Relationship Fatty

Nattitude77
Nattitude77 Posts: 40 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
A few years ago I worked really hard at the gym and dropped 30lbs, I maintained my weightloss for several years following until I met my now fiance. I joined a new gym and was going but yet I was gaining weight so I decided that was a wasted of money.....now I just signed him up on MFP and I realize my biggest mistake. It wasn't going out eating because I was doing that and I was maintaining my weight. It was SPLITTING MY FOOD with him!! I get these temptations for things cheesy.....like poutine yum... and other items. FOr the last 2.5years I have been going out with him and keeping up with him eating cause the temptations are like well I want the bigger piece I want more....yet I'm getting fat and well hes just staying the same. We would make a frozen pizza, and I would have half.....over 2 years ago I would have just made a small mini pizza for myself. OMG I just feel sooo silly that this is my biggest mistake! How do I stop the need to have more or the same as him?? Its like I want to have more so that I get the last bite! weird eh!!

Replies

  • FitCurlysue
    FitCurlysue Posts: 23 Member
    You know what, I did the exact same thing when my husband and I first started dating. i think I put on 10 pounds in two months! It was crazy. And then I went up from there. Thankfully my husband isn't a jerk and loves me for who I am and still wants everything to do with me even if I'm where I'm at today in my weight or where I was five years ago at 70 pounds smaller. But I did the same thing and would eat the same amount or eat half of the frozen pizza or enjoy half of the nachos with him as an appetizer at the restaurant. That kind of stuff. And boy did it pack on and for the most part he's hardly gained anything. Men, ugh, but I think it just finally hit me. I.cannot.do.that. I just can't! Would I want another slice of pie? Sure, I love dessert. What about another helping of potatoes...yum. But I just have to realize I have my portion, enjoy it and move on. If I think too much about why he gets to eat more or that I want more and I just want to eat it then I'm hurting myself and it's not going to help.
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    Well, you've identified the problem. Now you just have to eat to target.

    Pretty basic rule: unless he's significantly smaller than you, do not eat the same amount of food.
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    calories can add up & that is the reason for mfp-so we don't get big & can put a number to the calories we eat. In a year-I am 20 pounds down, so this site rocks!
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
    I hear you. I must constantly remind myself that I am smaller and/or have a slower metabolism than many people, and splitting something 50/50 may be "fair" but will leave me in a world of regret!
  • tjphelps73
    tjphelps73 Posts: 171 Member
    I feel you on this!! My husband is 6"4 and 200lbs. When we started dating I found myself eating with him. We both joined MFP in 2011 and could not believe how we were eating ourselves into an early grave - even though I was the one gaining weight.

    This is what I did - I signed up with MFP and focused on hitting my calories for the first month. I researched different foods, recipes, etc. so we could eat what we wanted and make it work. Once I got my calories under control, I got the exercise on track, and then took off from there. It is hard work and you will fail at time; that is part of being human.

    SW 362lbs
    CW 216lbs
    GW 160lbs

    MFP is a great tool!!

    Just remember, One meal at a time, one day at a time and remember to Eat to Live NOT Live to Eat.
  • xandra
    xandra Posts: 101 Member
    My situation is somewhat similar to yours. I often eat out with friends. We always split the bill equally. I always end up overeatting in these situations. I feel that if I'm going to pay for an equal amount of the bill for the food, drinks and dessert, I'm going to eat my fair share. Yet my friend stay slim and I'm the fat friend. UUGGHHH!!!! What a girl to do?
  • Zelinna
    Zelinna Posts: 207 Member
    This was a big realization for me too. Keeping up with him helped me to put on 20+ pounds in 6 months. Keeping track of my portion sizes has helped me take that and more off!
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    It's actually a dilemma when it's just two people. Your natural inclination is to have half each -- of everything. Unfortunately, the one with lower calorie needs is going to suffer in that situation. You need to start allowing yourself a suitable portion size of whatever you're having, and let him deal with the rest. With something like frozen pizza, you can actually cut that with a sharp knife before heating it up. Toss half of it back in the freezer for next time.
  • misterwah
    misterwah Posts: 61 Member
    I feel you on this!! My husband is 6"4 and 200lbs. When we started dating I found myself eating with him. We both joined MFP in 2011 and could not believe how we were eating ourselves into an early grave - even though I was the one gaining weight.

    This is what I did - I signed up with MFP and focused on hitting my calories for the first month. I researched different foods, recipes, etc. so we could eat what we wanted and make it work. Once I got my calories under control, I got the exercise on track, and then took off from there. It is hard work and you will fail at time; that is part of being human.

    SW 362lbs
    CW 216lbs
    GW 160lbs

    MFP is a great tool!!

    Just remember, One meal at a time, one day at a time and remember to Eat to Live NOT Live to Eat.
    Cheers to that, and great job!!!!
  • jimfoxer
    jimfoxer Posts: 34 Member
    I don't think it's weird at all. The human animal (although we'd like to consider ourselves too enlightened to be animals) has some of the same reactions around food as other animals. I think you'll find that most people responding to this can relate to you.

    What I've done is try to bring out my nurturing aspect; try to make it a test of love in giving the larger portion away, making sure my partner and son are fed before myself. Of course, this can lead to you making your family fat :)

    Since I attribute part of my weight issues with a strict "Clean Plate Club" of my parents, I've instituted the "Dirty Plate Club" with my son. He is encouraged to leave food behind. This was so incredibly difficult for me at first, since I was told about "all the starving children in Africa" and truly, the fact of wasting food when there is hunger in the world does bother me. But I constantly tell myself, if he can't make the food into another meal, then it is better in the trash. Because, if the body doesn't need it for energy, isn't it already wasted whether he eats it or not? Perhaps this policy has helped him be an 85 pound 13 year old in slim sized jeans, where I was wearing husky at his age. Food for thought.
  • dorothytd
    dorothytd Posts: 1,138 Member
    This happened to me when my husband I were first dating many years ago, then off and on again over the years. I'm finally in a place where I don't split if I don't want to, or if we do, I take a smaller portion. I'm not going to tell you it is easy. He will still give me a hard time for ordering more expensive items or not eating "my share." Just last week we had "a moment" about me not eating a bun at a hamburger place. (I had ordered an amazing salad instead, complete with it's own mini burgers!)

    I'm not complaining about my spouse - we've been married close to 20 years and I love him dearly. My point is that you need to get to a place where you make the right decisions for you in your circumstances. Sometimes half is great. Sometimes you just need to get the grilled chicken. Good luck!!!

    :flowerforyou:
  • xandra
    xandra Posts: 101 Member
    My situation is somewhat similar to yours. I often eat out with friends. We always split the bill equally. I always end up overeatting in these situations. I feel that if I'm going to pay for an equal amount of the bill for the food, drinks and dessert, I'm going to eat my fair share. Yet my friend stay slim and I'm the fat friend. UUGGHHH!!!! What a girl to do?

    No really Whats a girl to do? For example we went for a friends bithday to an Italian restaurant. Everbody ordered pasta, drinks, dessert ect. The bill was over $800.00. There was no way I would pay $80 bucks to eat a salad and have some water. To ask for a separate bill makes you look like a giant loser. Other not go ---any suggestions?
  • Nattitude77
    Nattitude77 Posts: 40 Member
    Ya its soo tough, the worst is when you go out with someone who controls what they eat and then they say oh you can have the rest!! We are going to start a new food plan to help us keep the calories under control.

    I now know that this is our differences in calories to eat daily: (its crazy)
    Him
    700 calories/meal or can be broken down like this:

    Breakfast 500
    Snack 200
    Lunch 500
    Snack 200
    Dinner 500
    Snack 200

    I wish I could eat that much daily!! lol

    Him
    400 calories/meal or can be broken down like this:

    Breakfast 300
    Snack 100
    Lunch 300
    Snack 100
    Dinner 300
    Snack 100

    That's a huge difference compared to how we eat!!

    Now that I know this it will make meal planning soooo much easier! :)
  • yogacat13
    yogacat13 Posts: 124 Member
    Yep, been there. I carefully explained to my partner (who would fastidiously divide the lovely dinner he had cooked into two precisely even portions) that I at 5'1" needed less food than he did at 6'1". That, and I asked him to stop putting sticky toffee puddings into the grocery trolley, which he did constantly because he knew they were my favourite. Bless him, he gets it now.
  • dorothytd
    dorothytd Posts: 1,138 Member
    I don't think it's weird at all. The human animal (although we'd like to consider ourselves too enlightened to be animals) has some of the same reactions around food as other animals. I think you'll find that most people responding to this can relate to you.

    What I've done is try to bring out my nurturing aspect; try to make it a test of love in giving the larger portion away, making sure my partner and son are fed before myself. Of course, this can lead to you making your family fat :)

    Since I attribute part of my weight issues with a strict "Clean Plate Club" of my parents, I've instituted the "Dirty Plate Club" with my son. He is encouraged to leave food behind. This was so incredibly difficult for me at first, since I was told about "all the starving children in Africa" and truly, the fact of wasting food when there is hunger in the world does bother me. But I constantly tell myself, if he can't make the food into another meal, then it is better in the trash. Because, if the body doesn't need it for energy, isn't it already wasted whether he eats it or not? Perhaps this policy has helped him be an 85 pound 13 year old in slim sized jeans, where I was wearing husky at his age. Food for thought.

    You are a cool dude. Excellent response!!
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    My situation is somewhat similar to yours. I often eat out with friends. We always split the bill equally. I always end up overeatting in these situations. I feel that if I'm going to pay for an equal amount of the bill for the food, drinks and dessert, I'm going to eat my fair share. Yet my friend stay slim and I'm the fat friend. UUGGHHH!!!! What a girl to do?

    No really Whats a girl to do? For example we went for a friends bithday to an Italian restaurant. Everbody ordered pasta, drinks, dessert ect. The bill was over $800.00. There was no way I would pay $80 bucks to eat a salad and have some water. To ask for a separate bill makes you look like a giant loser. Other not go ---any suggestions?

    Eat less during the day so you can eat more at night and still hit your target. Or just eat your share that night and hit your targets the rest of the week. Or take your share and bring the uneaten portion home.
  • Nattitude77
    Nattitude77 Posts: 40 Member
    My situation is somewhat similar to yours. I often eat out with friends. We always split the bill equally. I always end up overeatting in these situations. I feel that if I'm going to pay for an equal amount of the bill for the food, drinks and dessert, I'm going to eat my fair share. Yet my friend stay slim and I'm the fat friend. UUGGHHH!!!! What a girl to do?

    No really Whats a girl to do? For example we went for a friends bithday to an Italian restaurant. Everbody ordered pasta, drinks, dessert ect. The bill was over $800.00. There was no way I would pay $80 bucks to eat a salad and have some water. To ask for a separate bill makes you look like a giant loser. Other not go ---any suggestions?


    That is an unfortunate situation, but maybe you have to find the inner strength to say sorry I have to have my own bill I won't be eating as much as all of you........this could make them think about everything they are eating. I actually had to do this with a friend but it was more of an alcohol situation, we would go out and she would order double the amount of drinks as I would and then only pay with the $30 in her wallet and leave the rest of the bill to me saying she didn't have anymore money! It happened 3 times and that was the end of sharing a tab with any friends. I refuse to pay for what other people want to overindulge in!
  • hayleems
    hayleems Posts: 17 Member
    I understand my portions doubled when I got married. Before I would eat with my family and each meal had to feed 8 people. After I got married I made the same amount of food for 2 people. Life is definitely a learning process.
  • trisH_7183
    trisH_7183 Posts: 1,486 Member
    Been thru the same thing with my husband.He is 6' 3"..doesn't gain,no matter what he eats.Likes to eat out,wants me to taste how good his food selections are.He has a couple snacks every eve & has never watched his food intake.All his tests are perfect.

    Just today,his check up showed a loss of 9 pds.He said he has "cut back" :grumble: Truth is,it happens every summer from yard work.Maybe a bit came from me not baking.That's ok tho,the pantry has his snacks ready. Thankfully,they aren't my faves.

    So...long story short,he doesn't understand diets or eating healthy,but he's willing to eat whatever is on the table.If I'm happy about losing a pd,he's happy for me.Losing wt is up to me.Took me way to long to learn that little fact::explode:
  • ksavy
    ksavy Posts: 271 Member
    I did the math for my boyfriend and I. Due to his active job and bigger size (he is 6'3" and 240 and I am 6'0" and 159), he can have 4400 cal to maintain... I get around 2200-2300. Sucks when I try to eat as much, so I just have smaller meals when I am not around him so I can have a similar sized dinner.

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