, although a couple of my closer friends in the dept. know what I am doing and that I've lost weight. One is working on that herself, so we exchange ideas. People at church have noticed, and comment on how good I am looking A few have even subscribed to my blog. My husband has not said a word. I had to tell him I'd lost weight. Even then, he had no reaction. Not really that big a deal. He's more concerned that I'm as healthy as I can get...not what weight I end up being, although it'd be nice to hear him acknowledge it.

    Ultimately, you have to do this for you and no other. Your friends are used to your "role" in their group. You are changing that role. They can't use you as an excuse for bad eating/exercise behavior or as a self esteem boost for themselves. They will adjust, or they will move on. Ann Landers said you should re-evaluate your friendships every 10 yrs. Relationships that worked in the past may not work when you have moved to a different stage in life. This isn't to be mean or to say you won't be there if they need you...just that you have different goals now and may need to start being with people that more closely resemble you in those areas. The ones that are meant to be in your life will adjust and continue to be there. The ones that aren't....will fade away. Either way, this is what life is all about....the journey to a better you. Keep up the good work!
  • nikkijennings
    nikkijennings Posts: 130 Member
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    41lbs is an amazing achievement!!! I am pleased for YOU that you have continued regardless of what others think.

    I am doing this WITH my husband so we are constantly comparing and challenging each other which is fabulous.... it also makes the whole food/ meal/ shopping thing seriously easier too! My mum lives with us so lots of encouragement there.

    Work colleagues are ace, and I work with some very healthy people and physios etc who work on the UK "Fit for Work" contract, so masses of support and praise. I, too, don't really socialise with them (or anyone!!) as I don't drink or smoke and have ME/CFS/ Fibro so get to tired to go out.

    Sad, but true, I keep in contact with "friends" through Facebook as I have relocated this year with hubby and we don't have a life other than our families.

    I agree, I also need to make new friends and am even considering joining a local church in order to make friends with like minded people!!!

    Again, the most important person in this is YOU..... and doing it for yourself and your health is DEFINITELY the way forward.

    Good luck!!!! :happy:
  • Azdak
    Azdak Posts: 8,281 Member
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    Most people have an idea that they are not eating properly and not exercising enough. We are bombarded daily with advertisements for fast food, desserts, etc, but we are also bombarded with advice, exhortations, etc to exercise and eat right. People know they need to do more, but subconsciously they are reassured when they look around and see other people in the same shape as them or worse.

    Now they see a "peer" who is changing and being successful. Unfortunately we are not always as noble as we should be and so, rather than feeling good for you and your achievements, it just reinforces the fact that they haven't achieved what you have. Now, a strong person would look at you and say "hey, if she can do it, I can too", but people are just as likely to feel jealousy or resentment because, without meaning to, you are "showing them up".

    This response can be enhanced if the person making the changes becomes more "enthusiastic" about encouraging others to do the same. I don't know anything about you, so I don't want to hint in any way that you are acting like that (from your account, it doesn't sound like it).

    After I got together with my wife 10 yrs ago, we both started gaining weight--I put on more pounds, be she actually gained a higher percentage. When I started losing weight last year, my wife was extremely supportive. She was still finishing up the school year (she is a grade school teacher) so she was planning on joining me during the summer. Well, she tried, but didn't lose an ounce. As the weeks went by for her without success, her attitude towards MY success changed considerably. At that point, my success only reinforced her failure (in her mind), and I found that I had to downplay my results to the point where I felt like I had to pretend I wasn't losing any weight at all. (This summer she tried again. She started off slowly again, but hung in there, made a better effort at food intake, and finally started to drop--now she is down about 10lbs).

    It 's just human nature. It's times like this when you find out your true friends.

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