Guys, I'm really happy.

(NOTE: I realize this is going to come off as cheesy, but I wish I had been able to read something like this when I started my journey. )


I've seen it several time on here. People who lose the weight,only later to realize that even when they are no-longer overweight, that they are not happy. Many of us who have been overweight for the majority of our lives, sometimes feel like “If I can just lose the weight, then I will really be happy” only to find out later that they are not. I did it myself. In my own head, I think I traced nearly every negative thing in my life back to the fact that I was morbidly obese. I pinned the blame of all my failures and issues on my fat. Then, when I lost the majority of the weight (the first time) I realized that besides my pants size, nothing had changed. I still had so many issues that were making me depressed. I found that, no matter how much weight I lost, I still never lost myself. That was what was making me unhappy. Myself. I realized that I had to fix my insides before I could love my outsides. At that point in my life, losing weight began to feel like putting a new roof on a house that was rotting from the inside out.


Many of us are heavy because we just really like cake. Others of us, are heavy because of other psychological issues. Heck, at times it's a bit of both isn't it? For many of us, we can paint the outside of the house all we want, but we will never be happy living there until the termites inside are exterminated. I had to do a lot of personal work with a therapist after I was diagnosed with my eating disorder. Now here I am, years later, and 130 pounds down, and I realized that today, for one of the first times (that I was aware of) I was just brimming with happiness. I felt like I looked good and that made me feel confident. Because I felt confident, I was brave about sharing my true self with new people because “I have nothing, to fear, I'm pretty amazing.” For the first time ever, I think if someone had told me they didn't like me, I would have chalked it up to their problem, not my problem. I can't remember ever just being so damn pleased with every aspect in my life.


For once, I realize my boyfriend loves me because I'm pretty amazing, not because he just hasn't realized “what a mess I am.” For once, my daughter loves me because she has a great mom, and not because “she doesn't know better.” For once, I got the job because I am a very knowledgeable and capable person. For once, I'm taking the hard class because I know I am completely capable of handling it. I'm worth it god dammit! AND YOU ARE WORTH IT TOO. YOU ARE NOT THE EXCEPTION!


After reading so many stories through my journey, about people who lose the fat and are still not happy, please, let me tell you that happiness is attainable. There is a way to achieve it. Sure, life will still be hard at times, and you will still have obstacles, but if you believe that you are the capable person that I know you have inside, it will prevent you from crumbling under pressure and succumbing to the negative voice in your head. Losing the weight will not make you feel better. Finding the will to fight will. And once you find the fighter in you, it will permeate every aspect of your life. Because, you could do it. You could always do it.